In the not so distant future,
Next Saturday, A.D.
There lived a kid named Sco-ott,
Not too different from you and me.
He went to a school, called Bayville High.
Just another kid, with his head in the sky.
He often wore a smile ac-cross his face,
But Ms. Darkholme didn't like him so she shot him into spa-ace…
(Get… Me… Down…!)
"I'll send him cheesy fanfics!
The worst… I can find!"
(La la la…)
"He'll have to sit and read them all,
And the mon-niter is mine!"
(La la la…)
Now keep in mind Scott can't con-trol
Where the fanfics begin or end.
He'll have to keep his san-ni-ty
With the help of his mut-tant friends
(Mut-tant roll-call…)
Cerebro (On line!)
Cyclops (Why me?)
Night-Crawler (Vas?)
And Spyyyyyyyyyke (Oh, great…)
If you're wondering how they eat or breathe,
Or if the fourth wall gets some cracks,
Just repeat to yourself 'it's just a fic.'
You should really just re-lax.
And read Mystery Mut-tant The-ater Three Thou-sa—and…
**Guitar Twang**
(5)
[4]
{3}
/2\
1
'0'
The AoL…
As the door sequence ended, the screen focused on the bridge of the AoL. The background consisted of a bulkhead with a vault door in the center of it, and a counter with a primitive looking console stood in the foreground. After a moment, Scott Summers, clad in his usual preppy slacks and sweaters, stepped into the center of the screen. "Hello, everyone," he addressed, "and welcome to the Asteroid of Love. Everything's pretty quiet right now, so…"
Scott trailed off. After a moment, he glanced to his right. Finding nothing, he checked left, and then glanced behind him. "Huh," he muttered to himself. "That's usually somebody's cue to interrupt…"
Shaking his head, Scott returned his attention to the screen. "Well, as I was saying, it's been pretty quiet around here. Mystique has been hitting us hard with the fanfics lately, which has taken most of the fight out of Kurt and Evan. The last few have been especially rough. Three weeks ago she gave us one of 'those three years' DBZ stories, then after that it was G-Gundum mech-lemon, and just last week we had to screen…"
Off-screen, Scott was interrupted by an electronic whine. The whine built to a head, then died down as quickly as it began.
Scott frowned, shrugged, and looked back at the screen. "Well, we spent pretty much all of last week going through a Yu-Yu-Hakusho original-character epic. Kurt and Evan took it pretty hard, and haven't been…" Again, Scott trailed off.
Kurt, sans his image inducer and wearing a blue jumpsuit with a tech-belt around his waist and a boxy piece of machinery on his back, stalked onto the screen. In his hand, Kurt held a small device with several moving antennas sticking out the end. The device let out a metallic whine, which modulated according to whatever Kurt pointed it at. Evan followed Kurt at a short distance, wearing a similar looking green jumpsuit and equipment-laden belt. Evan had his right hand in his pocket, and had a bundle of red cloth under his left arm. Kurt approached Scott carefully, holding the device out in front of him. The whine twittered then rose in frequency.
"What are you doing?" Scott asked, warily eyeing the device.
"Scanning for PKE," Kurt drolly informed.
Scott took a defensive step back.
Kurt nodded sharply, and switched the device off. The whine instantly died, and antennas folded down. "He's good," Kurt informed Evan as he hooked the device onto an attachment on his belt.
Evan smiled and tossed his bundle towards Scott.
Scott neatly caught the bundle. "Uh, guys, what—"
"You're PKE reading is strong, Scott. Ve both believe you have what it takes!" Kurt grinned. "Ve'd like you to join us!"
"PKE?" Asked Scott, raising an eyebrow.
"Psycho-kinetic-energy," Evan proudly informed.
Scott was not reassured. "And… What about it?"
Evan grinned. "A strong KPE reading means you have lots of spirit awareness, Scott. And that qualifies you to become a Spirit Detective!"
Scott's face fell. "Guys…"
"So, having both been officially licensed ourselves," continued Kurt, "Ve'd like to help train you in the vays of the Spirit Detective."
"In doing so, we're offering you a job a full-time employee of our new company…"
Scott rubbed his temples. "Kurt, don't you think—"
In unison, Kurt and Evan turned to the side and displayed a red-and-white insignia patched onto the shoulder of their jumpsuits. "The Ghostbusters!"
Scott raised his head, and arched an eyebrow.
