Disclaimer: appreciation for Murakami-sensei made me create this fanfic for ryu and tatsuha. "Kiss on my list" isn't mine either.
kikoeru ka? (can you hear me?)
(prequel to the Nagareboshi series)
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 13 - you couldn't hear me.
April 15th, 1999
Song of the day: Kiss on my list by Hall and Oates
So, I'm singing like a lunatic in the airplane, ignoring everyone around me. Then, I listen to the minidisk again and smile to myself. I smile even more whenever I think of that look he gave me when I gave him Kumagorou a few hours ago...
Touma, who couldn't resist it when I'd come up with a new melody to challenge him, planned out everything so perfectly for Tatsuha's and my meeting that I owe him a whole new album when I come back to Tokyo.
It worked out that Eiri had called Tatsuha to watch a recording of Shuichi's new single. What he didn't mention was that Shuichi and I were trying to do a song together. I, on the other hand, took a deep breath while staring through the glass doors of the studio. I didn't expect Shuichi to be there with Tatsuha already up watching above us, but I smirked and shook my head.
With a cool head, I smiled and ran into the studio hugging Shuichi and laughing as he showed me the latest set of tracks he had to record. I stood next to him and stole a glance at Tatsuha, trying to make it seem that I was just looking around to see what was going on. Of course, I knew _exactly_ what was going on because I planned it. (Touma was even scared at how thoroughly I had thought of every detail to look so natural. Then again, people think I'm an idiot, but looks are deceiving. Touma and I are equal in this department.)
But Tatsuha was there watching up there and he looked like he was panicking. I began to chuckle to myself and Shuichi thought his lyrics were worse than his usual. I shook my head and said I was just thinking of something.
Then, we recorded our song. When we were finished, we were done for the whole day.
"How about we all eat dinner, Shuichi-kun?" I said as I looked at him while he was peering at his lyrics again, still unsure about the wording.
"Why not?" He laughed and ran out of the recording studio and up to the booth where Tatsuha was. I adjusted my collar, gulped, and walked slowly behind him. But Tatsuha seemed kind of out of it that I almost didn't want to pull through with trying to get him alone (which was very hard in itself). Trying to show that you didn't prefer him over the others was something I wasn't used to. When I liked someone or something, I couldn't help but shower them with my attention because that's just how I was.
After Shuichi finally got through, I went up to him and smiled. Patting his shoulder, I encouraged, "Tatsuha-kun, let's go!"
But he seemed to be really out of it and I kept on glancing at him while he was looking at me with a daze. He was walking behind everyone, but he looked so concentrated and then he looked so far away from me. I looked from side to side, but smiled in front of everyone as I talked to them so that they wouldn't question me about my sudden mood change.
I was so happy that he was there, but was it such a good idea to be so pushy?
After waiting for a moment to confront Tatsuha all these years, I had learned from Touma that I kind of crowded him. I gave him so many things, though not unappreciated, but that Tatsuha wanted to meet me more. But if I were faced with the fact of meeting him more than I should, I wouldn't have known what the hell to do.
God...
I just wanted to grab his hand and tell him whatever he's thinking would be all right.
Without thinking twice, I fully turned around and cocked my head to one side. Energetically, I shouted, "Hurry up! I'm hungry!"
When I saw him become more depressed over this, my head was exploding with worry. Touma smirked as I just lost my patience and pulled Tatsuha's hand with a smile. He shouted, but I just laughed as if I could just run away with him then and there.
Over dinner, I kept on talking to Shuichi, but I also observed everyone around me. It bugged me that Tatsuha really seemed kind of off. It was already driving me nuts. And by the end of dinner, Touma just left with a smirk. Everyone else was going away, but Tatsuha left first!
In panic, I said goodbye to everyone and ran after him.
No...
Not again...
It seemed like such a little thing, but watching him walk away from me when he was so close to me was killing me. The image of a dream I had of him leaving me had me crying for days. I never told anyone, but whenever I think about it, I can't help but sigh and my eyes get all watery.
Like now.
I shouted while running. "Tatsuha-kun! Matte!"
He stopped walking as he turned around to ask, "Yes?"
Breathing heavily, I gulped and told him, "I want you to come with me."
Looking into his eyes, I never felt so comfortable in my life as when I said, "I've had fun in Tokyo, but let's go out together, Tatsuha-kun."
We ended up going to a karaoke bar and he didn't want to sing for me, but I watched him trying his hardest. I bit my lip and smirked so much from the cuteness that he thought I was trying to deal with him rather than enjoying it, which I was.
