A/N: woot! Another update you lucky duckies!
Chapter Thirteen (you know what they say about thirteen)
SARA
I couldn't face it. The hospital. The truth, that it really was Angel, our Angel. I couldn't face the stark, white halls, couldn't look the sick and dying in the eye, couldn't look Angel in the eye. Not after last Christmas.
On the way out I had to pass the maternity ward. Part of me wanted to run past as fast as I could, to run so fast I became light or a breeze blowing through the sterile halls. But the other part, the big part that's still childish and irrational wanted to see if she was still there. She wasn't of course, I don't suppose I'll ever see her again. But I went anyway, to the hallway in front of the glass fronted room with its rows and rows of cots and pressed my face against the cool panel, searching each cot for her, for Harmony. She wasn't there. I knew she wouldn't be there, but I stood and looked all the same, searching and searching that tiny baby.
Not so tiny anymore I guess. Babies, they grow quick. She'd be big now, maybe walking maybe talking. She has a mother, I know, a mother with long brown hair and warm hazel eyes who sings to her real lullabies, and a tall father with dark hair and a face that laughs and laughs even when it's still. Two parents and a dog and a room of her own in a big house in Connecticut or Pennsylvania. Somewhere far far away from New York City.
My baby, my little Harmony and I'll never see her again..
I had to get out of that hospital.
I can't even remember what direction I started walking in. I just walked walked walked wherever my aching feet would take me. It was chilly and raining. Not for real rain, but that horrible mist that falls so fine and soft you don't feel justified calling it rain. That mist was so cold and it beaded on my clothes and soaked into them so I knew I'd be damp for a week.
Oh, God I just wanted someone to come. I wanted someone to come and wrap me in a warm hug and tell me it was all better and my life was all a dream. I wanted to wake up in a warm bed and have a family and a husband and a dog and see Harmony sleeping in her bed. I wanted someone to tell me it was all a stupid nightmare.
"Sara!"
I was so startled I near jumped out of my clothes, Jordan's old beat up blue car had pulled up beside me, but it wasn't my brother hanging out the window, it was Mark.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm-I'm..."
"You're soaked!" he cried, like he'd just noticed, "C'mon, get in the car."
It's a good thing it was Mark and not some complete stranger, 'cause I know that even if I hadn't known him I'd have gotten into that car.
Once I was buckled in Mark rolled up the window and blasted the heaters till the windows fogged.
"Where are we going?" I asked, still shivering and sniffling.
"My place I guess, unless you'd rather go home."
"Your place is fine, if you promise not to rape me." I grinned to show I was kidding but I don't think he saw, because his face just looked so shocked! It was hilarious, his eyes got all wide and his mouth just hung open. I started laughing and laughing! When he heard that he tried to pretend like he knew all along I was joking. He forced his face into this kind of blank, indifferent look but it didn't do any good. I was beginning to see that Mark had the type of face where you could see *everything * he was thinking. He tried so hard to hide things but every little twitch showed up.
"Well, um, here we are." He said, stopping in front of a building that looked like it was about to just up and die.
"How'd you get Jordan's car?" I asked.
"David gave me the keys. Dunno how he got 'em."
"David used to be a pick pocket. He worked the subways. Be pretty easy for him to snag Jordan's car keys."
Mark nodded, digesting what I'd just said as he unlocked the door then leaned against it to un-stick it. Inside was cool and damp, it had the kind of spicy, musty smell wood gets when it's old and always damp. It took us six flights of creaking, half rotten stairs to get to his apartment, which was almost as cold as the rest of the building.
"Welcome, to my domain." He said in a phony announcer voice. I giggled and looked around the room. It needed some love. The squat was pretty dismal, but we'd changed that quick. It was still falling down but at least it was falling down with *style *. If you're going to live in a dump, live in a nice one!
"It's..nice?"
"No it's not." Said Mark as he knelt down to light the small wood burning stove that squatted in the center of the room. "But thanks anyway. Want a blanket or something? You look half frozen."
Even as he said it he was handing me a sweater that was hanging off the arm of the sofa and gesturing toward a blanket that was crumpled in a ball on the floor. While I got myself warm he made some tea. I'm no fan of tea, but I wasn't about to complain!
"Can I ask a sensitive question?" he asked when we were both seated, clutching warm mugs.
"You want to know why I left."
"Bingo."
I shrugged, "Hospitals are hard for me and...and Angel and I didn't part on the best of terms."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Yes. No. Yes. Yeah, I guess I do." I took a deep, deep breath, like I was trying to fill myself up with air till I popped. I hadn't talked about this ever, it was just common knowledge, "Well, see I guess it started last April..."
