Chapter 4: Never
At 6.30 am there was a surprise danger room session – X-Men only, whilst the new recruits got the half hour sleep in before breakfast. Rogue despaired as she pulled on her uniform, Kitty Pryde was frantically rushing back and forth searching for one of her missing uniform boots.
"Its not here, I can't find it anywhere!" Kitty hopped around with one boot on, she hadn't even put the sock for her other foot on yet. She knelt down on the floor, looking under the bed, "Nope, not under there…"
"Where did you last have it?" Rogue asked as she pulled on her plain black uniform, she then reached for her chest guard and hauled it on.
"Are you mad?" Kitty asked, "if I knew where I last had the other boot I'd know exactly where it was, wouldn't I?" Kitty rolled her eyes and continued to search for the other boot in a dramatic panicked fashion that made Rogue slightly smile.
"You met the new guy?" Rogue asked casually as she buckled her chest guard on securely, then pulled on her shoulder pads.
"Jared?" Kitty asked, "He seems okay, a bit intense, if you know what I mean," Kitty said, "He didn't seem too impressed with keeping the mansion quiet last night – even though four of us had to tell him that we should be respectful because of Remy's baby dying," Kitty explained.
Rogue looked at her, as if bringing it up was even insensitive of Kitty.
Kitty glanced back, "what? Do you want me to act like it never happened?" she raised a thin perfectly plucked eyebrow.
"No…" Rogue chewed her lip and sat down on the edge of her unmade bed and pulled on her own boots, "Its just that I'd rather and not think about it right now, is all…"
Kitty ignored the request, "why? Every time someone brings it up you get this strange look on your face, I don't know, like you have something to hide," Kitty located the boot phased halfway through the wall under the bed, "there it is," she muttered.
"I have nothing to hide," Rogue sighed.
"Sure," Kitty rolled her eyes, "and the fact that your powers STILL haven't returned isn't something to hide? You haven't told the Professor yet, and when you go down into that Danger Room session and haven't used a single power to get through it, he's going to know something is up."
"I'll tell him that, uhm…I'm learning to not depend on my power," Rogue shrugged, she pulled on her kneepads, "and you're not going to tell on me either, are you?"
"No, of course not, I'm like your best friend," Kitty pulled on the boot, "But you have to admit, you have a lot to hide lately, and you'd best get it out before it comes back to haunt you, its no good keeping secrets – look what happened to Remy," Kitty reminded.
Rogue sighed and buckled her own belt on, she stood up, "I know…I just…"
Kitty stood also, and walked over, "you just what?"
"I feel guilty, alright?" Rogue sighed, she quickly run a brush through her hair. The sounds of Professor Xavier's voice blasted through the tannoy throughout the mansion.
"ROGUE, SHADOWCAT, can you please report to the danger room immediately."
Rogue headed through the door, Kitty following, pulling her hair up into a ponytail as she went.
"Guilty for what?" she asked, they headed to a hidden elevator in the upstairs wall, and Rogue pressed the down button.
"Because every day I prayed that something would go wrong, or something…" Rogue sighed, "I cursed the baby and look what happened."
"Oh come on!" Kitty gaped, "You seriously don't believe that curse stuff, do you?"
Rogue gave a shrug, the doors slid open, and the girls stepped out into the hallway of the basement, and walked along to the danger room where the others were waiting. Rogue glanced over to Remy, who stood there, he looked barely fit to be participating in a Danger Room session, he looked barely fit to even dress himself, his long hair dishevelled, his eyes dark underneath as if he'd barely slept.
He glanced back at her and gave her a wan smile, then looked away from her. Rogue felt her worry increase, but tried to ignore her concerns for her love, and to concentrate on the danger room session at hand. Without her powers, things might be tough.
The danger room session had been incredibly tedious, and by the end of it, Rogue was staggering, a little bruised, exhausted, sweating, her hair clinging to her face, her cheeks flushed, her legs aching from running and climbing. But she'd survived it – but just barely. When an X-Man fell behind or was hit by a robot or hurt during a training session, usually they were taken out of it totally, either carried around by another team member, or worse, made to sit outside with the others who'd failed miserably to survive the session.
They were to wait the hall for a de-briefing on the session, how they had done, what they'd done wrong, and where their weaknesses lay and what needed to be worked on. Rogue noted as she, Kitty and Kurt were heading towards the doors leading to the hall, that Remy was nowhere in sight.