Kurt and Evan continued grinning.
Scott glanced at the screen. "We'll be right back," he informed. Scott tapped a button on the console, and the screen cut to the MMT3K bumper.
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Hey, it's a better deal than most animated shows…
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The AoL…
"…And this is your ghost trap," continued Kurt, showing off a device attached to his tech belt. "Ze cord connecting the trap to the controller is held by this strap here. And the controller itself…"
"I didn't ask 'what,' Kurt," muttered Scott, now dressed in red jumpsuit that had 'Summers' emblazoned on patch on the chest. "I asked 'why.' As in 'why on Earth would you cross Yu-Yu-Hakusho with Ghostbusters?'"
"Ze Real Ghostbusters," Kurt corrected.
"Why on Earth wouldn't you?" Evan countered. "I mean, YYH is practically RGB re-incarnated!
"How?" Scott deadpanned.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Vell, zey both star four people…"
"…Dressed in matching color-coordinated jumpsuits…" Continued Evan.
"…Fighting the supernatural…"
"…While bickering amongst themselves…"
"Ze both take orders from an eccentric, wild haired girl."
"And both teams have an even wilder haired guy—"
"Enough!" Scott threw up his arms in exasperation. "Okay, so there are a few surface similarities…"
Kurt grinned. "More zan just a few, Scott…"
"Whatever," muttered Scott before Kurt could go on. "So how come you're wearing a proton pack and Evan isn't?"
"'Cause he doesn't need one."
"Yeah," continued Evan. "I have my own way to beat up uncooperative spirits."
"How?" Scott asked before he could stop himself.
Evan grinned. "With the…" Evan jumped backwards and struck an amateurish martial arts pose "Spirit Staff!" A six-foot long bone quarterstaff shot out of Evan's wrist, and was neatly caught by the boy. Evan whirled the staff around a few times, and struck an even sloppier pose.
Scott buried his face in his hand.
"See, Scott," informed Kurt, oblivious to Scott's dismay. "All Spirit Detectives have ze're own signature spirit attack. Evan has the Spirit Staff. I am armed vith…" Kurt reached back and pulled a photon pistol out of the base of his backpack. "Ze Extreme Spirit Gun!"
Scott didn't even look.
Kurt happily holstered the pistol. "I also have ze Spirit Shotgun," Kurt pulled the primary blaster off of his proton pack. "Just for emergencies."
"From the PKE reading we took earlier," lectured Evan. "We figure you've got the potential for a pretty big spirit weapon. Possibly even the fabled Spirit Optic Blast."
Scott stared at Evan for moment. His gaze shifted to Kurt. Scott shook his head and sighed.
"Oh, look," Evan drolly observed. "The dofus duo is calling." Evan reached over and tapped a flashing red light on the control panel.
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Castle Brotherhood…
Mystique stood behind a control panel of her own, with her arms crossed in annoyance. "Well, if it isn't Slimer, Zoul, and the Sandman… Enjoying your little playtime?"
TV's Fred stood beside Mystique, looking on in earnest. "Ooh!" Fred waved his hand in the air in a desperate bid to get attention. "Can I join, too?"
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The AoL…
"Sure," dryly responded Scott. "We'll send your jumpsuit down as soon as we scrape together a few square miles of fabric."
Evan snorted. "An' we'll teach you how to use your special Spirit Fart."
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Castle Brotherhood…
TV's Fred looked hurt. "Gu—uys…"
"Can the chit-chat, you Bozos," interrupted Mystique. "I'd like to get on with today's experiment sometime while it's still today."
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The AoL…
"Well, that makes one of us," muttered Kurt.
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Castle Brotherhood…
Mystique's face darkened. "Do you want me to go back to sending you MediaMiner.org stories? If you don't, I would suggest you begin your presentation for today's Mutant Exchange."
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The AoL…
"All right…" Muttered Kurt.
Evan nervously tugged at Scott's jumpsuit. "Uh, guys, actually…"
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Castle Brotherhood…
"Aw, what's wrong?" Mocked Mystique. "Did our little Spirit Detectives forget to 'detect' a new mutant?"
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The AoL…
Scott snorted. "Not likely. In fact, we'll even go first."
Evan's eyes widened. Before he could say anything, Scott walked off screen to fetch the display easel. Evan looked helplessly at the screen. Scott quickly walked back on screen, and began setting up the visuals.
