One Tin Soldier
Chapter Five: Clouding
Disclaimer: I woke up one day and wasn't J.K. Rowling. I was sad, so I decided to write Fanfiction, and this is what you get!
Warning: I came up with my own version of Occlumency training, as I have no access to the fifth book at this moment, and really remember very little of the specifics. If anyone would like to give me the actual version I would be happy to oblige, but for now it really matters very little to the story. So don't get mad if I'm not faithful to Snapey-poo. Pleasant reading!!!
~~~~~
"We are going to start at the beginning"
Harry nodded at Lupin, and sat on the sun-warmed grass. He gazed quietly up at the sky smiling at Ron, who was whooping gloriously as he sped about on the Firebolt Harry had lent him through the days he would be trained in Occlumency. It was hard to understand, but something about the silence and stillness about the Burrow was far more welcoming to his learning than the dank shadows of the Potions room.
Sighing, he locked eyes once more with Lupin. Although Harry would have breathed the sweetness of the living things all day, the matter of his education was, for the first time in his life, his priority. He laughed quietly.
~If only Hermione could hear me now... she'd drop dead from shock...~
"Clear your mind of all thought, and seek out the light when you see it..."
Harry closed his eyes and breathed heavily the scent of the trees and brush. His mind cleared slowly, and he found himself focusing calmly on a small point of light at the corner of his vision. Just at the moment that he thought he had trapped the pinpoint, though, it slipped out of the corner of his sight, and Harry had to strive beyond the edges. His eyes rolled painfully, and his head started to hurt.
After close to an hour, Harry felt unbearably dizzy, and too many thoughts of frustration were bombarding him. He opened his eyes and glared stiffly at the ground. When he looked up, Lupin was laying on the ground, watching him with a blend of amusement and irritation. Moodey, on the other hand, had recently appeared, and seemed to be sputtering silently.
"You... Damned foolish boy, you don't have to find the bloody light with you eyes!!!"
Mrs. Weasley threw a piece of crocker-ware suddenly at his feet, and yelled out the window. "Mind your tongue, Alastor! There are children about, and I won't have them learn your foul manners!"
Moodey twitched.
"Really, Molly, the boy was trying to follow it with his bloody eye- BLAST! Molly, you'll do me damage!" Moodey looked ruffled, but there was a twinkle of amusement in his single eye.
"Yes, I will if you don't mind yourself!"
"But Molly-"
"I mean it, Alastor!"
"Rubbish, woman, we're training our champion here!"
"Champion nothing, he's still a boy and he will need his manners!"
"Molly..."
Mrs. Weasley gave him one last fiery look and stormed from the window. Harry gawked at her. It seemed impossible that she had just dressed down a world-famous Auror. Yet incomprehensibly, moments later, he heard her indomitable humming floating from the window. It was disrupted by a rather loud snort behind him. Turning, Harry stared at Lupin, who was sitting on the turf.
The usually pale and drawn man had a look of glee on his face that made him look years younger. Quite suddenly, everything seemed terribly funny and Harry began to laugh himself. It was odd, but once the pain of all that had occurred fell away, Remus Lupin looked so similar to his Godfather that Harry swore Sirius had returned. His laughter fell away and he sighed.
It wasn't the same, no, but he began to believe he had someone.
The same instinct Harry had felt days ago when he stared at Hermione curled in the chair kicked in suddenly. He withdrew, afraid of hurting someone else he loved, and the shield came up.
It was then that Harry noticed Moodey staring at him. He sighed, returning to the business at hand, though a small smile still played on Lupin's lips and he himself still felt a bit liberated.
"Sir?"
"Harry, what made you think you had to chase that light with your eyes, it really is rather daft of you. Havn't you ever thought of simply chasing it with your mind?"
Harry looked a little dumbstruck. "er... no...?"
"Well then, that is the problem. That worm, Snape, did all these ridiculous things, and even if they came near to success, of course you couldn't succeed, he never taught you to search your mind properly to begin with!"
Harry nodded, puzzled, "Meaning..."