"Where's Gambit?" Rogue asked, using his code name only for the danger room – professionalism would always gain points in such situations.
"He fell down the pit," Kitty said, "He was kicked out into the hall."
Kurt glanced at Rogue, "are you two still a couple? I haven't seen you two together lately…"
"He's just blue…we're taking a bit of time apart, but we're still a couple," Rogue assured, they stepped out into the hall, expecting Remy to be there, but he wasn't. They waited with the rest of the team, Jean Grey leaning against the wall, barely looked as if she'd broken a sweat, Scott Summers looking grim but assertive in his own way.
Kurt didn't look very, although Kitty did, her own hair tinged with sweat, and slightly splattered with paint from a paintball that had just barely missed her.
Professor Xavier, and Ororo Munroe approached from another elevator, having been in the control centre of the danger room – the annex which was close to the ceiling.
"You did very well," Ororo said, she was holding a clipboard, she glanced down to it, she began to list off things that had gone wrong with the session despite she assured them how good they had done. "Kurt, your timing is very off, you need to be alert," she stated firmly, "Kitty, you weren't paying attention and slammed into a wall that shot up from the floor – please remember and keep your eyes peeled for possible dangers…"
Kitty blushed, "my hair was in my eyes…" she gestured to her bangs.
"Then pin your hair back in future," Ororo said sternly,
"Where is Remy?"
"He took off," Jean shrugged.
"I'll speak with him later," Ororo scored his name off the list, "Rogue…" she said, Rogue snapped to attention.
"Yeah?" Rogue felt her heart pounding, worrying what she'd done wrong in the session.
"You did very well – considering you never used your powers once…" Ororo admitted, "is there a reason for this?"
Kitty and Rogue glanced at each other, and Rogue finally glanced back to Ororo, "well, uhm…I figured that I shouldn't depend on my powers just in case they let me down one day?" Rogue shrugged, "I thought it would be a challenge."
Ororo smiled a little, "that's a very level headed way to carry out the session, but in future, do run this by us before you chose to do so…"
"Alright," Rogue feigned a smile, she noted Professor Xavier looking at her slightly suspiciously.
Ororo finished off her list of problems with the session, and let the teens go to get showered and changed – and of course have breakfast - they'd have to be ready for their lessons by 9.30am.
Rogue headed off upstairs wearily, Kitty in tow, "I can't believe she fell for that," Rogue whispered to Kitty.
Kitty smirked a little, "she won't fall for it next time – and I think the Professor caught on – he looked very suspicious, don't you think?"
"I don't really care," Rogue swept her sweat drenched hair away from her face.
"Helloooooooo, ladies."
Both girls glanced to the top of the staircase, Jared Rickman was sitting on the banister, his blue hair wet and hanging halfway down his face making a big difference from the spikes he'd worn the day before when he'd arrived at the institute.
"Morning," Kitty said, walking by.
Jared's eyes drunk in Rogue as she walked by, "nice outfits," he said to both of the girls.
Kitty smirked, "you try wearing spandex in summer weather, you won't think they're so nice anymore," she retorted, and headed up the next staircase.
Rogue stopped, looking at Jared, "how was your first night in the institute then?" she asked casually.
"Boring," Jared remarked, "you know that Sam bloke is just way too uptight…he's no fun at all…Jesus, he even listens to Britney Spears."
"I know," Rogue made a face, "he's sweet, and his heart is in the right place, I don't know where the hell his brain is though," she smirked a little, "so what class do you have first this morning?"
"All of yours, apparently…" Jared pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and showed her, her name was listed as being in every class he was.
Rogue looked at him, "first class – English – is at nine thirty, you better not be late…" she made a face, "Ororo teaches English. She's nice, but don't try pulling any jokes or stuff out on her, she doesn't put up with it," Rogue explained, "in fact, usually she springs punishment out on you for talking when you're not supposed to."
"Thanks for the tip," Jarred hopped down from the banister, "Rogue…that's not your real name is it?"
"No," Rogue smirked, and she headed up the stairs, she was about halfway up when he called out to her.
"Don't I get to know your real name then?"
"Never," Rogue called back down to him, and rushed off to get showered and changed.
