Untitled Document

The Bloodcross Key: Reversals
by Lady Tempest

Part 15:

Darkness.

Black and empty. The place always felt safe, peaceful, in its own gloomy way, like holding himself in his own comfort, because he was all he could depend on. Everyone else left him, abandoned him, leaving the bleak darkness inside more soothing than dealing with the pain without. But the pain penetrated his secret place, too raw and agonizing to leave to just the light, to the outside. His one light, his golden sun... his... his...

It hurt. It hurt like nothing else ever hurt. Nothing. And the nothing didn't keep it away. Only made it more intense, more lonely. He wasn't sure why or what it was, but he knew to try to remember would torment him worse...

"Squall!"

He jolted and his head turned toward the sound drifting into his darkness. He wanted to stay, stay away from more pain. In the light it would be worse. In the light he couldn't hide, couldn't keep himself safe from the truth he didn't want to know. He felt like half of his soul had been torn from him, like half of him... had...

...had...

"You think it's a good idea to wake him? He was fuckin' flippin' out before. Doc says he needs rest. "

...Died...

"He should know."

Seifer...

Don't leave, Seifer. Don't leave...

"Squall?"

No! Searing white blinded him as his lashes flickered, thrusting his eyes into the light. He desperately grasped for the darkness, but it escaped him, refused to let him back inside.

Seifer. Oh, god, Seifer.

Seifer...

Maybe...

...Maybe it had all just been a horrible nightmare... Maybe...

"Squall." Quistis' voice was urgent, excited, as she gently shook him.

Everyone was always waking him from a dream, so it had to be just another dream. Just another. A horrible one he was happy to escape. That's all. Just a dream...

He glanced up at her, his eyes sore and tired and red.

"Squall..." She clasped his face between her hands and kissed him on the forehead. " ... Seifer..." Her voice caught, choked on some emotion.

No! No! He's not! Don't... Just bring back the dark where he couldn't see, where there was blissful nothing, where thinking of Seifer didn`t hurt like he`d been ripped in half... where... where...

As she pulled away, gazing down at him, Squall noticed the beaming, though bittersweet smile on her face. "Seifer is going to be all right."

...Where...What? What did she say? He... he was...? Seifer? All right? He wasn't...? He...

"He's going to live."

A hand, stronger than Quistis' gripped his shoulder. Squall turned. Zell. Zell was smiling too, tear-brightened blue eyes twinkling at him.

"Yeah, man. You got Doc just in time. He's pretty fucked up though. Doc says five more minutes and even the Phoenix Down couldn't have brought him back..."

Alive? Seifer was alive? Alive! Alive...

"...and somethin' about the cold bein' a good thing." Zell shrugged. "Don't know what that's all about but Doc can give you all the technical details, if you want."

Details? Only one detail mattered: Seifer was alive. He didn't care about how, just that Seifer was.

He sat up, trembling, his fingers twisted in his chestnut hair. His heart beat so loudly he was sure they had to hear it. He could hear it. Elated and scared, silent tears of pure happiness and deepest fear slipped down his burning cheeks. Letting himself believe what Quistis and Zell were telling him was true almost frightened him more than facing a life without Seifer. What if they were wrong? What... what if...

Quistis rested a hand on his shoulder and pointed to the glass partition leading to the next room. Through the smoky glass he saw Seifer, laying on a bed just like his. Dead or asleep? Squall couldn't tell which for sure. But either one, Seifer was still beautiful, a prince, captured in enchanted sleep. Waiting for true love`s kiss...

Seifer would laugh if he knew how corny, how 'un-Squall-like', his thoughts were at the moment. Fairy tales and poetry were Seifer's domain, Seifer's passion. But gazing at the friend he thought he lost forever, even the `Ice Prince' couldn't help melting.

His eyes blurred with tears, Squall swung his legs to the side of the bed and lurched to his feet. The cold of the floor shocked his bare toes, but he ignored it, his storm blue eyes focused through the window. He wobbled, clutching the bed for support, his knees weak and aching, an ache he hadn't noticed until that moment, a greater ache in his soul having overridden all else.

"Be careful, man." Zell grabbed him by the arm and helped steady him. "Seifer's not the only one that got fucked up. You should have seen your knees. Eeeew!"

Squall turned and stared at Zell in dark confusion. If Zell had any intention of forcing him back into the bed, it dissipated with the shudder Squall felt course along Zell's small frame.

