AN: Nearly finished the Fellowship of the Ring part of our story. We were
thinking of continuing into the Two Towers, and on again into the Return of
the King. Do y'all think we should? Well, one way or another, here's the
next chapter..
The Super Troopers take Middle-Earth Chapter 6
***
No one was really sure of just how long they remained in Lórien, but it was a long time. The Fellowship seemed to be handling the 'loss' of Gandalf rather well, and got over it in time, whereas the Super Troopers, were more worried about getting home.
During their council with Galadriel, besides learning that she used 'Elven Essences' shampoo, they were told that neither Galadriel, nor Elrond could risk exposing their rings, while Sauron was still a threat. They would have to continue with the Fellowship, to ensure the One Ring was destroyed, and Samantha was NOT happy about that.
"I've totally missed my jumping competition, and I'm so not pleased about another few weeks with those smelly.. unhygienic..MEN!"
"Sammi, they aren't all men, in case you haven't noticed. Males, yes, but there are technically only two men in the Fellowship. The rest are hobbits, or whatnot."
"Strike seven-hundred and thirty-five, Alysha."
"You still keep count?"
Samantha just nodded.
***
In a fit of total boredom, the Super Troopers, in their usual insanity, seemed to think it was a good idea to give the rest of the Fellowship a make-over each.
They introduced Boromir to razors, and taught him how to shave properly. They re-did all of Gimli's beard braids, and taught him how to accessorise different hair scrunchies with different outfits. Feeling confident, they straightened a few of the hobbit's heads of hair, and gave them trims to rid them of the split ends, and showed Frodo which eyeliner brought out his eyes the best.
On a rather insane trip, Alysha even braved washing Aragorn's hair. After three washes with heavy-duty oil control shampoo, Sammi came in with the Elven Essences. After a few hours work, they had the Ranger's hair slick and shiny and braided back into a French Bun. The Super Troopers spent a good half hour admiring ther handiwork.
"Bravo, Samantha."
"Good job, Alysha."
"Fine work, indeed, wouldn't you say?"
"Absolutely. Brilliant work."
"Super."
"Stupendous."
"Marvellous."
"Absolutely smashing, won't you say?"
"Indeed, good man. Bloody bril."
"Completely per-"
"Is this going to go on much longer?" Legolas interrupted. The Super Troopers scowled at him, before they shook their heads in defeat. Legolas sighed, and just began enjoying the silence again, when Alysha's face clouded over, with a look of pure mischief and plotting. At this, the Elf began to panic. "What?"
Alysha stalked towards him, grinning even wider as he backed away. "Samantha, dear. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Indeed, Alysha. Shall we?"
"Go get the stuff. I'll restrain him."
Legolas panicked more.
"What are you going to do to me?" He asked, backing up into the trunk of a tree. Alysha's face stretched into a smirk.
"My dear, Legolas. We're going to give you a make over. And not just any make over. We're giving you a PUNK-over." At Legolas' horrified look, she smiled more. "Trust me."
Famous last words..
A good hour and a bit later, the Super Troopers had transformed the blonde Elf into the very essence of punk. And surprisingly, he kind of liked it, though he'd noted it would only be a 'special occasions' thing because the look was too hard to maintain while on the road with the Fellowship.
The girls had put bright blue hair fudge through the tips of Legolas' blonde hair, and put it into cornrows, given him a spiked choker and matching cuff, along with a collector's edition 'One Ring' that Sammi had found in the magical bottomless backpack. Frodo seemed to find this undyingly amusing, and Boromir asked if he could have it. When Legolas agreed, it seemed that his wanting for the actual Ring was eased..for now.
***
Later in their stay, Haldir came to the Fellowship and the Super Troopers and told them it was time to meet with Galadriel and Celeborn for the last time before they left. Now was when Galadriel gave them her gifts.
Frodo, of course, got the Light of Eärendil, in a little glass phial, Samwise was given a box of 'blessed' dirt, and the seed of a mallorn tree. To Pippin, Boromir and Merry, she gave high quality belts, with fancy buckles, and she gave to Aragorn a brooch with a pretty stone in it. Legolas was given a quiver of arrows to go with the fancy bow he'd received, and Gimli was given tiny braid out of Galadriel's hair.
"Aww, how sweet!"
We all know Samantha's a closet romantic, and a piece of hair was just the sort of thing that'd appeal to her. Then Galadriel came to The Super Troopers.
"Dude, why are we getting stuff too? We aren't even supposed to be here!"
"Because, Alysha, you pair are also part of the Fellowship, in an unofficial sort of way. And you have been guests here in Lórien, and all the other guests received gifts. It would be improper to forget about you and your part in the Quest."
