Author's note: Thank you OctopusPie for this chapter. We will be working
together to create this story. I hope you like it. Chapter three will be
up in a few days. I own nothing, people far richer than I do and they have
the lawyers to ensure things stay that way
Angel watched her leave the room, feeling that familiar void spreading between them. He sighed heavily as he waited a few seconds before following her outside.
"Buffy..."
She didn't turn to face him, but just stood there motionless, her brain racing. 'Angel.Spike.Angel.Spike.Spike.'
"Buffy..." he said, this time more forcefully "Would you at least look at me?"
She moved around slowly, forcing her eyes onto his face and suddenly he realized that he couldn't think of a single thing to say to her. He stood there dumbly, just staring at that face he knew so well and eventually it was she who broke the silence festering between them.
"What?" she said emotionlessly "What do you want me to say?"
"I'm sorry" replied the vampire
"I don't want to talk about it" she said dismissively and started to turn away from him
"You always do that!" he countered, exasperated "You always try to shut me out"
"There's nothing else I can do, every time I get too close to someone it just blows up in my face. You.Riley.Spike..."
"Did you love him?"
"I told you I didn't want to talk about it"
"But did you?"
She turned around to look at him, her eyes blazing, but through her anger he could see the tears glistening in here eyes and he knew that the answer to his question was yes.
"STOP IT!" she shouted "JUST STOP IT!"
He wanted to reach forwards and hold her in his arms but somehow he felt as if he was glued to the floor. He remembered those moments between them, that one day that she didn't even remember, the day he had been human and everything had been so perfect. He wished things could be like that again but they never would be, never could be. He shook his head, as if trying to push all these thoughts away and just stood there, waiting for her to speak again.
"I'm sorry" she mumbled "Things have been really crazed lately...I just destroyed my home and Spike's dead...its all a bit much to take..."
"Well, I'm here now" he tried "I know its not much and I cant replace everything you've lost but I'm here" for now at least he added in his head.
Buffy sank down onto a chair just as the rest of the gang poured out of the kitchen. Dawn and Faith took one look at the duo sitting opposite each other with morose expressions on their faces and gave each other the look, the I think we'd better just leave them to it kinda look, and they ushered the slayers out of the hotel, leaving the two ex-lovers on their own to talk through their problems.
Buffy watched them leave. Part of her wanted to run after them and avoid this incredibly difficult conversation but she knew it had to be done. Sooner or later she would have to talk about Spike with Angel, after all that had happened between them she owed him that much, and she'd rather forget this thing over with.
"I think I did love him" she said quietly "But it doesn't matter any way...he thought I hated him, he thought I used him...I told him, at the end, how I felt and he didn't even believe me...everything I touch just falls apart..." she looked up at the ceiling "I cant believe he's gone"
Angel thought to himself about all the things that had gone wrong in his life : he couldn't make things work with Buffy, he couldn't save Darla's soul, he had lost his son and he had lost Cordelia, the only woman he thought he could love again...redemption was always far away, he knew he could never be happy - him and Buffy were two of a kind - two warriors sent out alone against the world...
"Hey" said Buffy tearing through his thoughts, as if she had just suddenly realized something "Where's Cordelia?"
He knew that she'd ask, he just hoped it would have be later, when he's had time to gather his thoughts together and think of the best way to tell her what had happened.
"Well..." he began, trying to think of the best way to phrase it : Cordelia had visions. Cordelia became a demon. She went to a higher plane. She came back again all wrong. She brought forth a beast and had a baby with my son, oh incidentally the baby was an all-powerful brainwashing creature who would have brought about world peace but the cost was that she ate a few thousand people every now and then, so we killed her... even to Buffy's ears that whole thing would sound crazy
"A lot of things have happened..." he said, thinking maybe he should have told her before she destroyed Sunnydale, then at least it would be over and they wouldn't be having this conversation now, "But to cut a long story short, Cordelia's gone"
"Gone?" Buffy looked at him quizzically "What, you mean she left? What, she got a job as an actress and just left you guys..." Buffy raised an eyebrow "Sounds just like Cordelia..."
Angel suddenly felt himself get angry with her. He knew she was upset but he had sat there and listen to her rant on about that stupid platinum blonde...
"Hey, don't act like you know her Buffy" he said angrily "Because you don't, at all"
"So why did he leave then?" she snapped and Angel looked down at the ground "Come on Angel, we're sharing here, aren't we? I tell you, you tell me - why did she go?"
This time Angel turned his back on her
"I don't want to talk about it" he said huffily and suddenly a light of recognition began to dawn in Buffy's eyes
"You loved her...didn't you?"
Angel said nothing and Buffy laughed humorlessly
"This sounds kinda familiar : you love someone and you run away from them - is that it? You loved me, or so you said, and then left me behind when things got too hard and look - you loved Cordelia and suddenly she vanishes into thin air...god Angel, you never change"
"It wasn't like that at all!" he replied, still refusing to turn around "Stop making judgments about me - you don't know me at all anymore, you don't know what's been going on here so just stop being so self-righteous"
Buffy felt her small hands clenching into fists as she got angrier and angrier.
"I wish you'd been wearing that stupid amulet instead of Spike" she blurted out "Then he'd still be here with me and I could make up for all the shit I put him through...now I'm just stuck with you and all the bullshit that comes with you..." she glared at his back and stormed towards the door "Fuck this Angel, I'm out of here. If I'm quick I can still catch the girls at the mall, we'll take this up again later"
Angel made no move to stop her, he just listened as the door opened and closed and let out a sigh of relief that she was gone. He couldn't stand being around her when she was upset - she made everything so difficult.