"Geez, man. You can turn off the `Glare of Doom'. I'm just tryin' to help."

Zell released his hold on Squall's arm and stepped back, letting the brunet hobble to the door in his infirmary gown. His knees felt raw, but healed, the tingling sensitivity almost painful, like something electrical squirmed under his skin.

"Now is not the time, Zell." he heard Quistis scold as the door swooshed shut behind him. But he was too focused on Seifer to care, on seeing him, touching him, feeling he was alive. Until his own fingers touched the warmth of Seifer's skin, he couldn't be at peace.

*********

Red flames lashed at his flesh, yet left no mark, no burn, only a heated agony on his tortured soul. A black pit loomed before him, like a fetid sea of nothingness. He stepped forward, slowly, drawn to the abyss his soul deserved, wanting to plunge into its depths and forget. Forever forget.

Sweat trickled down his skin, cool and stinging, dropping to the blackened, rock floor with a sizzling hiss. Blood trickled down his skin, thick and red, clinging, painting him morbid. Morbid, but free. Free?

Another step, and the gray-black smoke spilling from the pit curled around his ankles like wispy hands, tugging him onward. Slithering. Violating. He stopped, his eyes wild. All that was over; he had left it behind. Left it with the world that had been, but would never welcome him again. Not that it ever had.

Another step, and a chill wind gusted against his bare skin. He shivered and wrapped his bloody arms around himself. He had to go on; had to embrace the nothingness. It was his only peace.

Another step, and a tiny white light flickered through the flames and smoke and darkness. The light grew, blooming as a delicate flower, until its brightness blinded him, forced him to shield his eyes with his arm. The stench of sweet metal choked him, overpowering the burning reek of stone, earth, and flesh rising from the pit.

The smoke and darkness retreated, unable to withstand the light; Much as he could not withstand the light, but he couldn't retreat. It drew him, like the abyss, but purely, even gently.

"No!" he screamed without a sound.

He had almost been free. Almost had become wholly the nothing he was. Almost forgotten...

"Seifer," a soft voice drifted from the light.

The whiteness engulfed him, embracing him like warm arms.

"No!"

So close...

"No."

So, so close...

"No..."

Yet again, he failed...

... As always...

*********


Squall stood at Seifer's bedside. He didn't dare breathe and break the spell that returned Seifer to him. Seifer: golden hair brushing his forehead, ruffled and loose; eyes closed, golden lashes resting at his cheeks, pink lips even pinker from Cure-healed wounds; He looked so innocent and gentle, like the little sun-shining boy all those years ago.

Squall touched Seifer's bared chest, tracing the streaks of healing pink with his fingers, reveling in the warmth, in the faint but steady motion of Seifer's breathing, and the beat of his heart.

Alive. Seifer was alive. He hadn't left him. He was alive.

Taking one of Seifer's bandaged hands into his, Squall knelt to the floor, ignoring the sting of soreness in his knees and pressed the warm, gauze-covered fingers to his cheek. Tears streamed down his face, plunking onto the white cotton sheets.

He was whole again.

"Seifer," he whispered, gently nestling Seifer's hand and placing a savoring kiss to his palm.

**********

Seifer's eyes blinked open. Squall sat beside him, holding his hand with a fierceness as if he was dangling from a cliff.

His arms were tight and sore. A weary glance revealed the stark white bandages wrapped around them, his right arm wrapped to the elbow.

Any illusion of a dream shattered under harsh reality: he was alive. He had failed. As usual. Of all his hopes, he had expected that at least the one of his own death could be granted. But he should have known. There was no escape. None. Ever.

Seifer closed his eyes, willing reality to disappear. But Squall's presence made that difficult. It was the dread duality of Squall: wanting him close, wanting him to touch him, hold, him, notice him; and knowing he was weak, pathetic, and unworthy of any of it, of anything. Always had been, no matter how much he tried to prove otherwise. And after his ultimate failure, even more so.

The door whooshed open, followed by two quiet footsteps.

"Commander Leonhart, I need to speak with you." Doctor Kadowaki spoke barely above a whisper in her `don't disturb the patient' voice.

Squall stirred beside him. Seifer could feel the trembling of his hands on his own. "Huh?"

"It's about Seifer."

About him? That he was a failure? That he couldn't succeed in one simple task. That he was weak to need the peace of `nothingness' in the first place...