"Uh.. cool?"
Galadriel gave to Samantha a pendant made from mithril with a little red stone set into it, in the shape of an Elvish knot. (Think like a Celtic knot) while Alysha was given a dagger with Elvish writing in the hilt.
"What's that say?"
"It says Aralalaith, for that is the Elvish translation of your name. Aralalaith means 'noble and laughter' and Alysha means 'noble and of good cheer.'"
"Cool?"
"Righto, to the boats!"
Haldir met the Fellowship at the river, with three boats.
"Good luck, everyone," he said. Alysha and Samantha glanced at each other, knowing the Fellowship would need all the luck they could get, especially with them tagging along.
"Hey, Sammi," Alysha said as they climbed down the bank towards the boats, "What are we going to do about Boromir? Think we should stop him from dying?"
"Wouldn't that ruin the story?"
Alysha shrugged. "We could convince him to stay away from everything till the end of the War." Samantha just grunted in agreement, and Alysha got an idea..
***
Aragorn, Samwise, and Frodo took the first boat, followed by Merry, Pippin, Sammi and Boromir in the second, and Legolas, Gimli and Alysha brought up the rear. It didn't take long for Alysha to begin to complain. She hated to sit still for very long, and four days in a boat with in irritated Dwarf and a completely jumpable Elf wasn't doing anyone any good.
Samantha found a way to help her best friend channel her energy, but pulling out Jet Ski's from the magical bottomless backpack, and they pair went roaring around on the River. Both Super Troopers found it undyingly amusing when Gimli tried to ride Alysha's Jet Ski, and nearly crashed it headlong into the foot of the Argonath. (Those really big statues for those who didn't know) Poor Dwarf's ego was bruised for the hours of Legolas' teasing.
Eventually came the day when the Uruk-Hai were heard running along the river near them. Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir were getting all jittery, sensing them coming closer, but the hobbits, and Gimli didn't notice, and The Super Troopers didn't care.
The Fellowship plus the Super Troopers pulled over of the side of the river, and began to set up camp. Aragorn began to describe the rest of their journey, through the Dead Marshes into Mordor, which seemed to irritate Gimli, complaining that the marshlands would be virtually impossible to cross.
"Hey, Merry, Frodo's not here," Sammi whispered to the hobbit. He frowned, and asked the group if they'd seen him.
"Boromir's gone too."
Aragorn began to worry. He sent the whole Fellowship out looking for the Ringbearer and the Gondor man. During their search, a piercing cry split the air. The Super Troopers froze.
"You don't think?"
"It couldn't possibly?"
They turned and ran towards the top of the hill, where the Uruk-Hai and Frodo were expected to be. To the Super Troopers' utter-most horror, the orc-half-breeds were already at the top of the hill, and with them, were the most feared creatures in existence..
Fan-girls.
That word was enough to strike terror into the hearts of any movie star, or dimensionally misplaced character. No-one seemed to notice Frodo fly past them, heading for the lake. Samantha sprang into action.
"Legolas won't be here for a few minutes, so they'll go for Aragorn first. I'll take care of that, you need to go and warn the others away!" she called to Alysha.
Alysha ran down the hill, following the trail that Frodo had just taken. Along the way, she bumped into Legolas and Gimli, as expected, and she insisted for them to wait until the screaming died down, before going to Aragorn's assistance. Then she ran for the camp, to catch up with Boromir.
"Trust me, you'll need this." Alysha handed the hairy bloke a bullet proof vest from her magical bottomless backpack, and insisted that he wear it. "It'll do you a lot more good than just a shirt. It'll save you life, and it'll be hell for your insurance if you don't wear it!" she insisted. Boromir looked at her strangely, not comprehending what insurance was.
"Look, if you wear the vest when you go in to fight the Orcs and Fan-girls, then you'll live through the battle and you can go for a nice long vacation in the Grey Havens, if you don't, you'll get shot up with arrows and die, fair deal?"
Boromir shrugged and put on the vest, picked up his massive shield and ran for the hill, ready to fight. Alysha cracked her knuckles, and adjusted the laces on her army boots, before pulling out a stack of signed Fellowship posters. Time to fend off the Fan-girls.
***
"ARAGORN!"
The ranger looked up to see Samantha charging towards him, pointing madly behind him. He turned to see what was causing her so much distress, and his heart nearly stopped. Literally hundreds of orcs were marching up the hill towards him, but they were the least of his worries.
Fifty girls, all dressed in outfits very similar to that of the Fellowship's, (some even wore fake Elf ears,) but all had in their hands, autograph books, and felt pens. Aragorn had heard tales of these creatures, and heard they were among the foulest and most evil beings in the mortal lands. And for maybe the second time in his entire life, Aragorn was frightened. The girls had spotted him.
