"You're not a monster," I said. But I lied. What I really wanted to say was that a monster is not such a terrible thing to be. From the Latin root monstrum, a divine messenger of catastrophe, then adapted by the Old French to mean an animal of myriad origins: centaur, griffin, satyr. To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once."

– Ocean Vuong, from "On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous"

People like to think that stability and normality are the same thing, or at least similar. Ichigo likes to laugh in their faces at the notion.

Stability for Ichigo is security in his current state of mind, in his current phase in life. He knows on some level, it was far from stable; both his life and his mind.

The same goes for normality. To Ichigo, normality was the chaos and the necessary survival he had to commit to for his sisters and his friends.

Kurosaki Ichigo was born in a simple, loving home. It was neither normal, nor stable, but it was safe and secure. His family was safe and secure.

His mother was the sun, the light that surrounded and protected them, that helped them grow. His father was the clouds, barely seen and hardly ever noticed, but would come around when needed. His sisters were the sky, held by them all and cared for. Ichigo was the Earth, a constant force that flourished under the care and love of the sun, the clouds, and the sky. There to catch them all if they fall and is forever determined to keep them raised.

Sometimes–during the nights when the blunts barely even get him to relax–he recalls the faded memories of other people. People that were family, or were... meant to be family. He doesn't remember their faces.

Sometimes–during nights of rain and blood and death and monst–he wishes he can remember those faces. It's a lost cause. No matter how hard he tries, he never remembers their faces.

The sun was stolen away from Ichigo's home when he was nine years old. The day they buried his mother, the clouds died along with her. The sky remained and so did the Earth, despite the fissures and the ruin.

The days–M̶a̶m̶a̶. H̶e̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶s̶ h̶i̶s̶ M̶a̶m̶a̶. W̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ i̶s̶ s̶h̶e̶? W̶h̶y̶ i̶s̶n̶'t̶ s̶h̶e̶ c̶o̶m̶i̶n̶g̶ b̶a̶c̶k̶? W̶h̶y̶–faded into weeks. The weeks–D̶a̶d̶'s̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ h̶i̶m̶. W̶h̶y̶ i̶s̶ h̶e̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ h̶i̶m̶? H̶e̶'s̶ s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶. H̶e̶'s̶ t̶e̶r̶r̶i̶f̶i̶e̶d̶. W̶h̶a̶t̶ i̶f̶ h̶e̶ h̶u̶r̶t̶s̶ t̶h̶e̶ t̶w̶i̶n̶s̶? H̶e̶'s̶ n̶o̶t̶ D̶a̶d̶ a̶n̶y̶m̶o̶r̶e̶. H̶e̶'s̶ a̶ m̶o̶n̶s̶t̶–faded into months. The months–H̶e̶'s̶ h̶u̶n̶g̶r̶y̶. H̶e̶'s̶ s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶. H̶e̶ d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'t̶ k̶n̶o̶w̶ w̶h̶a̶t̶ t̶o̶ d̶o̶. T̶h̶e̶ t̶w̶i̶n̶s̶ a̶r̶e̶ c̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶. T̶h̶e̶y̶'r̶e̶ h̶u̶n̶g̶r̶y̶. T̶h̶a̶t̶ m̶a̶n̶ i̶s̶n̶'t̶ e̶v̶e̶n̶ t̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ c̶a̶r̶e̶ o̶f̶ t̶h̶e̶m̶. W̶h̶a̶t̶ d̶o̶e̶s̶ h̶e̶ d̶o̶? W̶h̶a̶t̶ c̶a̶n̶ h̶e̶–faded into years.

Ichigo went from "the poor child who witnessed his own mother's death. He must be heartbroken, the poor boy" to "that damn delinquent. I pity his family. To deal with him on a daily basis."

No longer was he the sensitive Momma's boy that couldn't tell the difference between spirit and human. He is now a boy who had to step into the role of a parent for his little sisters. Traumatized by the brutal death of his mother right in front of his eyes, hurting from the constant guilt, grief, and pain his "father" forces onto him, and unable to find any way to properly cope with it all.