"Well," Moodey rolled his eye, "If you were to protect Hogwarts, but you could only look at one side, through your eyes, say, would you succeed? What if the guards were removed against apperation?"
"Of course not, you'd have no idea what was going on behind you, and no way to tell if... someone was there..!" The pieces began to fall into place, and Harry's eyes lit up.
"So I see you do have a brain in you after all!"
Harry looked offended. "Well, I'd have no way to detect it, or to look around, so how do you propose to solve that?"
"By teaching you to use your mind as a defense, as a weapon. If you train yourself to become more sensitive to what is trying to come in, you can stop it before it gets there. Snape just taught you how to stop it, not how to feel it coming."
Harry nodded but stayed silent.
"You see, I am paranoid as some call me.." Moodey scoffed at this, "because preemption is a wonderful weapon, given the right training. I am a little less obsessive about it than the papers have made me out to be, mind you." He winked. "but I intend to teach you a delicate form of training, being able to sense who is invading your mind.
"That little light you saw, that Lupin told you to seek out and pin down, was the hole I pricked in your barriers. Now think of your mind as a sphere. Once I get in, it is almost impossible to get me out unless I choose to leave, due to pain I feel from what I learn or witness, i.e. a reflexive flight, or leaving after my business if done, that is, the murder Voldemort would like you to commit on any number of your friends."
Harry winced, but pressed on. "So you are saying I have to stop you... er.. Voldemort, before you get in?"
"It is really the only way to stop his intrusion successfully."
"Well then, teach me how to track the light."
"Alright, think of it as if you are in a dream, is if you are chasing the light not through your vision, but you can move your body about and follow it with your 'eyes' as needed." Moodey looked expectantly at him, hoping he understood.
"Alright, I think I understand what you mean."
Moodey sighed, relaxing. "Just promise me you aren't going to try to move your body here, alright?"
Harry grinned at him, shaking his head. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
~~~~~
Harry searched for the light the fifth time that night. It was close to six-thirty, two weeks after he began his Occlumency. He was more than just a little frustrated, and more than just a little exhausted. He had had success in small measure, but the most frustrating thing, he found, was that he had had no time to seek out Hermione, who was becoming increasingly reclusive.
After a trip to Diagon Alley four days ago, Harry had seen her with a rather absurd pile of books covered by an oddly colored cloak and with a number of other strangely shaped packages poking out of her arms. He was worried, to say the least, but the only person she would let into her room upstairs was Lupin, and whenever Harry asked, he only shook his head.
"Harry, she will speak to you when she feels up to it, but it is not my place to tell you anything."
Harry hated these words, though he had heard them many times. He tried so hard to focus, but his worries continued to file into his head. Wordlessly, he pushed them from his mind, and sought out the hole. He was annoyed, terribly, that Moodey was still trying, since only a few minuets ago the Auror had told him to meditate while he went down for some tea before dinner.
Moodey never ceased to amaze Harry. He would surprise him with intrusions incessantly. The most embarrassing these 'training experiences' had ever become was one night around one in the morning when the old man had caught Harry in the bathroom. He hadn't spoken to Moodey for a full day, and once the twins had caught wind of it, they began work on 'lolling leaker's', a lemon-flavored candy that made the victim spit yellow urine-smelling liquid. Needless to say, Harry was still having trouble when they went to him for more 'inspiration'.
Still, it was irritating that Moodey was intruding on Harry a half-hour before dinner. He focused irritably on the little light, and felt himself grinning in a self-satisfied way when he pinned the point down and closed in to 'squash the little bugger'. The few times he had succeeded, he had felt a sort of tickling joy which put a grin on both his and Moodey's face the rest of the night, much to the curiosity of the rest of the family.
He was closing in to flatten his instructor when a quiet echo filled his mind.
~/If he loses his means to cross the defenses, then he cannot survive, cannot kill./~
It felt like someone had poured cold water down his back. He hurriedly extinguished the light with the terrified tenacity Ron would sometimes squash a spider. Taking one last look around, Harry opened his eyes and jumped to his feet, noticing he was covered in sweat.
