A/N- My last chapter! It was a toss up between this story and a happier one, but I felt this was more in line with the series.
Thank you all so much for the reviews and the favourites. I will miss my version of this couple. Long live the McKenzie-Dawsons!

Celia frowned when she saw the light on up at the big house. She was sure Caroline had gone to bed because she had watched her a few hours earlier locking up for the night. It was curiosity that led Celia to the back door. She could see Caroline now, laying on the couch. Perhaps they'd had a row. Perhaps Caroline would now understand Celia's pain a little more.

"Caroline?"

She sat up immediately, wiping at her face. "What are you doing here?" Her voice was thick with emotion. "How did you get in?"

"My key. What are you doing up so late?"

Caroline shook her head, then let out a sob, then another as she put her head in her hands.

"Oh, Caroline, what is it? Tell me, maybe I can help!" Celia walked to sit beside her daughter, rubbing her back. "If this is about me missing the wedding, I-"

Caroline shot out of her seat. "Not everything is about you! Get out! Get out of my home!"

Celia looked pained as she stood up. "I just want to help.."

"I am here sobbing at 4am on a Sunday, and you came in wanting to make it all about yourself! If I'd bothered to tell you what the problem was, you'd just have made it about yourself. You always have!" Caroline yelled, falling to sit on one of the chairs at the table.

"Caroline!"

"Mum?" Lawrence asked from the doorway, pyjamas on and hair sticking up every which way. "Granny, is she ok?" He looked to his grandmother as his mother gave a heart rendering sob.

"Caroline, you're upsetting your son. What's happened?"

"Nothing! Nothing happened! I just want everyone to leave me the hell alone!"

"What's going on?" Kate asked hesitantly, seeing a group of people standing in near darkness in the kitchen.

"Mum's gone mental."

"Caroline's just a bit upset."

"I'm not just a bit upset!" Caroline cried, jumping up again. "Why won't anyone listen to me?! Just go!"

Lawrence looked to Kate now, and she attempted a reassuring smile. "Go back to bed. I'll come and talk to you in a minute." He nodded gratefully and rushed back up the stairs.

"Can I make you a tea? Alan always-" Celia began.

"I WANT YOU TO GO! GO!"

"I'm only trying to-"

"Celia." Kate opened the back door and looked at her pointedly.

"I just want-"

"Please leave. Now."

Celia looked at her daughter again with dismay and then left the house, making her way back to her flat as Kate shut the door.

"I think I'm dying." Caroline sobbed, falling to the couch again and rubbed her chest.

"I think you're having a panic attack." Kate said gently, sitting next to her. "Look at me, Caroline."

Caroline sobbed and clawed at her chest, only stopping when Kate took her hands. "I can't breathe!"

"Please, Caroline! Look at me!" Kate put a hand to her wife's face and turned her head. The blue eyes were muddied with panic and tears, but when they met Kate's, some of the panic began to ease. It took ten minutes for the panicked sobbing to stop, and then another 5 minutes for Kate to coax the woman into her arms, kissing her hair. She had woken from a lovely sleep to screaming downstairs and her own heart rate was still just beginning to slow.

"I had a dream." Caroline finally managed, her voice still thick with emotion. "You died. You were killed. You must have been so terrified and I wasn't there. The baby, she survived, but I couldn't bond with her. I was terrified of doing something you wouldn't approve of. But I just couldn't stop crying." Caroline's sobs began again as Kate rubbed her back.

"I'm here. I'm ok."

"I woke up, and you were beside me fast asleep. But what if you're not. What if that is real life and this is a dream and you're dead? Because I can't do it. I can't cope. I can't do it. Please don't make me do it!"

"I'm real, Caroline." Kate took the blonde's hand and rested it on her chest so she could feel her heart beating. "I'm ok. You're not alone in this. I'm here."

When Caroline woke the next morning she was alone in bed. The clock said it was almost 11am and Caroline began to panic again. The baby hadn't woken. She had killed the baby. She scrambled from the bed, walking smack into a terrified looking Lawrence. "Ma?"

"Flora-"

" KATE!"

Kate took the stairs as quickly as she could, having only gone down to make a cup of tea. "Caroline, it was-"

Caroline caught her in a tight hug and began to cry again.

"Kate?" Lawrence said anxiously.

"Why don't you go down and make her a cup of tea, Lawrence?"

"Ok." He nodded, rushing down.

…

"Where's mum?"

"Asleep." Kate lowered herself gingerly into a barstool at the counter.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing's wrong with her. Lawrence..your mum has been through a lot. A lot of changes, a lot of emotions, a lot of people she counted on letting her down.."

Lawrence looked down at his shoes.

"And when I was swiped by that car, it scared her. A lot. She thought she would have to cope with everything alone and that overwhelmed her."

"But she doesn't. You're here."

"Don't you ever have those dreams that seem so real you wake absolutely terrified?"

"I guess I did. When I was a kid."

"And who made you feel better?"

"Mum."

