Lukas's bedroom was aesthetically entrancing. Pastel blue walls with minimal decorations, such as golden framed wall art work of a snowy meadow. His bed was pressed against the wall; diagonally positioned near the sheer curtained window.
On the right of the four-posted king-sized bed, there was a light caramel colored side table with an indoor plant. The sunlight nurtured the plant. Various dressers and a lounge chair littered the bedroom. The cleanliness of the interior space was alluring compared to his bedroom.
Teary lavender hued orbs darted from Lukas's concerned expression to the back wall. The blurred perspectives of the two focuses distracted his internal turmoil of thrashing emotions. He bit back a sniffle and resisted the urge to blink the tears away. Sheepishly, Emil settled on the edge of the king-sized bed and hunched into himself.
Lukas joined him, mirroring his posture with a fixed gaze at the reluctant eyes of his desire. It took everything in Lukas's body and self control not to reach forward to embrace the broken teenager.
Opening and closing his mouth soundlessly, the blonde remained speechless until finally the words escaped his lips. "Do you want to talk about it…?"
Thick ashen blonde strands veiled his downcast, watery eyes before he tilted his chin upwards to briefly glance at Lukas with a tiny frown.
I have too much trauma. Lukas will undoubtedly lose all respect for me. Shrinking into himself, he thought about another important point. If there were a slight chance in this universe for Lukas to reveal any interest beyond something platonic, this insight into this tattered mind would scare him away.
"I… I mean," he stumbled over his deafening anxiety, "what you read. It's complicated, and I…" His words continuously trailed off into silence and increased shakily, "I…I'm not worth your time. I'm bro-broken, Lukas. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Lukas's heart skipped a beat at what his crush said to him. He was everything to Lukas. Unimaginably everything Lukas wanted in a human being; imperfectly real in his faults and experiences. He was worth a limitless amount of energy and love.
"Emil, don't be afraid. I…" Lukas choked out before he could stop himself, "I won't let anyone hurt you. I'm here for you, if you need me."
"Lukas… I, uh, I just…can't. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Emil stood up abruptly and created distance between them. He couldn't endure another heartache. Lukas was just being a good friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Sorry," Lukas apologized softly as Emil twisted away to walk out of their shared room, "Did I mess up?"
Meanwhile, Mathias was whistling to himself as he hung up his last shirt in the closet. Returning to his second suitcase, he pulled out his large Danish flag and pinned it to the ceiling above his bed. He was proud of his country and loved to look up at it before he slept. Nodding confidently, he placed a picture frame of him and Lukas on his bedside table near the lamp.
Stepping backwards from his bedside table, his foot grazed over something lying on the floor protruding from under the edge of the bed. Bending down with his forearm supporting himself against the dusty floor, his eyes widened at the foreign object. Swiftly swiping the leather bound journal from underneath the bed, he hesitated momentarily.
His eyes scrutinized the worn cover of the journal suspiciously. "Ooh, now, what is this?" He inspected the front and back, "It's not mine. Wait a minute. Could this be Icey's?"
Without another thought in regard to the eighteen year old's privacy, he flipped through the pages. Greedy eyes devouring all of the secrets that were disguised from everyone.
"Oh, this is going to be good for blackmail!" A mischievous chuckle tumbled out of his mouth.
Silently reading from the beginning of the tattered journal, his attention dwindled until he stopped on a page with an illustration of Lukas. The next page was handwritten in an elegant, cursive font.
"His delicious lips that just begged to be captured in a passionate kiss while he talked about something profound. Oh, his sarcasm. Sometimes I don't know if he is serious or not. I really like him. But… I don't think that he thinks of me like that. He probably sees me as a bro." Mathias's heart dropped into his stomach after whispering to himself the words splayed out on the fine-quality, lined paper.
Rubbing the back of his neck and heaving a sigh, he placed the journal to the side. He felt like he overstepped a boundary.
"Damn, who would've thought that icy bastard had feelings for Lukie?"
After a few moments, his curiosity returned and continued to read the lecherous musings from the sexually frustrated Icelander.
His feelings of guilt dissipated at the line reading, 'Mathias is so annoying. I won't believe for a second that nothing ever transpired between them. Just friends don't act like they do. Why can't Lukas show interest in me instead?'
His eyes pinched at the adverse feelings that Emil apparently felt for him, however, he could not refrain from chuckling at the undeniable jealousy. Mathias was aware of how much of a catch that he naturally was with everyone. Emil's insecurity was not going to make him change to appease him.
His attention lingered on his door before his fingers danced across the pages of the written entries. Air caught in his throat at something haphazardly scribbled out. He could still discern what he managed to squint out. Not only was he obsessed with Lukas, but Emil had a dark side.
Tucking the journal away under the bed in its original position, his audible footsteps spanned across the room toward the door. Glancing back once more, he opened and closed the door behind himself. Everything made sense now. The puzzle pieces were fitting perfectly together as to why Emil behaved the way he did from the start.
How much more is he hiding? His thoughts traveled back to the scribbled out entries and the jagged edges of a few missing pages that omitted other affairs known to only Emil himself.
