Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Nat arrived at Friday lunchtime. He had opened the restaurant and done the morning shift but left straight from there so he could have most of the day with us. Bren had moved everything out of her temporary room day's ago. Well maybe it was more fair to say it was a joint effort, I had moved the rest of her clothes into our wardrobe while she was working on a paper in the study. She had come into our room that night and found me on the bed reading, she had opened the wardrobe door as usual to figure out what she'd wear the next day to find the wardrobe full.

I pretended to read as I watched in my peripheral vision as she shock her head and then silently laughed at my behaviour, she then preceded to rearrange the items. When she climbed into bed that night and found her usual spot on my chest to rest her head I had squeezed her close, "you don't mind?"

"My OCD as you call it didn't love the idea that my day dresses were mixed in with my cocktail ones but no I don't mind. Can I ask though why it was so important for you to lose even more closest space? I mean all my things were in our house anyway and most of those items that were in that room are occasional wear for holidays and stuff."

As I curled a piece of her hair around my finger I answered, "I'm going to frustrate you eventually and we will get into a fight- it's normal, when it happens I just don't want it to be too easy for us to disappear into our own spaces. When I think of the times we have struggled the most; the pregnancy scare, when I started drinking, that summer, when you got back, all of it was tied to when we stopped remembering that we were best friends as well as lovers. We tried to deal with things on our own, hide parts of ourselves away. You having some of your stuff still in that room feels like you could go hide in there when things get tough."

She had been running her finger nails over my stomach as I spoke but stoped then and looked up at me, "okay so no disappearing for me into the guest rooms. Can I ask that you not run to Baja at those times or back up to Beverly Hills?"

"Baby my bad choices nearly lost me you forever, I'm still amazed that I have you now. I'm not risking this again, and while I'm sure your stubbornness will challenge me at times." I smile at her glare, "I'm not going to let my self doubt or selfishness get in the way. I know now that it's not easier without you, that this love may be a lot, it may be intense, but it's also the biggest gift I have ever received. It's sacred. I'm not going to run away physically or emotionally again from you."

There was no more talking for the rest of the night after that, and Bren the next afternoon decorated her old temporary bedroom to be more gender neutral as she said a guest bedroom should be. Nat was our first guest in there and this afternoon when her parents arrived it would be the first time that they would clearly see that we now shared a room. While Jim appeared fine with us being together, considering the apology I had received for his treatment of me, I didn't know how fine he'd be seeing our home, walking past our room, seeing us walk out of our room.

I shouldn't have bothered being concerned, Jim and Cindy came in as Nat was giving me grilling pointers. I had improved significantly from Bren and my first barbecue in senior year but my steaks were still hit and miss, sometimes perfect other times over or under cooked, my attempts at grilling any fish had resulted in everything overcooked; Bren didn't mind she just kept encouraging me while always making an extra large salad on the nights I'd attempt any seafood. I had at least mastered cooking hamburgers and chicken.

After greeting the humans and then the excitable fur Lady and Lord of the McKay home, Jim had moved over to Nat and I to add his pointers, Bren and Cindy went to explore our developing vegetable garden. Nothing was mentioned or eyebrows raised, even when Bren and I went to get dressed for the theatre or that night when Bren and I went to bed and left Nat, Jim and Cindy sitting around the fire pit drinking their second bottle of wine for the night. There was no indication that it was unusual that we would be sharing a room. Again Bren and I were left a little uneasy that it was that smooth, that easy, it actually put us on edge waiting for the other shoe.

Dylan had gone for a morning surf, he had been less consistent with them since we had begun to sleep together but often I'd encourage him to go out for at least a wave or two as it gave me a chance to catch a couple more minutes of sleep. Sleep had become scarce in our home, either Dylan or I was always waking the other up. We had realised that without time limits due to curfew's we were unable to self regulate we could easily find a whole evening had slipped away with us being lost in the other. Dylan going out to catch a morning wave often gave me enough shut eye that I was not a complete nightmare due to exhaustion.

This morning with our house full with my parents and Nat I had decided to bake some muffins while he was out there. When they were on the bench cooling, me and the puppies moved out to the deck to watch him, I sat with a coffee while the puppies found one of their new favourite distractions sticks; they were currently play fighting over one. Watching my family as the sun moved up over the water I didn't hear my dad until he sat down in the chair next to me with his own coffee.

"Morning sweetheart. You're up early, though I guess why wouldn't you be with this beautiful view. There is nothing like a sunrise over water, it reminds me of that lake house we used to rent in the summer when you were kids, that was a great view as well. Is Dylan out there?"

"Yeah he's just there floating, the other guy he's with lives a few doors down the beach. He's a nice guy in his thirties has a tech company he started, Dylan and him surf together occasionally."

"I like that you both are meeting your neighbours laying down roots, it will help you feel more settled. Your mum and I were so lost that first year in Beverly Hills as we didn't do that, our roots came from your brother and you making friends and then us connecting with their parents. It's good that you and Dylan are building that so early on. Even last night at the theatre and then afterwards when we went to grab dessert there were so many people you both knew."

"Well we plan on this being our home for the foreseeable future, our community."