"Your mum can't turn to Celia though, can she? She can't turn to her dad, because he's dead. She can't turn to you because you've made it abundantly clear you're not having anything to do with a lesbian mother."

"That's not-"

"And she doesn't want to turn to me because she's scared that talking about it will upset me. And it does. It was terrifying, what happened. I thought I would lose the baby, the only one I've ever managed to carry to this stage. I thought just as I was happy I would die. Just as your mum was finding happiness, she would lose it. She barely sleeps because of the bad dreams, but being exhausted is making them worse, and she won't listen to me when I try to reassure her because she's got it into her head that I'm the dream Kate and the dead one is real."

"I don't know why you're telling me this. I can't do anything."

"Because you're old enough to try and understand, to try and help your mother instead of trying to make her life harder. I'm sick of sugar coating what happened, Lawrence. Your mother loves you completely and you repaid her by doing one of the most hurtful, hateful things I have ever seen. Then, when I was in hospital, you told her that maybe it was for the best. If Flora and I died. Yes, she told me about it."

"I didn't mean.."

"Didn't you?" Kate asked quietly. "You need to make it up to your mother, Lawrence, and I think in time you will be okay, but I don't think I will ever be able to forgive you for wishing me and my child, your sister, dead. I know you're still young, and i know you really meant it would be better for you if we died, but to say that to Caroline, your own mother, when she was terrified…it is unforgiveable."

"Ma?"

"You can come in." Caroline gave a tired smile at the door.

"I made you a cup of tea and a sandwich." Lawrence entered hesitantly.

"Thank you. I'll eat it later, I'm not hungry just now."

"..you should eat. Or at least drink the tea. It might make you feel better. It's nice, look, I tried a bite on the way up."

Caroline gave a soft laugh at the small bite from the corner, then picked up a section, nibbling on it.

"..maybe later you could come downstairs and we could play some Xbox together? Or watch a movie or something."

"..Flora will be awake soon. I'll come down then."

"She's up already. Downstairs with Kate. "

"Is she? I didn't hear her wake up." Caroline looked startled.

"I took her for a walk around the block when she started crying so she wouldn't wake you up. Kate said you need your sleep."

"Kate needs her sleep. She's the one who was in an accident." Caroline got wearily from her bed.

"Maybe in the summer, we could do a vow renewal thing? When Kate's mum is here. We could do it In the back yard."

Caroline lifted surprised eyes to her son. "..that's a lovely idea."

Flora would not stop crying and Caroline was at the end of her tether. If kate was here, she would be so soothing, but Caroline knew her own emotions must be getting picked up by the baby. She couldn't hold them back, much as she tried. She cried doing everything. Especially anything involving flora, because Kate had so longed for her and had never got to see her. This thought made Caroline's eyes well with tears again.

"Ma?" Lawrence appeared at the door. "I'm going to take flora for a walk around the block in her pram. I won't cross any roads. I googled colic and it said the bumps of the cobbles might help. I've got my phone, and I've wrapped her up warm."

Caroline watched with astonishment from the window as Lawrence pushed his sister from the house.

"Hi."

"Hi." Kate smiled up at Caroline as she entered the nursery. "It's 8am! You slept through the night!"

"More than can be said for this little one." Caroline stroked Flora's hair.

"She managed a longer stretch with no crying." Kate reasoned. "Did I tell you John recorded himself reading his favourite children's book for her?"

"John did?"

"It sends her right to sleep as soon as I put it on. I'm nervous its power will run out, though, so I'm keeping it for special occasions."

Caroline laughed softly as she sat down beside her wife. "Can I hold her?"

Kate was quick to pass Flora over, for Caroline had barely held the baby since she had come home.

"Hi. Did we both have a better night? I hope we are turning a corner because your mummy is going to be very sleep deprived if we keep up like this!"

"Do you think.. Caroline, do you think it's possible you're both having the same dream? You both always seem to cry out at the same time every night."

"…well, babies pick up on things don't they, so I suppose it's possible." Caroline considered flora. "But don't worry, little one, because your mummy is right here with us, and your mama is going to feel a lot better soon."

"Are you?"

"I realised something when I spoke to Lawrence yesterday. I felt like this after both him and William. Not so bad, not so..but I think I'd pushed it away, the memory. I think John ignored it, my mother was busy, and I didn't have anyone who would care so I probably just cried to myself in bed."

"Oh, Caroline-"

"I know I didn't..carry flora, but I know it happpens to men too, doesn't it? People who didn't carry the baby can get a sort of post natal depression. And I think..please don't think I mean I'm not happy with you, Kate, but I think I've been depressed off and on for a long time. When things are going well I can cope with it, I can mask it, but when something like..your accident happens, I can't..I get..and then Flora."

Kate leaned over to kiss Caroline gently, first her lips and then a stray tear. "I've got my follow up appointment next week. Maybe you should come and talk to the maternal health nurse, too."

"Yeah. I think that's a good idea." Caroline nodded, leaning down to kiss Flora's head. Even if this was the dream and the other was real, that was a very good idea.