He hates thinking about it–despises it... but if it weren't for his friends, the few that he gained through helping them fight their own demons as they help him with his and creating bonds that will last for eternity with them, he probably would have left. Left the town. Left the world. Left it all.

For him, for them, it's so hard to keep going forward. So, so hard... but, they made a promise–a vow. When Ichigo goes down, they go down with him, and until the twins don't need him anymore, he's going to stay.

Ichigo gets up from his bed, sitting his book on the edge of his desk. It falls and hits the floor with a loud bang, making him sigh heavily through his nose.

"I'm gonna fuckin' kill myself," Ichigo states with his head tilted back.

"Too many things going on right now. Do it after mid-terms at least," Kojima Mizuiro seamlessly retorts the statement, tapping away at his phone.

Asano Keigo hums in agreement as he flips a page of his magazine. "Just place the book further on the desk next time."

"I'll keep both in mind next time," Ichigo says with an eye roll before he bends down to pick up the book. As he stands back up, something black appears in his peripherals. Ichigo's head snaps towards his closed window and stares at the black swallowtail butterfly fluttering around.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Ichigo asks under his breath, lifting his hand for the butterfly to land on it. Right before it lands on his finger, someone suddenly jumps through his window and lands on his bed.

Ichigo yelps and stumbles backwards. He trips over Keigo's legs, making him curse loudly as Ichigo falls on his ass.

"Fuck, Ichigo! What the hell are you doing?!" Keigo asks loudly, pulling up his legs to rub them. Ichigo doesn't hear him, too focused on the person that suddenly appeared in his room.

It was a girl, looking around Ichigo's age, wearing an odd samurai-like outfit with a sword on her left hip. Her raven hair fell down to her shoulders in sleek waves, closed off amethyst eyes glancing around and blank expression set in an icy almost frown.

"It is near..."

"Hey, what the fuck are you doin' in my room?!" Ichigo bursts out loudly as he scrambles to stand up. "And what's near?"

"Ichigo? Who are you talking to?" Mizuiro asks curiously, making the orange haired teenager glance over at him.

"Bitch, you don't see the samurai lady?" Ichigo asks incredulously. Mizuiro gives him a look that practically oozes the silent "are you stupid?"

Ichigo scowls at him before he focuses back in the samurai. She was still glancing around, ignoring Ichigo. His eyebrow twitches before he walks forward. He lifts back his foot and lands a harsh kick on the girl's ass, forcing her off of his bed.

"You deaf or somethin'?! I asked you what's near?!" Ichigo shouts angrily with his covered arms crossed.

The girl looks back with wide eyes as she rubs her behind. "You–you can see me?! I-I meant to say–you kicked me!"

"'course I did. You're trespassin' my goddamn room," Ichigo states before he leans forward with his eyes narrowed.

"If it's a spirit, then just leave her be." Mizuiro was already back on his phone, laying on top of Ichigo's bed.

"Of course it's a spirit, but she trespassed my–hey! You took my spot!" Ichigo exclaims with an accusatory point at his friend.

Mizuiro flips him off without even taking his eyes off his phone. "Sucks to be you."

Ichigo flips him back before he focuses on the spirit. He glares at the girl and sighs heavily through his nose.

"Well, spirit? What are you doin' here, and why'd you trespass my room?" Ichigo asks, arms crossed once again and all of his weight leaning on one foot.

The girl glares at him, apparently offended by something he said. Ichigo just raises an eyebrow.

"I am not just any spirit, boy! I am... a Shinigami!" The girl declares as if it was some high and mighty news. Ichigo stares at her for a long moment before his nose scrunches up and his eyebrows furrow.

Her expression quickly breaks into an irritated scowl. "Don't look at me like that!"

Ichigo's expression pinches even more before he snorts loudly. He shakes his head and leans backwards, his butt landing on the edge of his bed.

