Disclaimer: The characters scenes locations and anything Harry you recognize are not mine. I didn't make them. I borrowed a bit and added a few new people. All Harry stuff belongs to JKR.

Authors note: the story was formerly called "Practical Jokes", but as its taken on a life of its own and evolved a bit past just the jokes, we felt the title wasn't fitting. Chapter 3 is up. Please Read and review!! ############ ###################

Practical Jokes

Lily Evans came tearing into the Griffindor common room out of breath, looking almost panicked. She darted her head around the room looking for Sirius. Although a small part of her hoped she wouldn't be able to warn him in time-he needed to be brought down a level or two- her panic rose.

"Lily?" James touched her shoulder from behind. "What's going on?"

She spun to her boyfriend, with a grin teasing the corners of her mouth. "Where's Sirius?"

James furrowed his brow, shaking his head slightly. "In the dorm." He pointed at the stairs "With Remus and Peter." He cocked an eyebrow, "Is he in trouble?"

Lily smiled. When was he not?

"Black!" A very angry female voice came from the corridor, Lily hadn't closed the portrait.

Pushing James towards the stairs, she fought back a chuckle and ordered, "Get him out of here!"

"Black!"

"She's going to kill him this time."

"What did he do?" Grinning at Lily, he knew this was good. Lily never tried to help Sirius. He wasn't sure if it was because he annoyed the hell out of her, or if she just thought he could take care of himself. Either way, neither applied right now. He was about to ask again when he looked over Lily (who was still pushing him at the stairs), and saw what Sirius had done.

"Where is he Potter?" Jennifer Lennox stood in the archway burrowing raging eyes at James- Who had to force himself not to laugh. The normally very pretty girl could hardly be described as such. He waist length chocolate hair was an awful shade of yellowish-orange with a definite green tint to it. And her olive skin had gone all streaky. She almost looked like one of those muggle soldiers that painted their skin for camouflage.

Behind the hysterics James was fighting he was trying to figure why Sirius had done this. Jen was pretty, clever and just a little nasty. Although not an ace athlete, she was in excellent shape and could ride a broom fairly well. If Sirius was ever going to stick with one girl, this one was perfect for him. And Sirius did like her! He wasn't one to talk about his feelings but he had spent a great deal of time with the girl over the last few months. James and Remus had even taken sport to teasing him about how often the two would disappear. Hadn't he shagged her just last night?

"Where?" She shouted at James, Eyes brimming with tears born of rage.

"Go!" Lily shouted almost as loud, then spun on her approaching friend. "Stop Jen!"

James took the stairs three at a time trying to hear the girls. "Jenny, stop! You can't just go up there and hex him!" (Crash thump slam) "Watch me!" He was half tempted to go back down just to see his Lily in a catfight, yes, he liked that thought. As a matter of fact, but Jennifer's hair and skin right, he wouldn't min being in the middle of-

"Black!" She'd broken past Lily and was racing up the stairs.

Running into the room, James held the doorknob as he twisted, almost skidding off his feet and slammed the door shut. "Lock it!" He said to Sirius who was standing in the center of the room, obviously beginning to cross it.

"You just did." Said Sirius, confused.

"Magic it! I don't have my wand!"

For a confused moment, Sirius stared at his tousled-haired best friend holding out a hand for explanation.

"Black!" Jen screamed through the door, then "Alohomora!" The latch slipped loose and she tried to push in, but James was leaning on the door holding it shut. She slammed into it, pushing it open just a bit "Open this door!"

She threw her weight against the door again and James feet began to slip. He turned his back to the door and tried to push, but had on only socks that gave no traction. "Calm down Jen! You can't come in here like that!"

"Fuck off James!" She redoubled he efforts and pushed the door open a bit more "Sirius! Get! Out! Here! NOW!"

At the sound of her voice, Sirius threw himself against the door, elbowing James ribs as they slammed the door shut.

Remus jumped up from the pile of books he and Peter had strewn across the floor, pulling his wand from his robes. Maneuvering his wand around Sirius he charmed the lock.

"Alohomora.alohomora!"

Remus looked at James, "That won't hold for long.

"Dammit Remus! Open this door!" She began pounding on the door.

Peter, who stayed clear of the melee, stood and looked at Sirius, "Jeez, Sirius, what did you do to her? She's really hot."