Kurt began the presentation, oblivious. "Vell, for our new original character, ve've decided to look to our own for inspiration. Specifically, at the original concept designs for—"
"Evan!" Cried Scott in dismay. He frantically gestured to the oversized artist pad, which was lying on the ground beside the easel. "What the heck is this? You were supposed to draw out the concept sketches!"
Kurt looked back in curiosity.
Evan coughed. "Yeah, well…" Evan broke off and continued in a whisper. "I don't draw very well."
Scott pointed to the ground in dismay. "Very well?! Evan, you drew a stick figure!"
"It is not!" Cried Evan. "It's just… Not very well rendered…"
"Zat's our character?" Asked Kurt. "I thought that was the sheet where you tested za colors on."
Still shaking his head, Scott looked up at the screen. "Uh, Mystique, we're going to need a moment here… How about you guys go now and then we'll—"
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Castle Brotherhood…
"Fat chance, Slym!" Mocked TV's Fred.
Mystique smiled wickedly. "Oh, but you simply must continue…"
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The AoL…
"Vat do ve do?" Whispered Kurt.
Scott glanced around nervously, then ripped the offending page off the artist pad. "Stall," he informed, tossing the sheet away. "I'll try to sketch something out." Scott quickly darted off screen.
Kurt glanced nervously at Evan. "Vell, ah…"
Evan cleared his thoughts with a quick shake of his head, then leapt right into the explanation. "If you look at some of the early Evolution promo art, they draw me looking like some sort of armadillo. Well, this got us thinking about what other kinds of odd animals we could base a mutant off of…"
Scott darted back on screen with a handful of Prisma markers, and knelt down beside the artist pad.
"One of ze first animals we came up with," lectured Kurt, continuing the thread. "Vas, of course, ze kangaroo."
"Naturally, our new character would be a girl," continued Evan.
"Naturally," Kurt agreed. "All new characters worth following are. And, ve naturally decided to make out girl Australian. Not a heavy accent, but just enough of one to give her zat, cheerful, happy-go-lucky Outback flair."
Scott shifted positions and continued sketching furiously.
Evan didn't dare glance down to check on the progress. "Now, to avoid the worst of the clichés, we decided to forgo giving our girl any sort of jumping power. Or any enhanced strength or love of fisticuffs."
"Ve vanted to go for that whole good-girl feel," Kurt continued. "So ve only gave her two kangaroo based traits. First, ve did give her a light fur coat."
"Delicate red, almost a light brown. And a tail," Evan added.
Kurt gave an earnest grin. "Vat can ve say? People love ze tails… Her second trait is zat she has a large pouch. On her back. Goes right across her shoulder blades, and extends halfway down." Kurt turned to the side and half-heartedly traced out a pouch.
"It's not where kangaroos have their pouches, but it's a move we all agreed on. A back-pouch is far more functional than a forward one. And, uh," Evan trailed off, for a moment. "Well, putting the pouch on her chest would have opened up possibilities that we just didn't want to get into."
"Vell," Kurt reluctantly conceded, "At least not for a family story—"
"There!" With an artist's pride, Scott abruptly stood up. He dropped his remaining markers on the floor, and set the artist pad neatly on the easel. Kurt and Evan looked back, and their eyes widened.
The drawings were done in the typical comic style—black ink outlines of various thicknesses, with color filling in the figure. The color was mostly flat, never more than a base color and a shade line, and quickly sketched in with the fashion-concept flair. Minimal crosshatching was used, mainly to convey emotion or expressions. On the right side of the page stood a young girl, roughly 5'-4", with pale skin, and blue eyes. She was a bit long in leg, and wore a half-thigh skort, no socks and some tennis shoes. She complimented the look with a pink top with a short V-neck. The girl wore a pair or stud earrings, a hairband, and had a short bushy crop of strawberry-blond hair, which she wore in a pony tail and bangs. Next to the first drawing was a ¾-back shot of a similar sized girl. The second model was reddish colored, with a 'brushed' coloring that was intended to indicate fur. The girl wore a black one-piece swimsuit with a very low cut back, which prominently displayed her back pouch. A slender prehensile tail tipped with a blond puff-ball fell from the small of her back. Around the perimeter of the page were sketched heads of the girl in various emotional states. None of the head-shots were colored.
