AN: oops, we forgot the disclaimer, so for anyone who was planning to sue,
we don't own anything you might recognize, that probably belongs to the
Tolkiens. Sorry about that.
The Super Troopers take Middle Earth
Chapter Three ____________________
"So Frodo's woken up finally?" Alysha asked Pippin and Sam as they burst into the room where she and Samantha were staying. The two hobbits nodded excitedly.
Samantha yawned, "That's great," she said, stretching out on the bed.
"You don't seem too happy knowing Mr. Frodo's alright," said Samwise, "You did help save him, I should think you'd be elated to know he's awake and well."
Alysha shrugged, "We knew he'd be ok," she explained. "Won't be much of a movie, if he dies every time something bad happened, right?"
The two hobbits just looked confused at all this strange talk of 'movings,' and such. They left the Super Troopers room without another word. Sam looked at Alysha seriously.
"Do ya think Gandy and Elrond will be able to get us back to our world? When's he gonna come talk to us about it? When does the rest of the Fellowship arrive? I'm hungry, what's the time, I'm bored, are we there yet? Can I have an ice cream? What's that? Mummy, she's picking on me! But she started it! I'm bored!"
"You've said 'I'm bored' twice, Sammi."
"Well, I am bored. Is there something we can do?"
Alysha grinned wickedly. "Well, I suppose." She jumped up, and bolted out the door, finding a new target for her evilness. Sammi was hot on her heels.
***
"Do you remember the first time we met? We were right here," Arwen said softly in Elvish to Aragorn as they stood on the bridge hand in hand.
"I thought I had strayed into a dream," he answered in the same language.
"Do you remember what I told you?" She asked him.
"She said you're a big poopy-eater!" Alysha shrieked from where she and Samantha were hidden under the bridge. Aragorn looked curiously at Arwen.
"Did you really?"
"No! Of course not!" She said, rather take aback. "Do you remember what I really told you?"
Aragorn thought for a moment. "Hmm.nope, no idea. What did you say?"
Arwen sighed, mentally cursing the stupidity of mortals. "I said -"
"You smell really bad, and need to wash your hair!"
Arwen looked around, wondering where the voice was coming from. Aragorn looked hurt.
"Do I really smell?"
"No! Well, yeah, but only sometimes, I mean.uh."
"You look like a greasy ape! Take a leaf out of Gandalf's book, and at least brush it occasionally!" There was that strange voice again.
Suddenly Frodo, Elrond and Gandalf came walking down the path towards the bridge with Bilbo. Elrond furrowed his funny eyebrows at the pair of lovebirds on the bridge, and Frodo yelled hello to the pair of trouble making girls under it.
"Hullo, Samantha, Alysha! Over here! Look, I'm all better now! No more fish impersonations!" the hobbit hollered.
"Ah, shit. Go," Alysha muttered to Sammi, and the pair slid out from the other side of the bridge and bolted down the river, leaving the others to diffuse the situation.
"Arwen thinks I smell!" Aragorn whined to Elrond. "I think you should ground her."
"Well, the truth hurts- ah, I mean, that wasn't a very nice thing to say, Arwen."
"But I didn't, Daddy, the little voices yelled it out while I was trying to tell Gorny I was giving up my immortality for him!" Arwen whined back.
"YOU'RE WHAT?!"
"Oopsie."
***
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been gathered here to answer the threat of Mordor.." Elrond began to drone on, and Alysha tuned out.
She pulled her Discman out of her magical bottomless backpack, which had been a present from Harry Potter and his friends when they'd left Hogwarts. She lost herself if the immortal tunes of silverchair, nodding her head slightly to the beat. To her left the dwarves Gimli and Glóin couldn't hear the bass thumping through the headphones, but Thranduil on her right, heard the music clearly thumping with his elven ears.
Samantha, on the other hand, was listening to the conversation intently, though she was floating three feet off her chair, meditating, totally in- tune with her inner-balance, and viewing the whole situation with utter calm.
Point of discussion was on the destruction of the Ring. Gimli jumped to his feet and whacked the One Ring with his axe. We all know what happened then, buh-bye axe.
Elrond shook his head. "The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Glóin, by any craft we here posses. The-"
"Even if Alysha belches on it?" Samantha interrupted, making the huge effort of cracking one eye open.
"No, Samantha, not even if Alysha 'belches' on it, as you so delicately put it. The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom, and only there, can it be unmade."
