A/N: Sorry for not updating in such a long time people! It really wasn't my fault… some of it was. But not all. I gave up the computer for Lent. So that took a lot of computer time out of my schedule. Plus school. And other things… :-S But I hope you like the new chapter all the same ^_^ Enjoy!
This chapter is specially dedicated to Culdil-part-Elven and Aerin.
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How Did We Get Here?!
Chapter Three: Inside the Castle… Sort of…
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The Fellowship, Link, Navi, Andrea, Michelle, and Angie were currently on their way to the Castle of Hyrule. The group followed Navi, who was the only one who seemed to know where to go.
Angie and Aragorn both followed said Fairy very closely, seemingly annoying the crap out of him.
"Are we there yet?" Angie asked, exasperated.
Navi sighed. "No…"
"CHICKEN!" Aragorn jumped up, trying to catch the Fairy.
Navi sighed again.
"Are we there yet?" Angie asked again.
"No…"
"Oh… Okay…" Angie looked down at her feet. "How about now?"
"No."
"Now?"
"No…"
Angie fell silent for a moment. But that moment was much too short for the liking of the others. "Are we there yet?"
"No… -.-"
A Random Person threw a rock at Angie as he walked by. The rock knocked Angela unconscious. The Group stopped and looked down at her.
"Hey!" Gandalf shouted. "That guy threw a rock! O_o"
Frodo patted Gandalf's shoulder. "Yes… We know…" He said. "And now she's unconscious…"
"Oh…"Gandalf said. "Okay…"
Frodo nodded. "It's okay if you're slow, Gandy…."
"O_o HEY! I'm not slow!" Gandalf shouted, as dark clouds formed over his head. "And don't call me 'Gandy'!"
The Hobbit fell over in surprise. "Uh…" He blinked. "Okay?"
Gandalf smiled stupidly as the dark clouds went away. "Hee hee. I told you I was menacing!"
"Actually," Link said, "You said you were powerful and that we should fear you!" He giggled insanely and then ran off. "ENCYCLOPEDIAS!"
"DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?!" Gandalf shouted at Link.
Link ran in circles around the Fellowship of the Very Confused People, still giggling insanely.
"You couldn't just let me have that ONE moment, could you?!" Gandalf said, sounding like he was going to cry. Which he started doing.
Gandalf cried. Gandalf cried very loudly. Gandalf cried so loud, you could hear him even if you put your fingers in your ears and danced around like a monkey while you sang an annoying song comprised of 'LALALALAs'.
"Oh pull yourself together, man!" Gimli shouted. The he threw his axe at Gandalf. But since he had such bad aim, he only hit his hat and pinned it to a nearby tree.
Gandalf stopped crying. Then there was a very long awkward silence.
Then, in the not-so-far distance, a loud, high pitched "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" was heard. It was eventually followed by a very loud "DOOSH!"
When a bunch of dust from an apparently large impact cleared, a girl was sitting in a large medium sized crater. She climbed out of the large medium sized crater and looked at the Fellowship of the Very Confused People. They looked back at her.
"Hi everybody!" she said. "I'm Culdil-part-Elven. But you can call me Culdil, for short. If you want."
Andrea flipped through her Magic Notebook until she got to the Review pages. Then she looked up at Culdil. "I know you! ^_^"
Culdil smiled. "Yay!"
"But…" Andrea looked confused (big surprise there…). "How did you get here?"
"Not important," Culdil said. Then she walked over to Andrea and whispered stuff in her ear. When she finished, Andrea looked at her like this à o_0
"No…"
"Yes." Culdil smiled even more.
"Blue…?"
She nodded.
"But.. I thought… and then… you said… and HE… yellow… but…. BLUE?"
Culdil laughed, and smiled. "Blue."
Andrea spun around, then scribbled something down in the Magic Notebook with the Magic Pen. A television MAGICALLY appeared with a little 'poof!'. She wrote in the Magic Notebook with the Magic Pen again, and an N64 fell out of the sky and landed in front of the television. She wrote in the Magic Notebook with the Magic Pen one more time, and 'Zelda: The Ocarina of Time' appeared in the N64.
"Michee?" Andrea said, looking at the N64. "Do you know how to hook one of those things up?"