"Icey!" Mathias called out in his usual boisterous tone of voice, pouncing onto the unsuspecting, quiet, lovesick weirdo curled up on the couch.
"Icey, get up, ya lil shit." Emil grunted at the Dane's assaults and futile attempts to roll him out of his depression. Cursing softly at the pestering man, Emil ineffectively shoved Mathias a few inches away from him.
"Stop bothering me. I don't understand why you are bothering me!" Emil grounded out, worming his way from Mathias's overbearing presence.
"What happened? Did your boyfriend, I mean, your crush reject you?"
Emil paled at the statement. There was no way that Mathias had knowledge of his love interest. Right? There is no logical explanation, because they were not that close.
Why would he think such a stupid thing? This Dane is annoying! Emil stared down at his socked feet and crossed his arms tightly across his chest.
Lukas heard bickering in the living room- mostly Mathias's loud voice carrying throughout the apartment. Deciding to eavesdrop on the conversation, he heard Emil's soft voice increase passionately at his friend.
Concealing his reaction a little too late, Emil scoffed out, "I don't know what you are talking about. I don't have a boyfriend or crush."
Mathias's ears perked up at Lukas's presence nearby and chuckled inwardly. Perfect timing. Time to start some drama between these two now.
"So, let me get this right, Icey, you don't have a crush on Lukas?" Upon hearing his name, Lukas awaited for Emil's answer with a racing heart pounding against his ribcage.
"What!" He exclaimed, "Don't be so stupid! I'm not… I'm not like that, okay?" Emil flinched at his own lie, thinking that only Mathias was the only witness in the room.
"Oh, ha ha, well that's a relief!" Mathias roared out with laughter, "Lukas wouldn't go for someone like you anyway. He has a very specific type, if you weren't already aware of that, Icey boy."
Throwing his arms in the air in frustration, Emil snatched his cellphone from the coffee table and stormed over to the front door. Lukas hurriedly shut the door before Emil had the opportunity to catch him listening in on their conversation.
"You don't have to be such a brat!" Mathias's words managed to follow Emil outside before the door slammed dramatically close.
A cool breeze flirted with Emil's hair and temper. His converses slapped fiercely against the cracks in the sidewalk. Mathias really knew how to irk him. Why did Lukas think it would be a great idea to let that fool into their home?
I need a distraction. I can't live like this. It's becoming too much for me. Lukas probably hates me now. I'm sure he heard Mathias's dumbass self literally shouting every word- Ugh!
Deciding to board the subway to distance his thoughts of everything consuming him, he claimed an empty seat in the semi-crowded area. Passengers arrived and departed as the time marched on. After a few moments of spacing out, he fished out his mobile and opened up his text messages from his psychotic ex. Leon wasn't even his lover in real life; he was an internet friend who turned out to be delusional.
His phone vibrated in his hand as soon as he placed it on his lap. Well, speak of the devil himself.
Emil i'm sorry
Shaking his head, Emil forced air from his dry nostrils and rolled his eyes. Leon was a narcissist, who desired nothing more than to wreak havoc on him. He was indeed a walking disaster; dangerous and unpredictable.
U need to give me another chance emil like im literally the best u will ever have
Holding the phone closely to his stomach, he glanced left to right in a panic. What if Leon was stalking him? Was he on this subway? There were two people stepping off of the subway. However, Emil was trapped inside of his head.
He was losing his marbles one by one. His thumbs pressed against the smooth glass as the letters bounced across the screen. Mister nice guy was gone and a blunt badass consumed him as he texted his message.
Leave me the fuck alone Leon. I don't love you. I don't want you. You are nothing to me. Stop texting me asshole. You ruined my life.
Instead of hesitating to send it or hold down the backspace button, he slammed his thumb against the send button. Fuming internally, he finally exploded like a volcano. His lava spewed all over the place as he heard a familiar voice nearby call out his name.
"Emil?"
"No! Leave me alone! I'm tired-" He hissed deafeningly to… nobody. There was nobody around him. He was the only one sitting down on the subway. Were those delusions? Shivers crawled across his shoulders. He really was losing his grip on reality.
"Are you serious, Mathias?" Lukas's jaw dropped at the journal in his friend's large hand. The journal was swinging side to side like a piece of meat in front of a hungry wolf. Laughing confidently, Mathias stuck out his tongue as he hid the object behind his back.
"You're cute when you are curious, Lukie!" His eyebrows waggled, grinning wider at Lukas's puffed out cheeks.
Lukas huffed out with a grimace. "Shut it, Dane!"
"You really have no idea about who your new roommate really is, do ya?"
Stepping back, Lukas's shoulders tensed. What did Mathias know about Emil that he was unaware of? He didn't come off as the type to be a psychopath. Scratching the side of his neck, he fixed his stare on the journal.
"Hand it to me," he stretched out an open palm, "He's my roommate. I have every right to know who I'm living with, Mathias."
"Are y'sure you wanna let this cat out of the bag, Lukas?" Mathias's voice lowered deeply; a grave spark in his eyes drastically changed the ambience in the room.
Nodding reluctantly, Lukas tucked some blonde strands behind his ear and gulped thickly when the journal was placed in his hands.