Mizuiro glances away from his phone to glare at his friend's back before he goes back to whatever he was tapping away at. Keigo glances between Ichigo and the space around the Shinigami, completely invested in the one-sided conversation.

"Sorry, but you said that name like I'm meant to know it. Shinigami, what the hell is that? And you still haven't answered my question! What are you doin' here?" Ichigo shrugs as he loosely crosses his legs.

"I am here to perform my duties as a Shinigami. And of course you don't know what a Shinigami is. You're only a Human," The Shinigami states in a mixed tone of cold indifference and haughtiness.

"Oi! You're makin' it sound like we're pests!" Ichigo glares at the girl, disliking her by the second. "Don't come trespassin' someone's room acting all high and mighty, then implyin' Humans are inferior to you. You spirits are dead, Humans aren't."

"I told you! I am no ordinary spirit! Shinigami are not ordinary spirits!" The Shinigami bursts out angrily. She quickly clears her throat, a blush crawling up her cheeks.

"I will now explain to you what a Shinigami does through illustrations."

"Will it explain why you're trespassin' my room?" Ichigo asks again, making the Shinigami's eyebrow twitch.

She grits her teeth as she takes out a sketchpad from inside her weird samurai outfit. "Yes, if you would let me explain without interruptions or distractions!"

"Oh man, I wish I could see this Shinigami, or whatever she's called! Does she look cute?" Keigo whines loudly, leaning back to look up at Ichigo with a pout. Ichigo gives him a look before kicking his shoulder.

"You literally can't see the Shinigami, and you're simping? Keigo, you need to get a damn life." Keigo starts to cry dramatically at the harsh statement, placing a hand over his heart.

"Mizuiro! Ichi's being an asshole~! Make him stop!" The brunette grabs Ichigo by one of his legs, hugging it to his chest as he cries.

"No," Mizuiro speaks with cheer, making Keigo cry even louder. Ichigo just stares at him before rolling his eyes. The Shinigami stares at Keigo, still holding her sketchpad.

"Mizuiro, you're an even bigger asshole!"

"Ignore him. He's always like this," Ichigo says at the same time as Keigo's cry.

"...right..." The Shinigami sweatdrops before she begins to draw.

Ichigo raises an eyebrow, slightly impressed by how easily the Shinigami could ignore Keigo. "She must have her own headaches in the form of people then."

Ichigo pinches the bridge of his nose, tired of looking at the "drawings" the Shinigami had drawn to help her explain. He sighs quietly before opening his eyes to give the wrongfully proud Shinigami his most solemn expression.

"Shinigami, your drawings are shit." Ichigo instinctively catches whatever the Shinigami had thrown at him, not even noticing it. "But I guess naming everything helped explain it more."

"So you, as Shinigami, help spirits, stupidly named Pluses, pass over to some sketchy ass place, called Soul Society, and help protect these Pluses and the Living World from evil spirits, called the badass name, Hollows," The orange haired teenager continues as he flips whatever was thrown at him in the air.

"To summarize a bit too simply, yes," The Shinigami affirms the summary with a small frown and an eyebrow twitch at the unnecessary commentary of the names.

"Have to put it simply for this bitch." Ichigo points his finger down at Keigo, who's still clinging onto his leg.

"You just aren't on my level of intelligence, asshole! I perceive all!" Keigo shouts with a glare pointed up at the unbothered Ichigo. Said unbothered Ichigo just rolls his eyes, leaning back in his hands.

"That's pretty cool, not gonna lie," Ichigo continues with his head tilted back, "if it was even true to begin with."

The Shinigami falls forward in her shock. "You–you don't believe me?! How can you not?!"

"Sorry to burst your haughty little bubble, Shinigami, but I don't believe it unless I can see it. Unfortunately for you, you're the first Shinigami I've met. You're no livin' bein', I'll give you that, but all this shit 'bout Hollows, and this Soul Society... haven't seen it, so I won't believe it." Ichigo shrugs before he leans further back, laying his head on Mizuiro's back.