Michelle looked at the system. Then she looked at the TV. Then she smacked Andrea with the Magic Notebook. "You're slow!" She said.
"Not I'm NOT!" Andrea crosses her arms. "I'm just mentally challenged…"
"That's right you are!" Michee said. "Now, gimme that." She took the Magic Pen from Andrea and wrote in the Magic Notebook with it.
Around the system and the TV, a little smoke cloud went 'PUFF!'. It was MAGICALLY hooked up. By Magic!
"Cool…" Andrea said. "Now can you get me a pony?"
" -.- You are so slow…"
"Thank you… ^_^"
Michelle gave the Magic Notebook and the Magic Pen back to Andrea. "Play your stupid game…"
"HEY!" Andrea said. "The game isn't stoopid! Only Link…"
"FINE! -.-U" Michee threw her hands up. "Whatever- just play!"
Angie slowly got up in the background, and looked around. "Ow…"She said. "I fell like I just got hit in the head with a brick…"
Pippin looked at Angie. "Actually," he said. "It was more of a rock."
Everybody stared at Angie.
"Wow..." Michee said. "That was her fastest recovery yet…"
Angie looked at the game Andrea had not yet turned on. "ZELDA!" she ran over to the T.V and sat down in front of the screen. "Turn it on!"
"Okay, okay… Keep your pants on…"Andrea turned the game on, then went into the file marked "Link". She ran around in the game for a little bit, then- it happened! *GASP!*
"Hey!" Andrea looked at Navi in the game. "Navi is… (A/N: BUM BUM BUM!) BLUE! Wow…"`
Andrea wrote in the Magic Notebook with the Magic Pen. A giant puff cloud went up around Navi, and when it cleared, the Yellow Fairy was (BUM BUM BUM!) a BLUE FAIRY!
Culdil smiled. Again. "One more thing…"
They all blinked as they stared at Culdil.
"Navi… is… a…"
Five minutes later, Navi, the BLUE fairy, was not a boy. No… He was a GIRL!
"You know…" Andrea said. "I never thought he was a she…"
"Wait," Angie said. "Didn't I tell you that before?"
"Tell me what?"
Angie smacked her (own) forehead. "THAT HE WAS A SHE!"
Andrea blinked. "You did?"
"Cha!"
Andrea looked around. "Sorry…"
"Oh yeah. Uh huh. Sure buddy." She said. "You don't believe me till you hear it from someone else. Great."
"But I said I was sorry!" Andrea said. "Here!"
Andrea wrote in the Magic Notebook with the Magic Pen. There was a small 'Puff!,' and Angie had a lollipop.
Angie squeaked. "WHEE!"
"What about me?" Culdil asked.
"I'm sorry!" Andrea said. "Do you want a lollipop?"
"Can I have a pony? ^_^"
There was a loud "BANG!", and a pony appeared.
"YAY!" Culdil climbed on top of it, then all of a sudden she shot up into the air, and disappeared.
Michelle threw Andrea her Magic Notebook.
"Hey!" Andrea shouted. "That wasn't nice!"
"So?" Michee said. "You just can't just insert random characters either! You have enough trouble with the one's you've already got!"
"Nuh-uh!" Andrea shouted.
"Yeah you do!" Michelle laughed. "Just look at Gimli- He hasn't said ONE intelligent thing for the whole story!"
"Yeah he HAS!" Andrea told her. "He said 'HI!' If the cavemen thought that saying 'Hi' was intelligent, then I do too!"
"Only you would think that… -.-U"
"Are you saying I'm stupid?" Andrea raised her eyebrows.
"No- you just said it yourself! ^_^"
"Bitch…"
"Thank-you ^_^"
"-.-"
Angie looked around. "Are we there yet?"
Navi (who is BLUE now) sighed. Then SHE floated off in the direction of the castle. And because there was nothing better to do, everybody else followed HER.
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After about a minute of walking, they reached the town. Village. MARKET! A lot of people walked around. A lot of people had money.
Boromir got so excited at the prospect of seeing so many new people, that he ran up to each person, waved frantically in and shouted "HI!" After the first thirty or so people though, he went into Hello-Meltdown, and knocked himself unconscious with a banana.
