Title: BABYSITTING
Summary: Obi-Wan and Anakin find themselves babysitters for the last person they would have expected.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. I've said it before.
A/N: A big thank you to those of you who reviewed, and to those of you who are taking the time to read this! Please review this chapter too!
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*It is almost noon on a cold, rainy day on Coruscant. Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and his 14-year-old apprentice are lounging around their apartment, thinking about lunch*
Obi-Wan: I'm hungry.
Anakin: Me too.
Obi-Wan: Go make something.
Anakin: Why me?
Obi-Wan: Cuz you're the only one around here who can cook.
Anakin: I'm too lazy. Can we go out to eat?
Obi-Wan: No.
Anakin: Why?
Obi-Wan: Because someone's at the door.
*the doorbell rings*
Anakin: *staring at his master* How do you DO that?
Obi-Wan: *stands up* It's a gift. *walks to the door and opens it, Anakin on his tail.*
* on the threshold stands a Zabrak dressed in jeans and a T-shirt.*
Obi-Wan: You!
Darth Maul: Me. May I come in?
Obi-Wan: I... uh...
Anakin: *shoving his master out of the way* Sure.
*Darth Maul steps into the apartment, and they notice that he is carrying a baby Zabrak in a carrier*
Maul: Nice place.
Obi-Wan: Er... thanks...
Anakin: How ya been, Maul?
Maul: Who are you?
Anakin: Anakin Skywalker.
*Maul looks puzzled*
Anakin: The kid you drove a swoop bike over.
Maul: Ohhhh. Wow, you've sure grown. *ruffles Anakin's hair*
Anakin: *swatting Maul's hand* HEY! Watch the hair.
Obi-Wan: May I ask how come you're alive and in one piece when I cut you in half and killed you?
Maul: Well, actually, you only cut me in half. I fixed it, though. *lifts his shirt up to show the mass of grey around his middle* Duct Tape. Fixes just about anything.
Anakin: Cooool....
Obi-Wan: Why are you here?
Maul: Well, I was hoping you'd watch my daughter while I ran a few errands.
Obi-Wan: Daughter?
Maul: *taking the baby out of the carrier* Darla. Isn't she beautiful?
Darla: *spits in Obi-Wan's face*
Obi-Wan: *wiping the spit off his face* ...Exquisite.
Maul: I'd really appreciate it if I could leave her with you for a few hours. Do you mind?
Obi-Wan and Anakin: Uuhh...
Maul: Great. I'll be back around five. And don't worry, she's a little devil. Aren't you, Darly?
Darla: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
Maul: That's what I want to hear. Bye-bye! *leaves*
Obi-Wan: What just happened?
Anakin: Either the entire galaxy's been turned upside-down... or we're babysitters.
Obi-Wan: Something tells me it's both.
Darla: Food!
Obi-Wan: *glaring at Anakin* exactly what I was thinking...
Anakin: *cowering* okay, alright, I'll go make Lunch. What do you want?
Darla: Glop!
Anakin: What?
Darla: Glop!
Anakin: Master? Translation, please.
Obi-Wan: How should I know what she's talking about? This is the first time I've seen a baby up close.
Anakin: Really?
Obi-Wan: Yeah. How about you?
Anakin: My mom used to earn extra credits by babysitting for other slaves. Probably still does.
Obi-Wan: So you know how to take care of a kid?
Anakin: Did I say that?
Obi-Wan: Didn't you help your mom?
Anakin: Let's just say my babysitting skills are about as good as your housekeeping skills.
Obi-Wan: What's that supposed to mean?
Anakin: Remember what happened that time you tried to do the laundry?
*both shudder at the memory*
Obi-Wan: Okay... well, who WOULD know?
Anakin: Well... Master Yoda trains the younglings. Maybe he'd know what she's talking about.
Obi-Wan: You want us to go ask a... troll... alien... thing... about how to take care of the daughter of a Sith? The dude's so old I doubt he can even remember his childhood.
Anakin: Master Yoda was a child?
Obi-Wan: Well... he's a mortal, isn't he?
Anakin: I don't know. I always just assumed he was like dirt. Has always been there and always will be.
Obi-Wan: ...I like you're theory better.
Anakin: So... to Yoda?
Obi-Wan: *glancing at Darla* I guess we better. No telling what a Sith's daughter'll do if we don't figure out how to feed her.
Anakin: *picking up Darla* 'Kay, let's go.