"VIGGO!"
The screams were ear splitting, and they charged, leaving the Uruk-Hai to search for the hobbits unhindered. Aragorn's first impulse was to run, but someone grabbed him from behind. It was Samantha.
"What the heck's wrong with you? You can't let them see you, or they'll attack!" she hissed, pinning the Ranger against a pillar. The fan-girls charged past, running down the hill. The pair watched carefully, both of them jumpy, and nervous about the near miss. Needless to say, they both nearly shit themselves when Legolas' hands touched their shoulders.
"Are they -?"
"Ahhh!"
Aragorn and Samantha spun around at the sound of his voice, one pulling out his sword, the other holding out a special edition DVD of the Fellowship of the Ring.
"What's that?"
Samantha looked at her chosen weapon and blushed. "Seemed like a good idea for fending them off." Legolas quirked an eyebrow, and Sammi just shrugged. She suddenly seemed to remember what was happening and gasped "Sam and Frodo!" before taking off down the hill in the opposite direction that the orcs and fan-girls had gone.
"I think they're gone for now," Gimli said, as he kept watch through a gap in the pillars. Even as he said this, a horn blast rang out, shockingly loud, and the fan-girls could be heard screaming.
"That was the horn of Gondor!" Legolas said as the sound began to echo. Aragorn shoved past the Elf, running towards the sound.
"Boromir!"
"Let's go!"
The dwarf, the elf, and the man's progress down the hill was hindered by the orcs that were also heading for the noise, and when they arrived, finally, at the bottom, the sight was certainly one to see..
***
Alysha and Boromir arrived at the battle just as Merry and Pippin were surrounded by orcs on all sides.
"TALLYHO!"
The pair of warriors charged into the fray, driving orcs aside, and fighting their way to the hobbits. Well, Boromir did the fighting. Alysha followed behind him, belting his leftovers on the head with an abandoned orc shield, being not that much of an expert on swordplay.
Mr. Ugly Orc came up over the hill, with his nasty looking bow, and loaded an enormous arrow into it. Alysha turned to Boromir.
"This is where the vest will come in handy!" she yelled to him.
"What?" he asked, just as the Big Ugly Orc let his arrow loose. WHACK! It hit Boromir right in the chest, and got stuck in the vest, but not deep enough to cause any damage. Boromir looked at his chest in amazement, before hacking another random orc's arm off. Alysha grinned and grabbed the horn of Gondor from his belt, and blew three short blasts.
Oh, sure it got the rest of the Fellowship's attention, but it also got the rest of the orc brigade's attention too. They came flooding over the hill like a tidal wave, followed shortly by a massive group of fan-girls.
"Look!" cried their leader. "It's Dominic, Billy, and Sean! Let's get their autographs!" The fan-girls cheered and ran at them, waving their signature books in the air. Alysha growled.
"Oh, no you don't!" Just before they reached the hobbits and Boromir, the Super Trooper pulled out her stack of signed Fellowship posters, and waved them in the air. It served as a perfect decoy. The hoard of animal like girls wheeled around and began grabbing at Alysha, fighting for the pictures of Legolas and Frodo.
Alysha thought she was going to die. The fan-girl's feet were pounding on her, and the scream's were all but deafening. The Super Trooper's salvation came in the form of a 16hh black, Standardbred demon horse. Blackjack had been released from Rivendell and sent to Lórien, from where he followed The Fellowship. Alysha had never been gladder to see her nemesis.
"JACK!" she screamed. The horse pricked his ears up, and ran to trample his owner's best friend, in doing so, stomped the fan-girls out of the way. He reared, his manic eyes glowing red, and was about to squish the Super Trooper for good, when Alysha held up her hands and yelled to the horse.
"Jack! See those girls over there? They called you stupid!"
The horse froze, mid-rear, and twitched slightly.
"Yeah, that's right, Jacky, they said you were a big stupid git of a horse! They were going to send you to the glue factory!"
Blackjack dropped onto all fours, and screamed a ferocious sounding neigh that rang for miles. Then he charged. Now as we discovered in the first few chapters of the story, Blackjack wants to kill Alysha, and in her totally un-biased point of view, believes that he's possessed by some Alysha-hating demon. But one way or the other, he's nasty in a foul mood. The poor fan girls didn't stand a chance.
Oh my gods. Did I just sympathise with fan girls? What the heck is wrong with me? YAY! Jack squished them!