While Boromir knocked himself unconscious, Merry and Pippin robbed the local squirrels of their acorns. One squirrel-which they later named Dan- put up a valiant fight for the nut. But Marry and Pippin weren't going to let the squirrel win, so they catapulted it into the distance. Then they took all of its acorns.
Navi, the BLUE she-fairy, let out an exasperated sigh. "Come ON! We have to get to Zelda! Preferably today… -.-U"
"BLUE CHICKEN!" Aragorn jumped up, trying to grab Navi. He failed in doing this, and fell to the ground. When he fell, he predictably fell on his head, knocking himself unconscious.
"I must have done something in a previous life to deserve this punishment…" Navi said.
Angie looked up at the fairy. "Its not a punishment… it's a GIFT! Enjoy it while it lasts…"
"I'll keep that in mind… ¬ .¬ "
Navi looked around the Market area. She saw Boromir unconscious with a banana in his hand. Aragorn was underneath her – unconscious. Gandalf was standing in the middle of the Market. He was very timid and twitchy, but he held onto his magic staff lovingly. Merry and Pippin were trying to find a bag to stuff all their acorns into. Andrea was reading Happy Noodle Boy to the homeless insane. Angie was chasing a poodle. Michee was muttering to herself about being on the brink of insanity. Legolas was getting directions to the castle from a local duck. Link was running around in circles shouting, "FIVE DOLLA FOR SOY SAUCE AND RICE!"* Frodo was fighting a battle with himself- contemplating whether or not he should put the Ring on and strangle Link. Sam was buying hair care products. And Gimli was trying to behead the Happy Mask Man.
"It's a gift…" Navi said to herself. "It's a gift… it's a gift…"
The fairy looked around again and decided that they should get going. "I have decided that we should go now."
All the conscious people gathered around Navi to listen to her talk. "Okay… Andrea- you drag Banana Boy. Michelle- you drag Chicken Man."
"Why?" Michee asked.
"Because the world is a happier place without them awake."
Michee thought about this for a minute, then agreed. "I agree…"
Then she and Andrea grabbed the two unconscious people's legs and dragged them up to the castle.
As they neared the castle door, they noticed a small, green, midget, with a wrinkled face and pointed ears. He also looked like he was one hundred and seventeen years old.
They all looked at the hundred and seventeen-year-old three-foot midget. "Who you are?" the Midget asked.
They all blinked.
Angie leaned over to Link. "Is that a question?"
"I think so…" he whispered.
Nobody seemed to be very inclined to answer the midget's 'question'. So when nobody said anything, Pippin felt the need to 'answer'.
"Howdy." The Hobbit said. "Seeings how nobody else is going to say anything, I'll introduce ourselves."
"Very wise of you," The Midget said.
"But before I even say anything," Pippin continued, "I have to ask- who are you?"
The Little Green Midget nodded. "Yoda, I am."
Pippin nodded. "Right. So, I'm Pippin." He smiled. "I'm a Hobbit ^_^"
Yoda nodded again. "Very nice, that is."
The Hobbit smiled stupidly and turned to Merry. "Here that? He said it was nice ^_^"
Merry threw an acorn down the stairs to the castle. Pippin immediately chased after it. "Right. Now, I'm Merry, and this here is Frodo." Merry said, pointing at Frodo. "He has the Ring of Power, and is on the brink of corruption and insanity."
Frodo's eyes went wide. "YOU TELL LIES! LIIIIES!!!" He put the Ring on and disappeared. A moment later, he reappeared in a fetal position on the ground, sucking his thumb. "I saw scary things…"
Merry blinked. "Okay… And this is Sam- he's Frodo's manservant. And over there- unconscious-"
"Which one?" Yoda asked.
The Hobbit looked at the two unconscious Men. "Uh… the one that looks brooding and mysterious- but he's not, mind you. He think s that blue fairy up there is a chicken. But anyway, his name is Aragorn… And that," Merry pointed at Boromir, "is Boromir. The only thing he really knows how to say is 'hi'."
Merry looked at the rest of him, and was lost for words. So Link pushed Merry out of the way so he could finish.
"My fairy BLUE buddy GIRL is Navi. And I'm LINK!" Link said. "FRENCH TOAST AND SYRUP! The Old Guy in the Grey Dress is Gandy. He's a wizard."
