DAI YONSHOO: "MUZUKASHII NO KAETE"
It's now my second day of class at Hokuei Koutou-Gakkou.
Though you might say that this will be the "real first day" because from this day forward, the real fight begins.
The second day marks the true beginning of the three-year battle towards that period of judgment and suffering known as Juken Jigoku.
College Entrance Exam Hell: If I could get past that and survive, College will be a cinch.
But today also marks another daily struggle: The continuing dissonant ties of the Kirishima clan.
I left the house in a huff. I had a very bad morning. Hopefully it won't affect the rest of my day if I'm lucky.
My mom, the "Ice Queen" tried in vain yet again to explain how her relationship with "the second stranger" is different.
I just gave her a funny look and rapidly downed my breakfast. I didn't want to talk to her.
She didn't want to listen to what I had to say before so: " Right back at you..."
But I heard everything. I didn't want to listen, but I assimilated every word down to the last syllable. When they all started to sink in, I couldn't help but cringe.
"Now where have I heard that sad song before?" I thought.
For goodness sakes, that's the same thing as what you said about your first husband after dad... has anything REALLY changed?
Nothing has changed, of course not. We're still like this, as you can very well see...
Ignoring the rest of her explanations and ramblings, I grabbed my bag and rushed off to catch the first train to school.
I ran all the way to the station. I just had to get away from it all.
The train ride felt like a blur. Before I knew it, I was entering the school campus
I got to school a bit after six. I was too early.
I just had to get away. My fragile sanity hung in the balance. I only had two hours of rest last night, and she was on the verge of putting me back to sleep again.
I can't have that. I have class. Unlike some people I know, I actually WANT to go to college...
She goes on and on like a broken record on how this one is different... I just don't buy that...
People usually learn from their mistakes, right? My mom doesn't seem to have enough common sense to see that she committed the same one TWICE.
She's not exactly stupid, but I'm inclined to think otherwise.
If things WERE different, then people will not go on anymore about you acting all unfaithful, unclean, and everything. They would say that you have turned over a new leaf.
The white eyes, the cold stares will fade out. Warmth will set gradually in. They would say that you have changed, and for the better too.
But it was not to be.
You haven't signed the walking papers with dad yet, and you tie the knot with this other guy. Of course they would call you stupid. Of course they would call you immoral.
And then you do it again.
And you would see that your stupidity is taking a toll on your daughter.
"Why did I get caught up in this? I'm just an innocent bystander..."
Of course, she knows about me being an outcast and everything as a result of her actions, but she just discounts it as just a mere "childish prank" and doesn't think much of it...
"CHILDISH PRANK!?"
I slap my forehead in disbelief. It's not that simple.
Arrgh... enough. I'm tired of recounting every inane rationalization that comes out of her mouth. She finished high school all right, but she has the reasoning skills of a first-grader.
It's still too early. Literature class won't be for another two hours or so. And I'm done studying too. I'm bored beyond belief.
Thinking about consistent errors made me thirsty. I think I'll go get some fruit juice.
So off I go to get a cold one the vending machine out back. On the way there, I passed this pretty red-haired girl from section 1-B. Apparently, she was an early riser like I was.
Miyazawa Yukino. Who hasn't heard of her?
Though she was not chosen as Class Representative here in Hokuei, she had all of the qualities of a good leader: Good-natured, confident, and idealistic. She also had consistent high marks in all of her subjects, and a near-perfect score in the entrance exam.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was a female equivalent of Arima.
Of course, the facts being what they are, she can't even come close to topping Arima. No way.
Arima is the Class Representative here, as he was three years ago back in Junior High. It affirmed to me that he would always be number one wherever he goes.
He is unbeatable. He is perfect. He will always be number one. ALWAYS.
I got my juice. I leaned on the wall for a while, drank it all up, and I reluctantly started back to the classroom to wile the rest of the time away.
The time at present that seems to drag on forever. Even before class was beginning, I couldn't wait for it to end.
I stopped.
I met up with Miyazawa again in the corridor. She came from the music room. I didn't know she loved to play the piano.
She was looking at me, reading my somber, downcast profile. Her eyes did not exude the same piercing gaze that other people cast upon me.
"Ano... Have we met before?"
I couldn't answer. She... she just formed a conversation with me!? Does she know whom she's talking to!?
"Um... N-n-no. I-I-I-I d-don't believe so..."
That was the best I could muster. I was really trembling at that time.
"Oh my goodness... you're shaking like a leaf!! Are you okay?"
"Y-y-yes I am... Please d-don't worry about m-m-me. It's just..."