Suddenly Alysha leapt out of her seat, her eyes still closed, and began to play air guitar, as silverchair's 'Freak' was turned up on her headphones as loud as they could go without imploding.
The Council stared, and turned to Sammi for answers. She simply shrugged, still floating and said "Never, ever interrupt 'Freak.' It's like telling Sauron his mother is a whore, a death wish."
They nodded, and watched the teenage girl leap around, singing to the song, playing her invisible guitar in shock. During this bizarre display, a scream rang out from the sky, and a girl fell down straight on top of Alysha, knocking them both flat to the ground.
Samantha gaped at the girl for a second, nearly falling from her perch in mid-air, before recognizing her. The perfect golden hair, the pouting, pink lips, the annoyingly perfect green eyes, it was none other than a MARY-SUE! Sammi felt anger bubble up from inside her, and then noticed the other Super Trooper's headphones had been knocked clear from her head, mid- 'Freak.'
Alysha sat up, dazed from being smashed right out of the song, and regained her balance. The girl who'd fallen from the sky sat up, perfectly un- phased, and smiled her brilliantly, straight, white grin.
"Hi! I'm Mary-Sue. Oh, wow, you must be Legolas, do you wanna get married?" She said to the shocked elf sitting on the other side of Thranduil to Alysha. But Legolas (well, everyone for that matter) wasn't listening to her.
Alysha stood up from where she was splayed out on the floor, her Discman shattered on the ground, and the CD ruined. Her eyes had changed from their regular hazel-brown to flaming green, which only happens when she's irreversibly pissed off. Samantha was the first to react, as she'd seen this once before.
"I think we should get out of the way."
The Council stared like dim-witted children.
"Seriously," Samantha floated back down in to her chair, "get down and out of the way."
The Council still looked confused.
"HIT THE DECK! TAKE COVER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!" she screamed, diving behind Elrond's little throne thing. Not surprisingly, everyone took her advice after that.
Mary-Sue smiled innocently, looking at Alysha, who was prowling towards her. "Sorry about your Discman, I'd replace it, but I'm not going back to Earth, I'm staying here with Leggy after we get married, and Gandalf turns me into an elf so I can live forever with him and have a bunch of little elflings and-" Alysha grabbed her by the throat.
"Can it. Not only, did you interrupt my song, but you fall into MY story, and try to hit on the guy we were hoping to give a break from Lego-mance for a change, AND you can't replace my Discman, AND it's your fault that my limited-edition, SIGNED silverchair's greatest hits volume one got completely ruined. I think I'll give you five seconds to run, before I break you in half and rip your perfectly annoying, PLASTIC face off!"
Mary-Sue, being so sure of her own talents, and that Legolas would protect her at any cost, did the stupidest thing possible. She stood where she was, and put her fists up, in what looked like an attempt at a defensive position.
"Come and get me.BITCH."
That was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
A war-cry pierced the air, and a blur of combat boots and brown hair flew at Mary-Sue. A good thing to say was that Alysha was a bit cranky. So less than thirty seconds later, Mary-Sue was flat on her back, bleeding from every hole of her body, shrieking for Legolas's help. But he was hiding behind the same pillar as Pippin, and wasn't game to come out.
Alysha hauled that life-sized Barbie-doll up over her shoulder and threw her across the floor. At this stage, Samantha jumped up from where she was standing, and did something she rarely did, she hit Mary-Sue.
Not hard, really, just a good right hook to the jaw, and a quick knee to the stomach.
"Stay out of our story," she snarled, glaring at the bleeding, awful writer as she slinked away. "Make sure all your other evil Mary-Sue friends stay away, or they'll have me to deal with, and I'm not the nicest person to deal with when I'm unhappy. Just ask Alysha."
"And she's got the demon-horse, so watch your back," added Alysha.
The Super Troopers sat down in their seats, and smiled. "So, where were we up to? Who's gonna take the Ring to Mordor?" Samantha resumed her meditation.
The Council returned to their seats, but not for long, as arguments broke out about the Ring's destruction.
"I will take it."
No one was listening to Frodo.
"I will take it!" Frodo repeated a little louder.
Still no-one heard him.
"SHUT UP!" Samantha's voice rang out above the others. They quieted right away, giving Frodo his opening.
"I said I'd take the Ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way."
Gandalf stepped up to the hobbit. "I will help you with this burden, so long as it is yours to bear."
Kneeling before Frodo, Aragorn said, "If in my life, or my death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword."
