Title:  Amnesia! Spike

Author:  mahaliem

Part 4

"Xander! Spike!" a female voice screamed. "What are you doing on my bed?"

Willow had come home.


Spike watched as Xander pushed back from him, and blinked several times rapidly, before letting out a little shriek and scrambling away. As they were so close to the edge, this resulted in Xander falling off the bed and landing with a thump on his rear. This didn't stop Xander. He continued to scuttle away like a crab until he had reached the far wall.

The redhead rounded on Spike.

"What did you do to Xander? If you used a spell, I'll make you sorry you ever crawled out of your grave."

"No spell. Heard that was your territory, supposing you're Willow, that is."

"Supposing I'm Willow?" The redhead turned to face Xander who had managed to pull himself to a stand, but was still pressed up against the wall. "Xander, what's going on?"

Xander opened his mouth and a noise that sounded like 'Imnatguh' emerged.

"Fall off the bed must've scrambled his brains," Spike mused.

"No, I've seen him like this a couple of times," said Willow. "It's hysteria."

"Hysteria? You want me to slap him around a bit?"

"Won't that give you a headache? I mean No! There will be no slapping of Xander."

"Wouldn't hurt him. Would never hurt him. Especially seeing how we're back together."

Spike looked at Willow and wondered if eyes actually could pop out of their sockets.

"Back together? When were you two ever together?"

Xander moaned and Willow turned on him.

"Xander, are you and Spike...um…are the two of you…."

"Lovers," supplied Spike helpfully.

"No!" shouted Xander, throwing off his state of shock at last. "No, we're not lovers!"

"But...." Spike began.

"We've never been lovers. We will never be lovers," continued Xander, stepping forward to confront Spike. "I don't know how you got that disgusting idea into that moldy brain of yours."

"You put it there. Every time I talked about us being friends, you got all coy. Like you were hiding something."

"That's because we're not friends," Xander yelled. "I hate you!"

Xander's shout seemed to echo in the silence that followed. Spike searched Xander's face, hoping for some sign that the words weren't true. His eyes then went to Willow's and he saw pity.

Without saying anything, Spike turned and quickly left the room, bumping into the doorjamb on his way out as if he didn't see it.

* * *


Spike lifted his head from his knees to see Buffy approaching him.

"How'd you find me?" he asked wearily.

"I'm the Slayer. Slayers have an inner radar that goes ping when vampires are near."

"So I make you go ping?"

"You're more of a 'ding, ding, ding'." Buffy gave him a little smile. "You've always been a bit different."

Buffy seemed uncomfortable as she glanced around the abandoned house he'd sought refuge in. There wasn't much left of the building. The walls had holes, bricks had been knocked from the fireplace, and beams had fallen down. For some reason that Spike couldn't see, Buffy was staring at a cracked pillar right next to the hole in the floor.

"Spike, what made you come here?"

"Don't know," he answered slowly. "Didn't even know this place existed 'til I found myself here."

"Well, it's time to come home."

"You mean for me to go back to that crypt."

"No, back home. Willow's setting up a cot in the basement for you. When I got back tonight, Dawn was going nuts. They were worried about you." Buffy added softly, "We were worried about you."

"And Xander?" Spike asked, his voice betraying a hint of hopefulness that he wasn't able to fully hide.

"Xander went back to his apartment."

Spike leaned his head back onto his knees.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" he asked quietly.

"Damn it, Spike, stop it!" Buffy said suddenly, causing Spike's head to jerk up to look at her. "I can take you arrogant and brash and cocky and…."

"This list going to be alphabetical, is it?"

"Shush. The point is, I can't take you hurt. You're not supposed to hurt."

Buffy looked upset, Spike thought. Usually her face betrayed little when she talked to him, her eyes rarely meeting his. Now there was concern in Buffy's gaze as well as something else he couldn't quite identify. She knelt next to him and stroked his cheek with a fingertip.

"I'm so sorry, Spike. When we get home, I need to tell you something, something important."

She actually expected him to go back? Back to where he'd made such a fool of himself? Spike shook his head.

"Not going to go. Going to stay here."

"You can't stay here. It's wrecked." Spike looked at her stubbornly, so Buffy continued. "There's no furniture, no kitchen, no bed."

"Doesn't matter."

Buffy thought of something else and her eyes glittered with triumph. "There's no television."

Spike gulped. She was right. There was no television.

"That means no "Law and Order". No "Simpsons". No "Gilligan"." Buffy taunted.

No Gilligan? The way his bloody luck was running, he'd be here and miss the episode when they got off the island.

"Fine, I'll go," Spike said as he got to his feet. "But just so you know, it's not like I'd be bored. Plenty of things to see and do here."

"Like what?"

"Downstairs someone drew pictures on the walls of stick figures doing naughty things to each other."

"What?"

"Yeah, tons of different poses, too. I'd think some were impossible except for one thing."

Buffy gave him a questioning look.

"There're tally marks underneath the drawings."

As Spike and Buffy walked to Revello Drive, Spike decided that despite her dislike for him, Buffy was all right. Definitely barmy, though. She kept muttering death threats toward some unknown person as they walked.