"Well? It's just what?"
"I um, uh... please don't laugh, but... I... I never really talked to anybody before..."
"Well, you're talking to me."
I was held aghast. Miyazawa was so pleasant. Did she not care that I was the daughter of an immoral woman? The one rumored to be from the water business? The woman who married three times, and never got divorced?
She was smiling. And doesn't look like it's faked.
My head was spinning. I know that I lacked sleep. Only two hours? Of course I would get these visions. Was I still dreaming? Someone other than Arima was talking to me. That never happened before...
I could not believe it. I did not understand it one bit. Maybe this was an illusion.
I wanted to run away. This was just too weird. Suddenly my world was turning around, and I wasn't geared up for any drastic changes in my life. This just came up like birds flying up from under my feet.
It was so sudden. If I wanted this to stop, I could just walk away.
But I didn't. Somehow, I wanted to stick around. It felt nice to be exposed to someone new. All my life, it was Arima, Arima, Arima.
It's not that I was tired of him. It's just... well... I can't explain it exactly. It just bowls me over.
"Helloo! Are you still with us? I'm Miyazawa Yukino."
"I know... uh, I mean... yes! I'm Kirishima Midori. Yoroshiku ne..."
"Yoroshiku..."
"Well, I'd better get back... I um, got to study for my first subject, Miyazawa-san. It was really nice talking to you..."
"Same here. And regarding studying, I know exactly what you mean. Ja, mata kite ne, Kirishima-san!! Ganbatte!!"
She walked away, but I still stood there frozen.
I didn't know what to make of it, I just didn't.
I stood there for so long, I wasn't aware of the time.
For me, time has stopped. I was like a statue.
When the chimes rang, I was jarred. Reality was slowly setting in. It took me a while to realize that I have fainted in the corridor while still standing, and was late for my first period class.
Of course, no one would snap me out of it. They wanted me to get in trouble.
I rushed to the door, panicked. All the while, I was thinking:
"Oh, no... I get here early and I'm still late for class... I'm like a carp on a cutting board now... How do I explain what happened back there to the teacher?"
Not withstanding that thought, I decided that things were okay. The change that I was hoping for has finally happened after so long, though not in the way that I expected it to be.
For the first time in my life, I had made an acquaintance.
NO. I have made a friend.
END OF CHAPTER FOUR
It's now my second day of class at Hokuei Koutou-Gakkou.
Though you might say that this will be the "real first day" because from this day forward, the real fight begins.
The second day marks the true beginning of the three-year battle towards that period of judgment and suffering known as Juken Jigoku.
College Entrance Exam Hell: If I could get past that and survive, College will be a cinch.
But today also marks another daily struggle: The continuing dissonant ties of the Kirishima clan.
I left the house in a huff. I had a very bad morning. Hopefully it won't affect the rest of my day if I'm lucky.
My mom, the "Ice Queen" tried in vain yet again to explain how her relationship with "the second stranger" is different.
I just gave her a funny look and rapidly downed my breakfast. I didn't want to talk to her.
She didn't want to listen to what I had to say before so: " Right back at you..."
But I heard everything. I didn't want to listen, but I assimilated every word down to the last syllable. When they all started to sink in, I couldn't help but cringe.
"Now where have I heard that sad song before?" I thought.
For goodness sakes, that's the same thing as what you said about your first husband after dad... has anything REALLY changed?
Nothing has changed, of course not. We're still like this, as you can very well see...
Ignoring the rest of her explanations and ramblings, I grabbed my bag and rushed off to catch the first train to school.
I ran all the way to the station. I just had to get away from it all.
The train ride felt like a blur. Before I knew it, I was entering the school campus
I got to school a bit after six. I was too early.
I just had to get away. My fragile sanity hung in the balance. I only had two hours of rest last night, and she was on the verge of putting me back to sleep again.
I can't have that. I have class. Unlike some people I know, I actually WANT to go to college...
She goes on and on like a broken record on how this one is different... I just don't buy that...
People usually learn from their mistakes, right? My mom doesn't seem to have enough common sense to see that she committed the same one TWICE.
She's not exactly stupid, but I'm inclined to think otherwise.
If things WERE different, then people will not go on anymore about you acting all unfaithful, unclean, and everything. They would say that you have turned over a new leaf.
The white eyes, the cold stares will fade out. Warmth will set gradually in. They would say that you have changed, and for the better too.
But it was not to be.
You haven't signed the walking papers with dad yet, and you tie the knot with this other guy. Of course they would call you stupid. Of course they would call you immoral.
And then you do it again.