Squall`s fingers tightened on his, but it didn't hurt. "What about him?" His voice was unsteady, almost frightened, if Seifer thought Squall could ever be scared of anything, other than living instead of merely existing. But then, that was a fear Seifer had welcomed himself; Until even merely existing was too much to endure.

"I thought he was okay?"

Kadowaki sighed. "He'll live, yes. But... I think it's best if we discuss this somewhere more private."

Yes, he'd live, but... he didn't want to. And since no one else wanted him to either, or at the least they shouldn't, why was he alive?

Squall was quiet then gently released his hand, laying it at his side, the wrinkles in the sheets brushing raw under his bandaged fingertips.

"I`ll be back soon," Squall whispered so softly it could have been merely the sound of the circulating air.

Once Squall and the doctor left with a swoosh of the door, Seifer let silent tears trickle down his cheek.

Why? Squall, why?

******

Passing through the waiting area, and Zell, in an energetic, yet anxious parody of pacing, and Quistis, sitting placidly, hands clasping and unclasping on her lap, Doctor Kadowaki led Squall to the room he had awakened in. Striding to the glass partition, he gazed at Seifer, who had curled into himself, tugging his sheet to his chin.

"Well?" Squall asked, not turning from the window, his finger tracing Seifer's face along the glass

"Commander, Seifer's injuries went further than his attempted suicide," Kadowaki began, shoving her hands in the pockets of her white labcoat.

Squall`s ocean blue eyes snapped instantly to her. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well," she paused, taking a breath. "...They're similar to his injuries when you brought him in a week ago."

"What!"

"Not as severe. Nowhere near as severe, but..."

"How? How could this have happened?" He stared through the glass, but a part of him didn't even see Seifer, only the red-white rage building within. "We're SeeD... SeeD don`t..."

"I've collected DNA samples, so if, when, you find suspects, they can be matched." The doctor continued, keeping her voice calm and professional, but it carried an undercurrent of her own rage.

"Oh, god!" Squall dropped bonelessly onto the bed, burying his face in his hands. "No wonder he..."

Doctor Kadowaki rested a hand on his shoulder, warm and motherly. Or at least what he thought a mother`s comfort would feel like. "Squall..."

"I failed to protect him before. All the horrible things that..." His voice caught and he paused. "And now I've failed again. It`s all my..."

"Hey!" Kadowaki`s hand tightened. "Don't even start blaming yourself! It is not your fault."

"But..."

"Don't! I won't hear it! Blame the animals who have done this to him. All of them! Bring them to justice. That you do have power over. Not the rest." She sat next to him and wrapped a consoling arm over his shoulder. "I've known you boys since you first came here all those years ago. Both such adorable children and such trouble. But I've treated every scrape and cut, too many I must say, until you both were too stubborn to need me for anything other than the serious injuries and even then..."

"Doc..."

"Let me finish. You aren't just students to me, not just patients. None of you are, really. So when one of my children is hurt, I'm going to take care of it as best I know how. There's obviously more going on with Seifer when you brought him in last week than you told me."

"Doc..."

She glared at him, stern but caring, like a mother, or a grandmother, might. "I respect that you respect Seifer's privacy and pride. It's nice seeing you boys get along for once. I just wish it was under different circumstances. But the pain Seifer is suffering from is one I can't cure." Her hand on her lap clenched into a quaking fist. "Before, it was outsiders who hurt my boy, now it's obviously not, and in my Garden. You get those animals that did this. You have my full cooperation in anything you need. As strong as he is, even still, whoever could do this, could break him to the point of suicide, doesn't deserve to be with civilized people."

She paused. He could feel her trembling against him, but it could have been his own trembling. "Squall, honestly, we almost lost him."

"I know," he replied quietly. His eyes were hard, cold, tears glittering at the edge of his lashes. "And they won't hurt him again. Ever!"

(End Part 15)

Author's notes: After the shocking events of the last two, I wanted to be sure to resolve 'things' in a unforced way. I hope I succeeded and the truth of Seifer's 'demise' doesn't come across as contrived or sappy/corny.

Also, I had a few extra ideas while working on this chapter that I want to explore in the next, so the whole of the story will be a little longer than I anticipated. But it is on a wind-down to the end of Arc 2 and the beginning of the next arc, if anyone wants to see an Arc 3.

Upcoming chapters: Will Squall find Seifer's newest attackers? And how will he deal with them? Rinoa? And most importantly... Seifer?