* * *


Spike looked up from his cot when he heard someone walking down the steps. Dawn was still at school and Buffy was at work, so it had to be Willow. He and Buffy hadn't had a chance to talk when they'd arrived back at the house, because Dawn had latched onto him as soon as he'd walked in the door, and only let herself be pried off when he'd promised her that he wouldn't run away again. She'd even made him pinky swear it.

"Spike? Are you awake?" Willow said softly.

"Am now."

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute."

Spike sat up and motioned for Willow to sit next to him. When she did, she held her hands in her lap, looking as if she wasn't sure what to say.

"So. No memory, huh?"

"Not a lick."

"Buffy asked me if I had anything to do with this."

"Did you?"

Willow shook her head vigorously. "No, I'd never do something like that. Except, I kind of did a few months ago. But that was a mistake and I'd never, ever do it again. Besides, Xander said you got hit in the head."

Spike put his head on Willow's shoulder and his arm around her waist. For a moment she stiffened, before relaxing against him.

"You truly thought you and Xander were...close, didn't you?" she asked gently.

"Xander and I were friends. For a bit. Bollixed it up."

Willow reached out and patted Spike's leg.

"I'm sure it'll be okay," Willow consoled. Spike looked at her incredulously and she sighed. "Fine, it won't be okay. Maybe it won't even get to just plain awful. But maybe it will get to the point where you don't cringe whenever you think of it and want to hide under the furniture."

At Spike's look, Willow added, "I've done some pretty stupid stuff myself, lately, so I call dibs on hiding under the dining room table."

"Heard you were trying to stop using magic."

"Yes. It's addictive."

"It is?" Spike peered at her. "Like heroin, is it?"

"Um…no."

"Cocaine?"

Willow shook her head.

"Pot?"

Willow shook her head again.

"Cigarettes? Booze? Gambling?"

Willow kept shaking her head.

"It's more like chocolate," Willow finally volunteered.

"Chocolate? Not an addiction."

"It is! There have been scientific studies that prove chocolate...." Willow began before Spike interrupted her.

"Fine. You're addicted. Long as the gods you pray to aren't Hershey, Mars, and Nestle."

"Nope. Maybe Godiva, though."

Spike shuddered. And they called him evil.

Willow gazed at the blond head still on her shoulder.

"I've been wondering about this amnesia of yours," she said. "Vampires heal extremely quickly and it seems as if you should've gotten your memory back by now."

"Don't know anything 'bout that."

"I think I'll call Angel. Maybe he knows what we can do."

"Who's Angel?" Spike asked, his curiosity over this elusive figure getting to him. He watched as Willow hemmed and hawed before saying, "Nobody important."

Willow eased away from Spike and stood up to leave. She was at the bottom of the stairs when Spike's voice stopped her.

"You're gay, right?"

"Yes, Spike, I'm gay."

"There's something I was wondering about."

"What?"

"Do you think Ginger and Maryann had a thing for each other?"

"How would I know?" asked Willow, shocked. "I mean, of course not."

"Oh," Spike said, disappointment evident in his tone.

"If it makes you feel any better," Willow added, "I did always wonder about the Professor and the Skipper."

Spike was smiling happily as Willow left the basement.

* * *


It was close to nine o'clock when Spike stood on the porch and waited for Xander and Anya to arrive. Earlier, Buffy had told him that the couple had contacted her, wanting to talk to him, so she'd arranged this meeting.

In an effort to give Spike some semblance of privacy, Willow had gone upstairs and insisted that Dawn join her. Spike would bet everything he had, which wasn't much, that Dawn was doing her best to eavesdrop.

Buffy was stationed nearby, arms crossed, also waiting. Spike wasn't sure if she was there to lend him support or to keep any bloodshed to the minimum.

When Anya and Xander climbed the steps, Spike straightened up and braced himself for the confrontation. Xander was looking everywhere but at him. Anya, however, was smiling.

"Spike, since you don't have your memory, this is your one and only warning," Anya said matter of factly. "If you ever try to steal my boyfriend from me again, I will get a demon to curse you with ugly toes. You will have ugly toes for the rest of your life and never be able to wear sandals again."

Spike looked at the heavy boots on his feet, but only replied with a nod.

"Also," Anya continued, "thank you for last night. Xander gave me many lovely orgasms to prove his heterosexuality. I would consider it a wonderful wedding present if you come to our wedding and make a point of kissing both the bride and the groom. But no tongue, Mister, or it's ugly toes for you."

That was it? Spike thought. Feeling a bit relieved, he responded, "Nope, no tongues."

"Good. Now Xander has something to say to you," replied Anya, tugging Xander forward.

Xander had his hands in his pockets and seemed to be doing a careful examination of the work they'd done on the porch a few days earlier. Spike looked down to study it, too. Was that nail just a bit bent?

Anya poked Xander in the side impatiently. He let out a little yelp, glared at Anya, before turning his gaze to Spike.

"Spike, I…"

"I've been looking for you Spike," a voice shouted from the dark. "Or should I say, 'Doctor'?"

