[38] - Rochelle

The final notes of the Panem anthem fade into the distance, leaving August and me in silence once again. There were no fallen tributes again today; five of us still remain, and we've all come too far to give up now.

I shudder as I pull on my jacket - even after all these nights, I still haven't gotten used to the bone-chilling cold. Tomorrow will mark two weeks since the Games began - how many more nights will I have to endure before this is all over?

August sees me shudder and beckons me closer. "Come here," he calls, and I lay on the sand next to him.

August moves closer until I can feel him on my back. His breath tickles the back of my neck, but he knows better than to come any closer than that. His father's trained him well - keep your eyes on the prize, August, not on the girls.

August's voice cuts through the silence surrounding us. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course," I murmur, my back still turned to him.

August doesn't say anything for a moment. For a second, I think he's fallen asleep; after about thirty seconds of silence, he finally clears his throat.

"If I don't win, I want it to be you," August says, his voice cracking slightly. "Not Princess."

I hope August can't feel my heart thumping in my chest - after all these weeks, this is the moment I've been working towards. Finally, I have August on my side. With only five of us left, this is more important than ever.

August isn't done. "Princess has gotten everything she's ever wanted," he says slowly. "You deserve it more than she does."

I don't have anything to say to that. I stare at the sand ahead of me, waiting for August to continue. After another long period of silence, he does.

"I've underestimated you," August says, practically whispering into my ear. "I know I treated you like shit at the beginning, and I'm sorry. But I'm so glad I was paired with you. I've never gotten to know someone like you before, you know, back in District One. I was always training for this, always preparing for the Games, and I never really got close to anyone like this. But you've shown me what a real friend looks like. So thank you."

Now I feel like I'm going to cry; part of me is playing this up for August, but part of me is really touched, too. "Don't say that," I whisper. "I can't win this, August. There's no way. Don't give me that hope or it'll hurt even more later."

"I understand that," August says, "but that doesn't change how I feel. If Princess somehow kills me, you have to do everything you can to win. You owe that to me. You made me promise that I would fight to win this, so now it's your turn to promise me."

I lay in silence for a moment before responding. I want August to think about what he's just said before I give him what he wants.

"I promise," I exhale. "But I don't want to think about that."

"About what?"

"About facing Princess. She's... dangerous."

August shifts in the sand behind me. "You could beat her, I think," he says, but I don't think he believes that. "Princess is well trained, but she's overconfident."

"Which is why you should be able to beat her no problem," I say with a yawn; I have to steer August back on track. Stay confident, August. I don't even want to win, I promise.

"Right," he murmurs. "Goodnight."

I turn my head slightly to face the sky; the stars are visible tonight. I was never one to stargaze - the windows in the factories of the orphanage were far too grimy to see out of - but something about the stars captivate me tonight. These same stars watched down on me when I was born, all those years ago. They watched silently as my parents were killed, as I was thrown to the streets. They watched all those years as I struggled in the orphanage, and they shone over me every night for six months when I knew that my life as I knew it was over for good.

I can't help but think of that girl that the stars watched for all those years. The girl I was when I reached the Capitol, back before I knew that my life would be tethered to the boy sleeping behind me. Just like me now, that girl knew what it was like to experience hardships, and how to overcome them, too. Even after all that, though, she still wasn't ready for what was to come.

Somehow, I feel like a different person from the girl I was two weeks ago. The girl I was two weeks ago didn't kill the girl from Three with her bare hands. That girl didn't slit Mandy's throat after pretending to be her only friend, and she didn't turn her partner, August, against the one person who truly cared about him.

I'm still that girl, though, right? Or have my actions changed me? Am I this twisted, sick person because of what I've done, or have my actions been a reflection of the fact that deep down, I'm a bad person?

I had to do what was necessary to make it this far. I needed to kill Pollux, or he would have killed me. If I hadn't turned August against Princess, I would have become a useless afterthought to him. Undoubtedly, if I hadn't done those things, I would be dead right now. I'd be lost to history just like Diego, like all the orphans of District Eight who came before us.

There can only be one winner of the Games, and I've tried everything to be the one to survive. I've played every card I had to play. But does my desire to win justify what I did? Would I still be here right now if I hadn't done all of those things?

So many questions, and so few answers. Maybe the stars know, but for now, they're as silent as always. Maybe they weren't watching over me like I thought they were. The orphanage windows were always grimy, after all.

A/N - I'm so excited for the end guysss