Disclaimer: This story was written for enjoyment only. I do not own any of Tolkien's characters.



Author's Note: A big thank you once again to all my readers and reviewers! It makes me happy to know that you have remained with my story! :) As with previous chapters single quotation marks designate a character's thoughts, whereas double quotation marks note their dialogue. I hope you enjoy this next chapter! :)



Relesen Chapter 19





// Tears streamed down the Silvan elf's face as he turned to meet with Elrond's countenance once more. "You don't understand, Lord Elrond." Legolas began tremulously "It is not my trust in Estel that wavers, but the trust I place in myself."//



Elrond's earlier anger was immediately deflated by Legolas' emotional statement, and he stared back wordlessly at the weeping elf, who had turned away from him once more in an effort to regain some composure. The immortal archer's fluid body seemed overshadowed with fatigue, his proud head now bowed in defeat and the elf lord could remain silent no longer.



"Legolas, Elladan has informed me of what happened out in the woodland. You cannot hold yourself culpable for what transpired between Estel and yourself. A being, whether Elf or Human, does not hold total rein over what is to happen to them. Your goal was to protect Estel. From Elladan's account, you held no inclination that he was still capable of doing the same for himself. You could not have known that he would rise up into the oncoming path of your . . . "



"NO! NO!" The Silvan elf shouted, drawing forth his hands to cover the sides of his golden head in an attempt to silence the effect of the elf lord's words and the accompanying memory they served to bring about.



Elrond was not to be dissuaded and he vigorously continued. "It was an accident, Legolas! No one's fault! You are not to blame! No one is! You must realize this!"



Finding his vain attempt useless at blocking the surrounding sound from himself, Legolas shook his head in despair, as his hands relinquished their bid to quiet and instead allowed themselves to be plowed roughly through the adjacent fall of golden hair. Weariness marked the Silvan elf's features as his mind went over all that Elrond had just communicated. 'Elbereth! It had never been his intention to hurt his best friend. He knew that! He accepted that! He had gone over these same thoughts again and again in his mind until such a mantra had become all but rote to him, but the fact still remained that he had hurt him. Aragorn had almost died as a result of his actions and his mind could not let go of this. Regret ate at his soul especially when he allowed his mind's eye to return to that final moment . . . the moment when his arrow struck his friend . . . the moment when Estel's head jerked upward . . . his dazed eyes seeking the arrow's source . . . the brief flash of recognition that dawned upon his astonished features until his body's overwhelming distress reached out to rob him of his remaining cognizance and he fell. 'No!' Legolas' mind screamed out even now as it had done upon the field that day, while he watched his friend fall. "No . . . " he bit out softly now again as Elrond looked on.



"Legolas?" Elrond spoke out anxiously, while his hands reached forward to steady and comfort the shaken elf. For after his entreaty, the elf lord watched the play of emotions that crossed the fair-haired elf's features as tortured memories sought to return to him. Legolas did not shirk away from Elrond's hold, but still he remained aloof from the support it meant to relay. "Legolas, please!" the Eldar pleaded. "You must find the means to get past this! You cannot allow it to consume you so! I trust Estel will bear no ill will toward you when the facts are made known to him. You must stop beating yourself up over this! For doing so will bear no adjustment to the outcome of what has come to pass! Hurting yourself . . . "



"Hurting myself?" Legolas suddenly cut in.



Elrond hesitated briefly as his eyes studied the bewilderment, which now joined the other emotions that so clearly marked the face of the younger elf before him "The other night upon the terrace when Elladan found you up upon the parapet, he said it looked as if you were ready to . . . "



Once again the Silvan elf could not hold back. "Jump? Elladan thought that? ...." Legolas shuddered, and he could go on no further.





'It was true that he loved Aragorn. He would do anything within his power to protect his friend, even if it should bring about his own demise, but to take his own life? That was ridiculous!' the elf's mind argued as these thoughts prevailed, and a grimness overtook the fair elf's features.'



'But were such sentiments so far from the truth?' Legolas suddenly conceded. 'Surely he never meant to end his life the other night upon the terrace. It had never been his intent to jump. He had merely slipped due to the betraying weakness of his body.'