Alysha looked around for the hobbits and Boromir while Blackjack was attacking the fan-girls. The orcs had already grabbed up the hobbits, and Alysha, much as she wanted to, made no effort to stop them. One thing she couldn't do was mess with the plot line too much. She'd already taken a big risk, by saving Boromir's life. 'Oh, crap! Boromir!'
The Gondor man was laughing his head off, while the Really Big Ugly Orc thing was firing arrow after arrow into his chest. Boromir was starting to look like a human pincushion, and it was only a matter of time before that Ugly Orc got overly frustrated, and shot him in the neck or head. Time to take charge of the situation.
"Hey, Ugly!" Alysha called, as she pulled her Elven dagger from its place in her boot. She strolled right up to the Really Big Ugly Orc, who obviously didn't feel at all threatened by a 5'5" mortal teenager. "This is for trying to kill Boromir," she snarled, and swung the foot long dagger at his throat. SKINT. Off with his head!
"Heeheehee."
Alysha turned to Boromir. "You, told you that you'd die without that vest, huh?" Boromir nodded humbly. "What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"No, no, you say Alysha is the greatest, and I will forever worship her."
"Umm, Alysha is-"
"Oh shut up, I was only kidding. All you have to do now is leave your shield and the buckle from your cloak, and you can go off to the Grey Havens for a niiice long vacation." Boromir nodded, gave her a hug, and headed off, singing the long road song.
Alysha grinned, and settled back on the embankment to wait for the impending arrival of Gimli, Legolas, Sammi and Aragorn. They arrived a few minutes later, their mouths hanging open at the scene around the Super Trooper. Squashed fan-girls, decapitated orcs, a giant shield, and the clip from Boromir's Lórien cloak.
"Where are the little ones? Merry and Pippin? And Boromir?" Gimli asked. Alysha felt a surge of guilt.
"They were taken by the Uruk-Hai, Hairy's gone," she said, then suddenly gasped. "And so are Sam and Frodo!" She turned on her heel and ran as quickly as her feet would take her towards the river. Now Alysha's normally a sprinter, but send her on a run for more than about half a click, and she's totally screwed. When she arrived at the campsite, Samantha and Frodo were already in the boat, and Samantha was throwing a life ring out to Samwise.
"Oi, Sammi! You're leaving without me!"
"I know!" Samantha yelled back. "Where's Blackjack?"
"He headed back to Lórien after mutilating a bunch of fan-girls. Are you sure you wanna go with them?"
Sammi nodded eagerly. "I so want to meet Gollum!"
Alysha fought back a smirk. "But Sammi, what about Shelob?"
"What the heck's a Shelob?"
"The giant spider in the Return of the King, I think!"
Samantha froze and when ghostly white. "Oh" was all she managed to sputter out. Samantha has arachnophobia, and practically seizes when she's near a spider.
"See you soon, Sammi! Here's a present for the road!" Alysha lobbed a massive can of Bug Off spray into the boat. "You're gonna need that!" Sammi squeaked again, and half-heartedly waved.
As the two hobbits and Samantha landed on the Eastern shore of the lake, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas arrived on the beach next to Alysha.
"Hurry! They have reached the other shore!" Legolas called, as he shoved a boat into the water. Aragorn and Alysha made no movement. "You mean not to follow?"
"The hobbits and Samantha are beyond our reach now. Their path lie on a different one to the one we are one now," Aragorn said quietly.
"Then it has all been in vain, the Fellowship had failed." Alysha rolled her eyes at Gimli and said "Aragorn's gonna make us go after Pippin and Merry."
"We shall not abandon them to torment and death, not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind, we'll travel light. Let's-"
"Let's just shove it into my backpack?" Alysha interrupted. "It feels empty, even though it's bottomless. We won't need to worry about carrying a whole bunch of junk then."
Aragorn shrugged, and then said "Let's hunt some orc!"
Gimli and Legolas were grinning and Alysha was pulling a trail bike from her backpack.
"TALLYHO!"
***
Samwise, Frodo, and Samantha stood on top of a hill, looking out onto Emin Muil.
"D'you think we did the right thing Sam?" Frodo asked. Both Sams replied that they'd done the right thing in leaving.
"I don't suppose we'll ever see them again will we?"
Samwise replied: "We may yet Mr. Frodo."
"Yes we will. I know these things," Sammi replied in a mystic voice. "I see all, I know all."
"Well, one way or another, I'm glad you're both with me."
"Tallyho."
Samantha, Frodo, and Samwise stood from where they'd stopped, and began to trek down the hill.
***
w00t! That's the end of The Fellowship of the Ring, next up, the Two Towers! We hope you all enjoyed the journey thus far, and we'll see you again soon. In the meantime, you see that lil' purple button? Press it, and review, PLEASE!