"Haughty?! I am not haughty! If anything, you are the haughty one! You can't just disbelieve everything you haven't seen with your own eyes! Honestly, what should be disbelieving is how you haven't been attacked by any Hollows yet! If you're able to see Shinigami, then you'll be able to see Hollows and Hollows can sense that!" The Shinigami exclaims loudly, throwing her hands up in her irritation.

Ichigo sits back up, eyes narrowed. "What do you mean that Hollows can sense my ability?"

"Being able to see Pluses alone indicates an increased amount of reiryoku. Being able to see Shinigami and Hollows means you have an exceptionally high amount of reiryoku, especially for a Human. Hollows eat souls and are drawn to souls with potent power. Before I trespassed your bedroom, I was hunting a Hollow. I wouldn't be surprised if it was tracking you, but I cannot sense it now," The Shinigami explains, irritation replaced by frustration and paranoia.

Dread starts to sink in Ichigo's stomach like a stone. Mizuiro and Keigo both glance over at the taller teenager at his sudden mood change.

"What'd you mean you can't sense it now? Wait. Is the Hollow is near–" An ear piercing, bloodcurdling screech makes Ichigo's mouth snap shut. He whips his head towards his window, golden brown eyes blown wide with terror.

"–thing has blocked my senses. I know the Hollow is close, but I cannot pinpoint it."

"Outside." Ichigo lurches towards his bedroom door. "The Hollow's outside! Did you not hear it?!"

"Ichigo?! Wait! What are you doing?" Keigo asks, scrambling up to chase after his friend, Mizuiro not far behind.

The Shinigami whirls around and stares at the orange haired teenager with confusion. "What are you talking ab–"

She tenses when another screech fills the air, sending Ichigo's instincts into haywire. Something downstairs shatters before a scream is heard.

No. No, no, no, nononononono. Yuzu. That was Yuzu.

"Yuzu!" Ichigo rips open his door and sprints down the hallway.

"Wait, foolish boy–" The Shinigami cuts herself off when a wave of Hollow slams into her like a train. How–how could she have missed this?! Not even an Academy student would miss this!

"Wait, Ichigo! You've never fought a spirit before!" Mizuiro shouts, sprinting after Ichigo. Keigo hisses out a curse and follows with the Shinigami right behind him.

"Boy! It's too dangerous! You have no way of fighting it!" Rukia states as Ichigo takes three steps at a time in his sprint down the stairs. He slides right into the entryway, barely stopping before Yuzu runs into him.

"Onīchan! Onīchan–Karin–Karin–you have–have–help!" Yuzu manages to cry out through her hyperventilating. Her dazed eyes stared up at Ichigo, blood covered hands grabbing his shirt. Ichigo quickly pulls her to his chest as he looks up.

Everything fades away, eyes tunneling to Karin struggling to kick the large monstrous claw away from her. He instinctively pulls Yuzu behind him, body starting to shake in his terror.

He's never–he's never fought–that's a Hollow?! He's never–he doesn't even have his fucking bat with him! He–

"What kind of Annabelle exorcist bullshit is this?!" Keigo exclaims, pulling Ichigo back into the present. Ichigo grits his teeth and gently pushes his little sister towards his friends.

"This isn't the fuckin' time, dipshit!" Ichigo spots a fallen dining chair before he glares at Keigo. "And Annabelle and Exorcist are two different fuckin' movies!"

"Well sorry I ain't a horror fanatic like Orihi–fuck! Ichigo!" Keigo watches as his friend races forward, grabbing the dining chair along the way.

Ichigo raises it above his head, ice cold fury overpowering his terror and fueling his veins. "Get your fuckin' hands off my sister, you cunt!"

Ichigo slams the chair onto the Hollow's arm, not even making a scratch as it shatters like glass. He growls and leaps back before the Hollow could swipe him away.