Legolas and Gimli piped up.
"And you have my bow!"
"And my axe."
Boromir stepped forward. "You carry the fate of us all little one," he said to Frodo. "If it is the will of the Council, the Gondor will see it done."
Sammi smiled and waved her arm and said to anyone listening, 'queue the hobbit."
Samwise popped out of the bushes behind the benches and ran to Frodo's side. "Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me."
"No, it's seems it's hardly possible to separate you, even when he's summoned to a secret council, and you are not."
"Queue the other hobbits."
"Hey!" Yelled Merry, "we're cumin' too!" He and Pippin ran from behind the pillars.
"Anyways, you people of intelligence for this sorta mission.quest.thing."
"Well, that rules you out Pip," Merry retorted.
"Nine companions, set out for Mordor. Very well, you shall be the Fellowship of the Ring." Elrond declared.
"Great," said Pippin.
At the same time, he and Alysha said "Where are we going?"
There was much chatter, and Elrond approached the Super Troopers. "I'll speak with you after the Council is adjourned."
***
That night, after dinner, Elrond summoned The Super Troopers to his common room. "I have spoken with Gandalf," he said gravely, "and there's nothing that we alone can do to get both of you home. Our power alone isn't enough to open the portal that your horse bought you through to arrive here."
Samantha cursed under her breath, wondering if there was any chance that Blackjack and she could have won the hunter jump-off had he not bought them here.
"There is a chance to get you back home, should the Lady Galadriel combine her powers with Gandalf's and my own. That amount of strength may be enough to open the dimension rip again."
"You mean the power of the Three Elven rings could send us home?" Alysha asked.
"Yes. Wait. How did you know about that?"
"Never mind, I have a vague idea about what going to happen for the rest of the Third Age, so it makes sense I know where all the Elven rings are." Alysha answered, hoping no-one thought her knowledge of the future was actually through a gift of fore-sight.
"So, where do we have to go?" Sammi asked.
"I'll have to send you with the Fellowship as far as Lorthlórien. There, you will have council with Galadriel, and we shall see what is to become of the pair of you," Elrond answered. "Get some rest, the Company will leave tomorrow, at sundown."
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Well, that was chappie three. Please read and review, flames are not nice, but CC is cool.
.:~*~:. Peace, out Nimloth & Andu?nië
The Super Troopers take Middle Earth
Chapter Three ____________________
"So Frodo's woken up finally?" Alysha asked Pippin and Sam as they burst into the room where she and Samantha were staying. The two hobbits nodded excitedly.
Samantha yawned, "That's great," she said, stretching out on the bed.
"You don't seem too happy knowing Mr. Frodo's alright," said Samwise, "You did help save him, I should think you'd be elated to know he's awake and well."
Alysha shrugged, "We knew he'd be ok," she explained. "Won't be much of a movie, if he dies every time something bad happened, right?"
The two hobbits just looked confused at all this strange talk of 'movings,' and such. They left the Super Troopers room without another word. Sam looked at Alysha seriously.
"Do ya think Gandy and Elrond will be able to get us back to our world? When's he gonna come talk to us about it? When does the rest of the Fellowship arrive? I'm hungry, what's the time, I'm bored, are we there yet? Can I have an ice cream? What's that? Mummy, she's picking on me! But she started it! I'm bored!"
"You've said 'I'm bored' twice, Sammi."
"Well, I am bored. Is there something we can do?"
Alysha grinned wickedly. "Well, I suppose." She jumped up, and bolted out the door, finding a new target for her evilness. Sammi was hot on her heels.
***
"Do you remember the first time we met? We were right here," Arwen said softly in Elvish to Aragorn as they stood on the bridge hand in hand.
"I thought I had strayed into a dream," he answered in the same language.
"Do you remember what I told you?" She asked him.
"She said you're a big poopy-eater!" Alysha shrieked from where she and Samantha were hidden under the bridge. Aragorn looked curiously at Arwen.
"Did you really?"
"No! Of course not!" She said, rather take aback. "Do you remember what I really told you?"
Aragorn thought for a moment. "Hmm.nope, no idea. What did you say?"
Arwen sighed, mentally cursing the stupidity of mortals. "I said -"
"You smell really bad, and need to wash your hair!"
Arwen looked around, wondering where the voice was coming from. Aragorn looked hurt.
"Do I really smell?"
"No! Well, yeah, but only sometimes, I mean.uh."