One year later

"…did he actually make this himself?" Kate looked dubiously at the table covered in a variety of dishes.

"He bought some with the money from his job, then the rest I suspect mum helped him with." Caroline picked up an olive, inspected it warily and the ate it. "I checked all the packets of what he used and there's no nuts, anyway, so you can eat it all."

"Lucky me."

Caroline smiled at this, taking Kate's hand to turn her around. "We are getting married today."

"Again." Kate smiled.

"I would marry you ever week if I could."

"Only every week, not every day?"

"That'd be a bit excessive, surely. And expensive. Once a week should be enough." Caroline kissed her wife gently, taking both her hands. "And this time, I'm going nowhere near a dishwasher, or a cloth. This time, I am going to take my wife upstairs while everyone is still here, and make love to her."

"Oh you will, will you?"

"Uh-huh." Caroline nodded, stepping away to get another olive.

Kate wrapped her arms around her from behind "I love you."

"I'm pretty great."

"You're magnificent."

"..don't suppose I could put my hand in your bra before everyone starts arriving?"

A knock on the door sounded.

"Too late, Caroline. Should have started your seduction earlier."

"I'll try again at next week's wedding."

"Are you okay, Caz?"

Caroline looked up and gave Gillian a slight smile. "Just needed some air."

"She's spark out." Gillian motioned to the young girl in Caroline's arms.

"She's had a big day." Caroline smiled fondly down at Flora. These days, she found time with her daughter calming. So calming in fact that twice now she had accidentally on purpose forgotten to take her to day care and had instead taken her to work for the day.

"I can't believe Lawrence made a speech and referred to her as his sister. "

"I think he's still trying to make it up to Kate."

"Do you think it worked."

"Nope."

"…you've forgiven him for not coming to the wedding. The original one. And he did organise this.."

"It's not that. He..when..after the accident, when I didn't know if Kate and flora would survive, he told me that maybe it was for the best to lose them both. And I can understand her not wanting to forgive that. I'm not sure I can forgive him for it, either, if I'm honest, but I can't be like my mother. I can't hold it over him." Caroline sighed. "Not that Kate is holding it over him. She's still kind to him, but she doesn't..try like she does with William. Did I tell you her and William are going on a weekend away? Just the two of them? There's some literary fair or festival or something next weekend."

"Sounds great." Gilliam said unenthusiastically.

Caroline laughed and stood up, rearranging flora in her arms. "Come on. They'll be wondering where we are."

"…I've started medication. Antidepressants."

Caroline stilled, then looked at her. "Have you?"

"Your mum..she told me how good they've been for you. So I thought why not give them a go."

"Are they helping?"

"I think so. Early days."

Caroline nodded. "Well, be careful of what you eat if you're anything like me on them. I only have to look at cake and I put on a kilo."

"Don't pretend that's a problem for you, Caroline. Look at your wife right now."

Caroline looked towards Kate to find herself being thoroughly checked out. She laughed again. "Actually, would you mind taking flora? I have plans that need to come to fruition right this instant."

"KATE!" Caroline sat bolt upright in bed that night sweating. She was alone in bed. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Kate was ok. Kate was alive. She could hear her over the baby monitor.

"Ma?" A sleepy Lawrence glanced into the main bedroom.

"I'm ok."

Lawrence shuffled his way into the room. "Can I do anything to help?"

Caroline took another calming breath as she had been taught and shook her head.

"…do you think you'll ever stop having nightmares?"

"..I don't know. Maybe not. But I don't have them so often anymore."

"..Kate wouldn't want you to be upset, mum."

"What?" Blue eyes lifted. Past tense. Panic.

"She wouldn't-"

"Caroline?" Kate appeared in the doorway, looking between son and mother.

Caroline took another calming breath.

"Mama." Flora reached out for Caroline, still grizzling.

Caroline stood up and took her daughter, holding her close. "She's ok. Mummy's here. She's ok."

Kate and Lawrence glanced at one another. It had been months since they'd all been woken by Caroline's nightmare.

"Should I go and make some tea?"

"Thank you." Kate gave her step son a smile, then led Caroline back to the bed.

Caroline kissed Flora's hair and rocked her until her cries grew more and more quiet. "Mummy is okay. Mama is okay. Flora is okay."

"Lowwy okay."

Caroline laughed softly. "Lowwy is okay, too. And William, granny, and grandad, and Gillian, and Raff, and Emily-Jane…"

"I saw Paul Jatri at the supermarket when we went up last week. He seemed okay." Kate offered.

Caroline smiled now. "and Paul is ok. And Ellie. And Robbie. And Beverley."

Kate lay on her side watching her wife and daughter with a sleepy smile.

"Animals, mama." flora reminded.

"Bill the duck is okay, Emma the lamb is okay, Princess the tractor is okay…"

By the time Lawrence returned with the tea, his mother and Flora were fast asleep cuddled together. "Kate?" He held out the tea.

"Thanks." she accepted with a smile.

"Is mum okay?"

"We are all okay. Well,we will be."

Fin.