A/N: So because I am a specific tier for Kirstine the Artist on , we get monthly art requests. Because of my Way of the Househusband fic from the other day, I requested a pic of Pitch in full househusband mode, with Regina and Damien, strapped to his chest and back in child carriers respectively, a dust rag on his head, an apron over his shirt, with grocery bags in one hand and a broom in the other. Because my kouhai (love you Kissi! ) asked for descriptions of the kids to fulfill this request, I had to dig deep into my tumblr Pitch Black blog (found at tumblr dot com slash fearlingcontrolled ) to find out the description of Pitch's children. Our only known description of them came from the RP thread with teethholdourdeepestmemories (renamed memoxr and then memcries) where the twins were born. (The twins are mentioned in The Monkey and the King, chapter 6 of this compilation, but no actual descriptions were given)

And because now I've fallen down the deep, deep hole of rereading old RP threads and yearning for a simpler time where I'm not worrying about how I'm going to pay a mortgage, have some slice of life stuff of babies growing up and just being cute little monsters (and as Pitch's children, that is entirely possible of them becoming monsters along the way).

So I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, because I think this might devolve into an offshoot of a separate series :)

For reference, this is Tooth and Pitch in their world, so not a Human!AU, not anything else. After Pitch's defeat in the movie, he got some good sense knocked into him, and a tentative friendship had started between him and the other Guardians. He took control from the Fearlings trapped inside him, and he and Tooth started a thing together.

Things happened, babies were born, THEN Pitch proposed to Tooth, and now they're one giant happy family.

Human Faceclaim for Pitch: Julian McMahon

Human Faceclaim for Tooth: Ramya

Summary: Despite being centuries old, him even older, Pitch and Tooth have the joys of raising their children together with no outside influences whatsoever. Yup, mhm, no meddling uncles to interfere or spoil the twins. No siree.

Words: 1861

Prompts:

(dialogue) "It was nice knowing you." / "What?" / "Oh, you'll see."

(dialogue) "If it's one thing I do, mate, it's paying attention to details."

(dialogue) "There's no need to cry over spilled milk."

"Spilled Milk"

"Are you sure sure that you two want to do this?" Tooth asked for the third time that night. She had almost finished getting ready for her date out with Pitch, having already taken on her human form, but her brow was creased with worry for Jack and Bunnymund who had offered to babysit the twins for the few hours they would be out. The twins were now 18 months old, and were getting into anything and everything they could. Thankfully, neither of them seemed to have Pitch's powers just yet, if at all, so there shouldn't be any worries about them slipping into the shadows to wreak havoc.

But if babies could be mischievous, these two, hands down, were.

"Oh yeah, we got this! I helped raise my sister back when I was still mortal, how hard could it be?" Jack replied nonchalantly. Tooth just gave him a look. Pitch even stuck his head out of the bathroom where he was getting ready to stare at him incredulously. He and Tooth shared a bewildered look before he disappeared back into the bathroom.

"Okay, but are you sure? I can have some of my mini fairies here as support, or backup or something," she added. "Or I can call my sister, Vanish. She might have some free time tonight to help you out!"

"Nah, everything will be fine," Bunny said, trying to reassure her as Jack blushed behind him at the mention of Tooth's sister. Tooth was not reassured. "You've written down a detailed list of their schedule, what snacks they are and are not allowed to have, their favorite activities, what times they shouldn't be napping, what time they need to be in bed by, and how to trick them into taking a bath. You have prepared us as much as you can. We can handle a couple of anklebiters, even if they are as special as yours. And now, you two get to go out, get dinner, maybe see a movie or go dancing. You just have to be home before 11, so we have time to put this one to bed," he added, motioning to Jack.

"Hey!" Jack exclaimed in protest. Pitch chose that moment to emerge from the bathroom. He walked over to his children, who were on their large king sized bed, to rub his nose against theirs, saying goodbye.

"You two be good for Uncle Jack and Uncle Bunny. They'll be looking over you while Mummy and Papa are out for the night," he said endearingly to them. Both Damien and Regina, each clad in an animal themed onesie, giggled happily at him. Straightening, Pitch pinned Jack and Bunny with a stare, holding their gaze as he transitioned to his human form, the magic rippling over his form and lightening his skin from the rich gray of the shadows to a more natural flesh color. His eyes stayed golden, however, just as Tooth's stayed pink in her human form.

Both Jack and Bunny swallowed thickly at the unsaid threat.

"It was nice knowing you," Pitch then said as Tooth walked by and straightened his tie on her way to grab her purse.

"What?" Jack blurted out, startled.

"Oh, you'll see," Pitch replied with a wide grin, perfectly white teeth shining at them. He headed for the door. Tooth paused in front of Jack and Bunny once more.

"Here's my cell phone number in case you need to get ahold of us. Remember, we'll be in the human world, in human disguises, so people will be able to see us, not just children. So call my cell first, and if you can't get through, then use magical means," Tooth said, handing over a slip of paper.

"My dear, we're going to be late if we dawdle any longer," Pitch pointed out, halfway through the door already.

"Goodbye my loves! Mummy will be back soon!" she cooed to the twins still on their bed. She waved at her friends. "Thanks again Jack, Bunny!" she called out before she disappeared through the door.