As soon as I got a mic in my hand, I looked at him and began to sing the last song,
"...I go crazy wondering what there is to really see
Did the night just take up your time, 'cause it means more to me
Sometimes I forget what I'm doing, I don't forget what I want, I want
Regret what I've done, regret you? I couldn't go on
But if you insist on blowing my bliss
I'll tell you this
If you want to know what the reason is
I only smile when alive, then I'll tell you why
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
(Because your kiss is on my list) of the best things in life
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
(Because your kiss) your kiss I can't resist
(Because your kiss is what I miss) when I turn off the light..."
Leaving the karaoke place, I took a deep breath as we drove all over Tokyo. We ended up looking at Seto bridge from some railings. No one else was there except Tatsuha, me, and the driver of my car.
I waved my arms at my excitement. I felt like a little kid. "Wah! It's very beautiful! Other places have too many lights, but this is great!"
It was so beautiful that I stood a little bit further than I should. "Ack!"
In a blink of an eye, Tatsuha caught my waist. As I looked at his scrunched up face, he whispered to himself, "If anything had happened..."
I didn't know how to feel at that moment. I was hoping for an answer that would save me from myself...
He looked at me as I gave him a sincerely confused look. "If anything had happened?"
"If anything had happened..." He started to answer while holding onto me even tighter.
"What? What would you have done, Tatsuha-kun?" I seriously asked while holding my breath.
Looking away from me, he blushed as he gave a sheepish smile while answering, "I would have jumped after you."
I closed my eyes for a moment.
Tatsuha...
I was right to wait for you, wasn't I?
Innocently, I persisted, "But what if I died, Tatsuha-kun?"
Looking straight into my eyes, he replied, "Then I guess I'll go with you...Ryuichi..."
I was speechless as I jumped off onto the sidewalk. "Let's go, Tatsuha-kun."
I put my cold hands into my pockets and we both went into the car.
I didn't know what to say because at that moment he caught me, I felt like all the chaos inside of me was being lulled. The war inside of myself was being calmed down.
I glanced at a worried Tatsuha looking out the window, avoiding eye contact with me. I smiled as I signaled to my driver to bring us back to the hotel.
The same one I had cried years ago saying over and over that I wanted him.
"I want you to help me make a new song, Tatsuha-kun." I smiled and grabbed his sleeve with my fingers.
Entering the room, I turned on the lights and said, "Make yourself at home!"
Stay with me forever too?
I smirked as I jumped onto the bed and sat down. He sat down by me and I got all nervous again, wondering if I had done the right thing bringing him here. He was only sixteen years old, but I wanted to keep him here with me and make love to him.
Frustrated mentally and sexually, I got up and opened the windows. "Look at this."
He stood next to me and said, "Tokyo looks so cool at night."
I pulled Kumagorou from a table and pushed it onto Tatsuha's face as if it were kissing him. Then, I laughed and said, "Say hi!"
Biting on his ear, we both stared out the window.
He sat on the bed and I sighed. I looked up at the sky and wondered if I was doing something totally out of place. I wanted to tell him, and today, I had the courage to be so aggressive.
If he rejected me, I would accept it. If he wanted me, then my endless searching would be over...
Turning around, I gave him a serious look. Then, I put both of my hands on his warm cheeks. Leaning closer to him, I asked, "Tell me what love means to you, Tatsuha."
"Ryuichi...san?" He looked at me scared and confused, but he didn't turn away from me.
With slight despair, I asked him seriously, "Tatsuha...tell me what you did earlier. Would you really do that for me?"
Tell me that the letter was true...
He nodded at me as he whispered back, "Yes, I would."
Smiling wistfully, I said, "I fell in love with a girl once, and she loved me back, but she would never had said that."
I thought it was love, but it wasn't...
To that, he commented, "Then that's her loss..."
I took a deep breath as I breathed into his ear. Holding his cheeks closer to my hands and face, I whispered in an even lower tone, "Tell me what love really means to you."
Help me write the song I need to write for you...
"I thought you wanted me to help you with song lyrics?"
"You are..." I then put my hand on the back of his head and began to kiss him. While pulling on his collar, I began to kiss his neck as I said, "Don't think I'm just doing this just to do it, Tatsuha. I might be very energetic on the outside, but at night, it's lonely without anyone..."
He kissed me back.
Ah, just as sweet as I when I first kissed you...