A tall, muscular man stalked onto the porch.

"Riley," said Anya.

"Riley?" said Buffy.

"Riley!" said Xander.

Spike decided that this must be Riley.

The git was enormous. Spike glanced over at Buffy, then glanced again at Riley and mentally compared heights. When they'd dated, had she carried a box around to stand on all the time or did she just have intimate knowledge of his navel?

The man was angry and coming closer. Spike backed away.

"I found all the eggs in your crypt, Spike."

"Who are you? The cholesterol police?"

"Demon eggs. Dangerous demon eggs. Like you didn't know."

"Riley, he really doesn't know," said Buffy reaching out a hand to catch Riley's sleeve as he shouldered past her to confront Spike. "He's got amnesia."

"Amnesia?" Riley said disbelievingly and let out a short, harsh laugh. "He's playing you. He's always played you so you'll let him live. Well, he doesn't fool me."

In a flash, Riley slammed Spike up against the wall of the house.

"This time, Spike, you're going to get what's coming to you."

Spike squirmed but couldn't get loose. He could hear Anya and Buffy in the background, then suddenly he was free. Riley was sprawled on the porch and Xander was standing over him, breathing heavily.

"You don't touch Spike! You never touch Spike!" Xander shouted.

Riley scrambled to his feet and looked at Xander in confusion.

"Is this one of your stupid jokes, Xander? You hate Spike."

"Yeah, I do," Xander said, moving so that he was between Riley and Spike. "But he's also my friend. He's just the friend I happen to hate most of the time."

"Spike's helped out a lot, Riley," said Buffy, stepping up to stand next to Xander.

"I don't understand you. Any of you. This is Spike. He's evil."

"But not really, really evil," said Xander. "With Spike, you go in expecting to get your throat ripped out, but instead you're called a name. Spike's like the softer side of evil."

Buffy placed her hand on Riley's arm.

"I'm sorry, Riley," Buffy said, "But Spike's one of us now. He's a good fighter, and he cares about Dawn and me. He can be kind and funny. He's a good listener...."

"And a damn good kisser," added Xander.

* * *


Andrew stared in wonder at the screen. The muscular Adonis had been overcome by lust and pinned Spike to the wall. Xander, in a fit of jealousy had pushed the stranger away.

"Take your hands off of him," Andrew whispered, his voice deep, pretending to be Xander, and adding his own script to the drama unfolding before him. "This is my vampire."

"What do you mean 'your vampire'? Do you love him?"

"Yes, I do. We are mated. Our essences are forever entwined."

Switching to falsetto, Andrew continued as he filled in words for Buffy. "Xander is now Spike's consort."

Andrew's voice lowered once more.

"But Spike is too strong and powerful!" Andrew said, now pretending to be the stranger. "One human can never satisfy his lustful desires."

"I know Spike is powerful. But if one human can never satisfy his desires, then I will gladly die trying," Andrew had Xander say gallantly.

Once again, Andrew switched to his Buffy voice. "I'm sorry, stranger. But perhaps you might want to consider a woman. Although none can compare to Spike. He is a sex god."

"And a damn good kisser," he added in his Xander voice.

Andrew saw a look of passion pass between the vampire and Xander and stepped away for a moment to fan himself. In the background, he could hear Warren outlining another stupid plan to Jonathan. While they worked on their insignificant plots, Spike already had the Slayer and her friends bewitched. The masterful vampire was well on his way to becoming the Overlord of Sunnydale.

* * *


In the living room, Buffy and Anya were busy discussing with Willow and Dawn the scene on the porch. Xander and Spike decided to escape the embarrassment of hearing a discussion of their relationship by hiding in the basement.

Within minutes, Spike and Xander had run out of inconsequential things to say to each other and were going to have to tackle the subject they'd been trying to avoid. Spike silently vowed to study some sports to chat about so that this situation never arose again.

Sitting several feet apart on the cot, Spike glanced at Xander curiously.

"Did you mean what you said?" Spike asked.

"About you being my friend? Yes. I did."

Spike smiled, then a mischievous light appeared in his eyes.

"Did you mean the other part? You know, 'bout me being a great kisser."

"I said 'good'. And I was lying."

"You said 'damn good" and you weren't lying. Unless you meant to say fantastic."

"You were not fantastic, Spike. You were...adequate."

"Adequate? That why you were practically panting for me to take you?"

"You take me? Ha! I was going take you. You're definitely a bottom."

"Am not a bottom. I'm the vampire. Faster. Stronger."

"Scrawny. Short. Plus you dye your hair and used to paint your nails."

"I'm evil."

"Right. You're the evil bottom."

"I'll show you who's the bottom," laughed Spike, launching himself at Xander.

They were concentrating so hard on wrestling with each other that they failed to hear the basement door open or Dawn descend the steps.

"Buffy! Willow! Anya! Spike and Xander are doing naughty things on Spike's cot," Dawn yelled.

Dawn almost got trampled in the rush down the stairs.

Spike wondered if he would soon have ugly toes.