*Anakin and Obi-Wan walk down to Master Yoda's quarters, Anakin carrying Darla, who is vastly interested in his Padawan braid*
Anakin: Ow! No - Darla - OWCH! Stop it! Ow! That's my braid! It's attached to my head- ow! It's a symbol of my position- OW! Masterrrr? OWIE!
Obi-Wan: *trying to hide a smile* Give her here.
*Anakin tries to give Darla to Obi-Wan, but the baby shrieks loudly and clings to his face. Jedi stick their heads out their apartment doors and snicker at the sight*
Anakin: *muffled* What're you looking at?
*Jedi duck back into their apartments*
Obi-Wan: I get the feeling she's rather... Attached... to you, Anakin.
Anakin: Ha, ha. Good one, Master. Now would you please get her OFF MY FACE?
Obi-Wan: I don't think that's such a good idea. She hates me.
Anakin: Fine. Let's go to Yoda. *walks off with Darla attached to his face. Obi-Wan snickers and follows*
*They reach Yoda's apartment and bend over to knock on the small door*
Yoda: Want, what do you?
Obi-Wan: We seek your assistance, Oh Greatest Jedi of all.
Yoda: One moment, I will be.
*they wait impatiently. Then they hear small footsteps and the door opens to reveal a short, green, wrinkly dude with a towel wrapped around his waist and another towel tied like a turban around his head*
Anakin: *has just managed to pry Darla off his face* Oh, Force! *hides behind the baby*
Yoda: Taking care of Darth Maul's daughter, you are. Good, that is. Good lesson for you both.
Obi-Wan: You knew he had a daughter?
Yoda: Knew, I did. Her godfather, I am.
Anakin: So how come you aren't the one watching her?
Yoda: Upset at me, Maul is.
Obi-Wan: What did you do?
Yoda: Sided with her mother, I did.
Anakin: Yeah, what happened with her mother?
Yoda: Disagreement, they had. Train his daughter in the ways of the Sith, Maul wanted to. No, his wife said. Divorced, they are, but with her father, Darla stays.
Obi-Wan: Why-
Yoda: Advice, you seek. Do for you, what can I?
Darla: Glop!
Yoda: Aah. Hungry, she is. Glop, she wants.
Anakin: Master Yoda - what IS Glop?
Yoda: Show you, I will. Inside, come.
*Yoda hobbles inside. Anakin and Obi-Wan get down on their hands and knees to crawl through the doorway. They follow Yoda to his kitchen*
Yoda: Sit down, you will. *gestures toward his table, which is about a foot high*
Obi-Wan: Erm... we'll just stand.
Anakin: *muttering* You mean stoop.
Yoda: Yourself, suit. *gathers various things from cupboards and the fridge, puts a pot on the stove, fills it with a blueish-green liquid and lets it boil*
Darla: *clapping her hands * Glop!
Yoda: Yes, young Sith child. Glop I am making. Well feed, you and your babysitters will soon be.
*water boils and Yoda turns it down, adding the various ingredients and stirring with a stick*
Obi-Wan: *catching a whiff of the simmering substance* Master Yoda... what exactly is Glop?
Yoda: *taking pot off the stove* A secret, that is.
*Yoda places the pot on the table. It is a sort of greeny-brown guel*
Darla: *shrieking happily* Glop!
*Yoda dishes out the Glop*
Anakin: Uhh... no, thanks
Obi-Wan: We're really not hungry.
Yoda: Then feed Darla, you must.
Obi-Wan: Can't she feed herself?
Anakin: I doubt it. Babies can be very ignorant.
Obi-Wan: *sigh* Okay. *picks up a spoonful of Glop* here.
Darla: Speeder!
Obi-Wan: What?
Yoda: A speeder, pretend the spoon is. Make noises, you must.
Obi-Wan: Like this? *Makes speeder noises and "flies" the spoon into Darla's mouth* Force, I feel stupid.
Yoda: Yes. Again. Young Skywalker--
Anakin: Don't call me that.
Yoda: Hungry, you look. Eat, you should. Lunch time, it is.
Anakin: Oh, no, thanks, Master Yoda, I'm fine, I don't need any-- *Yoda shoves a spoonful of Glop into Anakin's mouth. Anakin swallows*
Yoda: Is it, how?
Anakin: *hand over his mouth* ...I think I'm gonna be sick... *jumps up, hits his head on the low ceiling and runs to the 'fresher, cursing*
Yoda: Strange boy, your Padawan is, Master Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan: Don't I know it.
Yoda: Hungry, you look, Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan: Master - no - I - *Yoda shoves a spoonful of Glop into Obi-Wan's mouth* Hey! this stuff's pretty good!