"No one has ever said that to me, Tatsuha..." I said as I kissed him on the lips again. "But I've never really said it either."
"Really?" He said as he put his arms around me.
"Really..." I said I as I unbuttoned his shirt and began to pull on his belt.
He pushed off my own shirt and leaned up to grab me before I could even kiss his flat stomach...
You were always so far away from me...
And I missed you so much...
As I kissed his back as he held onto my fingers painfully while I went inside of him. Holding his chest, I turned him over as I began to kiss his lips again, not wanting to ever get enough of them...
That taste. Cherry lollipop...yes, that's it!
Before falling asleep, I looked at Tatsuha's face and put my hand on it. Then, I slid my hand onto his waist so that I could hug him as I always did, with his picture frame. I kissed his back and closed my eyes.
Turning towards me, I felt his lips on my ear as he pushed my hair away to say something to me.
When he fell asleep, I woke up and held onto him while watching his face. "Do I have to give you back to the world now, Tatsuha?" I whispered into his ear.
Can I keep you now?
For real?
--
I shouted to the crow, "This is song is called, 'Nagareboshi!!!!"
"YEAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"
With a smile, I sang with all my heart pouring out,
"It's like a star that you can't change,
It keeps on shining.
No matter what.
Trying to touch perfection
Only to fall to the Earth.
I keep on running
To keep on dreaming
Something that'll never be.
Something that involves
You and Me.
The falling stars keep on falling,
You can't touch something so hot
You'll burn yourself,
And yet we try
To keep it alive
Even if we die.
It's reaching for the person
Who's right in front of you,
You'd never thought it was
So far away.
Clinging onto a dream
That will crush the
people in it.
And yet we try to
fly off the edge
Thinking we could fly.
(whispering/speaking) You don't have to tell me
The difference
between love and hate.
We're destined to always
be this way,
apart by FATE.
The falling stars keep on falling (even to the edge
of the earth)
You can't touch something so hot (though you're a moth
to a flame)
You'll burn yourself, (It doesn't matter)
And yet we try (to keep this feeling inside)
To keep it alive (a forbidden desire)
Even if we die. (Catch me.)"
As I looked at the crowd, I smiled widely. He had heard me this time...
I began to cry and fully understood Kira's feeling of liberation.
You shouldn't be ashamed to be so honest...
There was nothing else for me to lose now, right?
Turning towards Tatsuha, I nodded my head and smiled while shouting, "Someone helped me make that song. And I'll say thank you this way to that friend."
The audience became very quiet.
With all my heart, I shouted back at him, "I'D JUMP OFF THE LEDGE FOR YOU TOO!!!!!!!!"
Running out into the parking lot to head for America, I told the driver to stop. Leaning out the window, I shouted, "Tatsuha-kun!!!"
He ran towards me and asked, "Yeah?"
"Keep Kumaguro for me." Leaning out of the car, I whispered into his ear, "This is to make sure I come back."
Sitting back down, I winked again. "Okay, Tatsuha-kun?"
Driving away, I didn't glance back.
I was finally able to give you the symbol of my love for you. The original Kumagorou that had blistered my fingers, but being a fool in love, I didn't notice it too much.
I gave it to you with a note that said, "You know I'm not good at this. I couldn't say it to you, but you could say it to me...all night. -Ryuichi."
Looking all these years and experiencing many things in all the thirty-one years of my life, I saw and came across many types of affection, thinking that was love. Looking and being rejected or disappointed.
I thought you too would think I was crazy as everyone else thought I was.
But what I realized while watching you for many years, Tatsuha, was that you tried to understand me as an artist and as a person. I was trying to understand why you never thought I was absurd with my sudden changing moods.
You looked past everything that binded me from getting closer to other people around me.
Saying I love you isn't enough after all this time. You're my air. I need you to live.
Please know that much.
When I was falling asleep, you whispered to my ear, "Ryuichi...I love you...even though you can't hear me."
But you never knew.
I always thought you couldn't hear _me_.
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I have to admit that in my wildest dreams, I didn't think that Nagareboshi would be one of most precious fanfics. It was just a fic I made 'for the day' and now, it's so different to write it from Tatsuha or Ryuichi (after writing for them and all the gravi characters for more than two years now).
While making Ryuichi's perspective, I kept on thinking from Tatsuha's perspective while whenever I wrote from Tatsuha's perspective, I wondered what Ryuichi was doing 'in the background'. Funny how life works that way. ^_^ I'm just so happy about this.
