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Chapter Seventy-three
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Conversations Circling Around a Letter
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As Elizabeth crawled into bed, she settled under her quilt and opened the letter from Allie. As she read, she drank in the news of Nathan and his appreciation by so many in Regina. Elizabeth smiled at Allie's effusive praise and her teenage descriptions of how handsome he looked in his blue serge and how so many noticed him at church and at the Faculty Tea. Elizabeth's breath caught when Allie said that a few of her female teachers seemed very interested in talking with her father, 'Of course, how could they not be?' Allie had written.
Aloud, Elizabeth agreed. "Indeed, how could they not be?"
Allie had continued writing. 'Uncle Jon told Sally, she's my bosom friend, that Dad made a big impression at Depot when he led a funeral exercise with a lot of the faculty and a few Troops. He said Dad looked marvelous on his horse, riding as one with Newton. Of course we already know that, right?'
Elizabeth smiled in agreement as she lifted her face, but closed her eyes to see a mental vision of Nathan, tall and strong, riding into town mounted high on Newton. Nathan was such a smooth rider, as if he was born to ride and was completely in tune with his horse. Elizabeth thought back to a time when she was standing outside the Saloon with Lucas and could not help herself from watching Nathan, in his civilian clothes, ride around the corner. He had looked regal, like a prince. Sighing, she returned to her reading.
Discussing her experiences at St. Anne's Academy for Girls, Allie described her advance math and Latin courses, her favorite subjects of art, chorus and home economics, her current sewing project and her three special friends, Sally, Katie and Naomi. In describing Youth Group Allie inadvertently made mention of Jared Blake and Elizabeth took note with a smile. She wasn't surprised that Allie had caught the attention of a young man or two! Allie Grant was pretty and sweet and friendly.
Elizabeth paused to pray for God to protect Allie's heart, guide her and any suitors when she had them and give wisdom to Nathan for this teenage stage of his daughter's life. Elizabeth didn't doubt that Nathan could handle these challenges, she just wished she could be there to come alongside Allie and offer a woman's listening ear. She prayed that God would provide some women to do that for Allie until… Elizabeth reigned in her thoughts. She could not be thinking of marriage with Nathan… not yet.
When Elizabeth read Allie's final comments, she couldn't help her tears. "Oh Allie. I am sad about some things that happened too. You have no idea…"
As Elizabeth's eyes were blurry with tears she decided to turn out the light and cry as she prayed herself into an uneasy sleep.
After rehearsing Christmas and Advent music at choir, Rachel made the announcement that anyone interested could join the decorating committee on the afternoon of Saturday, the twenty-seventh, to assist the youth group decorating the sanctuary and vestibule in preparation for the first Sunday in Advent. Allie's face registered surprise and Nathan raised an eyebrow as they exchanged glances. 'How could I forget to tell Dad about this?'
On the ride home, Nathan questioned Allie about the decorating. "Do you want to go, Allie? Do you want me to attend as well, or would you like to be on your own with your friends?"'
"I forgot all about it with Mr. Thatcher here! I would really like for you to come, Dad. That way you can meet the Barrows and my friends. You could even meet Jared!"
"Ah ha…" Nathan now had every intention of meeting at the church the following Saturday! "I will be glad to join you on the twenty-seventh, Allie-girl."
Not sure where the week had gone, Nathan headed to the classroom to observe one of the courses in which he was rewriting the training manual. Having made the decision to decline the Chaplain's request, Nathan felt lighter. He reflected on the many encouragements from William Thatcher's visit, the lovely dinner with the Best family, his conversation with Joseph, and this morning's early conversation with Bill.
Bill had not been surprised that William and Nathan had gotten along so well, as he had gotten to know the man over these last months in Hope Valley. Having a shared concern for Elizabeth had endeared the Thatcher's to many in town and with the Thatcher's staying in Bill's apartment while Elizabeth was counseling, Bill had been given many opportunities to share coffee and lunch or spur-of-the-moment conversations. Bill found he liked William, a lot!
Yet, he was surprised to hear about Lucas, the orders of protection and his bold move to violate them. Bill promised to keep his eyes and ears open and carefully peruse the files when he received them from William. He might even have a safety discussion with William in the next couple days, and also planned to bring Constable Paul up-to-date at lunch today.