Yoda: Learn to make it, would you like to?
Obi-Wan: I thought it was a secret.
Yoda: Secret the ingredients are. But use them, you are welcome to.
Obi-Wan: Wow, thanks!
*Anakin comes back from the 'fresher looking slightly green and shaking violently.*
Yoda: Caught something, you have, Young Skywalker. Rest, you need.
Anakin: No, I'm fine, just-- *catches sight of the Glop* ohhh...
*Obi-Wan finishes feeding Darla. Darla gives a huge yawn*
Yoda: Tired, she is. To sleep, you must put her.
Darla: *snores softly, her head resting on Obi-Wan's chest*
Anakin: *feeling better now that the Glop has been removed from the table* Awww...
Obi-Wan: *death-glare* Master Yoda, what do we do when she wakes up?
Yoda: Play with her, you must.
Anakin: Got anything to play with around here?
Yoda: No. To Master Poof, you must go for playtime.
Obi-Wan and Anakin: Oh no.
Yoda: A problem, have you?
Anakin: Master Poof... well... he's sorta... odd.
Obi-Wan: That head... all the way up. Gives new meaning to the phrase "head in the clouds"
Anakin: It's hypnotic, man. Don't look in his eyes or all hope is lost.
Yoda: Go to him before she wakes up, you must.
Anakin: Fine! But I'm warning you. If I become his slave or something, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
Yoda: Control your temper, you must, Young Skywalker.
Anakin: DON'T CALL ME THAT!
Obi-Wan: Ssssh! You'll wake her up!
Anakin: I doubt it. She sleeps like a log. *pokes Darla* Are you sure she isn't dead?
Obi-Wan: Well... she's breathing.
Anakin: Maybe she's in a Glop induced comma.
Yoda: To Poof, you must go! *chases them out of his apartment*
Anakin: Sheesh, That little man has serious issues.
Obi-Wan: He must've had a very hard childhood.
Anakin: I thought we'd agreed that he was never a child.
Obi-Wan: Oh yeah. Well, we'd better get to Poof, or Yoda will be after us with that Gaffi stick you just HAD to get him last Christmas.
Anakin: I thought it'd make a good weapon! How was I supposed to know he's use it as part of the discipline at the Temple?
*They reach Master Poof's apartment. Anakin knocks on the door. It opens*
Poof: Aahhh... well, well, well... what have we here? Two Young Jedi and a baby Zabrak... Darla! What a small world... *head sways slowly back and forth*
Obi-Wan: *eyes following the head* small world...
Anakin: Master! Snap out of it! *Slaps Obi-Wan*
Obi-Wan: *shakes his head* Thank you, My young apprentice.
Anakin: My name is Anakin! How hard is that to say?
Poof: Why are you here? Do you seek my counsel?
Obi-Wan: Yoda told us to come here to play with Darla when she wakes up.
Poof: Ah, yes... Come inside. We will have... fun...
Anakin: *gulp* Master...
Obi-Wan: It's okay, Anakin. He's a Jedi of the light.
Anakin: Don't look at his eyes again, Master.
Obi-Wan: I won't.
*Obi-Wan and Anakin enter Master Poof's apartment. Looking around, they see a single round room, with tall, round furniture*
Darla: *slowly wakes up* Poof!
Poof: Hello, Darla...
Darla: Play!
Obi-Wan: What do we play?
Darla: Poof!
Anakin: Yes, his name is Poof. We've established that.
Poof: No... She means she want's to play "Poof"...
Obi-Wan: What's that?
Poof: Well... I "Poof", and you try to find me... When you do, shout POOF!
Anakin: Hide and go seek?
Darla: Poof!
Anakin: Whatever. Okay, Poof away, Poof.
Poof: POOF! *disappears*
Obi-Wan: Where'd he go?
Anakin: I'm guessing that's what we're trying to find out.
Obi-Wan: Hang on... I think I remember playing something like this when I was a youngling.
Anakin: Okay... so how do we find balloon-head?
Obi-Wan: Well, he's poofed to somewhere in the Temple, so we'd better start- -
Darla: POOF!
Poof: *stepping out from under the bed* Yes, Darla... you've found me...
Darla: *shrieks with laughter*
Obi-Wan: That was quick
Anakin: So what do we play now?
Poof: We could go play tag in the gardens...
Obi-Wan: Okay, let's go.