Matte - wait
kikoeru ka? (can you hear me?)
(prequel to the Nagareboshi series)
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 13 - you couldn't hear me.
April 15th, 1999
Song of the day: Kiss on my list by Hall and Oates
So, I'm singing like a lunatic in the airplane, ignoring everyone around me. Then, I listen to the minidisk again and smile to myself. I smile even more whenever I think of that look he gave me when I gave him Kumagorou a few hours ago...
Touma, who couldn't resist it when I'd come up with a new melody to challenge him, planned out everything so perfectly for Tatsuha's and my meeting that I owe him a whole new album when I come back to Tokyo.
It worked out that Eiri had called Tatsuha to watch a recording of Shuichi's new single. What he didn't mention was that Shuichi and I were trying to do a song together. I, on the other hand, took a deep breath while staring through the glass doors of the studio. I didn't expect Shuichi to be there with Tatsuha already up watching above us, but I smirked and shook my head.
With a cool head, I smiled and ran into the studio hugging Shuichi and laughing as he showed me the latest set of tracks he had to record. I stood next to him and stole a glance at Tatsuha, trying to make it seem that I was just looking around to see what was going on. Of course, I knew _exactly_ what was going on because I planned it. (Touma was even scared at how thoroughly I had thought of every detail to look so natural. Then again, people think I'm an idiot, but looks are deceiving. Touma and I are equal in this department.)
But Tatsuha was there watching up there and he looked like he was panicking. I began to chuckle to myself and Shuichi thought his lyrics were worse than his usual. I shook my head and said I was just thinking of something.
Then, we recorded our song. When we were finished, we were done for the whole day.
"How about we all eat dinner, Shuichi-kun?" I said as I looked at him while he was peering at his lyrics again, still unsure about the wording.
"Why not?" He laughed and ran out of the recording studio and up to the booth where Tatsuha was. I adjusted my collar, gulped, and walked slowly behind him. But Tatsuha seemed kind of out of it that I almost didn't want to pull through with trying to get him alone (which was very hard in itself). Trying to show that you didn't prefer him over the others was something I wasn't used to. When I liked someone or something, I couldn't help but shower them with my attention because that's just how I was.
After Shuichi finally got through, I went up to him and smiled. Patting his shoulder, I encouraged, "Tatsuha-kun, let's go!"
But he seemed to be really out of it and I kept on glancing at him while he was looking at me with a daze. He was walking behind everyone, but he looked so concentrated and then he looked so far away from me. I looked from side to side, but smiled in front of everyone as I talked to them so that they wouldn't question me about my sudden mood change.
I was so happy that he was there, but was it such a good idea to be so pushy?
After waiting for a moment to confront Tatsuha all these years, I had learned from Touma that I kind of crowded him. I gave him so many things, though not unappreciated, but that Tatsuha wanted to meet me more. But if I were faced with the fact of meeting him more than I should, I wouldn't have known what the hell to do.
God...
I just wanted to grab his hand and tell him whatever he's thinking would be all right.
Without thinking twice, I fully turned around and cocked my head to one side. Energetically, I shouted, "Hurry up! I'm hungry!"
When I saw him become more depressed over this, my head was exploding with worry. Touma smirked as I just lost my patience and pulled Tatsuha's hand with a smile. He shouted, but I just laughed as if I could just run away with him then and there.
Over dinner, I kept on talking to Shuichi, but I also observed everyone around me. It bugged me that Tatsuha really seemed kind of off. It was already driving me nuts. And by the end of dinner, Touma just left with a smirk. Everyone else was going away, but Tatsuha left first!
In panic, I said goodbye to everyone and ran after him.
No...
Not again...
It seemed like such a little thing, but watching him walk away from me when he was so close to me was killing me. The image of a dream I had of him leaving me had me crying for days. I never told anyone, but whenever I think about it, I can't help but sigh and my eyes get all watery.
Like now.
I shouted while running. "Tatsuha-kun! Matte!"
He stopped walking as he turned around to ask, "Yes?"
Breathing heavily, I gulped and told him, "I want you to come with me."
Looking into his eyes, I never felt so comfortable in my life as when I said, "I've had fun in Tokyo, but let's go out together, Tatsuha-kun."
We ended up going to a karaoke bar and he didn't want to sing for me, but I watched him trying his hardest. I bit my lip and smirked so much from the cuteness that he thought I was trying to deal with him rather than enjoying it, which I was.