Harry leapt to his feet, ran downstairs, and burst into the room as the rest of the family was settling down to dinner, Hermione at the base of the stairs as if she were going up to fetch him. He ran past her and loomed over Moodey, shaking himself. The Auror stared up at him raptly, sensing at once something was awry.
"WHAT THE DEVIL WERE YOU PLAYING AT?"
The rest of the family stared at him. Mr. Weasley dropped his fork loudly on his plate.
"What are you talking about, Harry?"
"What the devil do you mean, you know, the Occlumency, your latest 'training session', what you just said five minuets ago!" Harry panted.
Moodey stood suddenly, eyes riveted on him. "What did I say, Harry?" His tone had become icy.
"You know damn well what you said!" Harry was shaking so badly that the fist at his side accidentally knocked a plate from the table, shattering it.
Mrs. Weasley, looked at him, concern and fear written on her face.
"'If he loses his means to cross the defenses, then he cannot survive, cannot kill.'. Blast it, Moodey, you said it yourself, you scared the hell out of me..."
Mrs. Weasley stood slowly, reaching for him.
Moodey froze the room as he spoke.
"I didn't say it, Harry. I wasn't there, I was having tea with Charlie and Bill." His eyes projected the rest.
Harry suddenly looked physically ill, losing all of his color in moments. Molly touched his arm gently.
"It's okay, Harry, we're here for you... It'll be alright.. Just--"
Harry shook her hand off of him violently, and suddenly burst out, angrier than ever.
"Dammit, I am alone! I've been alone forever, I'll be alone forever, and I don't want any of your crap saying that you'll make sure I'm not!"
It seemed as though nothing could break the silence that followed this. All of the children and adults at the table stared transfixed at Harry, barely able to process what he had said.
The sound of skin against skin broke the breathless shock with violent tenacity.
"Harry James Potter, you are the most insufferably arrogant boy I have ever known!"
Harry stared ahead, his hand coming slowly to his cheek as the front door slammed shut.
~~~~~
Chapter Five: Clouding
Disclaimer: I woke up one day and wasn't J.K. Rowling. I was sad, so I decided to write Fanfiction, and this is what you get!
Warning: I came up with my own version of Occlumency training, as I have no access to the fifth book at this moment, and really remember very little of the specifics. If anyone would like to give me the actual version I would be happy to oblige, but for now it really matters very little to the story. So don't get mad if I'm not faithful to Snapey-poo. Pleasant reading!!!
~~~~~
"We are going to start at the beginning"
Harry nodded at Lupin, and sat on the sun-warmed grass. He gazed quietly up at the sky smiling at Ron, who was whooping gloriously as he sped about on the Firebolt Harry had lent him through the days he would be trained in Occlumency. It was hard to understand, but something about the silence and stillness about the Burrow was far more welcoming to his learning than the dank shadows of the Potions room.
Sighing, he locked eyes once more with Lupin. Although Harry would have breathed the sweetness of the living things all day, the matter of his education was, for the first time in his life, his priority. He laughed quietly.
~If only Hermione could hear me now... she'd drop dead from shock...~
"Clear your mind of all thought, and seek out the light when you see it..."
Harry closed his eyes and breathed heavily the scent of the trees and brush. His mind cleared slowly, and he found himself focusing calmly on a small point of light at the corner of his vision. Just at the moment that he thought he had trapped the pinpoint, though, it slipped out of the corner of his sight, and Harry had to strive beyond the edges. His eyes rolled painfully, and his head started to hurt.
After close to an hour, Harry felt unbearably dizzy, and too many thoughts of frustration were bombarding him. He opened his eyes and glared stiffly at the ground. When he looked up, Lupin was laying on the ground, watching him with a blend of amusement and irritation. Moodey, on the other hand, had recently appeared, and seemed to be sputtering silently.
"You... Damned foolish boy, you don't have to find the bloody light with you eyes!!!"
Mrs. Weasley threw a piece of crocker-ware suddenly at his feet, and yelled out the window. "Mind your tongue, Alastor! There are children about, and I won't have them learn your foul manners!"