Chapter Thirteen (you know what they say about thirteen)
SARA
I couldn't face it. The hospital. The truth, that it really was Angel, our Angel. I couldn't face the stark, white halls, couldn't look the sick and dying in the eye, couldn't look Angel in the eye. Not after last Christmas.
On the way out I had to pass the maternity ward. Part of me wanted to run past as fast as I could, to run so fast I became light or a breeze blowing through the sterile halls. But the other part, the big part that's still childish and irrational wanted to see if she was still there. She wasn't of course, I don't suppose I'll ever see her again. But I went anyway, to the hallway in front of the glass fronted room with its rows and rows of cots and pressed my face against the cool panel, searching each cot for her, for Harmony. She wasn't there. I knew she wouldn't be there, but I stood and looked all the same, searching and searching that tiny baby.
Not so tiny anymore I guess. Babies, they grow quick. She'd be big now, maybe walking maybe talking. She has a mother, I know, a mother with long brown hair and warm hazel eyes who sings to her real lullabies, and a tall father with dark hair and a face that laughs and laughs even when it's still. Two parents and a dog and a room of her own in a big house in Connecticut or Pennsylvania. Somewhere far far away from New York City.
My baby, my little Harmony and I'll never see her again..
I had to get out of that hospital.
I can't even remember what direction I started walking in. I just walked walked walked wherever my aching feet would take me. It was chilly and raining. Not for real rain, but that horrible mist that falls so fine and soft you don't feel justified calling it rain. That mist was so cold and it beaded on my clothes and soaked into them so I knew I'd be damp for a week.
Oh, God I just wanted someone to come. I wanted someone to come and wrap me in a warm hug and tell me it was all better and my life was all a dream. I wanted to wake up in a warm bed and have a family and a husband and a dog and see Harmony sleeping in her bed. I wanted someone to tell me it was all a stupid nightmare.
"Sara!"
I was so startled I near jumped out of my clothes, Jordan's old beat up blue car had pulled up beside me, but it wasn't my brother hanging out the window, it was Mark.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm-I'm..."
"You're soaked!" he cried, like he'd just noticed, "C'mon, get in the car."
It's a good thing it was Mark and not some complete stranger, 'cause I know that even if I hadn't known him I'd have gotten into that car.
Once I was buckled in Mark rolled up the window and blasted the heaters till the windows fogged.
"Where are we going?" I asked, still shivering and sniffling.
"My place I guess, unless you'd rather go home."
"Your place is fine, if you promise not to rape me." I grinned to show I was kidding but I don't think he saw, because his face just looked so shocked! It was hilarious, his eyes got all wide and his mouth just hung open. I started laughing and laughing! When he heard that he tried to pretend like he knew all along I was joking. He forced his face into this kind of blank, indifferent look but it didn't do any good. I was beginning to see that Mark had the type of face where you could see *everything * he was thinking. He tried so hard to hide things but every little twitch showed up.
"Well, um, here we are." He said, stopping in front of a building that looked like it was about to just up and die.
"How'd you get Jordan's car?" I asked.
"David gave me the keys. Dunno how he got 'em."
"David used to be a pick pocket. He worked the subways. Be pretty easy for him to snag Jordan's car keys."
Mark nodded, digesting what I'd just said as he unlocked the door then leaned against it to un-stick it. Inside was cool and damp, it had the kind of spicy, musty smell wood gets when it's old and always damp. It took us six flights of creaking, half rotten stairs to get to his apartment, which was almost as cold as the rest of the building.
"Welcome, to my domain." He said in a phony announcer voice. I giggled and looked around the room. It needed some love. The squat was pretty dismal, but we'd changed that quick. It was still falling down but at least it was falling down with *style *. If you're going to live in a dump, live in a nice one!
"It's..nice?"
"No it's not." Said Mark as he knelt down to light the small wood burning stove that squatted in the center of the room. "But thanks anyway. Want a blanket or something? You look half frozen."
Even as he said it he was handing me a sweater that was hanging off the arm of the sofa and gesturing toward a blanket that was crumpled in a ball on the floor. While I got myself warm he made some tea. I'm no fan of tea, but I wasn't about to complain!
"Can I ask a sensitive question?" he asked when we were both seated, clutching warm mugs.
"You want to know why I left."
"Bingo."
I shrugged, "Hospitals are hard for me and...and Angel and I didn't part on the best of terms."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Yes. No. Yes. Yeah, I guess I do." I took a deep, deep breath, like I was trying to fill myself up with air till I popped. I hadn't talked about this ever, it was just common knowledge, "Well, see I guess it started last April..."