"Okay," began Scott, wringing his hands together. "Here's a pretty rough concept model for our Mutant Exchange. This is Stephanie Kannon, age sixteen, hailing from a small town along Australia's East coast. We've got the shot on the right showing her in civilian gear, and with her image inducer on. The shot on the left shows her in, well, more beach-wear than combat costume, but it still shows her natural form, and you can get a decent idea of how her pouch works. I put in a few head sketches, but they're still somewhat crude."
Kurt and Evan stared in awe.
"That's crude?" Stuttered Evan.
Scott frowned and took a step back. "Well, mostly its just sloppy. I could probably have done better if I didn't have to rush…"
"Zat's sloppy?" Kurt echoed.
"Okay, I guess it's just a little stylized," Scott conceded. "Like a cutesy version of Salvadore Larocca's stuff. I really pictured her with more of Joe MAD flair, or maybe a bit of Jim Lee… But I suppose it might work for Evolution."
"'Stylized' my shorts!" Said Evan as he pulled his gaze away. "I couldn't draw something like that if my life depended on it!"
Scott shrugged. "You pick these things up when you've been around a while."
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Castle Brotherhood…
The hearts were almost visible above TV's Fred's head.
Mystique balked. "You designed a Popple."
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The AoL…
Scott, the only one not staring at his drawing, scratched his head. "Uh, no, we were actually thinking of calling her 'Pouch.'"
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Castle Brotherhood…
Mystique shook her head. "Forget it. You're creation has been mildly amusing, but I'm sure you'll find her nothing compared to my half of the Mutant Exchange…" Mystique grinned triumphantly. "Fred! Get the portrait!"
TV's Fred continued to stare at Stephanie.
"Fred!" Mystique whacked her assistant on the head for emphasis.
Fred slouched his shoulders and quickly hurried off screen. "Right, right…" He muttered.
Mystique launched into full megalomaniac mode. "While you peons have once again gone the petty route for your half of the exchange, I have created my mutant for true greatness."
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The AoL…
"Wow," interrupted Evan. "Hope you don't choke on all those prepositional phrases."
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Castle Brotherhood.
"Do not mock me," growled Mystique.
TV's Fred walked back on screen pushing a large wheeled easel, with a tarp obscuring the drawing.
Mystique unceremoniously yanked the tarp off. On the canvas as an Alex Ross style painting of woman. She stood a good 5'-10", with jet black hair tied down in a ponytail. The woman wore a leather jacket, a short black skirt, and knee high stiletto boots.
"This is Dona Major!" She proclaimed. "A psi. She is strongly empathic, and has the ability to project her emotions and desires onto others."
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The AoL…
"A psychokinetic telepath," stated Scott.
"A psychopath," Kurt concluded.
Evan shrugged. "Well, write what you know, I guess…
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Castle Brotherhood…
"Be silent!" Yelled Mystique. She took a moment to calm herself before she continued. "If you would actually take a moment to think about my creation before spitting out your inane comments, you would appreciate its genius. Dona can project her emotions onto other characters. She can project her desires onto others. Her powers are more instinctual than conscious."
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The AoL…
Evan shook his head. "'Inane' is all I'm thinking."
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Castle Brotherhood…
Mystique angrily pounded on the canvas for emphasis. "Can't you morons see? She is the perfect vehicle for a Mary-Sue! The world bends to suit her needs! What she feels, all the others feel! What she wants, everyone else wants as well! She believes the world revolves around her and everyone around her will agree emphatically!"
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The AoL…
"You punched a hole through your painting," observed Kurt.
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Castle Brotherhood…
Standing next to the canvas, TV's Fred nodded. "Yeah. Right through the head…"
Mystique looked back at the ruined painting and scowled. "Oh, who cares?! It's not like these peons could appreciate it anyway. Take it away, Fred!"
At Mystique's order, Fred sullenly wheeled the painting off stage.
Mystique took on a satisfied air as she watched him depart. "Well," she began, "I'd say I won that round of our Mutant Exchange. Wouldn't you agree?"
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The AoL…
Scott shook his head. "No."
"Nuh-uh," agreed Kurt.
"Mary Sues are generally considered to be bad things," finished Evan.
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Castle Brotherhood…
"When I want you're opinion," Mystique glowered, "I'll give it to you." Taking a moment to calm herself, Mystique laid her hand on a CD that was sitting on the console. "Well," she continued. "With the Mutant Exchange out of the way, it's time to begin today's experiment. Trust me, you'll enjoy this one. You're finally going back to Bayville!"