"You absolute fool!" A black blur flies over Ichigo as the Hollow raises its free hand.

The Shinigami blocks the hand before it could hit Ichigo. She looks over her shoulder and glares at Ichigo as if he was the enemy.

"Leave the Hollow to me! A Human like you won't be able to kill it!" The Shinigami shouts loudly.

"Fuckin' watch me!" Ichigo shouts back in his fury and spite. Mostly spite.

"Onīchan!" Karin cries out, still struggling to get out of the Hollow's hold. Ichigo snaps his head up, watching the claw come closer.

"Watch out!" Ichigo pushes the Shinigami out of the way. He takes the hit, barely having any time to defend his chest, and gets thrown through the hole in the house. He quickly turns his body and slides across the street in a roll.

"Ichigo!" Mizuiro takes a step forward, gripping the staircase railing.

"Oh man, if he gets possessed I am not gonna be the one to tell Tatsuki," Keigo speaks mostly to himself, an unconscious Yuzu gently carried in his arms.

"You damn fool!" Ichigo stumbles back on his feet, rapidly blinking away his dizziness when he hears another screech. The Hollow's arm flies out of the hole, finally releasing Karin.

"Shit! Karin!" Ichigo rushes forward, stumbling over his feet. He catches his other little sister before she hits the ground, cradling her limp body to his chest.

"Karin? Karin, you've got to wake up. You need to wake up!" He checks for her pulse, hands shaking in his fear. Relief washes over him like a tidal wave when he feels a strong pulse. Ichigo kisses Karin's forehead, guilt starting to crawl up his throat.

Damn! This was his fault... his sisters, his baby girls are hurt because of him. And he couldn't do anything about it!

"Don't worry, boy. Your family is still alive. The Hollow hasn't eaten any of your family's souls." Ichigo looks up from his unconscious sister as the Shinigami stands in front of him. "Are you alright?"

"...this is all my fault. I didn't–I didn't know... I didn't know that those Hollows can track me. I should have–"

"You should have done nothing. You are a Human, fool. You had no knowledge of Shinigami, let alone Hollows, remember?" The Shinigami cuts off the teenager with a cold indifference.

Ichigo scowls as he stares down at his sister. It doesn't mean he isn't any less at fault.

"It's all because of me. You said so yourself!" Ichigo states, tightening his hold around Karin. Her calming, sleeping heartbeat is the only thing to keep him in some state of calm.

"What? I never meant it like–" The Shinigami whirls around, holding up her sword to defend herself. The Hollow simply swipes her to the left, making her fly into a streetlight.

"Shinigami!" Ichigo tries to stand up, only for his head to spin and his knees to buckle. He collapses to one knee and swallows back his sudden nausea.

"Oh you fuckin' cunt... you really wanna have me for dinner, eh?" Ichigo sneers at the Hollow while he carefully lays Karin on the street. He forces himself onto his unsteady feet, stepping over Karin's body.

"You want me, then come have me! But I ain't goin' down without a fight!" A grin overtakes his fear and his guilt as Ichigo speaks. "I'm gonna drag you to hell with me, so come on, then!"

The howl that escapes the Hollow's mouth reverberates through Ichigo's entire body. It only fuels the fire to protect his friends and sisters.

"Man, if this doesn't kill me, Tatsuki certainly will." Ichigo winces at the thought of Tatsuki's reprimanding punch she reserves for him and Keigo, and he has a feeling that Tatsuki will defy the laws of the universe to bring him back from the dead to punch him.

Ichigo takes a deep breath and holds up his fists. Fuck it all. It'll be one hell of a way to go.

The Hollow charges with another howl, making Ichigo snarl back at it. He widens his stance and gets ready for the hit.

A black blur zooms past his sight, stumbling to a stop in front of him. Time slows down as Ichigo's eyes widen.

The Shinigami lifts her sword towards the Hollow's unhinged jaw, glaring with the ferocity of a burning sun. She doesn't back down as the Hollow snaps its mouth shut over her body.