"You look like a greasy ape! Take a leaf out of Gandalf's book, and at least brush it occasionally!" There was that strange voice again.
Suddenly Frodo, Elrond and Gandalf came walking down the path towards the bridge with Bilbo. Elrond furrowed his funny eyebrows at the pair of lovebirds on the bridge, and Frodo yelled hello to the pair of trouble making girls under it.
"Hullo, Samantha, Alysha! Over here! Look, I'm all better now! No more fish impersonations!" the hobbit hollered.
"Ah, shit. Go," Alysha muttered to Sammi, and the pair slid out from the other side of the bridge and bolted down the river, leaving the others to diffuse the situation.
"Arwen thinks I smell!" Aragorn whined to Elrond. "I think you should ground her."
"Well, the truth hurts- ah, I mean, that wasn't a very nice thing to say, Arwen."
"But I didn't, Daddy, the little voices yelled it out while I was trying to tell Gorny I was giving up my immortality for him!" Arwen whined back.
"YOU'RE WHAT?!"
"Oopsie."
***
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been gathered here to answer the threat of Mordor.." Elrond began to drone on, and Alysha tuned out.
She pulled her Discman out of her magical bottomless backpack, which had been a present from Harry Potter and his friends when they'd left Hogwarts. She lost herself if the immortal tunes of silverchair, nodding her head slightly to the beat. To her left the dwarves Gimli and Glóin couldn't hear the bass thumping through the headphones, but Thranduil on her right, heard the music clearly thumping with his elven ears.
Samantha, on the other hand, was listening to the conversation intently, though she was floating three feet off her chair, meditating, totally in- tune with her inner-balance, and viewing the whole situation with utter calm.
Point of discussion was on the destruction of the Ring. Gimli jumped to his feet and whacked the One Ring with his axe. We all know what happened then, buh-bye axe.
Elrond shook his head. "The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Glóin, by any craft we here posses. The-"
"Even if Alysha belches on it?" Samantha interrupted, making the huge effort of cracking one eye open.
"No, Samantha, not even if Alysha 'belches' on it, as you so delicately put it. The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom, and only there, can it be unmade."
Suddenly Alysha leapt out of her seat, her eyes still closed, and began to play air guitar, as silverchair's 'Freak' was turned up on her headphones as loud as they could go without imploding.
The Council stared, and turned to Sammi for answers. She simply shrugged, still floating and said "Never, ever interrupt 'Freak.' It's like telling Sauron his mother is a whore, a death wish."
They nodded, and watched the teenage girl leap around, singing to the song, playing her invisible guitar in shock. During this bizarre display, a scream rang out from the sky, and a girl fell down straight on top of Alysha, knocking them both flat to the ground.
Samantha gaped at the girl for a second, nearly falling from her perch in mid-air, before recognizing her. The perfect golden hair, the pouting, pink lips, the annoyingly perfect green eyes, it was none other than a MARY-SUE! Sammi felt anger bubble up from inside her, and then noticed the other Super Trooper's headphones had been knocked clear from her head, mid- 'Freak.'
Alysha sat up, dazed from being smashed right out of the song, and regained her balance. The girl who'd fallen from the sky sat up, perfectly un- phased, and smiled her brilliantly, straight, white grin.
"Hi! I'm Mary-Sue. Oh, wow, you must be Legolas, do you wanna get married?" She said to the shocked elf sitting on the other side of Thranduil to Alysha. But Legolas (well, everyone for that matter) wasn't listening to her.
Alysha stood up from where she was splayed out on the floor, her Discman shattered on the ground, and the CD ruined. Her eyes had changed from their regular hazel-brown to flaming green, which only happens when she's irreversibly pissed off. Samantha was the first to react, as she'd seen this once before.
"I think we should get out of the way."
The Council stared like dim-witted children.
"Seriously," Samantha floated back down in to her chair, "get down and out of the way."
The Council still looked confused.
"HIT THE DECK! TAKE COVER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!" she screamed, diving behind Elrond's little throne thing. Not surprisingly, everyone took her advice after that.
Mary-Sue smiled innocently, looking at Alysha, who was prowling towards her. "Sorry about your Discman, I'd replace it, but I'm not going back to Earth, I'm staying here with Leggy after we get married, and Gandalf turns me into an elf so I can live forever with him and have a bunch of little elflings and-" Alysha grabbed her by the throat.