*Obi-Wan, Anakin, Darla, and Poof make their way to the gardens. Many younglings are playing happily*
Anakin: *setting Darla down on the grass* Be free, little Zabrak! BE FREE!!
Darla: *whacks Anakin's ankles* IT!
Anakin: Huh?
Poof: You're it...
Anakin: Ohh... *whacks Obi-Wan's shoulder* not anymore!
Obi-Wan: *whacks Poof's head, which bounces all over the place* You're it, Poof!
*they run all around the gardens in a spirited game of tag*
Obi-Wan: *Panting* I think... it's time... to stop...
Darla: *shrieking with laughter*
Anakin: Wow, she's sure dirty.
Obi-Wan: Well, she's been crawling around on the ground, what do you expect?
Poof: You should give her a bath...
Anakin: Do you have a bathtub we can use?
Poof: No... I use the showers in the training hall...
Anakin: Ah. Well then, where do we go to give her a bath?
Poof: Master Windu will help you clean her...
Obi-Wan: Okay. Let's go. Thank you, Master Poof.
Poof: Don't mention it... Come visit me soon...
*Anakin, Obi-Wan and Darla leave*
Anakin: Suuuure we'll go visit him soon. He still creeps me out.
Obi-Wan: He creeps me out too.
Anakin: Yeah, cuz he almost managed to take over your mind.
Obi-Wan: *Shudders*
*They make their way up to Master Windu's apartment. Anakin knocks on the door*
Anakin: Master Windu? Are you in there?
Mace: Go away!
Anakin: Are you busy?
Mace: Yes.
Anakin: What are you doing?
Mace: That's none of your business.
Anakin: Polishing your head?
Mace: How'd you know?! I - I mean. No.
Anakin: We really need to get in, Master Windu. We've got a seriously messy kid here.
Mace: A messy kid? Have no fear - *door opens to reveal Mace dressed in sweats, his head shining like the midday sun*
Obi-Wan: *shielding his eyes* It burns!
Mace: Windu's here! Come on in. We must rid this kid of her evil dirt.
*Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Darla move to enter Mace's house*
Mace: Wait!
Obi-Wan: What?
Mace: Take off your shoes first. I don't want any of your dirt on my nice clean carpet.
*the Jedi take off their shoes and walk into Maces apartment. it is a blinding white, with not so much as a spec of dust out of place - because there is no dust*
Obi-Wan, Anakin and Darla: Ack!
Mace: Oh, here. You may need these *passes them each a pair of sunglasses*
Obi-Wan: Much better.
*Mace leads them to the bathroom, which is about a hundred times more sanitary than an operating room*
Anakin: *muttering to Obi-Wan* Ever get the feeling Master Windu's a bit of a neat-freak?
Obi-Wan: Now that you mention it...
*Mace draws a bath of hot water and pours in some disinfectant*
Obi-Wan: Um, Master Windu?
Mace: Mmm?
Obi-Wan: Is it safe to put a child in hot, chemically water?
Mace: If that child is a Zabrak, yes.
Obi-Wan: Ah.
Mace: *snapping on a pair of rubber gloves* Okay, give me the kid. *take Darla from Anakin and lowers her, clothes and all, into the steaming water*
Darla: *shrieks with laughter*
Anakin: Why do you think she laughs at everything?
Obi-Wan: I'm not sure. But I sometimes get the feeling she's mocking us.
Darla: *Spits water in Obi-Wan's face*
Anakin: I think your right, Master.
*they watch Darla swim around in the tub for awhile until Mace proclaims her clean. Taking her out, they use his hair - excuse me - HEAD dryer to dry her off*
Anakin: Great. She looks good as new.
Obi-Wan: Thanks, Mace.
Mace: Glad to have saved the galaxy once again from dirt and grime.
Obi-Wan: Er... yeah. Well, Bye!
*Obi-Wan and Anakin take Darla, who is sleeping once again, back up to their apartment. they sit on the couch, Darla in Anakin's lap*
Anakin: What do we do now, Master?
Obi-Wan: Wait until Maul comes back, I guess.
~*~
*Maul walks up to the door of apartment 4893. He knocks. getting to answer, he tries the door, which is unlocked. Inside, he finds his daughter and her two babysitters sleeping on the couch*
Maul: *picking up Darla* Thank you, Jedi.
Obi-Wan: *sits up slowly* Don't mention it.
Anakin: No problem.
Maul: Well, how would you like to watch her tomorrow? I have a Sith meeting and--
*Obi-Wan and Anakin look at each other with panicked faces*
Obi-Wan and Anakin: NO!
