Chapter 12: The Second Battle
Alex: So, who do you think the next lackey is?
Azi: I don't care, I just hope he's kawaii!
Andy: what gives you the idea that the next lackey is a guy?
Azi: Hey, it's an unwritten rule among the evil leaders.
Sephiroth: And what is this unwritten rule?
Azi: That for almost all anime, manga, and video game, almost every lackey is male, and at least one of them is kawaii.
Mike: What about Sailor Moon?
Azi: I said almost.
The group (minus Kinie) argues about Azi's theory. Meanwhile, Cloud and the others are in the airship. Cloud has set up a blackjack table, and is sitting where the dealer would sit.
Cloud: So, who do you think will win the next battle, Andy and Azi, or Lackey #2? Place bets now!
===============================================================
Azi: Hey, that's not right! They're betting on who is going to save/destroy the universe!
Kinie: Well, I needed to include them somehow, and this is the only way I could include them in the story at the time being.
Azi: **Takes out reverse-blade sword, and begins hitting Kinie with it** Still, it's wrong!
Kinie: **sheltering himself from Azi's attacks**: OW! Hey, stop it, or else I'll have something bad happen to you!
Azi: Oh yeah, like what?
Kinie: This! **Types some words in, and saves the document**
Azi: What was that for?
Kinie: **Points above Azi's head. **
Azi: Huh? **A purple necklace appears, and descends around Azi's head, and she now has the necklace around her neck.** This isn't what I--
Kinie: SIT!
Azi: Arg! **The necklace glows, and pulls Azi to the ground. She gets back up, and tries to attack Kinie. **
Kinie **walking away from Azi** SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!
Azi: **Hits the ground 8 times, and has a major crack appear on the cement they're standing on. **
Kinie: **Pulls up a chair**: I think I'm going to SIT down on this SIT-ing chair and SIT here, until Azi decides to SIT down in the SIT-ing chair behind her SIT-ing behind. SIT!
Azi: **Pulling herself into the chair** What was that last sit for?
Kinie: Cause I felt like it. Now relax, or else I'll have something bad happen to Sephiroth!
Azi: AAAHHH! Don't do anything to Sephie-kun! I'll be nice!
Kinie: Good! Ph34r my wr171ng sk1llz! Now, back to the story! ===============================================================
Cloud: Betting over! It seems that we've got three bets of 1000 gil each on Lackey #2, 5 bets on Azi and Andy of 1000gil each, and a bet for Azi and Andy for.10 billion gil?!? Who bet that?
Vincent: Me.
Tifa: how the hell did you get 10 billion gil?
Vincent: Internet stocks.
Other FF7 people: Ooooohhhh..
As they comment about how Vincent got 10 billion gil, the 6 on the ground have come across another fork in the road.
Sephiroth: Another fork in the road.
Andy: Which way will we go?
Azi: That way! **Points to the path to the right. **
Mike: why that way?
Azi: because the sign says so!
Alex: What sign?
Azi: That one! **Points up into the air. **
The other 5 look up. There, about 50 feet into the air, is a flashing neon sign saying, 'Lackey #2--('
Mike: Well, isn't that convient?
Azi: Doofus! It's deliberate! **Smacks Mike upside his head.**
Mike **rubbing back of head** I can't help it if I don't have any common sense!
Azi: Then get some! **Begins walking down the path to the right.**
The others chase after her. A few minutes later, they find a gigantic forest in the middle of the city.
Azi: Sweet! A forest!
Andy: What's so special about a forest?
Kinie: Kan0j0 h1tsuy0 n1 r3nshu k4n0j0 jutsu g1jutsu.
Sephiroth: What?
Azi: He said, 'She gets to practice her ninja skills.'
Sephiroth: Oh.
Mike: So, is the next lackey anywhere near us?
Azi: He's in the center of the forest.
Alex: Another sign?
Azi: Another sign **Points to above the forest. **
There, floating in the air, is another neon sign, saying 'Lackey #2' and a flashing arrow pointing down.
Andy: shall we? Ladies first.
Azi: Yeah, right! You just want me to take the first hit for you!
Andy: Hell yes!
Azi: Well then, **Picks up Andy** You go on ahead of me! **Tosses Andy over the forest**
Andy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! **Hits neon sign, and falls down**
Azi: Let's go! **Runs into the forest**
The others follow after her. A few minutes later, they reemerge in the middle of the forest, right beneath the neon sign. It's a small clearing, and Andy is in the middle, lying motionless on the ground.