And you would see that your stupidity is taking a toll on your daughter.
"Why did I get caught up in this? I'm just an innocent bystander..."
Of course, she knows about me being an outcast and everything as a result of her actions, but she just discounts it as just a mere "childish prank" and doesn't think much of it...
"CHILDISH PRANK!?"
I slap my forehead in disbelief. It's not that simple.
Arrgh... enough. I'm tired of recounting every inane rationalization that comes out of her mouth. She finished high school all right, but she has the reasoning skills of a first-grader.
It's still too early. Literature class won't be for another two hours or so. And I'm done studying too. I'm bored beyond belief.
Thinking about consistent errors made me thirsty. I think I'll go get some fruit juice.
So off I go to get a cold one the vending machine out back. On the way there, I passed this pretty red-haired girl from section 1-B. Apparently, she was an early riser like I was.
Miyazawa Yukino. Who hasn't heard of her?
Though she was not chosen as Class Representative here in Hokuei, she had all of the qualities of a good leader: Good-natured, confident, and idealistic. She also had consistent high marks in all of her subjects, and a near-perfect score in the entrance exam.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was a female equivalent of Arima.
Of course, the facts being what they are, she can't even come close to topping Arima. No way.
Arima is the Class Representative here, as he was three years ago back in Junior High. It affirmed to me that he would always be number one wherever he goes.
He is unbeatable. He is perfect. He will always be number one. ALWAYS.
I got my juice. I leaned on the wall for a while, drank it all up, and I reluctantly started back to the classroom to wile the rest of the time away.
The time at present that seems to drag on forever. Even before class was beginning, I couldn't wait for it to end.
I stopped.
I met up with Miyazawa again in the corridor. She came from the music room. I didn't know she loved to play the piano.
She was looking at me, reading my somber, downcast profile. Her eyes did not exude the same piercing gaze that other people cast upon me.
"Ano... Have we met before?"
I couldn't answer. She... she just formed a conversation with me!? Does she know whom she's talking to!?
"Um... N-n-no. I-I-I-I d-don't believe so..."
That was the best I could muster. I was really trembling at that time.
"Oh my goodness... you're shaking like a leaf!! Are you okay?"
"Y-y-yes I am... Please d-don't worry about m-m-me. It's just..."
"Well? It's just what?"
"I um, uh... please don't laugh, but... I... I never really talked to anybody before..."
"Well, you're talking to me."
I was held aghast. Miyazawa was so pleasant. Did she not care that I was the daughter of an immoral woman? The one rumored to be from the water business? The woman who married three times, and never got divorced?
She was smiling. And doesn't look like it's faked.
My head was spinning. I know that I lacked sleep. Only two hours? Of course I would get these visions. Was I still dreaming? Someone other than Arima was talking to me. That never happened before...
I could not believe it. I did not understand it one bit. Maybe this was an illusion.
I wanted to run away. This was just too weird. Suddenly my world was turning around, and I wasn't geared up for any drastic changes in my life. This just came up like birds flying up from under my feet.
It was so sudden. If I wanted this to stop, I could just walk away.
But I didn't. Somehow, I wanted to stick around. It felt nice to be exposed to someone new. All my life, it was Arima, Arima, Arima.
It's not that I was tired of him. It's just... well... I can't explain it exactly. It just bowls me over.
"Helloo! Are you still with us? I'm Miyazawa Yukino."
"I know... uh, I mean... yes! I'm Kirishima Midori. Yoroshiku ne..."
"Yoroshiku..."
"Well, I'd better get back... I um, got to study for my first subject, Miyazawa-san. It was really nice talking to you..."
"Same here. And regarding studying, I know exactly what you mean. Ja, mata kite ne, Kirishima-san!! Ganbatte!!"
She walked away, but I still stood there frozen.
I didn't know what to make of it, I just didn't.
I stood there for so long, I wasn't aware of the time.
For me, time has stopped. I was like a statue.
When the chimes rang, I was jarred. Reality was slowly setting in. It took me a while to realize that I have fainted in the corridor while still standing, and was late for my first period class.
Of course, no one would snap me out of it. They wanted me to get in trouble.
I rushed to the door, panicked. All the while, I was thinking:
"Oh, no... I get here early and I'm still late for class... I'm like a carp on a cutting board now... How do I explain what happened back there to the teacher?"
Not withstanding that thought, I decided that things were okay. The change that I was hoping for has finally happened after so long, though not in the way that I expected it to be.
For the first time in my life, I had made an acquaintance.
NO. I have made a friend.
END OF CHAPTER FOUR