.:~*~:. Peace, out Nimloth and Andúnië.
The Super Troopers take Middle-Earth Chapter 6
***
No one was really sure of just how long they remained in Lórien, but it was a long time. The Fellowship seemed to be handling the 'loss' of Gandalf rather well, and got over it in time, whereas the Super Troopers, were more worried about getting home.
During their council with Galadriel, besides learning that she used 'Elven Essences' shampoo, they were told that neither Galadriel, nor Elrond could risk exposing their rings, while Sauron was still a threat. They would have to continue with the Fellowship, to ensure the One Ring was destroyed, and Samantha was NOT happy about that.
"I've totally missed my jumping competition, and I'm so not pleased about another few weeks with those smelly.. unhygienic..MEN!"
"Sammi, they aren't all men, in case you haven't noticed. Males, yes, but there are technically only two men in the Fellowship. The rest are hobbits, or whatnot."
"Strike seven-hundred and thirty-five, Alysha."
"You still keep count?"
Samantha just nodded.
***
In a fit of total boredom, the Super Troopers, in their usual insanity, seemed to think it was a good idea to give the rest of the Fellowship a make-over each.
They introduced Boromir to razors, and taught him how to shave properly. They re-did all of Gimli's beard braids, and taught him how to accessorise different hair scrunchies with different outfits. Feeling confident, they straightened a few of the hobbit's heads of hair, and gave them trims to rid them of the split ends, and showed Frodo which eyeliner brought out his eyes the best.
On a rather insane trip, Alysha even braved washing Aragorn's hair. After three washes with heavy-duty oil control shampoo, Sammi came in with the Elven Essences. After a few hours work, they had the Ranger's hair slick and shiny and braided back into a French Bun. The Super Troopers spent a good half hour admiring ther handiwork.
"Bravo, Samantha."
"Good job, Alysha."
"Fine work, indeed, wouldn't you say?"
"Absolutely. Brilliant work."
"Super."
"Stupendous."
"Marvellous."
"Absolutely smashing, won't you say?"
"Indeed, good man. Bloody bril."
"Completely per-"
"Is this going to go on much longer?" Legolas interrupted. The Super Troopers scowled at him, before they shook their heads in defeat. Legolas sighed, and just began enjoying the silence again, when Alysha's face clouded over, with a look of pure mischief and plotting. At this, the Elf began to panic. "What?"
Alysha stalked towards him, grinning even wider as he backed away. "Samantha, dear. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Indeed, Alysha. Shall we?"
"Go get the stuff. I'll restrain him."
Legolas panicked more.
"What are you going to do to me?" He asked, backing up into the trunk of a tree. Alysha's face stretched into a smirk.
"My dear, Legolas. We're going to give you a make over. And not just any make over. We're giving you a PUNK-over." At Legolas' horrified look, she smiled more. "Trust me."
Famous last words..
A good hour and a bit later, the Super Troopers had transformed the blonde Elf into the very essence of punk. And surprisingly, he kind of liked it, though he'd noted it would only be a 'special occasions' thing because the look was too hard to maintain while on the road with the Fellowship.
The girls had put bright blue hair fudge through the tips of Legolas' blonde hair, and put it into cornrows, given him a spiked choker and matching cuff, along with a collector's edition 'One Ring' that Sammi had found in the magical bottomless backpack. Frodo seemed to find this undyingly amusing, and Boromir asked if he could have it. When Legolas agreed, it seemed that his wanting for the actual Ring was eased..for now.
***
Later in their stay, Haldir came to the Fellowship and the Super Troopers and told them it was time to meet with Galadriel and Celeborn for the last time before they left. Now was when Galadriel gave them her gifts.
Frodo, of course, got the Light of Eärendil, in a little glass phial, Samwise was given a box of 'blessed' dirt, and the seed of a mallorn tree. To Pippin, Boromir and Merry, she gave high quality belts, with fancy buckles, and she gave to Aragorn a brooch with a pretty stone in it. Legolas was given a quiver of arrows to go with the fancy bow he'd received, and Gimli was given tiny braid out of Galadriel's hair.
"Aww, how sweet!"
We all know Samantha's a closet romantic, and a piece of hair was just the sort of thing that'd appeal to her. Then Galadriel came to The Super Troopers.
"Dude, why are we getting stuff too? We aren't even supposed to be here!"
"Because, Alysha, you pair are also part of the Fellowship, in an unofficial sort of way. And you have been guests here in Lórien, and all the other guests received gifts. It would be improper to forget about you and your part in the Quest."
"Uh.. cool?"
