This is a songfic for Jude Cole's Time For Letting Go. For all who may wonder, the girl named Alice who appears at the end IS in fact Neville's mother. I'm still pretty new at this, so please R&R! Enjoy!
I've been holding back words
And waiting for time
There's a lesson here somewhere
I know it's mine
Young Severus Snape walked solemnly along the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was late at night and the air was cold, but Severus was indifferent. The air was not nearly as cold as the hollowness in his heart and soul. Try as he might, he could not erase the horrible event of yesterday from his mind. Lily Evans, his lover of two years, had left him for James Potter.
And though I remember the promise we made
Promises don't justify feeling this way
Anymore
Severus, we have to talk, she had said. It had been a sunny afternoon, and Severus had been in high spirits.
What is it, Lily? he asked. He had been surprised, but not worried. Lily was the nicest person in the world. She could not have bad news, could she?
I've met someone else.
Severus' stomach plummeted. What had she just said?
It's not you, Severus. It's me.
He could not believe this. Why on earth did Lily want to leave him? Who was this person she had met who was so much better than him? They had had such a good relationship!
I quite understand, Severus lied.
So you're not upset? Lily asked, looking confused.
I know that you must have your reasons.
Well, I do, but I thought for sure you'd be upset. After all, we did go out for two years!
Yes, we did. but obviously, it is over now. Severus was trying his best to appear imperturbable, and he must have been doing a good job, because Lily became very acerbic.
You're so insensitive! You don't give a damn about anything!
No, I do not. Now go run along with your new love interest.
I'll do just that! lily stormed off angrily. As Severus watched he go, he felt his insides slowly disappearing.
It's time for letting go
We can't hide what we both know
But the hurt grows
Every time I think it's over
As the event played itself over and over in Severus' mind, he wondered what had gone wrong. He thought the relationship between he and Lily had been great. In his deep conversations with her, he discovered things he never knew before. Lily had filled every emptiness within him. At school, Severus had few friends, and was often ridiculed, even by them. At home, he had no one. His parents were cruel and the rest of his family was no better. But when he had found Lily, none of this had mattered anymore. Whenever people bothered him, tender thoughts of Lily would penetrate the darkness within him and rid him of all negativity. And now she was gone. Why, why, of all the boys in the school, did she have to choose James Potter? James was the most arrogant person in the world, and Severus hated him. Lily knew that. This was probably the reason she did not tell him. But, nevertheless, he had found out form a friend of hers. This knowledge had broken his very spirit.
You've been keeping all your secrets inside
I know the truth now, baby
You don't have to hide
But my mind wanders to the very first day
What a shame things had to turn out this way
As Severus walked along the cold grass, he heard a sound, breaking his immutable thoughts. He stopped to listen. He heard it again, the soft laughter of an ebullient girl. He listened harder, and realized that it was coming from the Forbidden Forest. Curious, he slowly inched forward, trying his best to be silent. He moved closer and closer until he was right beside two dark figures in the shadows. To his horror, he realized that it was Lily, pressing her mouth passionately against James. he tried to run, but his feet were frozen in place. Lily opened her bright eyes and looked lovingly at James. Severus felt an aching inside him as he remembered when she used to gaze at him like that. Then, those deep oceans of forest green flickered and fixed themselves upon Severus.
It's time for letting go
We can't hide what we both know
But the hurt grows
Every time I think it's over
Lily shouted with surprise. Severus could do nothing but gape in horror. Just then, James turned his head to look at Severus with a mocking smirk.
What is it, Snivelly? You want your girlfriend back? Now don't make me hex you! he then released an awful laugh that both enraged and hurt Severus.
Lily snapped. She then, both calmly and embarrassedly said, Severus, do you need to talk?
N-no, no, he stammered. I-I am s-sorry. He had finally found the energy to run, and he did, as fast as he could.
No words could bring back your affection
No lies could keep me holding on
Holding on
Severus did not stop running until he had almost reached Slytherin Tower. He then realized how tired he was. He collapsed on the cold, hard ground. Pain shot through his body, but he did not care. He wished he could sink into the ground and disappear forever. He buried his face in his arms, wanting with every fiber of his being to be somewhere else. After a short while, he felt a hand gently rubbing his back.
a female voice whispered softly. Severus looked up into the pretty face of the girl who had granted him the unpleasant knowledge of Lily and James.
he said quietly.
Yes. Is everything all right?
he lied. He quickly stood up and brushed himself off.
Now I know that it's time for letting go
We can't hide what we both know
But the hurt grows
Every time I think it's over
It's time to realize
That we're both just living lies
And way down deep inside
Time is telling me it's time for letting go
You're upset about Lily, aren't you? Alice said knowingly. One simply couldn't lie to Alice, her perceptive nature was never deceived. Severus could do nothing but nod.
Severus, I know it hurts now, but it will be all right, I promise you. She gazed into his eyes for a moment, and Severus wondered what she could be thinking. Suddenly she looked away.
You know, she said, I've always been sort of jealous of Lily.
Have you? replied Severus, somewhat shocked.
Yes, she's so beautiful and-
As are you, Severus interrupted before he realized it. Alice stopped and gazed up at him, seeming quite touched.
You really think so?
I do And he did. The pale moonlight that reflected on her shiny hair and cherubic face made her look like an angel. She smiled, and a comforting warmth seemed to radiate from her.
I like you, Severus. I always have.
Have you? Indeed? The two of them moved closer together. Severus felt a wonderful heating sensation throughout his body. After several apprehensive seconds, the small gap between them closed and their lips met. Severus' body tensed and then relaxed with the warm feeling that circulated through it. After a precious few beautiful moments, the two broke apart. They stared at each other for a moment, and Severus smiled, the first smile he had offered in what seemed like forever. Alice hugged him, and he laughed to himself and he deepened the embrace. Perhaps his life wasn't as bad as it seemed. Perhaps this summer would be even better than the last. Perhaps.
Let it go
I keep telling myself over and over
Let it go
But my love's still strong
I just can't keep holding on
Holding on and holding on
Let it go.....
Yes, I know it's not fabulous, but it was an idea that I just had to write down. Please tell me what you think! Thanks!