Gandalf drew himself up all proud. "FEAR ME!"
Yoda blinked.
"Ignore him..." Link said.
Yoda nodded.
(A/N: And now, just to disrupt the flow of the story, I will with you the fact that I have ice cream. I have ice cream. And it's chocolate. This has been a recording.)
"Okay, the short little hairy man over there with the axe is Gimli," Link continued. "And the pretty boy with the blonde hair and pointed ears, is Legolas."
Yoda nodded again.
"And the three girls over there," He went on, " aren't important. But I'll tell you who they are anyhow."
Michee made a face like this à -.-
"Michelle is the blondish-brownish haired one. Don't worry," Link said. "She always makes that face."
"I DO NOT!" Michee shouted. -.-
"Yes you do," Link said. "Anyway- Angie is is the short hyperactive person with the shirt that says 'Cheese is Good'. And the tallish person with the stuffed penguin is Andrea."
Yoda nodded once again, and then said the following words: "Very well. Follow me, you do."
Everybody blinked, then followed the little green midget through the castle doors. Andrea and Michelle dragged the two unconscious people behind them.
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The FOTVCP (Fellowship of the Very Confused People) followed the Little Green Midget through countless doors and never-ending corridors.
After four hours, Yoda opened up a very large door.
They were outside again. They were back to where they started.
Michelle blinked, and dropped Aragorn's feet. Andrea did the same. In fact, there was a sort of group blink… thing… They all blinked. ::blink::
"We're… back to where we started!!" Michee shrieked.
Yoda nodded. "Yes. You are."
"WHY?!"
"Tour I thought you wanted." Yoda shrugged.
"A tour…? A TOUR?!" Michee twitched. "What kind of a tour is FOUR HOURS LONG?! Its supposed to be THREE! A THREE hour tour! Not FOUR! THREE! A THREE! HOUR! TOUR!!!"
Everybody stared at Michelle as she went into a series of consistent twitches.
Navi flew over to Yoda. "HEY!" She said. "We only wanted to see Zelda!"
Yoda looked at the little ball of BLUE light in front of him. "Then say so, you should have."
Navi looked at Yoda. "-.-U Can we just see the Princess? Now? Its really important…"
Michee was still twitching in the background. "THREE! THREE! THREE! THREE!…"
All of a sudden, just as they were about to go back into the castle, Boromir just jumped up. He was fully awake, and full of energy.
He caught sight of the Little Green Midget (aka, Yoda) and waved frantically at him. "HI!!!!!"
Yoda twitched. Then he took out a green lightsaber and cut Boromir in half.
Boromir looked down at his legs, then screamed. "I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!"
He waved his arms around frantically in his panic, then his top half fell off his bottom half. He hit the ground with a "THUD!"
Gandalf pointed at Boromir. "O_o He fell off his LEGS!"
Boromir looked at his still-standing legs. "I DID!"
"Follow me now, you do." Yoda started to walk inside the castle. The FOTVCP (Fellowship of the Very Confused People) followed, stepping over Boromir.
"You can't just LEAVE me here!" Boromir shouted. "PLEASE! Come BACK!"
He looked up at the guard that was standing next to him. "Hello…"
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A/N: ^_^ YAY! You people have NO idea how long I've been wanting to post this chapter. Oh come on. Don't look at me like you're all surprised or something. ::rolls eyes:: Been busy lately… And now, just to take up space, I shall grace you with the knowledge of my uneventful life:
Uh… let's see… I went to the Drag Races. (The LEGAL ones. Not the street ones. Those are kinda stupid. ::is listening to the Mario Bros. Theme song:: And for all those who may not know, Drag Racing is a professional sport. ^_^ I MET Shirley Muldowny! AND got her autograph!! WHEE!) I've been to the Jeep Races up in MA. THOSE were really nifty. For the past two weeks though, I've been adding stuff to this chapter to make it BETTER! So I didn't forget about it completely. Just so you guys don't think I bailed on the story or anything. Umm… what else… school… projects… etc… No injuries. Yet. Heh. The whole Lent thing helped too. Plus I didn't feel like typing this out for a while. The Lent thing made me slip into a sorta typing slump, to say the least.
