Here we go again!
Scene V
(Bedroom of Vicki-a teenaged girl. She tears up some photos of a teenaged boy then grabs her
teddy bear and falls on her bed crying.)
VICKI: Oooh, that Louis! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!
(enter Baroness)
BARONESS: What's wrong, Vicki?
VICKI: (Sobbing) B-Baroness?
BARONESS: Looks like someone's hit that first big break-up.
VICKI: (Crying) That stupid, self-centered jerk Louis Cezanne! He'd rather take that fake boobed
air head Chrissy to homecoming!
BARONESS: Now, now, Vicki, you can't let guys get to you like that. You must be strong enough to
stand on your own! You need to make boys wallow over /you/ for a change.
VICKI: But- how?
BARONESS: First, get yourself a bustier-several if you can. Black tulle skirt for formal occasions,
and black leather gauntlets with spikes. Don't forget to accesorize with a bullwhip!
VICKI: 'Kay, then what?
BARONESS: Then you take the wind out of Chrissy's hooters! /Don't/ take Louis back! Make him wish
he stayed with you! Next guy you get a hold of, whip him into submission! Make him whine like a
puppy! He'll call you "Mommy" and like it!
VICKI: Alright. Say, how'd you get in my room?
BARONESS: Call it women's intuition. (winks)
VICKI: Thanks, Baroness. Now I know!
BARONESS: And knowing is half the battle!
Scene VI
(A living room. Raianne is a 5 year old standing with her back to the wall)
RAIANNE: Liam, are you sure about this?
LIAM: (Off camera) Trust me, Raianne, we pull this one off, we can join the circus and be rich!
RAIANNE: Well, OK. (She puts an apple on her head. We see Liam. He is 8 years old-with a gun!
Major Bludd enters.)
BLUDD: 'Ang on right there, nippers!
KIDS: Major Bludd!
BLUDD: Liam, just what do you think yer doing?
LIAM: Raianne and I are working up a circus act.
BLUDD: Liam, a boy yer age should 'ave more sense! First off, where's yer silencer? (He kneels
to Liam's level and shows him how to use the gun.) Use both 'ands, keep yer arms stryte.
Remember that kickback can throw off yer aim an' there's no shyme in usin' laser sight. Poor use
of a gun is what made me loose me eye.
RAIANNE: What about your arm?
BLUDD: 'Ung it out a bus window. But, that's another PSA. Just remember this, nippers:
I think that I shall never see
A gun as lovely as a Glock 33
To join the circus and gain great fame
First you must improve your aim
LIAM: Thanks, Major Bludd! Now we know!
BLUDD: And knowin' is 'alf the battle!
Scene V
(Bedroom of Vicki-a teenaged girl. She tears up some photos of a teenaged boy then grabs her
teddy bear and falls on her bed crying.)
VICKI: Oooh, that Louis! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!
(enter Baroness)
BARONESS: What's wrong, Vicki?
VICKI: (Sobbing) B-Baroness?
BARONESS: Looks like someone's hit that first big break-up.
VICKI: (Crying) That stupid, self-centered jerk Louis Cezanne! He'd rather take that fake boobed
air head Chrissy to homecoming!
BARONESS: Now, now, Vicki, you can't let guys get to you like that. You must be strong enough to
stand on your own! You need to make boys wallow over /you/ for a change.
VICKI: But- how?
BARONESS: First, get yourself a bustier-several if you can. Black tulle skirt for formal occasions,
and black leather gauntlets with spikes. Don't forget to accesorize with a bullwhip!
VICKI: 'Kay, then what?
BARONESS: Then you take the wind out of Chrissy's hooters! /Don't/ take Louis back! Make him wish
he stayed with you! Next guy you get a hold of, whip him into submission! Make him whine like a
puppy! He'll call you "Mommy" and like it!
VICKI: Alright. Say, how'd you get in my room?
BARONESS: Call it women's intuition. (winks)
VICKI: Thanks, Baroness. Now I know!
BARONESS: And knowing is half the battle!
Scene VI
(A living room. Raianne is a 5 year old standing with her back to the wall)
RAIANNE: Liam, are you sure about this?
LIAM: (Off camera) Trust me, Raianne, we pull this one off, we can join the circus and be rich!
RAIANNE: Well, OK. (She puts an apple on her head. We see Liam. He is 8 years old-with a gun!
Major Bludd enters.)
BLUDD: 'Ang on right there, nippers!
KIDS: Major Bludd!
BLUDD: Liam, just what do you think yer doing?
LIAM: Raianne and I are working up a circus act.
BLUDD: Liam, a boy yer age should 'ave more sense! First off, where's yer silencer? (He kneels
to Liam's level and shows him how to use the gun.) Use both 'ands, keep yer arms stryte.
Remember that kickback can throw off yer aim an' there's no shyme in usin' laser sight. Poor use
of a gun is what made me loose me eye.
RAIANNE: What about your arm?
BLUDD: 'Ung it out a bus window. But, that's another PSA. Just remember this, nippers:
I think that I shall never see
A gun as lovely as a Glock 33
To join the circus and gain great fame
First you must improve your aim
LIAM: Thanks, Major Bludd! Now we know!
BLUDD: And knowin' is 'alf the battle!