As soon as they disappeared, Jack turned to Bunny. "So, what do we do? I think the booklet Tooth wrote up for us is somewhere in the kitchen, I think she said," Jack mentioned before looking around the master bedroom that was in Pitch's lair. It was surreal seeing a part of the dark foreboding lair that wasn't dark or foreboding at all. The living space here was actually quite bright and airy, with magic windows installed that showed different scenes. One of the scenes was actually a picture of Tooth's Palace, which showed several mini fairies fluttering around, bringing baby teeth into the palace to store them in the vaults.

"No worries! I read it already," Bunny assured him, turning to look at Damien and Regina on the bed. "If it's one thing I do, mate, it's paying attention to details…hey, where'd they go?" he asked. Jack spun around to look at the bed to find the kids were gone.

"Can they walk? Did they walk out of here while we weren't looking?" Jack asked quickly. The sound of breaking glass from down the hall reached their ears, and Bunny and Jack just looked at each other for a moment before springing into action. Bunny beat Jack into the kitchen by mere seconds but stopped in his tracks, making Jack run into the back of him.

Peeking around the Pooka's massive form, Jack felt the blood drain from his face as he saw just how much carnage that two toddlers could inflict on the unsuspecting. One was sitting on the dark marble countertop, playing in a container of flour, the flour completely covering the counter, part of the floor, and the entire front of the toddler. The other was in front of the refrigerator sat atop a Nightmare made of sand. The Nightmare jerked its head over to look at them, but upon a slight tug from the toddler with a firm grasp on one of its ears, it faced towards the refrigerator again, where the toddler was pulling things out of the refrigerator and tossing them onto the ground. It looked like the shattering they had heard from earlier had been a half eaten jar of olives being flung across the room to splatter against the cabinets.

"Damien! Regina! Stop that!" Jack called out in a panic. With horror, the two suddenly realized that neither twin was wearing their onesies anymore. How were they going to tell them apart?!

A bottle of milk was suddenly thrown and the glass shattered at their feet, milk cascading over their toes. Jack felt like crying in stress at this whole situation. They had definitely bitten off more than they could chew with these two…

"Hey, there's no need to cry over spilled milk," Bunny muttered, still frozen in place.

"But I can cry over everything else, right?" Jack asked, his mind racing on what he was going to tackle first. The dangerous things, probably, so the shattered glass needed to be cleaned up.

"Bunny, can you grab these two and get them into the bath?" Jack asked, moving forward to pick one toddler–Damien he thought–up off of the counter to hand him to the Pooka.

"What are you going to do?" Bunny asked, scandalized as he warily accepted the child. Bright golden eyes peered back at him with a grin, hands covered in flour patting the Pooka on the face in reassurance.

"Clean up everything over here," Jack replied as he tiptoed his way over to the kid in front of the refrigerator, making sure to miss the glass and liquids with his bare feet. He picked the toddler up off of the Nightmare, having to tug a bit when the twin in his hands refused to let go of the Nightmare's ear. "Come on, you! Time for a bath with Uncle Bunny!" Jack ignored Bunny's grumbling as he passed over the second child.

"These anklebiters are going to get my fur all wet…why did I agree to this again?" Bunny mumbled to himself as he headed out of the kitchen to go to the bathroom, cradling the flour drenched child against him while carrying the other at his hip like a sack of potatoes.

"Because we love Tooth and kind of like Pitch and they deserved a break!" Jack called back to him before he turned back to the mess in the kitchen. With a slight glare and jerk of his head, he dismissed the Nightmare that was more assuredly an accomplice in the twins' plans. It disappeared gratefully, leaving only a small puddle of black sand behind. With a sign, Jack pushed his hoodie sleeves up to his elbows and grabbed the mop.

Time to get to cleaning before his friends got home.

When the door opened up, Jack and Bunny jumped, startled from their dozing position on the couch. They had finally managed to get the twins into bed and asleep only ten minutes earlier, and the two were exhausted. Pitch and Tooth came in, looking amused at how frazzled the two looked.

Bunnymund's fur stuck out everywhere in jagged places where he had gotten wet and it had dried in clumps. Jack's hoodie still held a light dusting of flour from the incident earlier in the kitchen, with a few wet spots on the sleeves where some food had stained it when they attempted to feed the twins. Tooth smothered a giggle as she passed by them to head to the twins' room. Pitch stood before them, his arms crossed, a grin on his face. Jack snuck a look at the clock to see that it was shortly before 11 o'clock.

"So how did it go?" Pitch asked curiously.

"Your children are delightful and take after you more than we thought," Jack replied honestly as Tooth rejoined them.

"Out like a light," she said softly, and Pitch nodded.

"Good work guys," he replied with a small grin before handing the two of them an envelope each. Jack and Bunny both looked at each other, then the envelope, then to Pitch and Tooth, where he now had his arm around here.

"What's this?" Bunny asked curiously.

"Compensation for a job well done. Will we be able to count on you two in the future if we have any more babysitting needs?" Tooth said. Jack shared a look with Bunnymund once more before they both shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" Jack said.

"This was fun enough. I'm sure if we do it enough, it'll get easier," Bunny replied, to the delight of Tooth and Pitch.

"Excellent! We'll see you two bright and early tomorrow for Brunch then with the rest of the Guardians, same time, same place," Pitch stated before reaching out for a handshake. The two reciprocated before heading towards the front door, Tooth heading to the kitchen. As Jack gathered his shepherd's crook from the front door, they heard Tooth call out from the kitchen.

"Hey, have you guys seen the milk? I thought we had a whole bottle in here!"

Jack and Bunny shared a look and booked it out the door.