Hey everyone!! Esca-lover here…I know, long time no see, right? Well, rejoice! I'm back! My Internet is finally up and running again, and all of my story information was not lost like I had previously thought! I do apologize for such lengthy gaps in my writing. Fortunately, I now have time to get back on track! YIPPIE!
I know what you're thinking…oh no, she started another story?! YES! I DID! But guess what…it's already finished!! *everyone dies of shock* That's right folks, this little ficcie started off being a one shot, but I decided to break it into three parts. ALL PARTS ARE WRITTEN AND COMPLETED! For your enjoyment I will post a new part every other day. This angst-riddled story came into being as a result of pent up frustrations with life…I'm sure you'll catch on right away. How will it end? What characters will appear? You'll have to wait and see!!
This fan fiction is dedicated to all my loyal, crazy-awesome fan-fic reviewers! Hope you like it…did I mention it's finished??? ::giggles::
***Esca-lover
p.s. All of the bold, underlined words are song lyrics, and all of the bold words are previous conversations. Check my closing notes for disclaimers!
* * * * * * * * * *
It had rained for five days straight. The weather tugged on everyone's soul, bringing him or her into a state of dismal brooding and despair. A wet and gray summer had left the world wanting, and a soggy autumn promised little. For Hitomi, it was more then she could tolerate.
Everything's so blurry,
Everyone's so fake…She had given up on the dream of reinventing herself at college…again. Her junior year had been unbearable, full of emotional dilemmas and academic nightmares. Now a senior, she found new terrors consuming her mind. Was she doing the right thing? Would she be able to find employment upon graduation? How was she supposed to pay off her student loans? With no current boyfriend, would she ever find love? Would she ever be truly happy? While all these thoughts echoed through her brain, one fear spoke louder then the rest: Was life really worth living?
"Not for me," Hitomi answered aloud before taking a long drag on her cigarette. She coughed violently, her body still adjusting to the new habit. The twenty-one year old was standing on the roof of her apartment building, staring out at the setting sun. The rain had finally ceased, but a light mist still remained. Wisps of sandy-blonde hair clung to her ashen face as the moisture chilled her body. She shuddered despite the long, heavy jacket draped on her shoulders.
"Sometimes livin'…takes the life out of you," she sighed, remembering a song she had heard on the radio years ago. She laughed bitterly at the irony of the lyrics as a single tear rolled down her cheek. The girl stepped slowly to the edge of the building and peered downward. What was stopping her from ending it all? Just one step farther and it'd all be over. No more pain; no more sorrow or loneliness. Death would be a sweet embrace compared to the hell of daily life…
Everybody's empty,
And everything is so messed up…Suddenly, thoughts of her family surfaced. Would they miss her? Yes, of course they would, she resolved mentally. Her parents had always been loving, supportive, and kind. Hitomi's mind drifted to a phone conversation she had had with her mother earlier that month.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Now remember sweetheart, just do your best. This is your senior year! I'm sure you'll make us proud."
"I know mom…but what if-""No buts, 'Tomi. I know last year was tough on you, but you'll recover, I promise. This next year is like a clean slate, ya know? Hey! Maybe you'll finally meet Mr. Right!"
"Mom…""Ok, ok. You know I'm just teasing. Listen dear, we all love you very much. No matter how hard life gets, we'll always be there for you. Trust your heart. It takes true courage to make it through these trials. I believe in you, Hitomi."
"…Thanks mom. I really mean it."
"You're welcome darling."
* * * * * * * * * *
No, she couldn't desert her family. They needed her, didn't they? Then again, it was expensive sending her to school. They could probably use the extra cash…
I've put my trust in you,
Pushed as hard as I can go…
"Crazy," the young woman thought and shook her head. Even her little brother would choose a sister over money…right?
* * * * * * * * * *
"Kohaku, don't touch my things!!! Geez, you're such a little brat!""Shut up, Hitomi! You're not the boss of me."
"You put my CD player down now or I'll scream!! You're gonna break it!""Oh yeah? Go ahead scream! I don't care…I wish you'd just go back to college so things can go back to normal."
"…Take it back, Kohaku."
"No way. Life was way more fun without you around. I wish you'd just go away for forever."
* * * * * * * * * *
Maybe he was right. Maybe she should go away for forever. Her friends had abandoned her for people of the opposite sex.
"Stupid boys," she cursed under her breath before taking another hit on the cigarette. Was she so unlovable? Every relationship she had started in college had turned out worse then the last. From being infatuated with a best friend to being used by a player, Hitomi had had her share of heartache. In a world where love was everything, she felt totally alone. The girl wiped burning tears from her eyes, refusing to let them fall. The emptiness that had gripped her heart for so long only grew colder. She felt hollow inside. Nothing mattered anymore.
* * * * * * * * * *
"What's the matter with you, Hitomi? You seem so sad."
"I don't know, Yukari…I guess I'm just going through a rough spot."
"For two years? Come on 'Tomi, I can't remember the last time you had a good laugh…you're smile's gone too. Is you're life really that horrible?"
"…No."
"Then what's going on, Hitomi…please. I'm worried about you."
"Kari, do you ever feel like all the work you do is in vain? Like, in the long run what you're doing isn't significant at all? I mean…what's the point of living, if death is always the end?"
"Wow…umm…I guess I might have felt like that before, but it always passes. Look at it this way: we're all alive for a reason. We might as well do the best we can, right?"
"I don't know…it just seems so pointless after a while."
"Don't give up yet, 'Tomi. Things will turn around soon, I promise."
"I hope you're right, Yukari. I hope you're right."
* * * * * * * * * *
"Looks like you were wrong, Kari…things haven't changed," Hitomi said dryly, flicking her cigarette over the edge of the building. She watched it fall. "Things will never change…"
I tried so hard,
And got so far.
But in the end,
It doesn't really matter…
The young woman gazed again at the bleary sunset. Her pallid face revealed a sad smile as she closed her eyes. Images of her family flashed in her mind…Yukari was there too, smiling and laughing. They all looked so happy…
I had to fall,
To lose it all.
But in the end,
It doesn't really matter…"Forgive me…" she whispered, and leaned forward into oblivion.
* * * * * * * * * *
"9-1-1 Emergency Service, please state the nature of your emergency."
"P-p-please! I was just walking down the steps of my apartment building when I heard a crash…It looks like some girl might have fallen off the roof! She's just lying there. What should I do?!"
"Just remain calm, everything will be alright. Where are you?"
"At the corner of 10th and Broad. Maple Valley Apartments."
"An ambulance is on its way, thanks for calling in."
* * * * * * * * * *
Well??? What did you think? Please review!!! All comments and criticism welcome…only two more parts to go! If anyone knows how to save italics, please let me know!! This story looks weird with all the bold print…
Lyrics provided by: "Linkin Park" and "Puddle of Mudd"…I don't own them!
God Bless!!