Angel watched her leave the room, feeling that familiar void spreading between them. He sighed heavily as he waited a few seconds before following her outside.
"Buffy..."
She didn't turn to face him, but just stood there motionless, her brain racing. 'Angel.Spike.Angel.Spike.Spike.'
"Buffy..." he said, this time more forcefully "Would you at least look at me?"
She moved around slowly, forcing her eyes onto his face and suddenly he realized that he couldn't think of a single thing to say to her. He stood there dumbly, just staring at that face he knew so well and eventually it was she who broke the silence festering between them.
"What?" she said emotionlessly "What do you want me to say?"
"I'm sorry" replied the vampire
"I don't want to talk about it" she said dismissively and started to turn away from him
"You always do that!" he countered, exasperated "You always try to shut me out"
"There's nothing else I can do, every time I get too close to someone it just blows up in my face. You.Riley.Spike..."
"Did you love him?"
"I told you I didn't want to talk about it"
"But did you?"
She turned around to look at him, her eyes blazing, but through her anger he could see the tears glistening in here eyes and he knew that the answer to his question was yes.
"STOP IT!" she shouted "JUST STOP IT!"
He wanted to reach forwards and hold her in his arms but somehow he felt as if he was glued to the floor. He remembered those moments between them, that one day that she didn't even remember, the day he had been human and everything had been so perfect. He wished things could be like that again but they never would be, never could be. He shook his head, as if trying to push all these thoughts away and just stood there, waiting for her to speak again.
"I'm sorry" she mumbled "Things have been really crazed lately...I just destroyed my home and Spike's dead...its all a bit much to take..."
"Well, I'm here now" he tried "I know its not much and I cant replace everything you've lost but I'm here" for now at least he added in his head.
Buffy sank down onto a chair just as the rest of the gang poured out of the kitchen. Dawn and Faith took one look at the duo sitting opposite each other with morose expressions on their faces and gave each other the look, the I think we'd better just leave them to it kinda look, and they ushered the slayers out of the hotel, leaving the two ex-lovers on their own to talk through their problems.
Buffy watched them leave. Part of her wanted to run after them and avoid this incredibly difficult conversation but she knew it had to be done. Sooner or later she would have to talk about Spike with Angel, after all that had happened between them she owed him that much, and she'd rather forget this thing over with.
"I think I did love him" she said quietly "But it doesn't matter any way...he thought I hated him, he thought I used him...I told him, at the end, how I felt and he didn't even believe me...everything I touch just falls apart..." she looked up at the ceiling "I cant believe he's gone"
Angel thought to himself about all the things that had gone wrong in his life : he couldn't make things work with Buffy, he couldn't save Darla's soul, he had lost his son and he had lost Cordelia, the only woman he thought he could love again...redemption was always far away, he knew he could never be happy - him and Buffy were two of a kind - two warriors sent out alone against the world...
"Hey" said Buffy tearing through his thoughts, as if she had just suddenly realized something "Where's Cordelia?"
He knew that she'd ask, he just hoped it would have be later, when he's had time to gather his thoughts together and think of the best way to tell her what had happened.
"Well..." he began, trying to think of the best way to phrase it : Cordelia had visions. Cordelia became a demon. She went to a higher plane. She came back again all wrong. She brought forth a beast and had a baby with my son, oh incidentally the baby was an all-powerful brainwashing creature who would have brought about world peace but the cost was that she ate a few thousand people every now and then, so we killed her... even to Buffy's ears that whole thing would sound crazy
"A lot of things have happened..." he said, thinking maybe he should have told her before she destroyed Sunnydale, then at least it would be over and they wouldn't be having this conversation now, "But to cut a long story short, Cordelia's gone"
"Gone?" Buffy looked at him quizzically "What, you mean she left? What, she got a job as an actress and just left you guys..." Buffy raised an eyebrow "Sounds just like Cordelia..."
Angel suddenly felt himself get angry with her. He knew she was upset but he had sat there and listen to her rant on about that stupid platinum blonde...
"Hey, don't act like you know her Buffy" he said angrily "Because you don't, at all"
"So why did he leave then?" she snapped and Angel looked down at the ground "Come on Angel, we're sharing here, aren't we? I tell you, you tell me - why did she go?"
This time Angel turned his back on her
"I don't want to talk about it" he said huffily and suddenly a light of recognition began to dawn in Buffy's eyes
"You loved her...didn't you?"
Angel said nothing and Buffy laughed humorlessly
"This sounds kinda familiar : you love someone and you run away from them - is that it? You loved me, or so you said, and then left me behind when things got too hard and look - you loved Cordelia and suddenly she vanishes into thin air...god Angel, you never change"
"It wasn't like that at all!" he replied, still refusing to turn around "Stop making judgments about me - you don't know me at all anymore, you don't know what's been going on here so just stop being so self-righteous"
Buffy felt her small hands clenching into fists as she got angrier and angrier.
"I wish you'd been wearing that stupid amulet instead of Spike" she blurted out "Then he'd still be here with me and I could make up for all the shit I put him through...now I'm just stuck with you and all the bullshit that comes with you..." she glared at his back and stormed towards the door "Fuck this Angel, I'm out of here. If I'm quick I can still catch the girls at the mall, we'll take this up again later"
Angel made no move to stop her, he just listened as the door opened and closed and let out a sigh of relief that she was gone. He couldn't stand being around her when she was upset - she made everything so difficult.