Galadriel gave to Samantha a pendant made from mithril with a little red stone set into it, in the shape of an Elvish knot. (Think like a Celtic knot) while Alysha was given a dagger with Elvish writing in the hilt.
"What's that say?"
"It says Aralalaith, for that is the Elvish translation of your name. Aralalaith means 'noble and laughter' and Alysha means 'noble and of good cheer.'"
"Cool?"
"Righto, to the boats!"
Haldir met the Fellowship at the river, with three boats.
"Good luck, everyone," he said. Alysha and Samantha glanced at each other, knowing the Fellowship would need all the luck they could get, especially with them tagging along.
"Hey, Sammi," Alysha said as they climbed down the bank towards the boats, "What are we going to do about Boromir? Think we should stop him from dying?"
"Wouldn't that ruin the story?"
Alysha shrugged. "We could convince him to stay away from everything till the end of the War." Samantha just grunted in agreement, and Alysha got an idea..
***
Aragorn, Samwise, and Frodo took the first boat, followed by Merry, Pippin, Sammi and Boromir in the second, and Legolas, Gimli and Alysha brought up the rear. It didn't take long for Alysha to begin to complain. She hated to sit still for very long, and four days in a boat with in irritated Dwarf and a completely jumpable Elf wasn't doing anyone any good.
Samantha found a way to help her best friend channel her energy, but pulling out Jet Ski's from the magical bottomless backpack, and they pair went roaring around on the River. Both Super Troopers found it undyingly amusing when Gimli tried to ride Alysha's Jet Ski, and nearly crashed it headlong into the foot of the Argonath. (Those really big statues for those who didn't know) Poor Dwarf's ego was bruised for the hours of Legolas' teasing.
Eventually came the day when the Uruk-Hai were heard running along the river near them. Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir were getting all jittery, sensing them coming closer, but the hobbits, and Gimli didn't notice, and The Super Troopers didn't care.
The Fellowship plus the Super Troopers pulled over of the side of the river, and began to set up camp. Aragorn began to describe the rest of their journey, through the Dead Marshes into Mordor, which seemed to irritate Gimli, complaining that the marshlands would be virtually impossible to cross.
"Hey, Merry, Frodo's not here," Sammi whispered to the hobbit. He frowned, and asked the group if they'd seen him.
"Boromir's gone too."
Aragorn began to worry. He sent the whole Fellowship out looking for the Ringbearer and the Gondor man. During their search, a piercing cry split the air. The Super Troopers froze.
"You don't think?"
"It couldn't possibly?"
They turned and ran towards the top of the hill, where the Uruk-Hai and Frodo were expected to be. To the Super Troopers' utter-most horror, the orc-half-breeds were already at the top of the hill, and with them, were the most feared creatures in existence..
Fan-girls.
That word was enough to strike terror into the hearts of any movie star, or dimensionally misplaced character. No-one seemed to notice Frodo fly past them, heading for the lake. Samantha sprang into action.
"Legolas won't be here for a few minutes, so they'll go for Aragorn first. I'll take care of that, you need to go and warn the others away!" she called to Alysha.
Alysha ran down the hill, following the trail that Frodo had just taken. Along the way, she bumped into Legolas and Gimli, as expected, and she insisted for them to wait until the screaming died down, before going to Aragorn's assistance. Then she ran for the camp, to catch up with Boromir.
"Trust me, you'll need this." Alysha handed the hairy bloke a bullet proof vest from her magical bottomless backpack, and insisted that he wear it. "It'll do you a lot more good than just a shirt. It'll save you life, and it'll be hell for your insurance if you don't wear it!" she insisted. Boromir looked at her strangely, not comprehending what insurance was.
"Look, if you wear the vest when you go in to fight the Orcs and Fan-girls, then you'll live through the battle and you can go for a nice long vacation in the Grey Havens, if you don't, you'll get shot up with arrows and die, fair deal?"
Boromir shrugged and put on the vest, picked up his massive shield and ran for the hill, ready to fight. Alysha cracked her knuckles, and adjusted the laces on her army boots, before pulling out a stack of signed Fellowship posters. Time to fend off the Fan-girls.
***
"ARAGORN!"
The ranger looked up to see Samantha charging towards him, pointing madly behind him. He turned to see what was causing her so much distress, and his heart nearly stopped. Literally hundreds of orcs were marching up the hill towards him, but they were the least of his worries.
Fifty girls, all dressed in outfits very similar to that of the Fellowship's, (some even wore fake Elf ears,) but all had in their hands, autograph books, and felt pens. Aragorn had heard tales of these creatures, and heard they were among the foulest and most evil beings in the mortal lands. And for maybe the second time in his entire life, Aragorn was frightened. The girls had spotted him.