Hearing about all the events for Nathan at Depot had thrilled Bill. He was only envious that he couldn't be there to see for himself, but he was grateful that Nathan had decided not to take on any more responsibility. The man needed to rest and relax after all he had been through over the past year and more. Nevertheless, Bill was grateful every time he heard Nathan Grant recognized or celebrated. There was a sense of parental pride that Bill felt, even though he and Nathan were colleagues and friends and not father and son. Bill couldn't keep from being proud of Nathan.
Quizzing Nathan on the state of his heart, Bill was quiet when Nathan shared about the coffee date, but exclaimed "Good!" a few times when Nathan described that there was no spark and he was not interested in the woman. On the subject of letters from and to Elizabeth, Bill was quiet, choosing to not say anything about his knowledge of Nathan's response to Elizabeth. That was currently a matter of prayer and not a topic for discussion with either of the young people.
When Nathan shared about how Allie had charmed William, Bill had a good laugh and again was not surprised.
Nathan brought Bill up-to-date on the visit with his parents and Zachary and Bill warmed to that news. "I liked Zachary very much when we shared dinner together that night. He is a fine young man." Bill admitted.
The two colleagues had said their farewells on that note, promising to keep each other updated on Bouchard happenings.
Gathering with Joseph and Dr. Ben in the church office on Friday morning, Elizabeth gripped the envelope in one hand and a handkerchief in the other. Joseph opened their time together with prayer for the Lord to guide in whatever conversations lay ahead.
"Tell us please what is on your mind Elizabeth?" Dr. Ben inquired. "How can we help you today?"
Gathering her courage, Elizabeth lifted Nathan's envelope. "I received a letter from Nathan, responding to my letter of apology. It was hard to read. Nathan shared his perspective on our encounters, and how hurtful they were. He said he took the opportunity to speak because I never let him say anything. Sadly, he is right. He also assured me of his past and ongoing forgiveness."
Elizabeth sighed. "I don't want you to read his letter because it is important to me that our relationship becomes private now, but there is one section that is especially difficult. That part I guess I need to read to you?" Pulling out the pages, she found Nathan's words and read.
"'…is it too late to restore what we have lost? I don't know, Elizabeth.'"
"'I believe I will always love you, but… You are asking me to take a risk I don't think I can take right now…'"
Dr. Ben put up his hand to stop her. "Elizabeth? Two words. '…right now…' Nathan has specified a time. Remember that? Go on…"
"'You chose safety, unwilling to take a risk of the possibility of loss that might not even happen, a risk of the unknown. My risk is very different. My risk is the known. The rejection, betrayal, dismissal, the harsh words…'" Elizabeth's voice began to crack with emotion. ."'Many men risk their lives, their hearts, for those they love, but fewer risk their broken hearts. This is my dilemma, Elizabeth. I am uncertain if I can take that risk with you.'"
"'…I am guarding my heart and cannot allow myself to discuss my life, my innermost thoughts with you. There is no way to say this without being blunt. I'm sorry. I need to have proof that I can trust you, Elizabeth...'"
Elizabeth wiped tears from her cheeks and looked up with watery eyes. "I have wounded him so badly that he's evaluating his risks and not sure he can trust me." She shook her head and looked towards the window as she continued. "Bill said that's what Mounties do. They evaluate their risks."
Choking back tears Elizabeth asked, pleading. "What can I do? How can I show him I am sincere and worth the risk? How can I prove to him that I am trustworthy? I don't know the next step…"
Elizabeth returned to glance from Dr. Ben to Joseph. "I am resolved to fight for love with Nathan. To do whatever it takes, but where do I start? He's so far away and… I was so awful…"
"Have you prayed about this, Elizabeth?" Joseph asked quietly.
"Often and even more so since I read his letter yesterday afternoon…" She gulped to control her ever-present tears.
"And has any verse or thought come to mind?" Joseph continued his questioning.
"Just the verses in Proverbs, to 'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." (*) But I don't understand the connection."
"Trusting God, means not trying to figure it all out on your own, Elizabeth. Pray, recognize this is in God's hands and he is working. Let go of control, or attempts to control, and leave Nathan in God's hands. There is something we can so easily forget. God is working in your life here, Elizabeth, but God is also working in Nathan's. From our distance we might not know what God is doing, but we can rest assured God hears our prayers and he is at work. Our job is to trust and give thanks in the meantime. Of course, God may give us ideas or lead us to take action." As he saw Elizabeth flinch, Joseph stopped. "What did you just think of? Has God already given you an idea?"