Summary: Obi-Wan and Anakin find themselves babysitters for the last person they would have expected.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. I've said it before.
A/N: A big thank you to those of you who reviewed, and to those of you who are taking the time to read this! Please review this chapter too!
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*It is almost noon on a cold, rainy day on Coruscant. Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and his 14-year-old apprentice are lounging around their apartment, thinking about lunch*
Obi-Wan: I'm hungry.
Anakin: Me too.
Obi-Wan: Go make something.
Anakin: Why me?
Obi-Wan: Cuz you're the only one around here who can cook.
Anakin: I'm too lazy. Can we go out to eat?
Obi-Wan: No.
Anakin: Why?
Obi-Wan: Because someone's at the door.
*the doorbell rings*
Anakin: *staring at his master* How do you DO that?
Obi-Wan: *stands up* It's a gift. *walks to the door and opens it, Anakin on his tail.*
* on the threshold stands a Zabrak dressed in jeans and a T-shirt.*
Obi-Wan: You!
Darth Maul: Me. May I come in?
Obi-Wan: I... uh...
Anakin: *shoving his master out of the way* Sure.
*Darth Maul steps into the apartment, and they notice that he is carrying a baby Zabrak in a carrier*
Maul: Nice place.
Obi-Wan: Er... thanks...
Anakin: How ya been, Maul?
Maul: Who are you?
Anakin: Anakin Skywalker.
*Maul looks puzzled*
Anakin: The kid you drove a swoop bike over.
Maul: Ohhhh. Wow, you've sure grown. *ruffles Anakin's hair*
Anakin: *swatting Maul's hand* HEY! Watch the hair.
Obi-Wan: May I ask how come you're alive and in one piece when I cut you in half and killed you?
Maul: Well, actually, you only cut me in half. I fixed it, though. *lifts his shirt up to show the mass of grey around his middle* Duct Tape. Fixes just about anything.
Anakin: Cooool....
Obi-Wan: Why are you here?
Maul: Well, I was hoping you'd watch my daughter while I ran a few errands.
Obi-Wan: Daughter?
Maul: *taking the baby out of the carrier* Darla. Isn't she beautiful?
Darla: *spits in Obi-Wan's face*
Obi-Wan: *wiping the spit off his face* ...Exquisite.
Maul: I'd really appreciate it if I could leave her with you for a few hours. Do you mind?
Obi-Wan and Anakin: Uuhh...
Maul: Great. I'll be back around five. And don't worry, she's a little devil. Aren't you, Darly?
Darla: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
Maul: That's what I want to hear. Bye-bye! *leaves*
Obi-Wan: What just happened?
Anakin: Either the entire galaxy's been turned upside-down... or we're babysitters.
Obi-Wan: Something tells me it's both.
Darla: Food!
Obi-Wan: *glaring at Anakin* exactly what I was thinking...
Anakin: *cowering* okay, alright, I'll go make Lunch. What do you want?
Darla: Glop!
Anakin: What?
Darla: Glop!
Anakin: Master? Translation, please.
Obi-Wan: How should I know what she's talking about? This is the first time I've seen a baby up close.
Anakin: Really?
Obi-Wan: Yeah. How about you?
Anakin: My mom used to earn extra credits by babysitting for other slaves. Probably still does.
Obi-Wan: So you know how to take care of a kid?
Anakin: Did I say that?
Obi-Wan: Didn't you help your mom?
Anakin: Let's just say my babysitting skills are about as good as your housekeeping skills.
Obi-Wan: What's that supposed to mean?
Anakin: Remember what happened that time you tried to do the laundry?
*both shudder at the memory*
Obi-Wan: Okay... well, who WOULD know?
Anakin: Well... Master Yoda trains the younglings. Maybe he'd know what she's talking about.
Obi-Wan: You want us to go ask a... troll... alien... thing... about how to take care of the daughter of a Sith? The dude's so old I doubt he can even remember his childhood.
Anakin: Master Yoda was a child?
Obi-Wan: Well... he's a mortal, isn't he?
Anakin: I don't know. I always just assumed he was like dirt. Has always been there and always will be.
Obi-Wan: ...I like you're theory better.
Anakin: So... to Yoda?
Obi-Wan: *glancing at Darla* I guess we better. No telling what a Sith's daughter'll do if we don't figure out how to feed her.
Anakin: *picking up Darla* 'Kay, let's go.