"Hot?" James sneered. Still leaning on the door "Once she gets through this door she's going to tear you apart! What were you thinking?" He glared at the criminal.

"Stupid! Sick! Fuck!"

Padfoot looked at his fellow marauders, arms stretched in defeat shaking his head. "I don't know!" He looked at James "What did she say before you came up?"

Standing straight James scoffed "I thought you liked her, Sirius!"

Pound-Bang, "Peter! Open this door or when you DO come out I'll curse you into sludge!"

"What did I do?" Then turned on Sirius, know full well Jen could follow through on her threat. "What did you do to her?"

Again, he shook his head; looking pleadingly at his friends accusing faces "I don't know! I did like her-I do!"

"Open this door!" Pound pound.

James ran his hands over his hair taking a steadying breath, the looked at Sirius. "You really have no idea why she looks like she's been bathed in a rotten swamp?"

Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth as understanding dawned on him. "Oh no." He moved his hand to his forehead and turned back to the room.

"I'll tear this door to splinters with my hands!"

"What did you do?" Moony growled at his back.

"It was weeks ago," he was shaking his head. "We were talking about the Americans, where she comes from in California. The girls have blonde hair with tanned skin."

"Oh. My. God." Remus said.

"You didn't." James said, knowing he had.

Peter looked to them all, clearly the only one who was still lost. To seem useful he put his head to the door as the pounding and shouting had stopped.

"It was a joke!" Sirius turned back to look at his friends. Neither James nor Remus looked happy. "I never thought she'd actually use it! Prongs, I swear! I was sure I got the potions right."

"You mixed a potion into her shampoo."

Padfoot nodded. Had he been the dog, his tail would have been securely tucked between his legs. "And her soaps."

Remus let out a low whistle.

"I think she's gone." Peter said tentatively. "But I'm not opening the door to find out."

"They were separate bottles!" Sirius felt he needed to explain. "When she didn't show up blonde weeks ago, I figured she'd tossed them!"

"I guess you were wrong." Moony almost smiled as he shook his head. "You're dead."

"What am I going to-"

"JENNIFER, NO!" Lily's scream was so loud the marauders all stopped and jerked their heads to the door.

"Move Lily!" Then a thud that was defiantly a body being thrown.

Then- SLAM.

The four reflexively jumped away from the door.

Slam

The door jerked slightly and the frame creaked.

"She's trying to break the door down!" Peter cried out.

"With what?" Sirius stepped further back.

"Does it matter?"

Remus and James had crossed to the back of the room and were casually leaning on the foot of peters bed.

Slam. Dust dropped from the frame.

Prongs shook his head smiling. "Lily was right Padfoot. She's really going to kill you this time."

"It was just a potion! On hour, maybe two!"

Slam. Wood was creaking around the door. Peter retreated to the bed behind Moony and Prongs.

"You have to help me!"

They all shook their heads.

"This time you deserve whatever you get."

"You're on your own."

Slam. She was getting close.

Frantically, Sirius looked around the room and did the only thing he could think of. He threw open the windows, grabbed his broom. and ran for his life.

Remus smiled and pointed his wand at the door.

"No!" Peter shouted, "She'll kill us!"

But too late. The door was unlocked and open. Jen stood in the doorway glaring. If her face hadn't been that ugly greenish streaky, it would have been red. She stomped over to James and grabbed his robes pulling him close to her face. "Where is he?"

Suppressing the urge to grin, as he knew he'd regret if he did, he pointed and nodded to the windows.

Shoving him down, a little harder than he thought he deserved, she stalked to the window, just in time to see Sirius cutting across the lake.

She spun back to the three remaining marauders and pointed. James and Remus put their hands up in surrender and Peter tried to vanish behind them.

"That's enough, Jen." Lily was standing in the doorway, looking disheveled, although a bit amused.

"No, it's-" As she turned to Lily, she caught sight of James broom, ran to it, mounted and flew out the window.

Lily, Remus and Peter erupted into laughter. "Oh, she's going to make him suffer!"

Remus nodded, "He doesn't stand a chance!"

"James?" Lily looked at her boyfriend who was staring blankly out the window. "James, are you okay?"

Slowly he turned to Lily, looking wounded. "She just stole my broom!"