"What I'm worried about is that I can't really use 'oh I was locked up in a
secret government agency' as my cover story," Alec said, chewing on his
nail.
"Yeah, I guess you cant," Max replied from her room.
"Well maybe Logan can use some of his..omigod Logan. How is he?" Alec said in shock. He had totally forgot about the other man.
"He's fine. Joshua came through," Max assured him, coming out of her room.
"Thank god, you know I love Logan, well not like you love him. You know what I mean." he babbled. He noticed the expression on her face and walked closer to her. "Max what is it?" he asked concerned.
"I'm not gonna see him anymore," she said, not looking up at him.
"Anymore this week?" Alec asked, slightly sarcastically. He just couldn't believe that Max would just ditch the guy just like that.
"Ever," she whispered and turned around.
He regarded her silently for a while and then plunged into a subject that he had wanted to ask her for a while but had been too afraid to. Not that he himself was scared to voice it but he was scared of what her reaction would be. He was scared that he was gonna push her further away from him than she already was, and no matter what he said or did there was no way that he could convince himself that he didn't need her. He had spent his whole life with other people like him, out here there was no one else but her, she was his life raft. The only thing that kept him from sinking and he didn't know what he'd do without her. Not that he'd ever tell her that, she'd probably just hit me, he thought bitterly to himself. He wanted her to look at him the way she looked at Logan or even Joshua. Someone that she could trust, someone that she WANTED to be around, someone that she loved.
Love. That was what this all boiled down to, after Rachel he didn't think that he could ever love again but truthfully he didn't think that he could stop loving. She had opened him up to the world and there was no way that he could close it now. Manticore had tried and almost succeeded, the one thing they did wrong was pair him up with 452, the rogue, whose love for life, love for another had kept her going. He had seen the determination in her to get back to the ones that she loved and realized that he hadn't lost his ability to love, to appreciate life, he had just buried it to keep it safe. To keep it away from Manticore, he kept it deep within himself where he knew that no one could find it, where no one could take it away like they took Rachel away. Rachel had unlocked the door to his heart and Max had kicked it open.
She had also shoved a wedge in there to stop it from ever closing, earlier when she had said all those things to him at the police station he had almost believed her. In fact he did believe her. She didn't really want him around, she regretted letting him loose on the world, on her world but he was tied to her world. He was tied to her. Everything he did came back to her, at the beginning he would do things that he knew she would hate just to make her mad at him because that was the only way that she would talk to him, otherwise she just ignored his existence. OC and Sketch were great friends but no matter what Max or anybody else said, they were different and he needed to be around his own kind. She was all he had and he was afraid to lose her but he had to give it a chance and hope that she might finally open up to him.
"Since we're already knee deep in painful subjects tell me about him. About Ben."
Max turned in shock, she didn't think that he would ever bring up his twin. She was about to yell at him when she saw the look in his eyes. He really looked sincere, he looked scared as if he was afraid of what her answer might be. The thing that got her was the wary look that was partially concealed. It was like he was thrusting himself out into the ocean just by asking her this question and it was her answer that would decide whether or not he would be able to find his way back to the shore.
She thought about it for a moment and decided to tell him. She had never told anyone else what had happened between her and Ben, not even Logan. Actually especially not Logan, she could just imagine the look on his face, his horrified expression that she had killed her own sibling. No, there was no way she could ever tell Logan, but Alec was different. He wouldn't look at her like she was a monster because he was like her, they were the same. Alec could understand in a way that Logan never could and probably wouldn't want to. She had been raised and trained as a killer while Logan had gone to school with his friends. She played with M-16's while he played basketball, she had killed and he had only killed on his Nintendo. The differences were there but she had always thought that they would be able to overcome them but here was one difference that just seemed to get bigger every day.
So she pretended, she pretended that she was like him, that all she had to worry about was what to wear the next day and the more she pretended the more she herself could believe it. Life with Logan was like a fantasy world, she could pretend that there was no one out there trying to kill her but life with Alec was real. Too real. Sometimes so real it was scary, he was everything that she pretended she wasn't, everything she didn't want to think she was and yet he was comfortable with who he was. It was this fact that kept her from letting him too close. She knew that once she let Alec in there was no way that she could ever let him go. The problem was he had somehow already wormed his way into her heart and she knew that if she had left him there at the police station she would've gone back for him later.