*Anakin and Obi-Wan walk down to Master Yoda's quarters, Anakin carrying Darla, who is vastly interested in his Padawan braid*
Anakin: Ow! No - Darla - OWCH! Stop it! Ow! That's my braid! It's attached to my head- ow! It's a symbol of my position- OW! Masterrrr? OWIE!
Obi-Wan: *trying to hide a smile* Give her here.
*Anakin tries to give Darla to Obi-Wan, but the baby shrieks loudly and clings to his face. Jedi stick their heads out their apartment doors and snicker at the sight*
Anakin: *muffled* What're you looking at?
*Jedi duck back into their apartments*
Obi-Wan: I get the feeling she's rather... Attached... to you, Anakin.
Anakin: Ha, ha. Good one, Master. Now would you please get her OFF MY FACE?
Obi-Wan: I don't think that's such a good idea. She hates me.
Anakin: Fine. Let's go to Yoda. *walks off with Darla attached to his face. Obi-Wan snickers and follows*
*They reach Yoda's apartment and bend over to knock on the small door*
Yoda: Want, what do you?
Obi-Wan: We seek your assistance, Oh Greatest Jedi of all.
Yoda: One moment, I will be.
*they wait impatiently. Then they hear small footsteps and the door opens to reveal a short, green, wrinkly dude with a towel wrapped around his waist and another towel tied like a turban around his head*
Anakin: *has just managed to pry Darla off his face* Oh, Force! *hides behind the baby*
Yoda: Taking care of Darth Maul's daughter, you are. Good, that is. Good lesson for you both.
Obi-Wan: You knew he had a daughter?
Yoda: Knew, I did. Her godfather, I am.
Anakin: So how come you aren't the one watching her?
Yoda: Upset at me, Maul is.
Obi-Wan: What did you do?
Yoda: Sided with her mother, I did.
Anakin: Yeah, what happened with her mother?
Yoda: Disagreement, they had. Train his daughter in the ways of the Sith, Maul wanted to. No, his wife said. Divorced, they are, but with her father, Darla stays.
Obi-Wan: Why-
Yoda: Advice, you seek. Do for you, what can I?
Darla: Glop!
Yoda: Aah. Hungry, she is. Glop, she wants.
Anakin: Master Yoda - what IS Glop?
Yoda: Show you, I will. Inside, come.
*Yoda hobbles inside. Anakin and Obi-Wan get down on their hands and knees to crawl through the doorway. They follow Yoda to his kitchen*
Yoda: Sit down, you will. *gestures toward his table, which is about a foot high*
Obi-Wan: Erm... we'll just stand.
Anakin: *muttering* You mean stoop.
Yoda: Yourself, suit. *gathers various things from cupboards and the fridge, puts a pot on the stove, fills it with a blueish-green liquid and lets it boil*
Darla: *clapping her hands * Glop!
Yoda: Yes, young Sith child. Glop I am making. Well feed, you and your babysitters will soon be.
*water boils and Yoda turns it down, adding the various ingredients and stirring with a stick*
Obi-Wan: *catching a whiff of the simmering substance* Master Yoda... what exactly is Glop?
Yoda: *taking pot off the stove* A secret, that is.
*Yoda places the pot on the table. It is a sort of greeny-brown guel*
Darla: *shrieking happily* Glop!
*Yoda dishes out the Glop*
Anakin: Uhh... no, thanks
Obi-Wan: We're really not hungry.
Yoda: Then feed Darla, you must.
Obi-Wan: Can't she feed herself?
Anakin: I doubt it. Babies can be very ignorant.
Obi-Wan: *sigh* Okay. *picks up a spoonful of Glop* here.
Darla: Speeder!
Obi-Wan: What?
Yoda: A speeder, pretend the spoon is. Make noises, you must.
Obi-Wan: Like this? *Makes speeder noises and "flies" the spoon into Darla's mouth* Force, I feel stupid.
Yoda: Yes. Again. Young Skywalker--
Anakin: Don't call me that.
Yoda: Hungry, you look. Eat, you should. Lunch time, it is.
Anakin: Oh, no, thanks, Master Yoda, I'm fine, I don't need any-- *Yoda shoves a spoonful of Glop into Anakin's mouth. Anakin swallows*
Yoda: Is it, how?
Anakin: *hand over his mouth* ...I think I'm gonna be sick... *jumps up, hits his head on the low ceiling and runs to the 'fresher, cursing*
Yoda: Strange boy, your Padawan is, Master Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan: Don't I know it.
Yoda: Hungry, you look, Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan: Master - no - I - *Yoda shoves a spoonful of Glop into Obi-Wan's mouth* Hey! this stuff's pretty good!