"Shinigami! What–what the fuck?!" Ichigo races forward as the Hollow screeches in pain, the Shinigami's sword having pierced through the roof of its mouth. It flinches back with its jaw opening, rapidly shaking its head in pain. Ichigo slides to his knees, grabbing the Shinigami before she could fall on the asphalt.

"What the hell are you doin'?! Jesus–" The orange haired teenager releases a hiss through his teeth before he rips his jacket off to press it against the most severe looking of the Shinigami's wounds.

"W-what am I doing? You fool–the Hollow is after–after you. You would have just raised the number of... of victims by one," The Shinigami scolds weakly. The anger quickly leaves her with a sigh as she glances over at the still recovering Hollow.

"Not like it matters now... I am too injured to fight. We'll be killed by it soon," The Shinigami states in a morbidly calm tone.

"Ichigo?! Ichigo!" Mizuiro's shout makes Ichigo look up. He glances past the Hollow to watch his friends stand at the edge of the hole in the house.

"...do you wish to protect your friends and family?" The statement almost gives Ichigo whiplash with how fast he snapped his head down.

Ichigo keeps an arm around the Shinigami's back as she forces herself to sit up. "Is there a way? How? What do I need to do?"

"You may not survive, but we don't have a choice." The Shinigami coughs weakly, blood dripping out of her mouth, before she holds up her sword with shaking hands. Ichigo stares down at the gleaming silver, eyes wide. Apprehension and shock starts to make his stomach burn.

"You–you must stab yourself with my zanpakutō, and I will lend... lend you half of my Shinigami power."

Ichigo glances through his peripherals when the Hollow howls again. It slowly turns towards him and the Shinigami, its stab wound fully healed.

"...what will that do to you? Will you be okay?" Ichigo asks even as his chance to do something–anything gets shorter and shorter.

"I... I will be fine." An unfamiliar emotion flickers in the Shinigami's eyes before her expression smoothes out. "We–we must hurry. Will you do it?"

Ichigo glances back at the Hollow, biting the inside of his cheek. Without looking, he reaches over and grabs the sword right before the hilt.

Golden brown eyes glow even brighter underneath the moonlight. Icy amethyst shimmers back.

"Fuck it all. Let's do it, Shinigami," Ichigo says softly, tightening his grip around the sword.

"Funny how the blade isn't cuttin' the shit out of my hands..." The thought passes through one ear and out of the other.

The Shinigami releases a hollow chuckle as she centers the sword–the zanpakutō. She smirks up at the orange haired teenager.

"It is not Shinigami, boy. My name is Kuchiki Rukia."

Ichigo releases a bark of laughter, the genuine sound getting smothered by the Hollow's howl. He adjusts himself to be crouched across from the newly named Shinigami.

"The name's Kurosaki Ichigo. Nice to meetcha, Rukia," Ichigo introduces himself in return.

The Hollow charges forward. Rukia, with his help, thrusts the zanpakutō into Ichigo's chest. The light that comes afterwards almost blinds Ichigo to the point that he could barely register the pain in his chest.

Shit dude. This was his favorite shirt too!

Hey! Hope you all like the first chapter! A bit of a shorter one compared to my other stories, but I still hope you all enjoyed it!

I've never truly written a crack fic, especially not a crack and angst fic. So, this is a bit of an exciting challenge for me to write! I hope I do it well, and I give my future thanks to you all who read the progression of this story!

Probably a bit of a slow start. Many canon events will be somewhat the same, just added characters and slightly different outcomes. When things start to truly change will be during or after the Soul Society Invasion if I plan it right.

I hope you all are enjoying the story so far! Bye.

WhovianWhoudini

P.S.: This fic is set to be in the 2010's-2020's. There is no definite year as of now and COVID will be nonexistent in this story because fuck COVID. Only reason why I'm making this all around this time is because I wanna give the Trauma Squad smartphones.