As soon as I got a mic in my hand, I looked at him and began to sing the last song,
"...I go crazy wondering what there is to really see
Did the night just take up your time, 'cause it means more to me
Sometimes I forget what I'm doing, I don't forget what I want, I want
Regret what I've done, regret you? I couldn't go on
But if you insist on blowing my bliss
I'll tell you this
If you want to know what the reason is
I only smile when alive, then I'll tell you why
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
(Because your kiss is on my list) of the best things in life
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
(Because your kiss) your kiss I can't resist
(Because your kiss is what I miss) when I turn off the light..."
Leaving the karaoke place, I took a deep breath as we drove all over Tokyo. We ended up looking at Seto bridge from some railings. No one else was there except Tatsuha, me, and the driver of my car.
I waved my arms at my excitement. I felt like a little kid. "Wah! It's very beautiful! Other places have too many lights, but this is great!"
It was so beautiful that I stood a little bit further than I should. "Ack!"
In a blink of an eye, Tatsuha caught my waist. As I looked at his scrunched up face, he whispered to himself, "If anything had happened..."
I didn't know how to feel at that moment. I was hoping for an answer that would save me from myself...
He looked at me as I gave him a sincerely confused look. "If anything had happened?"
"If anything had happened..." He started to answer while holding onto me even tighter.
"What? What would you have done, Tatsuha-kun?" I seriously asked while holding my breath.
Looking away from me, he blushed as he gave a sheepish smile while answering, "I would have jumped after you."
I closed my eyes for a moment.
Tatsuha...
I was right to wait for you, wasn't I?
Innocently, I persisted, "But what if I died, Tatsuha-kun?"
Looking straight into my eyes, he replied, "Then I guess I'll go with you...Ryuichi..."
I was speechless as I jumped off onto the sidewalk. "Let's go, Tatsuha-kun."
I put my cold hands into my pockets and we both went into the car.
I didn't know what to say because at that moment he caught me, I felt like all the chaos inside of me was being lulled. The war inside of myself was being calmed down.
I glanced at a worried Tatsuha looking out the window, avoiding eye contact with me. I smiled as I signaled to my driver to bring us back to the hotel.
The same one I had cried years ago saying over and over that I wanted him.
"I want you to help me make a new song, Tatsuha-kun." I smiled and grabbed his sleeve with my fingers.
Entering the room, I turned on the lights and said, "Make yourself at home!"
Stay with me forever too?
I smirked as I jumped onto the bed and sat down. He sat down by me and I got all nervous again, wondering if I had done the right thing bringing him here. He was only sixteen years old, but I wanted to keep him here with me and make love to him.
Frustrated mentally and sexually, I got up and opened the windows. "Look at this."
He stood next to me and said, "Tokyo looks so cool at night."
I pulled Kumagorou from a table and pushed it onto Tatsuha's face as if it were kissing him. Then, I laughed and said, "Say hi!"
Biting on his ear, we both stared out the window.
He sat on the bed and I sighed. I looked up at the sky and wondered if I was doing something totally out of place. I wanted to tell him, and today, I had the courage to be so aggressive.
If he rejected me, I would accept it. If he wanted me, then my endless searching would be over...
Turning around, I gave him a serious look. Then, I put both of my hands on his warm cheeks. Leaning closer to him, I asked, "Tell me what love means to you, Tatsuha."
"Ryuichi...san?" He looked at me scared and confused, but he didn't turn away from me.
With slight despair, I asked him seriously, "Tatsuha...tell me what you did earlier. Would you really do that for me?"
Tell me that the letter was true...
He nodded at me as he whispered back, "Yes, I would."
Smiling wistfully, I said, "I fell in love with a girl once, and she loved me back, but she would never had said that."
I thought it was love, but it wasn't...
To that, he commented, "Then that's her loss..."
I took a deep breath as I breathed into his ear. Holding his cheeks closer to my hands and face, I whispered in an even lower tone, "Tell me what love really means to you."
Help me write the song I need to write for you...
"I thought you wanted me to help you with song lyrics?"
"You are..." I then put my hand on the back of his head and began to kiss him. While pulling on his collar, I began to kiss his neck as I said, "Don't think I'm just doing this just to do it, Tatsuha. I might be very energetic on the outside, but at night, it's lonely without anyone..."
He kissed me back.
Ah, just as sweet as I when I first kissed you...