Yoda: Learn to make it, would you like to?
Obi-Wan: I thought it was a secret.
Yoda: Secret the ingredients are. But use them, you are welcome to.
Obi-Wan: Wow, thanks!
*Anakin comes back from the 'fresher looking slightly green and shaking violently.*
Yoda: Caught something, you have, Young Skywalker. Rest, you need.
Anakin: No, I'm fine, just-- *catches sight of the Glop* ohhh...
*Obi-Wan finishes feeding Darla. Darla gives a huge yawn*
Yoda: Tired, she is. To sleep, you must put her.
Darla: *snores softly, her head resting on Obi-Wan's chest*
Anakin: *feeling better now that the Glop has been removed from the table* Awww...
Obi-Wan: *death-glare* Master Yoda, what do we do when she wakes up?
Yoda: Play with her, you must.
Anakin: Got anything to play with around here?
Yoda: No. To Master Poof, you must go for playtime.
Obi-Wan and Anakin: Oh no.
Yoda: A problem, have you?
Anakin: Master Poof... well... he's sorta... odd.
Obi-Wan: That head... all the way up. Gives new meaning to the phrase "head in the clouds"
Anakin: It's hypnotic, man. Don't look in his eyes or all hope is lost.
Yoda: Go to him before she wakes up, you must.
Anakin: Fine! But I'm warning you. If I become his slave or something, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
Yoda: Control your temper, you must, Young Skywalker.
Anakin: DON'T CALL ME THAT!
Obi-Wan: Ssssh! You'll wake her up!
Anakin: I doubt it. She sleeps like a log. *pokes Darla* Are you sure she isn't dead?
Obi-Wan: Well... she's breathing.
Anakin: Maybe she's in a Glop induced comma.
Yoda: To Poof, you must go! *chases them out of his apartment*
Anakin: Sheesh, That little man has serious issues.
Obi-Wan: He must've had a very hard childhood.
Anakin: I thought we'd agreed that he was never a child.
Obi-Wan: Oh yeah. Well, we'd better get to Poof, or Yoda will be after us with that Gaffi stick you just HAD to get him last Christmas.
Anakin: I thought it'd make a good weapon! How was I supposed to know he's use it as part of the discipline at the Temple?
*They reach Master Poof's apartment. Anakin knocks on the door. It opens*
Poof: Aahhh... well, well, well... what have we here? Two Young Jedi and a baby Zabrak... Darla! What a small world... *head sways slowly back and forth*
Obi-Wan: *eyes following the head* small world...
Anakin: Master! Snap out of it! *Slaps Obi-Wan*
Obi-Wan: *shakes his head* Thank you, My young apprentice.
Anakin: My name is Anakin! How hard is that to say?
Poof: Why are you here? Do you seek my counsel?
Obi-Wan: Yoda told us to come here to play with Darla when she wakes up.
Poof: Ah, yes... Come inside. We will have... fun...
Anakin: *gulp* Master...
Obi-Wan: It's okay, Anakin. He's a Jedi of the light.
Anakin: Don't look at his eyes again, Master.
Obi-Wan: I won't.
*Obi-Wan and Anakin enter Master Poof's apartment. Looking around, they see a single round room, with tall, round furniture*
Darla: *slowly wakes up* Poof!
Poof: Hello, Darla...
Darla: Play!
Obi-Wan: What do we play?
Darla: Poof!
Anakin: Yes, his name is Poof. We've established that.
Poof: No... She means she want's to play "Poof"...
Obi-Wan: What's that?
Poof: Well... I "Poof", and you try to find me... When you do, shout POOF!
Anakin: Hide and go seek?
Darla: Poof!
Anakin: Whatever. Okay, Poof away, Poof.
Poof: POOF! *disappears*
Obi-Wan: Where'd he go?
Anakin: I'm guessing that's what we're trying to find out.
Obi-Wan: Hang on... I think I remember playing something like this when I was a youngling.
Anakin: Okay... so how do we find balloon-head?
Obi-Wan: Well, he's poofed to somewhere in the Temple, so we'd better start- -
Darla: POOF!
Poof: *stepping out from under the bed* Yes, Darla... you've found me...
Darla: *shrieks with laughter*
Obi-Wan: That was quick
Anakin: So what do we play now?
Poof: We could go play tag in the gardens...
Obi-Wan: Okay, let's go.
