Viva Forever

Songfiction by  Buffy And Angel Lover

Summary: Angel thinks of his relationship with Buffy, and the decision he had to make to keep her alive and safe.

Disclaimer: Nope, I didn't manage to convince Mr. Whedon to buy me Angel and Buffy. Nope, I didn't write of Viva Forever – it's Spice Girls'.

He was driving through the dark streets, between the buildings in LA. Thinking of her. His lover, his soulmate, his sun in his dark life.

Buffy.

Once more, like times and times before that one, he remembered his decision. And questioned it, once more. Was he right to have the day back? To let her slip between his fingers like sand?

You know you were, said the tiny little voice in his mind You did because... You love her too much to see her die while you live securely and helpless. Angel had to admit, that voice was right.

But, once more, he remembered her in their beginning. Sweet, innocent, desperately trying to have a normal life, despite of her duties, despite of his true nature. And how he tried to believe with her, believe that with her everything would be right, would run smoothly. Hope they would.

Hope... For nearly two and a half centuries, Angel had given himself a new hope.

Do you still remember, how it used to be

Feeling together, believing in whatever

My love said to me

Both of us were dreamers

Young love in the sun

Tell like my saviour, my spirit I gave you

We'd only begun

But then it happened. The night in her seventeenth birthday. The night full of magic, full of passion, full of love. He remembered everything Angelus had made after their perfect night – and how it ended. He was a ensouled vampire paying for his demon's acts in Hell. He had trusted her, she had sent him to hell. Still, he loved her, and understood why she did what she had.

But then she brought him back. With her love, with her farewell. He remembered how weird they acted around each other – because they were too close, tied by their love, and too apart, separated because of his curse. Still, they loved each other. Angel knew it by heart.

Hasta manaña, always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting

Everlasting like the sun

Live forever, for the moment

Ever searching for the sun

Then, it came the blessed and cursed day he had to erase from her memory, and carry its memories with him. How he felt being fed in bed, after a desperate, passionate, love – making. How their kiss had grown into something hotter – her soft warm tongue against his now – warm flesh. Their kiss down the sunlight – the most amazing kiss they had shared.

He remembered everything – the moans, the promises, the shared secrets. And they hurt him even more – cause he truly believed, then, that his redemption had arrived. It didn't. Unfortunately.

Yes I still remember, every whispered word

The touch of your skin, giving life from within

Like a song never heard

Slipping through our fingers like the sands of time

Promises made, every memory saved

Have reflections in my mind

But, once more, waiting for a new day, Angel dreamed of being human. Being human next to her. He knew she had dumped him on the end of days cause his death would bring her a lot of pain. And he understood what she meant under the statement that she sometimes dreamed of a future far from times like these.

She meant she still shared his hopes of they being together. Living happily the time they should, with their kids.

For now, these hopes gave him strength to fight for his Shanshu.

But he never told anyone she had dreamed that too. That was their secret.

But we're all alone now, was it just a dream?

Feelings unfold, they will never be sold

And the secret's safe with me