She had only said those things because she didn't want to believe that he resorted back to being the soldier he had been made to be. She didn't want him to become like Ben. She had to keep him away to keep herself safe because she could see that life with Alec was something that she enjoyed and without him her life would become lifeless. No excitement, no rush, just nothing like it was before. When she had been with Logan. So she told him, everything that happened. He listened and when she finished he held her. It was something that she didn't expect him to do and she was surprised at how safe she felt with him around and started to think that maybe letting him in wasn't that bad an idea. Maybe if she kept him around more she'd feel better about the way her life was, about who she was.
................................
"Well half of them agreed to it. The other half are stubborn little bitches, they just wont listen!" Andy pouted.
Mole let out a laugh, "I thought you said that they'd be easy to convince," he grinned at her.
She poked her tongue out at him but he just laughed and continued to clean his gun. "Their CO must be one hard wacko. But that's the thing that I don't understand. Their CO isn't even there and he hadn't been seen by any of them and yet they're just gonna sit there on their asses and not do anything until he comes. So I asked them what'll happen if he doesn't and all of then just look at him like I grew an extra head and said that he would find them. He had apparently told them to lay low together and he'd get back to them. I asked them when this was and they said when Manticore burned. I mean that was like 5 months ago and they just sat there, he said he would so he will and they wouldn't say anymore. They won't do anymore until he comes either. I swear, they're driving me crazy! What are you looking at you big lizard?!" she finally shouted at Mole who was now standing in front of her, looking her up and down.
"I was just trying to figure out where your extra head was and then I realized that they must of just thought you had two heads because you talk so much it was like you had two mouths," he said seriously.
She glared at him and said, "Come here and say that mothball."
"Oh I love you too schnookums," he laughed. She went to hit him but Dix interrupted to play peacemaker.
"Well, you know I think that you would look very attractive with another head."
Andy turned and looked at him in astonishment. "What the...Are you guys feeling OK? I mean I leave for a night, come back and this is what I get. I think that maybe you guys aren't that immune to toxins as we thought."
Dix laughed and sat down again. "Andy don't worry about it. If they say that their CO is coming back then he will. Those guys are so used to following orders that they won't do anything else."
"Then why don't they take MY orders!" she pouted.
"Because you aren't their CO. so just wait till he comes back and then maybe they'll listen."
"Fine," Andy glared. "I'm going home but I expect those lists done the next time I'm here."
"They will be," Dix assured her and she left.
"X's," Mole rasped, "I'll never understand them."
"Neither will I but she's better than most," Dix said looking at him.
Mole thought for a while and grunted his agreement. Mothball my ass, he thought with a grin.
................................
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"Yeah, I guess you cant," Max replied from her room.
"Well maybe Logan can use some of his..omigod Logan. How is he?" Alec said in shock. He had totally forgot about the other man.
"He's fine. Joshua came through," Max assured him, coming out of her room.
"Thank god, you know I love Logan, well not like you love him. You know what I mean." he babbled. He noticed the expression on her face and walked closer to her. "Max what is it?" he asked concerned.
"I'm not gonna see him anymore," she said, not looking up at him.
"Anymore this week?" Alec asked, slightly sarcastically. He just couldn't believe that Max would just ditch the guy just like that.
"Ever," she whispered and turned around.
He regarded her silently for a while and then plunged into a subject that he had wanted to ask her for a while but had been too afraid to. Not that he himself was scared to voice it but he was scared of what her reaction would be. He was scared that he was gonna push her further away from him than she already was, and no matter what he said or did there was no way that he could convince himself that he didn't need her. He had spent his whole life with other people like him, out here there was no one else but her, she was his life raft. The only thing that kept him from sinking and he didn't know what he'd do without her. Not that he'd ever tell her that, she'd probably just hit me, he thought bitterly to himself. He wanted her to look at him the way she looked at Logan or even Joshua. Someone that she could trust, someone that she WANTED to be around, someone that she loved.
Love. That was what this all boiled down to, after Rachel he didn't think that he could ever love again but truthfully he didn't think that he could stop loving. She had opened him up to the world and there was no way that he could close it now. Manticore had tried and almost succeeded, the one thing they did wrong was pair him up with 452, the rogue, whose love for life, love for another had kept her going. He had seen the determination in her to get back to the ones that she loved and realized that he hadn't lost his ability to love, to appreciate life, he had just buried it to keep it safe. To keep it away from Manticore, he kept it deep within himself where he knew that no one could find it, where no one could take it away like they took Rachel away. Rachel had unlocked the door to his heart and Max had kicked it open.