*Obi-Wan, Anakin, Darla, and Poof make their way to the gardens. Many younglings are playing happily*
Anakin: *setting Darla down on the grass* Be free, little Zabrak! BE FREE!!
Darla: *whacks Anakin's ankles* IT!
Anakin: Huh?
Poof: You're it...
Anakin: Ohh... *whacks Obi-Wan's shoulder* not anymore!
Obi-Wan: *whacks Poof's head, which bounces all over the place* You're it, Poof!
*they run all around the gardens in a spirited game of tag*
Obi-Wan: *Panting* I think... it's time... to stop...
Darla: *shrieking with laughter*
Anakin: Wow, she's sure dirty.
Obi-Wan: Well, she's been crawling around on the ground, what do you expect?
Poof: You should give her a bath...
Anakin: Do you have a bathtub we can use?
Poof: No... I use the showers in the training hall...
Anakin: Ah. Well then, where do we go to give her a bath?
Poof: Master Windu will help you clean her...
Obi-Wan: Okay. Let's go. Thank you, Master Poof.
Poof: Don't mention it... Come visit me soon...
*Anakin, Obi-Wan and Darla leave*
Anakin: Suuuure we'll go visit him soon. He still creeps me out.
Obi-Wan: He creeps me out too.
Anakin: Yeah, cuz he almost managed to take over your mind.
Obi-Wan: *Shudders*
*They make their way up to Master Windu's apartment. Anakin knocks on the door*
Anakin: Master Windu? Are you in there?
Mace: Go away!
Anakin: Are you busy?
Mace: Yes.
Anakin: What are you doing?
Mace: That's none of your business.
Anakin: Polishing your head?
Mace: How'd you know?! I - I mean. No.
Anakin: We really need to get in, Master Windu. We've got a seriously messy kid here.
Mace: A messy kid? Have no fear - *door opens to reveal Mace dressed in sweats, his head shining like the midday sun*
Obi-Wan: *shielding his eyes* It burns!
Mace: Windu's here! Come on in. We must rid this kid of her evil dirt.
*Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Darla move to enter Mace's house*
Mace: Wait!
Obi-Wan: What?
Mace: Take off your shoes first. I don't want any of your dirt on my nice clean carpet.
*the Jedi take off their shoes and walk into Maces apartment. it is a blinding white, with not so much as a spec of dust out of place - because there is no dust*
Obi-Wan, Anakin and Darla: Ack!
Mace: Oh, here. You may need these *passes them each a pair of sunglasses*
Obi-Wan: Much better.
*Mace leads them to the bathroom, which is about a hundred times more sanitary than an operating room*
Anakin: *muttering to Obi-Wan* Ever get the feeling Master Windu's a bit of a neat-freak?
Obi-Wan: Now that you mention it...
*Mace draws a bath of hot water and pours in some disinfectant*
Obi-Wan: Um, Master Windu?
Mace: Mmm?
Obi-Wan: Is it safe to put a child in hot, chemically water?
Mace: If that child is a Zabrak, yes.
Obi-Wan: Ah.
Mace: *snapping on a pair of rubber gloves* Okay, give me the kid. *take Darla from Anakin and lowers her, clothes and all, into the steaming water*
Darla: *shrieks with laughter*
Anakin: Why do you think she laughs at everything?
Obi-Wan: I'm not sure. But I sometimes get the feeling she's mocking us.
Darla: *Spits water in Obi-Wan's face*
Anakin: I think your right, Master.
*they watch Darla swim around in the tub for awhile until Mace proclaims her clean. Taking her out, they use his hair - excuse me - HEAD dryer to dry her off*
Anakin: Great. She looks good as new.
Obi-Wan: Thanks, Mace.
Mace: Glad to have saved the galaxy once again from dirt and grime.
Obi-Wan: Er... yeah. Well, Bye!
*Obi-Wan and Anakin take Darla, who is sleeping once again, back up to their apartment. they sit on the couch, Darla in Anakin's lap*
Anakin: What do we do now, Master?
Obi-Wan: Wait until Maul comes back, I guess.
~*~
*Maul walks up to the door of apartment 4893. He knocks. getting to answer, he tries the door, which is unlocked. Inside, he finds his daughter and her two babysitters sleeping on the couch*
Maul: *picking up Darla* Thank you, Jedi.
Obi-Wan: *sits up slowly* Don't mention it.
Anakin: No problem.
Maul: Well, how would you like to watch her tomorrow? I have a Sith meeting and--
*Obi-Wan and Anakin look at each other with panicked faces*
Obi-Wan and Anakin: NO!