Elizabeth's eyes sank to her lap and she could barely whisper. "Go see him?"
While Elizabeth was in the Hope Valley church office counseling, Grace and William sat in the back pew, holding hands and praying for God's will to be done in their daughter's life.
"Was Nathan's letter revengeful, William, or unkind?" Grace searched her husband's face.
"Having gotten to know Nathan, I cannot imagine that he was unkind to Elizabeth, Grace." William paused thoughtfully. "Honest? Yes. Unkind, absolutely not. You really need to meet him. He's not likely to travel here for quite some time, but, before we return to Hamilton, would you be willing to accompany me to Regina again to meet Nathan and Allie? You would have no reservations upon getting to know them."
"It's something to think about. I mean Laura was glad for the income watching Jack today, so maybe we can work out something so you and I are free to travel for a while." Grace squeezed William's hand. "Sweetheart? I had an idea when we toured the school. According to Lee, the school expansion plans will include a library attached to the building so students have that resource available during the school day. They plan to have an interior door between the school and the library as well as an exterior door so that townspeople have access."
Grace searched William's smiling face. "Could we donate the funds to build that addition, and maybe contribute some volumes as well? We could name it the Elizabeth T. Thornton Library, or even add Grant if that happens. What do you think? Lee said they plan to break ground after the last frost, but my impression was that they would need that long to be certain they had the funds."
While discussions transpired in the sanctuary and church office, Bill walked out of his office, intending to have a talk with Constable Paul. Outside the RCMP office Bill watched as the stagecoach arrived and a couple of passengers stepped onto the Hope Valley platform. One particular blonde woman caught his eye. Bill stared, a sinking feeling in his stomach and a quiet exclamation escaping. "This cannot be good."
"It seems like such a long time since we shared dinner together!" Allie exclaimed. "I guess it's just that we have been so busy!"
"We are anxious to hear all about your week, dear Allie!" Peter grinned as he passed the potatoes. "And yours too, Nathan!"
Regaling Grandma Carol and Grandpa Peter with their meals with Mr. Thatcher, Allie spoke in glowing terms. "He is so nice and he called me Miss Allie all weekend. He asked lots of questions about school and our life here in Regina, didn't he, Dad?" Allie continued. "He and Dad had some private talks too."
"Well, if you need news to be shared, Allie Grant is the one to tell!" Nathan chuckled, then picked up on the conversation. "We had a surprisingly special weekend. We even served him brunch and supper at the cottage on Sunday!"
"Oh Nathan! If I had known I could have prepared a special meal for you all." Carol chided.
"Actually it was better that we served what we had. William was not expecting a gourmet meal and was perfectly happy with our simple offerings! I think it endeared him to us. We had wonderful, and interrupted conversations here at home!"
"Mr. Thatcher even ordered two extra Crème Brule desserts for us to have on Tuesday since we had to leave the restaurant so suddenly on Saturday!"
"That was an added bonus." Nathan commented.
"He even brought letters to Dad and me from Mrs. Thornton. She was my schoolteacher and is Mr. Thatcher's daughter."
Seeing Nathan's blush, neither Peter nor Carol chose to pick-up on that information, but they noted it for a future conversation!
Clearing his throat Nathan introduced another subject. "So, before I get the measurements, what do you envision for this renovation idea you have?"
Returning to the cottage with the main house measurements and some leftovers they could reheat for Saturday's dinner, Nathan and Allie sat at the dining room table to discuss Christmas gifts. Allie served as the secretary and noted all the people they should gift with a small remembrance and another list for substantial gifts. After grocery shopping tomorrow, they decided to shop at R.H. Williams Department Store, and, if needed go to the Bookstore as well. They wanted to ship some gifts and not wait until the last minute for the senior Grants and some Hope Valley friends.
Rummaging around in his closet, Nathan brought a crate of wood carvings to the front room and set it on the floor. Allie retrieved the stack of her paintings from her desk and they spread the items on the table, keeping to organized piles. As they decided on which gift for whom, Allie made extensive notes, writing down the picture frames or ribbons they could purchase the next day.
Once Allie was reading in her room before turning out her light, Nathan got to work on Peter's ideas. Within an hour he had a couple of rough sketches of layouts that might work, so he banked the fire and, lights out, headed to bed.
(*) Proverbs 3:5-6, King James Version, Public Domain
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