"No one has ever said that to me, Tatsuha..." I said as I kissed him on the lips again. "But I've never really said it either."
"Really?" He said as he put his arms around me.
"Really..." I said I as I unbuttoned his shirt and began to pull on his belt.
He pushed off my own shirt and leaned up to grab me before I could even kiss his flat stomach...
You were always so far away from me...
And I missed you so much...
As I kissed his back as he held onto my fingers painfully while I went inside of him. Holding his chest, I turned him over as I began to kiss his lips again, not wanting to ever get enough of them...
That taste. Cherry lollipop...yes, that's it!
Before falling asleep, I looked at Tatsuha's face and put my hand on it. Then, I slid my hand onto his waist so that I could hug him as I always did, with his picture frame. I kissed his back and closed my eyes.
Turning towards me, I felt his lips on my ear as he pushed my hair away to say something to me.
When he fell asleep, I woke up and held onto him while watching his face. "Do I have to give you back to the world now, Tatsuha?" I whispered into his ear.
Can I keep you now?
For real?
--
I shouted to the crow, "This is song is called, 'Nagareboshi!!!!"
"YEAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"
With a smile, I sang with all my heart pouring out,
"It's like a star that you can't change,
It keeps on shining.
No matter what.
Trying to touch perfection
Only to fall to the Earth.
I keep on running
To keep on dreaming
Something that'll never be.
Something that involves
You and Me.
The falling stars keep on falling,
You can't touch something so hot
You'll burn yourself,
And yet we try
To keep it alive
Even if we die.
It's reaching for the person
Who's right in front of you,
You'd never thought it was
So far away.
Clinging onto a dream
That will crush the
people in it.
And yet we try to
fly off the edge
Thinking we could fly.
(whispering/speaking) You don't have to tell me
The difference
between love and hate.
We're destined to always
be this way,
apart by FATE.
The falling stars keep on falling (even to the edge
of the earth)
You can't touch something so hot (though you're a moth
to a flame)
You'll burn yourself, (It doesn't matter)
And yet we try (to keep this feeling inside)
To keep it alive (a forbidden desire)
Even if we die. (Catch me.)"
As I looked at the crowd, I smiled widely. He had heard me this time...
I began to cry and fully understood Kira's feeling of liberation.
You shouldn't be ashamed to be so honest...
There was nothing else for me to lose now, right?
Turning towards Tatsuha, I nodded my head and smiled while shouting, "Someone helped me make that song. And I'll say thank you this way to that friend."
The audience became very quiet.
With all my heart, I shouted back at him, "I'D JUMP OFF THE LEDGE FOR YOU TOO!!!!!!!!"
Running out into the parking lot to head for America, I told the driver to stop. Leaning out the window, I shouted, "Tatsuha-kun!!!"
He ran towards me and asked, "Yeah?"
"Keep Kumaguro for me." Leaning out of the car, I whispered into his ear, "This is to make sure I come back."
Sitting back down, I winked again. "Okay, Tatsuha-kun?"
Driving away, I didn't glance back.
I was finally able to give you the symbol of my love for you. The original Kumagorou that had blistered my fingers, but being a fool in love, I didn't notice it too much.
I gave it to you with a note that said, "You know I'm not good at this. I couldn't say it to you, but you could say it to me...all night. -Ryuichi."
Looking all these years and experiencing many things in all the thirty-one years of my life, I saw and came across many types of affection, thinking that was love. Looking and being rejected or disappointed.
I thought you too would think I was crazy as everyone else thought I was.
But what I realized while watching you for many years, Tatsuha, was that you tried to understand me as an artist and as a person. I was trying to understand why you never thought I was absurd with my sudden changing moods.
You looked past everything that binded me from getting closer to other people around me.
Saying I love you isn't enough after all this time. You're my air. I need you to live.
Please know that much.
When I was falling asleep, you whispered to my ear, "Ryuichi...I love you...even though you can't hear me."
But you never knew.
I always thought you couldn't hear _me_.
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I have to admit that in my wildest dreams, I didn't think that Nagareboshi would be one of most precious fanfics. It was just a fic I made 'for the day' and now, it's so different to write it from Tatsuha or Ryuichi (after writing for them and all the gravi characters for more than two years now).
While making Ryuichi's perspective, I kept on thinking from Tatsuha's perspective while whenever I wrote from Tatsuha's perspective, I wondered what Ryuichi was doing 'in the background'. Funny how life works that way. ^_^ I'm just so happy about this.
Matte - wait