"VIGGO!"
The screams were ear splitting, and they charged, leaving the Uruk-Hai to search for the hobbits unhindered. Aragorn's first impulse was to run, but someone grabbed him from behind. It was Samantha.
"What the heck's wrong with you? You can't let them see you, or they'll attack!" she hissed, pinning the Ranger against a pillar. The fan-girls charged past, running down the hill. The pair watched carefully, both of them jumpy, and nervous about the near miss. Needless to say, they both nearly shit themselves when Legolas' hands touched their shoulders.
"Are they -?"
"Ahhh!"
Aragorn and Samantha spun around at the sound of his voice, one pulling out his sword, the other holding out a special edition DVD of the Fellowship of the Ring.
"What's that?"
Samantha looked at her chosen weapon and blushed. "Seemed like a good idea for fending them off." Legolas quirked an eyebrow, and Sammi just shrugged. She suddenly seemed to remember what was happening and gasped "Sam and Frodo!" before taking off down the hill in the opposite direction that the orcs and fan-girls had gone.
"I think they're gone for now," Gimli said, as he kept watch through a gap in the pillars. Even as he said this, a horn blast rang out, shockingly loud, and the fan-girls could be heard screaming.
"That was the horn of Gondor!" Legolas said as the sound began to echo. Aragorn shoved past the Elf, running towards the sound.
"Boromir!"
"Let's go!"
The dwarf, the elf, and the man's progress down the hill was hindered by the orcs that were also heading for the noise, and when they arrived, finally, at the bottom, the sight was certainly one to see..
***
Alysha and Boromir arrived at the battle just as Merry and Pippin were surrounded by orcs on all sides.
"TALLYHO!"
The pair of warriors charged into the fray, driving orcs aside, and fighting their way to the hobbits. Well, Boromir did the fighting. Alysha followed behind him, belting his leftovers on the head with an abandoned orc shield, being not that much of an expert on swordplay.
Mr. Ugly Orc came up over the hill, with his nasty looking bow, and loaded an enormous arrow into it. Alysha turned to Boromir.
"This is where the vest will come in handy!" she yelled to him.
"What?" he asked, just as the Big Ugly Orc let his arrow loose. WHACK! It hit Boromir right in the chest, and got stuck in the vest, but not deep enough to cause any damage. Boromir looked at his chest in amazement, before hacking another random orc's arm off. Alysha grinned and grabbed the horn of Gondor from his belt, and blew three short blasts.
Oh, sure it got the rest of the Fellowship's attention, but it also got the rest of the orc brigade's attention too. They came flooding over the hill like a tidal wave, followed shortly by a massive group of fan-girls.
"Look!" cried their leader. "It's Dominic, Billy, and Sean! Let's get their autographs!" The fan-girls cheered and ran at them, waving their signature books in the air. Alysha growled.
"Oh, no you don't!" Just before they reached the hobbits and Boromir, the Super Trooper pulled out her stack of signed Fellowship posters, and waved them in the air. It served as a perfect decoy. The hoard of animal like girls wheeled around and began grabbing at Alysha, fighting for the pictures of Legolas and Frodo.
Alysha thought she was going to die. The fan-girl's feet were pounding on her, and the scream's were all but deafening. The Super Trooper's salvation came in the form of a 16hh black, Standardbred demon horse. Blackjack had been released from Rivendell and sent to Lórien, from where he followed The Fellowship. Alysha had never been gladder to see her nemesis.
"JACK!" she screamed. The horse pricked his ears up, and ran to trample his owner's best friend, in doing so, stomped the fan-girls out of the way. He reared, his manic eyes glowing red, and was about to squish the Super Trooper for good, when Alysha held up her hands and yelled to the horse.
"Jack! See those girls over there? They called you stupid!"
The horse froze, mid-rear, and twitched slightly.
"Yeah, that's right, Jacky, they said you were a big stupid git of a horse! They were going to send you to the glue factory!"
Blackjack dropped onto all fours, and screamed a ferocious sounding neigh that rang for miles. Then he charged. Now as we discovered in the first few chapters of the story, Blackjack wants to kill Alysha, and in her totally un-biased point of view, believes that he's possessed by some Alysha-hating demon. But one way or the other, he's nasty in a foul mood. The poor fan girls didn't stand a chance.
Oh my gods. Did I just sympathise with fan girls? What the heck is wrong with me? YAY! Jack squished them!
Alysha looked around for the hobbits and Boromir while Blackjack was attacking the fan-girls. The orcs had already grabbed up the hobbits, and Alysha, much as she wanted to, made no effort to stop them. One thing she couldn't do was mess with the plot line too much. She'd already taken a big risk, by saving Boromir's life. 'Oh, crap! Boromir!'
