The real reason
Well. He's gone now, Carters throwing me that look again just cos I didn't shake hands with the guy. Jeez! Don't get me wrong Jonas is a great guy, real upstanding guy like I told Danny it's just.. Oh who am I kidding! He irritated the crap outta me. I gotta be honest here. It's my head. My thoughts. I was beginning to like him it was easy enough to tolerate him after a while but he knew, they all knew I didn't like him.
He managed to bond with Tealc (possibly the most tolerant man on the planet). Tealc just took his nerdish excitement in his stride the way...the way he had with Danny but Jonas wasn't a soldier he wasn't a human and he wasn't Danny. I objected to him on those ground at first I disliked him, strongly at first because I felt he was responsible for Daniels death, (ascension whatever). All I knew was Daniel wasn't there and Jonas was and I did not like that.
But time passed, missions got screwed up and I learned to tolerate his presence. He was constantly trying to earn my respect and well I'll give him this much, he's earned it. He saved my life, he saved the team's lives on countless, nah who am I kidding countable occasions but every mission we survive counts. But I one day, one mission I saw something and that something means I will never, can never like the guy.
I saw her smiling at him. It was just a usual mission but then she got all excited about some soil sample she showed it to Jonas and that was it, they were at it for hours. Digging away, babbling sciency stuff I haven't a hope of understanding and every few minutes their eyes met the same shared excitement or thrill shone brightly in their eyes but there was something underneath it, something I didn't like. A look only me and her were supposed to have. Lately she and I have shared less of those looks. We had grown a little apart since Daniels "departure" he was our only shared friend who understood the complexities of what we have or don't have, he had been our buffer as such.
Tealc had never really got it, where he came from love was one of the few simple things to figure out, he never understood our reluctance why we clung to the lame excuses of "regulations" or our careers to hide the desperate fear we both suffered. We're afraid, I'm afraid, afraid I love her too much and that if I tell her and I have her and she's mine and I am the happiest man that ever lived, what if I lose her? what if she died?!
It's terrifying to think my life depends utterly on the health and happiness of another person. To know that it's the same for her and if I died she would live the rest of her life shadowed with my death over her. We been playing this game so long neither of us know how to break the rules and just tell each other what we already know. So instead we pretend to just be friends, colleagues, a scientist and a soldier. But every now and then our eyes would meet she'd smile and for an instant we knew, we had that look.
I can never like Jonas. First he takes Daniel's place and he understands her smart science talk and now he takes one of the few precious small things I have of her, from her. I'm glad he's going, it stung me when she hugged him but I know things are right now Danny's back and we just shared that look as we get being debriefed for the last time before a long overdue vacation. The warmth, the hidden message is still there behind layers of neutrality. I let out a breath I didn't realise I had been holding. She's still my 2Ic she's still my friend, she's still mine. Sam will always be mine.
Well. He's gone now, Carters throwing me that look again just cos I didn't shake hands with the guy. Jeez! Don't get me wrong Jonas is a great guy, real upstanding guy like I told Danny it's just.. Oh who am I kidding! He irritated the crap outta me. I gotta be honest here. It's my head. My thoughts. I was beginning to like him it was easy enough to tolerate him after a while but he knew, they all knew I didn't like him.
He managed to bond with Tealc (possibly the most tolerant man on the planet). Tealc just took his nerdish excitement in his stride the way...the way he had with Danny but Jonas wasn't a soldier he wasn't a human and he wasn't Danny. I objected to him on those ground at first I disliked him, strongly at first because I felt he was responsible for Daniels death, (ascension whatever). All I knew was Daniel wasn't there and Jonas was and I did not like that.
But time passed, missions got screwed up and I learned to tolerate his presence. He was constantly trying to earn my respect and well I'll give him this much, he's earned it. He saved my life, he saved the team's lives on countless, nah who am I kidding countable occasions but every mission we survive counts. But I one day, one mission I saw something and that something means I will never, can never like the guy.
I saw her smiling at him. It was just a usual mission but then she got all excited about some soil sample she showed it to Jonas and that was it, they were at it for hours. Digging away, babbling sciency stuff I haven't a hope of understanding and every few minutes their eyes met the same shared excitement or thrill shone brightly in their eyes but there was something underneath it, something I didn't like. A look only me and her were supposed to have. Lately she and I have shared less of those looks. We had grown a little apart since Daniels "departure" he was our only shared friend who understood the complexities of what we have or don't have, he had been our buffer as such.
Tealc had never really got it, where he came from love was one of the few simple things to figure out, he never understood our reluctance why we clung to the lame excuses of "regulations" or our careers to hide the desperate fear we both suffered. We're afraid, I'm afraid, afraid I love her too much and that if I tell her and I have her and she's mine and I am the happiest man that ever lived, what if I lose her? what if she died?!
It's terrifying to think my life depends utterly on the health and happiness of another person. To know that it's the same for her and if I died she would live the rest of her life shadowed with my death over her. We been playing this game so long neither of us know how to break the rules and just tell each other what we already know. So instead we pretend to just be friends, colleagues, a scientist and a soldier. But every now and then our eyes would meet she'd smile and for an instant we knew, we had that look.
I can never like Jonas. First he takes Daniel's place and he understands her smart science talk and now he takes one of the few precious small things I have of her, from her. I'm glad he's going, it stung me when she hugged him but I know things are right now Danny's back and we just shared that look as we get being debriefed for the last time before a long overdue vacation. The warmth, the hidden message is still there behind layers of neutrality. I let out a breath I didn't realise I had been holding. She's still my 2Ic she's still my friend, she's still mine. Sam will always be mine.