DAI ROKUSHOO: "KANOJO NO KOTO" (SONO ICHI: ARIMA)
It is my desire to be perfect.
If people could find no fault with me, I'll be just fine, even if my family hates me.
They hate me. I hate them too.
Just because my father disgraced the family, I was also branded as a bad seed.
They say that I resembled him in every aspect. They also feared that I would inherit his evil ways... To them, my existence was a dark stain in the Arima clan's honorable hierarchy.
My only saving grace is that my new mother and father (who are actually my uncle and aunt) have the courage to stand up for me.
But I don't want them to do it. They've already done so much...
And so it came to pass that I arrived at a decision: To attain a flawless image of myself to make up for everything that was, and still is, dark about me.
I wanted to be a good person. More than anything else, it was my intention to show the world that Arima Souichirou is someone that people could rely on.
Though those who seemingly cared for me surrounded me, I kept my heart closed. I know for a fact that they want me for something other than friendship.
They're about as obvious as they get.
Though I was smiling, my guard was up. I was well aware of how cruel people can be.
Besides, I didn't want them to know that I was the object of contempt of my family. If they knew, they would leave me behind, and probably would not want to have anything to do with me.
I was already a dark stain in my family, and it would be the same story in the school.
That would be too much for one person to bear.
If that were to happen to me, I would go insane.
I did everything I could to be perfect. Juggling everything but the kitchen sink while keeping up with my academics. It kept me busy.
So busy in fact, that I started to forget about my problems for a while, much to my relief.
But one event back in Junior High made me remember it again.
After settling the papers regarding an upcoming school excursion, I went up to the rooftop of the building to get some fresh air. I still had a lot of committee paperwork to do after that, and I was savoring a brief moment of respite.
Then I heard sobs. A girl was crying in the far right of the rooftop entrance.
I was taken aback.
The way she was slumped to floor reminded me of myself as a child, who back then was unable to comprehend why my parents left me behind.
Suddenly, I had this peculiar urge to go up and console her.
Perhaps my reasons were selfish, since I merely wanted closure for my own personal grief. It had nothing to do with whatever she was dealing with.
I inquired softly about what was troubling her...
I got a response, though not one that I was expecting.
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW!? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME!!"
I was shocked. She cut right through me like a knife.
She was right. I had no idea.
I wanted to care, but actually didn't.
I left her there. I never had my rest, nor have I consoled either her or myself.
I've seen her a lot of times before. She was always alone.
When she wasn't alone, her peers would pick on her. Of course, being the dutiful representative and everything, I stopped them.
Then I'd say my usual assurance which was reminiscent of a robot's programmed response:
"Don't worry. As long as I'm around, no student will be treated badly."
After which she would just bow and slink away without saying a word.
Somehow, I was drawn to her, but this feeling was not even remotely close to love.
Or was it?
It was confusing. I thought she didn't like me, but I often catch her staring my way.
I didn't know what to make of it. Not that I really cared, anyway.
There were more pressing things to do...
Chapter 6.1 END
It is my desire to be perfect.
If people could find no fault with me, I'll be just fine, even if my family hates me.
They hate me. I hate them too.
Just because my father disgraced the family, I was also branded as a bad seed.
They say that I resembled him in every aspect. They also feared that I would inherit his evil ways... To them, my existence was a dark stain in the Arima clan's honorable hierarchy.
My only saving grace is that my new mother and father (who are actually my uncle and aunt) have the courage to stand up for me.
But I don't want them to do it. They've already done so much...
And so it came to pass that I arrived at a decision: To attain a flawless image of myself to make up for everything that was, and still is, dark about me.
I wanted to be a good person. More than anything else, it was my intention to show the world that Arima Souichirou is someone that people could rely on.
Though those who seemingly cared for me surrounded me, I kept my heart closed. I know for a fact that they want me for something other than friendship.
They're about as obvious as they get.
Though I was smiling, my guard was up. I was well aware of how cruel people can be.
Besides, I didn't want them to know that I was the object of contempt of my family. If they knew, they would leave me behind, and probably would not want to have anything to do with me.
I was already a dark stain in my family, and it would be the same story in the school.
That would be too much for one person to bear.
If that were to happen to me, I would go insane.
I did everything I could to be perfect. Juggling everything but the kitchen sink while keeping up with my academics. It kept me busy.
So busy in fact, that I started to forget about my problems for a while, much to my relief.
But one event back in Junior High made me remember it again.
After settling the papers regarding an upcoming school excursion, I went up to the rooftop of the building to get some fresh air. I still had a lot of committee paperwork to do after that, and I was savoring a brief moment of respite.
Then I heard sobs. A girl was crying in the far right of the rooftop entrance.
I was taken aback.
The way she was slumped to floor reminded me of myself as a child, who back then was unable to comprehend why my parents left me behind.
Suddenly, I had this peculiar urge to go up and console her.
Perhaps my reasons were selfish, since I merely wanted closure for my own personal grief. It had nothing to do with whatever she was dealing with.
I inquired softly about what was troubling her...
I got a response, though not one that I was expecting.
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW!? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME!!"
I was shocked. She cut right through me like a knife.
She was right. I had no idea.
I wanted to care, but actually didn't.
I left her there. I never had my rest, nor have I consoled either her or myself.
I've seen her a lot of times before. She was always alone.
When she wasn't alone, her peers would pick on her. Of course, being the dutiful representative and everything, I stopped them.
Then I'd say my usual assurance which was reminiscent of a robot's programmed response:
"Don't worry. As long as I'm around, no student will be treated badly."
After which she would just bow and slink away without saying a word.
Somehow, I was drawn to her, but this feeling was not even remotely close to love.
Or was it?
It was confusing. I thought she didn't like me, but I often catch her staring my way.
I didn't know what to make of it. Not that I really cared, anyway.
There were more pressing things to do...
Chapter 6.1 END