The hours shot by faster than Rogue had expected, the mansion still seemed quiet in its own way, although it was very obvious Jared had a lot of plans to make that change. It seemed barely hours later, Rogue, Kitty and Kurt were sitting at the table in the library, studying calmly, the last part of their school day was always two hours worth of constant study time. It was the peaceful part of the day.
"It's been a really fast day," Rogue sighed, she was skimming through a dictionary to confirm the spelling of a word for her history paper.
"You think so?" Kitty said, "I think it's been pretty slow, and dull," she added, she walked over to one of the bookcases and began searching the books for a thesaurus she needed.
"I haven't seen Remy at ALL today. He didn't even empty the garbage in the kitchen like he was supposed to," Amara Aquilla walked past the table, her voice loud and almost rude.
Jared came over, dropping a large pile of books on the table with a loud thud.
"Amara…" Rogue said quietly, in a warning way.
"I mean Hank made ME take the garbage out, and I broke a nail on that stupid garbage can outside," Amara muttered. "And then I had to sweep the foyer because Remy didn't do that either – and he was meant to," she went on.
Kitty chewed the inside of her cheek, glancing at Rogue, Rogue looked like she was about to go insane at Amara.
Kurt reached over and put a hand on Rogue's arm, as if to tell her to calm down, he knew she'd snap, he could see it in her eyes.
"And then Storm made me mop all the bathrooms!" Amara sounded totally astounded, as if she should never have been asked to do such a thing, as if it was beneath her.
Rogue stood up, "Amara, for fucks sake, give it a rest, okay?!"
"Calm down…" Kurt tugged on Rogue's sleeve, trying to make her sit back down, "just calm down…"
"No, Kurt, I will not CALM DOWN!" she yelled, "Amara, do you realise Remy just LOST his child to a stillborn death, does that even go through that fucking thick skull of yours?! You expect him to be able to function on even simple chores when he's grievin' in the way he is?!"
Amara looked petrified of Rogue, "Uhm…I think I'll study elsewhere…" she said quietly, grabbing her books and hurrying off, the door slamming behind herself.
Rogue dropped back into her seat, realising how bad she'd snapped at the younger girl, "I shouldn't have done that."
"Nah…" Jared raised an eyebrow, "she was being a bit high and mighty about chores," he shrugged.
Rogue sighed, "I'll make it up to her later," she sighed, she rubbed her forehead, "God…I can't believe I lost my temper like that…"
"It happens," Kitty gave a shrug, but looked away. "How is Remy anyway, have you seen him today?"
"Not since this morning," Rogue sighed, "I'm worried about him, he's so…quiet…" she ran her hand through her hair, she leaned back in her chair, "I know he has a right to be upset, and I know its just part of the grieving process, but he's under a lot of stress, you don't even need to be a telepath to know that…you can see it in his face, he's tired, and apprehensive…"
"Not to mention he was seriously fucked over when you got r—" Kitty suddenly realised what she'd almost said, forgetting where she was momentarily, she held her tongue, "when you know," she looked away.
Rogue winced at the thought, the memories flying back to her, it overwhelmed her, and she felt tears pierce her eyes, "I…excuse me…" she rushed out of her chair, knocking it over, she rushed out of the room, the door slamming behind her, she leaned against the wall, stifling her sob, the tears escaped.
I'm snapping, I'm going crazy, she fretted, she closed her eyes, she could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Pull yourself together," she hissed at herself.
The door opened, Kitty stepped out, looking very sheepish, "I'm sorry…I…I don't know why I said that…" Kitty sighed.
Rogue turned away, wiping her face with her gloved hands – the gloves a precaution, she didn't want anyone finding out about her loss of powers. She glanced back at Kitty, Kitty looked deeply sympathetic.
"I don't want to ever think about it again," Rogue mumbled in a very slight tone, her voice trembling, "I just want to forget about it…I want to forget about everything bad that ever happened…"
"If you keep bottling it up like this, it's never going to get better," Kitty stated, "Rogue, believe me…it'll eat at you," Kitty placed her hand on Rogue's arm gently, to comfort her.
"I'm fine…" Rogue moved away from Kitty, "Just pretend like I never told you, and I'll pretend like everythings fine, and we'll all be happy again," she sighed, she blinked, checked her make up in a nearby wall mirror, dabbed her fingers delicately at the corners of her eyes, and then entered the library, intent on studying.