"Can it. Not only, did you interrupt my song, but you fall into MY story, and try to hit on the guy we were hoping to give a break from Lego-mance for a change, AND you can't replace my Discman, AND it's your fault that my limited-edition, SIGNED silverchair's greatest hits volume one got completely ruined. I think I'll give you five seconds to run, before I break you in half and rip your perfectly annoying, PLASTIC face off!"
Mary-Sue, being so sure of her own talents, and that Legolas would protect her at any cost, did the stupidest thing possible. She stood where she was, and put her fists up, in what looked like an attempt at a defensive position.
"Come and get me.BITCH."
That was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
A war-cry pierced the air, and a blur of combat boots and brown hair flew at Mary-Sue. A good thing to say was that Alysha was a bit cranky. So less than thirty seconds later, Mary-Sue was flat on her back, bleeding from every hole of her body, shrieking for Legolas's help. But he was hiding behind the same pillar as Pippin, and wasn't game to come out.
Alysha hauled that life-sized Barbie-doll up over her shoulder and threw her across the floor. At this stage, Samantha jumped up from where she was standing, and did something she rarely did, she hit Mary-Sue.
Not hard, really, just a good right hook to the jaw, and a quick knee to the stomach.
"Stay out of our story," she snarled, glaring at the bleeding, awful writer as she slinked away. "Make sure all your other evil Mary-Sue friends stay away, or they'll have me to deal with, and I'm not the nicest person to deal with when I'm unhappy. Just ask Alysha."
"And she's got the demon-horse, so watch your back," added Alysha.
The Super Troopers sat down in their seats, and smiled. "So, where were we up to? Who's gonna take the Ring to Mordor?" Samantha resumed her meditation.
The Council returned to their seats, but not for long, as arguments broke out about the Ring's destruction.
"I will take it."
No one was listening to Frodo.
"I will take it!" Frodo repeated a little louder.
Still no-one heard him.
"SHUT UP!" Samantha's voice rang out above the others. They quieted right away, giving Frodo his opening.
"I said I'd take the Ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way."
Gandalf stepped up to the hobbit. "I will help you with this burden, so long as it is yours to bear."
Kneeling before Frodo, Aragorn said, "If in my life, or my death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword."
Legolas and Gimli piped up.
"And you have my bow!"
"And my axe."
Boromir stepped forward. "You carry the fate of us all little one," he said to Frodo. "If it is the will of the Council, the Gondor will see it done."
Sammi smiled and waved her arm and said to anyone listening, 'queue the hobbit."
Samwise popped out of the bushes behind the benches and ran to Frodo's side. "Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me."
"No, it's seems it's hardly possible to separate you, even when he's summoned to a secret council, and you are not."
"Queue the other hobbits."
"Hey!" Yelled Merry, "we're cumin' too!" He and Pippin ran from behind the pillars.
"Anyways, you people of intelligence for this sorta mission.quest.thing."
"Well, that rules you out Pip," Merry retorted.
"Nine companions, set out for Mordor. Very well, you shall be the Fellowship of the Ring." Elrond declared.
"Great," said Pippin.
At the same time, he and Alysha said "Where are we going?"
There was much chatter, and Elrond approached the Super Troopers. "I'll speak with you after the Council is adjourned."
***
That night, after dinner, Elrond summoned The Super Troopers to his common room. "I have spoken with Gandalf," he said gravely, "and there's nothing that we alone can do to get both of you home. Our power alone isn't enough to open the portal that your horse bought you through to arrive here."
Samantha cursed under her breath, wondering if there was any chance that Blackjack and she could have won the hunter jump-off had he not bought them here.
"There is a chance to get you back home, should the Lady Galadriel combine her powers with Gandalf's and my own. That amount of strength may be enough to open the dimension rip again."
"You mean the power of the Three Elven rings could send us home?" Alysha asked.
"Yes. Wait. How did you know about that?"
"Never mind, I have a vague idea about what going to happen for the rest of the Third Age, so it makes sense I know where all the Elven rings are." Alysha answered, hoping no-one thought her knowledge of the future was actually through a gift of fore-sight.
"So, where do we have to go?" Sammi asked.
"I'll have to send you with the Fellowship as far as Lorthlórien. There, you will have council with Galadriel, and we shall see what is to become of the pair of you," Elrond answered. "Get some rest, the Company will leave tomorrow, at sundown."
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Well, that was chappie three. Please read and review, flames are not nice, but CC is cool.
.:~*~:. Peace, out Nimloth & Andu?nië