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The AoL…
"Whoo-hoo!" Kurt threw up his arms in celebration. "No more anime! Bite my tail, Toonami!"
"Kurt…" Evan whined, nudging the boy in the ribs. "Shhh! We're trying to get on Toonami…"
Ignoring the others, Scott frowned. "I think I actually prefer not reading bad stories about myself…"
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Castle Brotherhood…
Mystique grinned wickedly and held up the CD. "Well, then, my dear Summers, you won't be disappointed. Today's experiment stars a new character. A nubile, British, fire-starting you girl. You'll be reading Nightclub Flower, and follow our new girl through her many adventures as she finds out about herself, her powers, and her emotions. Particularly as they vacillate between a young speedster and a certain blue furred son of mine…"
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The AoL…
Kurt whimpered. Evan patted him on the back in weak sign of reassurance.
"Do you're worst," Scott bravely defied. "You won't break us."
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Castle Brotherhood…
Mystique leaned forward. "We'll see. But by the twenty-fifth chapter you might just be wishing our new girl had set your face on fire." Mystique laughed. Holding up the disk she continued "Fred! Send them the fic."
A tall man in blue-flack armor and an eye-patch walked on screen. He plucked the disk from Mystique's hand before she had even noticed him. "That won't be happening," the man dryly informed.
Mystique whirled at the sound of the new voice. "Who are you?!" She demanded.
The man with the eye-patch paused, and pulled the toothpick he had been chewing on out of his mouth. After a short pause, he responded in a clipped, militaristic tone. "Nick Fury. Agent of X.I.N.G."
Mystique's face contorted. "Where's Fred? And just what do you think you're—"
Putting the toothpick back in his mouth, Fury snapped his fingers. Several armed guards stepped on screen, pointing assault rifles at Mystique. The woman stepped back instantly.
"This ain't no public chat-room," Fury informed, a hint of anger in his voice. "This is private website. You're a guest here. And we've got rules for you guests…"
Mystique glanced back and forth between fury and his guards. "I—" She stuttered. "I don't know what—"
"Can it, lady," Fury cut in. "The rules are posted. If you don't bother readin' 'em, it your problem. Unfortunately, your ignoring them makes you our problem." Fury stalked past Mystique, daring her to move. "Y'see, a couple o' those rules are about what you can and can not post on this site. MiSTings are clearly labeled as entries that can not be posted. Number 4 on the list. Pretty hard to miss if you had bothered to actually read the rules."
Fury stood right in front of Mystique, banishing the CD in her face. "You get permission to do this? You gunna take responsibility if the author thinks this is violating their rights? You gunna listen to them complaining?" Fury snapped the disk in half. Tossing the remains aside, he gestured to his guards. Two of them obediently placed some high-tech restrainers on Mystique.
"Wait! You can't—"
"You wanna do MiSTings," Fury continued, "that's fine by me. Just post' 'em elsewhere. Website Number 9. The SVAM vault. MediaMiner. Wherever. But you try to post 'em here…" Fury paused, and chewed on the toothpick for a moment. "You post 'em here, then I gotta ban ya." Fury tossed the toothpick to the side. "Bring 'er along, boys."
As the guards grabbed her shoulders, Mystique began struggling viciously. "No! Stop! You can't—"
Fury cast an annoyed glance back. "And keep her quiet…"
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The AoL…
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Interrupted Scott. "Mister Fury, sir… Can we say a few things before you go?"
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Castle Brotherhood…
Arching his one good eyebrow, Fury held up his hand. The guards paused, and forcibly turned Mystique towards the screen.
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The AoL…
With Kurt and Evan closely flanking him, Scott twitched his hand several times.
"Nah-nah-nah! Nah!" The boys simultaneously burst out. All three of then thrust their hips mockingly to the side. "Hey! Hey! Hey!" The boys threw their hands forward and waved. "Go-od By—ye…"
"Good riddance!" Yelled Evan, waving around a few triumphant gestures.
"Please forget to write!" Added Kurt.
Laughing wildly, Scott's voice picked up an unnatural base. "Chapter 13 was right!"
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Castle Brotherhood…
Mystique began twitching with rage.
Fury gave a bemused snort. "Take her away," he ordered to his soldiers. Fury took one last look at the screen, and tapped a red button on the main console.
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