Moodey twitched.
"Really, Molly, the boy was trying to follow it with his bloody eye- BLAST! Molly, you'll do me damage!" Moodey looked ruffled, but there was a twinkle of amusement in his single eye.
"Yes, I will if you don't mind yourself!"
"But Molly-"
"I mean it, Alastor!"
"Rubbish, woman, we're training our champion here!"
"Champion nothing, he's still a boy and he will need his manners!"
"Molly..."
Mrs. Weasley gave him one last fiery look and stormed from the window. Harry gawked at her. It seemed impossible that she had just dressed down a world-famous Auror. Yet incomprehensibly, moments later, he heard her indomitable humming floating from the window. It was disrupted by a rather loud snort behind him. Turning, Harry stared at Lupin, who was sitting on the turf.
The usually pale and drawn man had a look of glee on his face that made him look years younger. Quite suddenly, everything seemed terribly funny and Harry began to laugh himself. It was odd, but once the pain of all that had occurred fell away, Remus Lupin looked so similar to his Godfather that Harry swore Sirius had returned. His laughter fell away and he sighed.
It wasn't the same, no, but he began to believe he had someone.
The same instinct Harry had felt days ago when he stared at Hermione curled in the chair kicked in suddenly. He withdrew, afraid of hurting someone else he loved, and the shield came up.
It was then that Harry noticed Moodey staring at him. He sighed, returning to the business at hand, though a small smile still played on Lupin's lips and he himself still felt a bit liberated.
"Sir?"
"Harry, what made you think you had to chase that light with your eyes, it really is rather daft of you. Havn't you ever thought of simply chasing it with your mind?"
Harry looked a little dumbstruck. "er... no...?"
"Well then, that is the problem. That worm, Snape, did all these ridiculous things, and even if they came near to success, of course you couldn't succeed, he never taught you to search your mind properly to begin with!"
Harry nodded, puzzled, "Meaning..."
"Well," Moodey rolled his eye, "If you were to protect Hogwarts, but you could only look at one side, through your eyes, say, would you succeed? What if the guards were removed against apperation?"
"Of course not, you'd have no idea what was going on behind you, and no way to tell if... someone was there..!" The pieces began to fall into place, and Harry's eyes lit up.
"So I see you do have a brain in you after all!"
Harry looked offended. "Well, I'd have no way to detect it, or to look around, so how do you propose to solve that?"
"By teaching you to use your mind as a defense, as a weapon. If you train yourself to become more sensitive to what is trying to come in, you can stop it before it gets there. Snape just taught you how to stop it, not how to feel it coming."
Harry nodded but stayed silent.
"You see, I am paranoid as some call me.." Moodey scoffed at this, "because preemption is a wonderful weapon, given the right training. I am a little less obsessive about it than the papers have made me out to be, mind you." He winked. "but I intend to teach you a delicate form of training, being able to sense who is invading your mind.
"That little light you saw, that Lupin told you to seek out and pin down, was the hole I pricked in your barriers. Now think of your mind as a sphere. Once I get in, it is almost impossible to get me out unless I choose to leave, due to pain I feel from what I learn or witness, i.e. a reflexive flight, or leaving after my business if done, that is, the murder Voldemort would like you to commit on any number of your friends."
Harry winced, but pressed on. "So you are saying I have to stop you... er.. Voldemort, before you get in?"
"It is really the only way to stop his intrusion successfully."
"Well then, teach me how to track the light."
"Alright, think of it as if you are in a dream, is if you are chasing the light not through your vision, but you can move your body about and follow it with your 'eyes' as needed." Moodey looked expectantly at him, hoping he understood.
"Alright, I think I understand what you mean."
Moodey sighed, relaxing. "Just promise me you aren't going to try to move your body here, alright?"
Harry grinned at him, shaking his head. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
~~~~~
Harry searched for the light the fifth time that night. It was close to six-thirty, two weeks after he began his Occlumency. He was more than just a little frustrated, and more than just a little exhausted. He had had success in small measure, but the most frustrating thing, he found, was that he had had no time to seek out Hermione, who was becoming increasingly reclusive.