The Gondor man was laughing his head off, while the Really Big Ugly Orc thing was firing arrow after arrow into his chest. Boromir was starting to look like a human pincushion, and it was only a matter of time before that Ugly Orc got overly frustrated, and shot him in the neck or head. Time to take charge of the situation.
"Hey, Ugly!" Alysha called, as she pulled her Elven dagger from its place in her boot. She strolled right up to the Really Big Ugly Orc, who obviously didn't feel at all threatened by a 5'5" mortal teenager. "This is for trying to kill Boromir," she snarled, and swung the foot long dagger at his throat. SKINT. Off with his head!
"Heeheehee."
Alysha turned to Boromir. "You, told you that you'd die without that vest, huh?" Boromir nodded humbly. "What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"No, no, you say Alysha is the greatest, and I will forever worship her."
"Umm, Alysha is-"
"Oh shut up, I was only kidding. All you have to do now is leave your shield and the buckle from your cloak, and you can go off to the Grey Havens for a niiice long vacation." Boromir nodded, gave her a hug, and headed off, singing the long road song.
Alysha grinned, and settled back on the embankment to wait for the impending arrival of Gimli, Legolas, Sammi and Aragorn. They arrived a few minutes later, their mouths hanging open at the scene around the Super Trooper. Squashed fan-girls, decapitated orcs, a giant shield, and the clip from Boromir's Lórien cloak.
"Where are the little ones? Merry and Pippin? And Boromir?" Gimli asked. Alysha felt a surge of guilt.
"They were taken by the Uruk-Hai, Hairy's gone," she said, then suddenly gasped. "And so are Sam and Frodo!" She turned on her heel and ran as quickly as her feet would take her towards the river. Now Alysha's normally a sprinter, but send her on a run for more than about half a click, and she's totally screwed. When she arrived at the campsite, Samantha and Frodo were already in the boat, and Samantha was throwing a life ring out to Samwise.
"Oi, Sammi! You're leaving without me!"
"I know!" Samantha yelled back. "Where's Blackjack?"
"He headed back to Lórien after mutilating a bunch of fan-girls. Are you sure you wanna go with them?"
Sammi nodded eagerly. "I so want to meet Gollum!"
Alysha fought back a smirk. "But Sammi, what about Shelob?"
"What the heck's a Shelob?"
"The giant spider in the Return of the King, I think!"
Samantha froze and when ghostly white. "Oh" was all she managed to sputter out. Samantha has arachnophobia, and practically seizes when she's near a spider.
"See you soon, Sammi! Here's a present for the road!" Alysha lobbed a massive can of Bug Off spray into the boat. "You're gonna need that!" Sammi squeaked again, and half-heartedly waved.
As the two hobbits and Samantha landed on the Eastern shore of the lake, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas arrived on the beach next to Alysha.
"Hurry! They have reached the other shore!" Legolas called, as he shoved a boat into the water. Aragorn and Alysha made no movement. "You mean not to follow?"
"The hobbits and Samantha are beyond our reach now. Their path lie on a different one to the one we are one now," Aragorn said quietly.
"Then it has all been in vain, the Fellowship had failed." Alysha rolled her eyes at Gimli and said "Aragorn's gonna make us go after Pippin and Merry."
"We shall not abandon them to torment and death, not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind, we'll travel light. Let's-"
"Let's just shove it into my backpack?" Alysha interrupted. "It feels empty, even though it's bottomless. We won't need to worry about carrying a whole bunch of junk then."
Aragorn shrugged, and then said "Let's hunt some orc!"
Gimli and Legolas were grinning and Alysha was pulling a trail bike from her backpack.
"TALLYHO!"
***
Samwise, Frodo, and Samantha stood on top of a hill, looking out onto Emin Muil.
"D'you think we did the right thing Sam?" Frodo asked. Both Sams replied that they'd done the right thing in leaving.
"I don't suppose we'll ever see them again will we?"
Samwise replied: "We may yet Mr. Frodo."
"Yes we will. I know these things," Sammi replied in a mystic voice. "I see all, I know all."
"Well, one way or another, I'm glad you're both with me."
"Tallyho."
Samantha, Frodo, and Samwise stood from where they'd stopped, and began to trek down the hill.
***
w00t! That's the end of The Fellowship of the Ring, next up, the Two Towers! We hope you all enjoyed the journey thus far, and we'll see you again soon. In the meantime, you see that lil' purple button? Press it, and review, PLEASE!
.:~*~:. Peace, out Nimloth and Andúnië.