'But in all honesty, these questioning doubts that Elrond's words now dredged forth seem to delve straight toward the source of what had come to haunt him since the very moment his arrow struck his friend down and throughout their long journey homeward as he had struggled through the wilderness, while Aragorn languished before him, but most expressly when his worst fear had almost become realized not once, but twice! This was what he could not live with! This was what he feared he would not have the strength to endure! If Aragorn should have died? But it was not the 'ifs' he had come to so desperately realize in the days following their tragic account. He had fooled himself into believing in these 'ifs' . . . If he could just get Aragorn to Rivendell . . . if he could just get his friend to the practiced healing hands of his father . . . but no! No!'



'He had come to realize his mistake during those moments upon the terrace though his muddled brain refused take hold of its importance until he had awoken the following morn. Perhaps that was why he ended up upon the terrace? The location had marked a beginning for himself and Aragorn, though the seeds of their friendship had been planted long before that pivotal moment. Perhaps he had unconsciously sought out the comfort of what marked their beginning when the threat of an ending loomed so suddenly before him? For in those moments earlier, as he watched Aragorn's body seize upon the cot, he had finally come to realize what he had been denying all along. He had gotten Aragorn back to Rivendell. He had gotten his friend into the trusted hands of Lord Elrond, but still that had not been enough to save his friend. He had believed his death imminent at that moment when he had fled from his friend's chamber unable to endure the inevitable, unable to remain and bear final witness to what seemed to be approaching, and unable to offer any final comfort as death sought its claim upon Aragorn. He had realized in those closing moments that it had never been about 'ifs 'but all about 'when'. For one day death would ultimately come to the Human, and he could do nothing to prevent this inescapable truth from occurring. This is what he feared most! No matter by what means, his friend would one day be lost to him. The accident and the ordeal that had followed had only served to thrust this wretched knowledge to the forefront of his mind. Enduring through the possibility of this agony already not once, but twice, he was unsure if his heart would be capable of withstanding it when the inevitable eventually triumphed.'



"I cannot bear to lose him . . . " His voice echoed wistfully throughout the chamber surrounding them.



"You will not lose him, Legolas!" Elrond assured forthrightly, though somewhat puzzled by the words the Silvan elf chose to voice after breaking his prolonged silence. "Have you not heard my earlier words? Estel recovers. He grows stronger with each passing minute. Or do you fear that he will refuse to acquit you of what transpired? Surely, you must have faith in his benevolent nature, Legolas?"



"No! I cannot bear to lose him!" Legolas repeated again this time with more conviction.



Elrond halted his attempt to provide answer, for he was unsure where the Silvan elf's thoughts now traveled and his eyes beckoned to Legolas to continue on.



"I cannot bear to lose Estel! Not once, but twice I've had to endure the fear and grief of believing him lost to me. As I stopped to offer him comfort in the wild, I was sure his spirit had fled some time during our passage. His body seemed lifeless . . . absent of breath . . . and then again in his room the other night, as his body convulsed. I could do nothing. It was as if my feet had taken root, while my heart was being ripped from my chest."



"I cannot explain what happened in the woodland, . . . " Elrond began speculatively. "but what you experienced the other night was Estel's emergence from the effects of his deep slumber. With his return to consciousness, his body had begun to react once more to the wounds he had sustained. Indeed it must have been frightening to witness especially when one does not understand its cause."



"So your words tell me now, but at that moment I believed Estel was dying! I had rationalized to myself throughout our long journey back to Rivendell that if I could just keep him alive that you would save his life and he would not die! It's what kept me going, even when my own body screamed out for comfort, but that night as I stood frozen with fear, I knew there was nothing I could do that would prevent him from dying."



"But he was not dying, Legolas."



"Aye." The Silvan elf acknowledged grimly. "But he shall one day as all Men do . . . "



The emergence of understanding dawned within the elf lord. Not only did Legolas feel the guilt of his actions, but he was also tormented by the knowledge of Aragorn's mortality. "But that will be a long day in coming, Legolas. The blood of the Numenoreans flows within his veins and their life span is well beyond that of other Men." Elrond tried to reason, even as his own mind reluctantly admitted that he had no way of predicting with any accuracy when the Gift of Men would come to his foster son.



"But it will come to him and perhaps sooner than we care to admit." Legolas retorted bitterly. "Illness . . . battle"



"True." Elrond answered. "But even our own brethren, Legolas, are susceptible to fatal wounds from combat."