She had also shoved a wedge in there to stop it from ever closing, earlier when she had said all those things to him at the police station he had almost believed her. In fact he did believe her. She didn't really want him around, she regretted letting him loose on the world, on her world but he was tied to her world. He was tied to her. Everything he did came back to her, at the beginning he would do things that he knew she would hate just to make her mad at him because that was the only way that she would talk to him, otherwise she just ignored his existence. OC and Sketch were great friends but no matter what Max or anybody else said, they were different and he needed to be around his own kind. She was all he had and he was afraid to lose her but he had to give it a chance and hope that she might finally open up to him.
"Since we're already knee deep in painful subjects tell me about him. About Ben."
Max turned in shock, she didn't think that he would ever bring up his twin. She was about to yell at him when she saw the look in his eyes. He really looked sincere, he looked scared as if he was afraid of what her answer might be. The thing that got her was the wary look that was partially concealed. It was like he was thrusting himself out into the ocean just by asking her this question and it was her answer that would decide whether or not he would be able to find his way back to the shore.
She thought about it for a moment and decided to tell him. She had never told anyone else what had happened between her and Ben, not even Logan. Actually especially not Logan, she could just imagine the look on his face, his horrified expression that she had killed her own sibling. No, there was no way she could ever tell Logan, but Alec was different. He wouldn't look at her like she was a monster because he was like her, they were the same. Alec could understand in a way that Logan never could and probably wouldn't want to. She had been raised and trained as a killer while Logan had gone to school with his friends. She played with M-16's while he played basketball, she had killed and he had only killed on his Nintendo. The differences were there but she had always thought that they would be able to overcome them but here was one difference that just seemed to get bigger every day.
So she pretended, she pretended that she was like him, that all she had to worry about was what to wear the next day and the more she pretended the more she herself could believe it. Life with Logan was like a fantasy world, she could pretend that there was no one out there trying to kill her but life with Alec was real. Too real. Sometimes so real it was scary, he was everything that she pretended she wasn't, everything she didn't want to think she was and yet he was comfortable with who he was. It was this fact that kept her from letting him too close. She knew that once she let Alec in there was no way that she could ever let him go. The problem was he had somehow already wormed his way into her heart and she knew that if she had left him there at the police station she would've gone back for him later.
She had only said those things because she didn't want to believe that he resorted back to being the soldier he had been made to be. She didn't want him to become like Ben. She had to keep him away to keep herself safe because she could see that life with Alec was something that she enjoyed and without him her life would become lifeless. No excitement, no rush, just nothing like it was before. When she had been with Logan. So she told him, everything that happened. He listened and when she finished he held her. It was something that she didn't expect him to do and she was surprised at how safe she felt with him around and started to think that maybe letting him in wasn't that bad an idea. Maybe if she kept him around more she'd feel better about the way her life was, about who she was.
................................
"Well half of them agreed to it. The other half are stubborn little bitches, they just wont listen!" Andy pouted.
Mole let out a laugh, "I thought you said that they'd be easy to convince," he grinned at her.
She poked her tongue out at him but he just laughed and continued to clean his gun. "Their CO must be one hard wacko. But that's the thing that I don't understand. Their CO isn't even there and he hadn't been seen by any of them and yet they're just gonna sit there on their asses and not do anything until he comes. So I asked them what'll happen if he doesn't and all of then just look at him like I grew an extra head and said that he would find them. He had apparently told them to lay low together and he'd get back to them. I asked them when this was and they said when Manticore burned. I mean that was like 5 months ago and they just sat there, he said he would so he will and they wouldn't say anymore. They won't do anymore until he comes either. I swear, they're driving me crazy! What are you looking at you big lizard?!" she finally shouted at Mole who was now standing in front of her, looking her up and down.
"I was just trying to figure out where your extra head was and then I realized that they must of just thought you had two heads because you talk so much it was like you had two mouths," he said seriously.
She glared at him and said, "Come here and say that mothball."
"Oh I love you too schnookums," he laughed. She went to hit him but Dix interrupted to play peacemaker.
"Well, you know I think that you would look very attractive with another head."
Andy turned and looked at him in astonishment. "What the...Are you guys feeling OK? I mean I leave for a night, come back and this is what I get. I think that maybe you guys aren't that immune to toxins as we thought."
Dix laughed and sat down again. "Andy don't worry about it. If they say that their CO is coming back then he will. Those guys are so used to following orders that they won't do anything else."
"Then why don't they take MY orders!" she pouted.
"Because you aren't their CO. so just wait till he comes back and then maybe they'll listen."
"Fine," Andy glared. "I'm going home but I expect those lists done the next time I'm here."
"They will be," Dix assured her and she left.
"X's," Mole rasped, "I'll never understand them."
"Neither will I but she's better than most," Dix said looking at him.
Mole thought for a while and grunted his agreement. Mothball my ass, he thought with a grin.
................................
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