A Passing Glance
This is not another cliched love story, for in my opinion such things do not exist. Love is hard. And only comes along for those confident to grasp it, not for those who prefer to stand back and hope that they will be noticed. That is what I wanted to happen, as I couldn't approach the man who I fell for. Was it love? I can't be sure but it ran very deep.
I joined an important goverment department in 1978, my first proper job. I was so proud, to hold a position with such a place. I joined as a clerical assistant and after my first day went feeling thoroughly pleased with myself. I had enjoyed the day and had listened and taken in the advice that one of my colleagues had given me. Then, on my third day, someone walked into the small office area which was outside Mr Cowley's room. I was bent down filing some reports away when I heard a chirpy voice. I stood up and turned. There in front of me was the man who I mentioned before. He was incredibly attractive, with blue eyes and short dark hair. I can honestly say that he took my breath away. I can't remember what he wanted but I remember he spoke with Mr Cowley and then left giving me a cheery wave. After that, work was very hard to concerntrate on. I couldn't get him out of my head. His name ran through my mind. Bodie. William Bodie but he didn't like the William.
I didn't see him that often though, only briefly when he and his partner Doyle were wanted by Mr Cowley. Doyle was very sweet too but he just wasn't Bodie. I only had to catch a glance of him in a corridoor and I would get butterflies. When I did see him he was very flirty but he was like that with every girl in the department so I couldn't see it as serious. Which made it all the harder. I went past him in the cafeteria once and he was at a table with one of the typing girls. He was so close to her, grinning and being flirty. It was awful, seeing him act the same way with her as he had with me. I wanted it to be personal, between us but it was never going to happen. I would discuss him with friends and ask for advice but nothing helped. They would say to act flirty back or drop subtle hints about how I felt. I just couldn't do it. I became a simmering cauldron, angry that he couldn't read the signs. I couldn't look him in the eye, I was very shy around him. How was I supposed to tell him that I really liked him? It just wasn't possible. I started hating any girl I saw him with, hating them for being able to laugh and flirt with him, looking into his blue eyes, all the things I couldn't do.
I tried to work out what was wrong with me. I was constantly told that I was an attractive girl but it didn't look like Bodie had noticed. I finally decided that I had to forget him and stop being like a kid. It was doing my self esteem no good at all. A few weeks after this decision, Doyle asked me out for a drink with Nina from Typing. I felt a lot better in myself and was looking forward to a relaxing drink. What I hadn't realised is that Bodie was going too.. I walked in the pub with Nina and nearly melted when I saw him standing at the bar with Doyle. I couldn't escape either! He was very sweet, asking me about my family and interests, stuff that we couldn't really do at work for lack of time. As we talked, feelings that I'd had weeks before came rushing back to surface and for the first time, I was able to look him in the eyes.
I wanted to ask him why he'd kept being so flirty when he hadn't meant it. I knew that was his character but it really got to me. It felt cruel. But then in his defence, he didn't know I liked him, though he must have been blind as a bat with how I acted around him. And with his experience of girls it was hard to believe. The evening started to drag on, being in his company was very disturbing. It was crazy really, I had such strong feelings for him but in all truth, I didn't KNOW him.
And nothing ever has happened between us. Thinking about it now, I suppose I liked him for the flirty type he was yet that was what made life so miserable for me. He's been a out with most of the girls who work there now, I'm one of the VERY few who he hasn't. Sometimes that hurts, I feel like he didn't consider me good enough. But I couldn't change myself, I wasn't able to flirt and act all girly, it just wasn't me. If that's the type of girl Bodie is looking for, then I'm right out of it. I want him to fall for me as I am now, not for a face I put on whenever he passes by.
This is not another cliched love story, for in my opinion such things do not exist. Love is hard. And only comes along for those confident to grasp it, not for those who prefer to stand back and hope that they will be noticed. That is what I wanted to happen, as I couldn't approach the man who I fell for. Was it love? I can't be sure but it ran very deep.
I joined an important goverment department in 1978, my first proper job. I was so proud, to hold a position with such a place. I joined as a clerical assistant and after my first day went feeling thoroughly pleased with myself. I had enjoyed the day and had listened and taken in the advice that one of my colleagues had given me. Then, on my third day, someone walked into the small office area which was outside Mr Cowley's room. I was bent down filing some reports away when I heard a chirpy voice. I stood up and turned. There in front of me was the man who I mentioned before. He was incredibly attractive, with blue eyes and short dark hair. I can honestly say that he took my breath away. I can't remember what he wanted but I remember he spoke with Mr Cowley and then left giving me a cheery wave. After that, work was very hard to concerntrate on. I couldn't get him out of my head. His name ran through my mind. Bodie. William Bodie but he didn't like the William.
I didn't see him that often though, only briefly when he and his partner Doyle were wanted by Mr Cowley. Doyle was very sweet too but he just wasn't Bodie. I only had to catch a glance of him in a corridoor and I would get butterflies. When I did see him he was very flirty but he was like that with every girl in the department so I couldn't see it as serious. Which made it all the harder. I went past him in the cafeteria once and he was at a table with one of the typing girls. He was so close to her, grinning and being flirty. It was awful, seeing him act the same way with her as he had with me. I wanted it to be personal, between us but it was never going to happen. I would discuss him with friends and ask for advice but nothing helped. They would say to act flirty back or drop subtle hints about how I felt. I just couldn't do it. I became a simmering cauldron, angry that he couldn't read the signs. I couldn't look him in the eye, I was very shy around him. How was I supposed to tell him that I really liked him? It just wasn't possible. I started hating any girl I saw him with, hating them for being able to laugh and flirt with him, looking into his blue eyes, all the things I couldn't do.
I tried to work out what was wrong with me. I was constantly told that I was an attractive girl but it didn't look like Bodie had noticed. I finally decided that I had to forget him and stop being like a kid. It was doing my self esteem no good at all. A few weeks after this decision, Doyle asked me out for a drink with Nina from Typing. I felt a lot better in myself and was looking forward to a relaxing drink. What I hadn't realised is that Bodie was going too.. I walked in the pub with Nina and nearly melted when I saw him standing at the bar with Doyle. I couldn't escape either! He was very sweet, asking me about my family and interests, stuff that we couldn't really do at work for lack of time. As we talked, feelings that I'd had weeks before came rushing back to surface and for the first time, I was able to look him in the eyes.
I wanted to ask him why he'd kept being so flirty when he hadn't meant it. I knew that was his character but it really got to me. It felt cruel. But then in his defence, he didn't know I liked him, though he must have been blind as a bat with how I acted around him. And with his experience of girls it was hard to believe. The evening started to drag on, being in his company was very disturbing. It was crazy really, I had such strong feelings for him but in all truth, I didn't KNOW him.
And nothing ever has happened between us. Thinking about it now, I suppose I liked him for the flirty type he was yet that was what made life so miserable for me. He's been a out with most of the girls who work there now, I'm one of the VERY few who he hasn't. Sometimes that hurts, I feel like he didn't consider me good enough. But I couldn't change myself, I wasn't able to flirt and act all girly, it just wasn't me. If that's the type of girl Bodie is looking for, then I'm right out of it. I want him to fall for me as I am now, not for a face I put on whenever he passes by.