"Yes, and their spirits depart to the Halls of Mandos with honor. All elves are aware of such a possible conclusion, but the souls of Humans depart in time no matter what the circumstances. This awareness was brought home to me as I watched Aragorn's suffering. " Legolas faltered for a moment as if to catch his breath, drawing one hand toward his breast as he continued emotionally. "To know that no matter what mine or your actions might be that he will one day succumb is too much for me to bear! His spirit will not dwell in the Halls of Mandos, and thus he will be lost to me irrecoverably! Do you not understand this or has such apprehension yet to come to you? I have experienced such grief twice within the last few days. Such coldness permeated my heart and soul at the thought of it. It was as if I did not want to go on. I cannot live this way!"



"The separation of death is no stranger to me, Legolas." Elrond admitted soberly. "And yes, I have experienced what you have called this coldness or what I would more accurately term a numbness more so than I care to admit, but the spirit within us is resilient and holds remarkable recuperative powers of which you have yet to experience."



"Experience?" Legolas scoffed. "How can one experience what you claim when one's grief is so overwhelming?"



"By the love that lives on." Elrond stated. The power of love can be felt beyond the grave, beyond time. Its strength is ennobling. For love is stronger than death and with time it enables us to carry on. We will never forget those, who have departed from us. They are not truly lost to us, Legolas, for they remain here . . . " The elf lord paused to place his hand upon his heart. "and with us in the comfort of our memories of them."



Legolas stared back as if unconvinced before answering. "I never thought loving could ever be so hurtful."



Elrond's eyes narrowed as he paused to think over Legolas' words. "Unrequited love, perhaps, but the love you speak of is not of that kind. It has been freely given. It knows no boundaries. It is not the loving that is painful to us, Legolas, but the loss we might bear."



Legolas grew silent once more as his mind mulled over Elrond's words.' His friendship with Aragorn was unlike any other he had ever experienced. He had been reluctant to allow such a bond to grow between them never having felt regard toward any other member of the race of Men. Slowly his love for the Human had taken root. Perhaps it had been easier for Aragorn to feel such emotion, for he had felt affection toward Elves before. His friend had almost from his very beginnings resided within their company, but to himself such a complex relationship had been foreign. He had tried to resist it, only to find himself hopelessly drawn toward it through circumstance.' And he spoke out.



"It was never my intention to feel so strongly."



A troubled smile took hold of Elrond's features at Legolas' last words as he acknowledged his own role in actualizing what the Silvan elf now seemed to lament. Many years ago he had chosen to send the two out together on a scouting mission in the foothills surrounding Hithaeglir. It had never been his intent in doing so to strengthen any ties he judged between them. No, his design had been for another purpose entirely. He sought by pairing the two together to allow Estel the opportunity to obtain a prowess that by being constantly teamed with his two overprotective, but well meaning brothers might have chanced to elude him. Elrond had faith that by being aligned with Legolas that Estel would not be overshadowed by good intentions, but he'd also have the reassurance that if his son suddenly found himself in over his head that the archer would be there to back him up. Never had he dared to imagine the obstacles they would be forced to overcome and in the process of doing so how their lives would be forever linked. Upon their return from their excursion, the bond between the two only grew stronger, and what had started out as his attempt to endow his son had resulted in a binding friendship, one that seemed unbending up until now. 'Surely Legolas did not mean to . . . ' Elrond's thoughts hastily returned to present with a start as his eyes warily attempted to ascertain Legolas' intent before he spoke out. "But you do hold such strength of emotion toward him, Legolas. Nothing will change that! Neither for him nor for yourself!"



Aqueous blue eyes met with troubled gray ones before the Silvan elf stated regrettably. "The bond you speak of will always exist at least for me . Of this I am certain! What troubles me . . . " Legolas now faltered as the emotion he been trying so desperately to keep at bay cut into his voice. "What troubles me are my doubts toward my own capabilities. I know now that the power to truly protect him is out of my reach, and I am unsure if my heart can survive this knowledge. I fooled myself before by not allowing my mind to dwell upon this irrecoverable truth, but after what has happened, I can no longer do so! My heart will not bear such knowledge! I cannot continue on as I've done before!"