After a trip to Diagon Alley four days ago, Harry had seen her with a rather absurd pile of books covered by an oddly colored cloak and with a number of other strangely shaped packages poking out of her arms. He was worried, to say the least, but the only person she would let into her room upstairs was Lupin, and whenever Harry asked, he only shook his head.
"Harry, she will speak to you when she feels up to it, but it is not my place to tell you anything."
Harry hated these words, though he had heard them many times. He tried so hard to focus, but his worries continued to file into his head. Wordlessly, he pushed them from his mind, and sought out the hole. He was annoyed, terribly, that Moodey was still trying, since only a few minuets ago the Auror had told him to meditate while he went down for some tea before dinner.
Moodey never ceased to amaze Harry. He would surprise him with intrusions incessantly. The most embarrassing these 'training experiences' had ever become was one night around one in the morning when the old man had caught Harry in the bathroom. He hadn't spoken to Moodey for a full day, and once the twins had caught wind of it, they began work on 'lolling leaker's', a lemon-flavored candy that made the victim spit yellow urine-smelling liquid. Needless to say, Harry was still having trouble when they went to him for more 'inspiration'.
Still, it was irritating that Moodey was intruding on Harry a half-hour before dinner. He focused irritably on the little light, and felt himself grinning in a self-satisfied way when he pinned the point down and closed in to 'squash the little bugger'. The few times he had succeeded, he had felt a sort of tickling joy which put a grin on both his and Moodey's face the rest of the night, much to the curiosity of the rest of the family.
He was closing in to flatten his instructor when a quiet echo filled his mind.
~/If he loses his means to cross the defenses, then he cannot survive, cannot kill./~
It felt like someone had poured cold water down his back. He hurriedly extinguished the light with the terrified tenacity Ron would sometimes squash a spider. Taking one last look around, Harry opened his eyes and jumped to his feet, noticing he was covered in sweat.
Harry leapt to his feet, ran downstairs, and burst into the room as the rest of the family was settling down to dinner, Hermione at the base of the stairs as if she were going up to fetch him. He ran past her and loomed over Moodey, shaking himself. The Auror stared up at him raptly, sensing at once something was awry.
"WHAT THE DEVIL WERE YOU PLAYING AT?"
The rest of the family stared at him. Mr. Weasley dropped his fork loudly on his plate.
"What are you talking about, Harry?"
"What the devil do you mean, you know, the Occlumency, your latest 'training session', what you just said five minuets ago!" Harry panted.
Moodey stood suddenly, eyes riveted on him. "What did I say, Harry?" His tone had become icy.
"You know damn well what you said!" Harry was shaking so badly that the fist at his side accidentally knocked a plate from the table, shattering it.
Mrs. Weasley, looked at him, concern and fear written on her face.
"'If he loses his means to cross the defenses, then he cannot survive, cannot kill.'. Blast it, Moodey, you said it yourself, you scared the hell out of me..."
Mrs. Weasley stood slowly, reaching for him.
Moodey froze the room as he spoke.
"I didn't say it, Harry. I wasn't there, I was having tea with Charlie and Bill." His eyes projected the rest.
Harry suddenly looked physically ill, losing all of his color in moments. Molly touched his arm gently.
"It's okay, Harry, we're here for you... It'll be alright.. Just--"
Harry shook her hand off of him violently, and suddenly burst out, angrier than ever.
"Dammit, I am alone! I've been alone forever, I'll be alone forever, and I don't want any of your crap saying that you'll make sure I'm not!"
It seemed as though nothing could break the silence that followed this. All of the children and adults at the table stared transfixed at Harry, barely able to process what he had said.
The sound of skin against skin broke the breathless shock with violent tenacity.
"Harry James Potter, you are the most insufferably arrogant boy I have ever known!"
Harry stared ahead, his hand coming slowly to his cheek as the front door slammed shut.
~~~~~