"I'm glad, you both seem very happy here; you both rave about your courses and professors and then this house just feels welcoming, I'm glad it's worked out." I take a sip of my coffee in order to bite my tongue, I remember how resistant he was for us to live together. He must notice the change in me as he reaches out and covers my hand, I look over at him. "I'm sure Dylan told you about our conversation last weekend when you both were over at our house. It wasn't the day to talk to you as well, I know how worried you were for him because of the anniversary I know you weren't wanting to sit with your old dad and discuss my mistakes. Now though seems right if you are up for it?"

I nod, I'm afraid that even though I know he's right that I'd have been worried about Dylan being upset by the conversation, not knowing what my father was going to say to me. I'm afraid that even though I know why logically that my hurt at being the last one to hear it will shine through if I speak.

"This year, with Minnesota and you being so disconnected from college life, how you and your brother weren't connecting. It hit home for your mother and I how lost you were. You were born strong willed, stubborn like your grandmother from the first breath. You would dive into anything head first, you'd bring home stray dogs, cats, people- you always wanted to fix things heal them. When you first brought Dylan home I thought he was another of your things to heal. It soon became apparent that he was more than that. He was allowed to see past your perfectionism, you let him see the parts that only your brother, mother and I had. Eventually you stopped even showing them to us, they were only for him."

"You were born strong willed but you always saw the best in people honey, you always have even when they may not have deserved it. I was always worried that you would get hurt because of it. I thought it was my job to protect you. I guess I didn't see that my perception of you was outdated. I kept thinking you would allow anyone in because you always had. That you'd get hurt because of it, you would be taken advantaged of. Dylan though he changed you, I didn't notice. Emily you didn't trust her ever, I should have noticed then that you were growing up, learning not to be so trusting. I didn't."

"Dylan he's never been a typical guy of his age, he wasn't even a typical boyfriend to you. You wanted him apart of our family from the get go-"

I interrupt, I thought him being around would be comforting for them so they could see the real him. "That worried you?"

He nods, "yes. Your mother and I aren't blind we know that you both love each other but people don't settle down at sixteen often and I worried that you were going to only know this relationship. Addiction, family drama, traumatic childhood, too much experience for one so young; I worried that you would think that this was normal. Every relationship has its challenges but you and Dylan had yours identified from the get go because of the baggage he came with. I worried he'd hold you back or drag you down, or get haunted by it and leave you potentially pregnant and heartbroken. I wanted to protect you from that. I wanted to protect you from so much."

"In the end though I caused… well I triggered the things I was trying to protect you from; the hurt and the pain. At first I didn't realise it. Even in December when you came and said you were moving down here together I tried to rationalise that it was still all on him, all the changes that I had seen and worried about in you for the last year I placed the blame on him. When you came in at Christmas you were glowing, I hadn't seen it in a long time. When you left that night your mother and I tried to recall when we had seen it last. Junior year. When we came down here a few day's later, well your mother and I were unable to deny how happy you both were, how you were once again confident in your skin, how Dylan was confident in his. On the drive home your mother does what your mother does best with me, she called a spade a spade. She pointed out that you both didn't need time to grow up away from each other that you were always capable of doing that together, that my interference had been the catalyst for the pain nothing else."

I stop him there, "Dad as much as I'd like to blame it all on you Dylan and I own a chunk of that."

"No. You own a large chunk of not making me feel like I could trust you with something I saw was too advanced for you, that I was worried about. Your sneaking down to Baja, running away it all fed into my belief that you were too young that his history was leading you astray, that you didn't know yourself enough to put good boundaries up. You own parts of that but I was the one who knew his history, I abandoned a teenager who had already been abandoned by every other adult. Sadly, I even played on it to get my way. I think he would have been less receptive to that if not for your mother even stopping her support, together we pushed him out, he couldn't handle both adults he had grown to trust doing that. In hindsight it's clear to see that when he spun lose and lost his stability you lost yours. Teenage love isn't supposed to be that connected but it's not teenage love for you both, I thought I had intervened before it had got too serious I was wrong."

He takes a moment as we hear the carry on of Dylan being greeted at the beach gate by the puppies. "I'm sorry that in trying to do what I thought was my job to protect you, that I actually caused you the most hurt. I guess it's time to realise that I became redundant in that role when you met Dylan. He protects you and you protect him, it's why you ran away right? To protect him and your relationship from me?"

"Yeah, it was impulsive but I was running on instinct."

"It's natural to guard it, believe me your mother and I even after all these years still face challenges and continue to have to do that, it's when you stop wanting to protect it and the other person that you should be concerned." He shakes his head and smiles, "though even when you both weren't together you still wouldn't relinquish that protection role for the other… hindsight I should have realised then that it was a done deal." He squeezes my hand, "if this is what you want then never stop fighting for him and you both."

As we spoke Dylan had put his board down and undone his wetsuit I feel his hands land on my shoulders, "all okay here?"

My Dad looks at me and then at Dylan and smiles, "yeah I'm just giving unsolicited relationship advice. Don't worry son after twenty years of marriage I have a long list, I'll make sure to write it up and give it to you before I walk my daughter down the aisle to meet you." I feel my eyes get big, my dad just chuckles and releases my hand, "I think the muffin's should be cool enough to eat now. Excuse me while I go steal one before your mother wakes, and no telling her about it she's worried about my cholesterol and because of the butter would only allow me to have one."