"And so you plan to leave?" Elrond responded despondently, but the elf lord would not allow himself to be mired down in the woe now surrounding him and hastily he challenged. "Do you not intend to speak with him first, Legolas? Does he not deserve at least that one final consideration?"



Haunted azure eyes returned the elf lord's fixed stare, but the younger elf did not reply.



"So it is distance that you seek then?" Elrond retorted unable to hold back upon his mounting frustration.



"For a time at least . . . " Legolas finally conceded. "...if you choose not to detain me. I do not seek to harm myself as you mentioned earlier, my lord. I just need time away to think. I cannot do so here. There are too many memories at work against me to allow my mind the peace it requires."



"Go then come morning, Legolas . . . " Elrond returned resignedly. "...but know this!" The elf lord finished more resolutely. "That what you intend to do will only accomplish sooner what your heart so thoroughly struggles to deny! For you propose to enforce an unnecessary separation from him, one I am sure you will come to regret! But go, Legolas! Go if you must, but make no mistake! Your actions will have no bearing toward halting what indeed will eventually come to pass whether you are with him or not!" With this said, the elf lord turned and left the room leaving Legolas to only his thoughts.



The elf remained fixed for many minutes upon the spot where Elrond had left him as his mind digested the Eldar's parting words before he turned and advanced toward his traveling pack, which lay upon the lower cupboard. Mechanically he resumed his efforts at packing as his eyes moved pensively about the room around him in search of anything that he might have left behind. His eyes hesitantly strayed to one far corner as his gaze settled upon one such object, but he made no move toward it in an attempt to reclaim it.



Traveling through the corridors of his realm, Elrond began to berate himself for allowing his emotions to take precedence over discretion in his parting words to Legolas. It was not his initial intent to rebuke the Silvan elf toward what he felt necessary, but unwarily he allowed his heart to rule the moment. For by carrying out such plans, Legolas would undoubtedly cause further pain to Aragorn, though the elf lord never believed this to be Silvan elf's intent. Still Legolas' actions would prove thus so, and Elrond felt compelled to draw near to his son once more in an effort to protect him from what was to come. He conceded that such thoughts were irrational, for he could not keep custody of this knowledge from the Man forever, nor protect him from its ramifications. The truth must be made known to Aragorn even if the burden should fall upon himself to do so.



Approaching the chamber that held his son, Elrond hesitantly crossed over its threshold. As his eyes searched the darkened room, he was astonished to find the effects of the elixir he had provided his son with prior to leaving him had already begun to wear off as Aragorn lay waking propped up against a mound of pillows to help support his ailing body. The elf lord proceeded to become even more unsettled, however, when he was suddenly apprized to the fact that the knowledge that had been entrusted to him to impart was no longer necessary as Aragorn's hollow voice called out. " Why? Why has he not come, Father? Surely he must realize that I would never censure him for his actions? ..."



Drawing closer toward the cot, the heavy-hearted elf allowed himself to sink down upon its comfort as his hand drew forth to seek out his son's pale face. Allowing its warmth to linger upon his cheek, he could not dismiss the sadness that lay claim to his gray eyes. A similar despondency greeted his own as he acknowledged his son words. "A restlessness deeply plagues him, my son, one that he has yet been able to come to terms with."





Author's Note: I think *hope, pray* that there will be just one more chapter to go, but it will be a long one, and I might find it necessary to break it into two parts if it becomes too overwhelming to write. I find it much easier to edit the shorter chapters. The mind is not so weary by the end of them. It definitely takes two to three times longer for me edit than write one.



White Wolf: Your review for chapter 18 gave me a chuckle. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but I was happy for the laugh! :) Yes, poor Elrond does seem to be doing a lot of traveling back and forth between Aragorn and Legolas almost as much as Aragorn has spent sleeping or unconscious in this story. There has not been a lot of action otherwise except for the first few chapters, though perhaps I can remedy that and inflict the poor elf lord with a severe case of shin splints before it is all done! :)



Thank you all once again for your kind and continued support! It means a lot to me just to know that you are reading my efforts. Until next time! Sue aka Quickbeam (1 now!) Lol! Us poor Ents- Is not enough that we have to suffer through Saruman's repeated raping and pillaging of our forests, but now they make us take numbers too? Geez! :)