You know… I've been listening to TECHNO for the past forty-five minutes… I have Tichy to thank for THAT one. Well… myself actually. I asked for it… only after he had me sample his cd. Well.. that comment was pointless…
On to the thank you's!! As you all know by now, you get cheeseburgers for reviewing. Unfortunatly, I don't if I changed this yet, but now, you will get cheese pizza! Just because it's good.
Aerin: All he did was scream? Well, I must say that IS a good improvement then ^_^ I'm working on the Gimli thing. I believe I gave him more lines. If I didn't, then he WILL be getting more. Just wait till next chapter. I think you'll love it.*COUGH*cameo*COUGH* ::hands you a large cheese pizza:: ENJOY!
Culdil-part-Elven: Whee! Navi had a sex change! And I HAVE to admit, after more and more people started to ell me of Navi, I actually DID check the game. ::goes red:: So I haven't played the game in a while… I hope you liked the cameo though. Double cheesiness for you! ::Hands you a pizza::
Lady Galadriel: Evil enough for you? I hope you like twitching though. I think you'll be doing a lot of it. :-D JUST KIDDING. Stop the freaking out…jeeze…
Wow.. this techno is getting weirder by the song… they sound like the oompa loompas! But Happy Birthday Michee! (ß It's her B-day! ^_^) ::Hands you Birthday cake!!:: WHEE! MORE CHOCOLATE!
x-silver-saffire-x: Sorry it took so long to update… I hope you liked this chapter though! ^_^ ::Hands you your requested cheese pizza::
Alodia: in a good way, right? Lol. And I'm glad that you're glad that some one else used your idea ;-) I'm STILL trying to find time to read the rest of your story. If it helps, I haven't read anything lately… heh ^_^U that didn't help… Will a pizza help? ::Offers a pizza- triple cheese::
Rinaidran Warrior: I'm sorry if Link's stupidity offends you… But I just can't change the whole plot of the story to make people happy. You know… al those legal problems going on… But he DID seem smarter in this chapter… to some degree… I think… heh… Pizza for pizzazz though! ::Tosses a cheese pizza to you::
Danielle: WHOO! You read it! I feel so honored… ::wipes away tears:: I'm glad you liked it so far. You're one of the lucky ones who got a quick chapter up though. Everybody else all had to wait about two months or so… I think that's it. Maybe three. Too lazy to check. And let me tell you: If you get cancercided, then I'll be the FIRST one to tell Mr. Krill on you! ;-) ::Gives you a cheese pizza:: Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the last ones! ^_^
Rhiannon: You kinda gave me an email review, so you can get a little note here too. I'm glad my fic has been a good source of inspiration to you. You can borrow any idea you like ^_^ ::catapults a cheese pizza over to you:: those catapults come in real handy, huh? ^_^
Okay people. You know how I promised that we could all point and laugh at ANY person who flames me? Well… here's your chance. This would be said flamer's review:
well. That was pathetic. Hint: Ritalin is your friend! I believe in one of your reviews to a, and I agree, less then talented authoress, you said she should delete her story to make room for the real authors. I'd haev to say the same to you. Power to the penguins, though!
Now I do not know about you, but I have a few points and comments to make on this. 1.) I have NEVER sent a flame to anyone. So I REALLY have no idea what this was about. 2.) RITALIN IS, AND NEVER WILL BE, A FRIEND TO ANYONE!! It makes you all stupid… and it gives you a headache. Monike told me so! 3.) this is just me, but I feel that this "PenguinLess" person, created this 'pen name' just to have this review stay on my Review Board. AND THAT REALLY GRINDS MY BEANS!
I would only like to know what is that I DID or WROTE that made me deserve this 'pathetic' review.
Unfortunately, either way, this person will still be laughed at. So I must urge you all to point and laugh at this screen. At this person. For not having a backbone to respond to my many emails to them. It is greatly appreciated.
(God I hate doing that…)
But, I'm outie.
Next chapter is fully written out.
As always, REVIEW! It's the little blue button in the left-hand corner. I believe it says 'GO!' now. Just click that. Type in the box that pops up. Make me smile. ^_^
POWER TO THE PENGUINS!
~ Insane Person Of the Darkness
Long Author's notes, yes?