Azi: Hey, Andy! **Throws random stone at his head** Wake up!
Andy: **rubs back of head** Ow! Next time you decide to throw someone, don't! **Gets up** So, where's our opponent?
Suddenly, the neon sign above them explodes. Andy runs toward the group as the sign falls to the ground, and makes a large explosion. As the dust clears, there is a man standing on top of the sign wreckage.
Man: Hello, I'm Goma Suri, and I'll be Azi's and Andy's opponent.
Andy: All right then! Azi, get. Azi, what the hell are you doing?
Azi: Huh? **Is suddenly glomping onto Goma's leg** But, he's super kawaii! He's got long, silver hair, cute dog ears, and is dressed like Kakashi- sensai! Not to mention his true blue eyes! I just can't help myself!
Goma: Not that I don't like a rabid fan-girl, but **Takes out a crowbar from nowhere** I really need **Sticks crowbar between Azi and his leg** this leg! **Pries Azi off.**
Azi: **Glomps onto Goma's arm**
Goma: Aw, for heaven's sake! **Takes out a pistol** You want me to shoot your brains out?
Azi: Why are you threatening a doll? **Suddenly next to Andy**
Goma: What the? **Looks at arm, sees it's a life-size replica of Azi. Throws the doll back at her.** I believe this is yours.
Azi: **Catches the doll, puts it into her backpack.** Thanks. Kinie! Catch! **Tosses backpack at Kinie**
Kinie: Wh47? **Backpack hits him in the forehead.** 0W! **He falls down, unconscious.**
Sephiroth: I understood that word.
Azi: **Shrugs shoulders** Not as good as poison, yet strangely satisfying.
Andy: Ready.
Azi: Set.
Goma, Andy and Azi: GO!
Andy takes out 2 handguns, and fires at Goma. Azi takes out 6 kunai knives, and throws them at Goma also. Goma just stands there, and gets hit by all of the bullets and kunai knives.
Andy: All too easy!
Suddenly, there are 2 small acupuncture needles in his neck, and Andy falls to the ground.
Azi: What? **Turns back to Goma. Where Goma was, there is only a shot-up piece of wood, with kunai knives pierced threw it.** Damn! He's a l33t n1nj4 too! **Disappears.**
Sephiroth: Hey, where did the two go?
Mike: They're moving so fast, the normal naked eye can't see them!
Sephiroth: Well, who CAN see them then?
Kinie: **Now conscious, with a white band-aid 'X' on his forehead** Baka! Damn that woman! That hurt! What the hell does she have in that backpack?!?
Sephiroth: Hey, Kinie. You can speak English again!
Kinie: Hey, you're right! I can speak, I can speak, I can speak! Hmm. **Looks around for Azi and Goma** Azi isn't doing very well.
Sephiroth: You can see them fight?
Kinie: yeah, and Azi is barely holding her own! Why isn't Andy awake yet?
Andy: **Lying on the ground, but now conscious** Ow! Jeez, that hurt! What did he hit me with?
Kinie: Andy! You've got 2 acupuncture needles going threw your neck! Be careful when you pull them out, or else you might injure your spinal cord, or even kill yourself!
Andy: Thanks for the tip! **Pulls one out slowly, then the other. Tosses the two to the side, then gets back up** How's Azi doing?
Kinie: Not so good!
Azi: **Reappears on top of a tree branch** If I could just pull of my most advanced technique, this battle would be over! **Disappears again, as the tree branch explodes into a million splinters**
Andy: fine then, how long do you need to perform it?
Azi: **Reappears again** Only a moment! **Disappears again**
Andy: Good! Then just hold on for a few more seconds! **Bends knees, and enters a Kamehameha Wave stance** Ready!
Azi: Good! **Stands on a tree branch** go for it! **Begins performing hand symbols**
Goma: I will not allow you to pull of any jutsu! **Jumps off tree branch opposite of Azi, and flies toward her**
Andy: Eat dark energy! Ryu Blast! **Moves hands forward, and a dark energy ball appears, with a dragon head I front of it, and flies toward Goma**
Goma: You think that silly blast is going to kill me? **Swats it to the side, and continues flying toward Azi**
Azi: **Performs one final hand sign** My most advanced original technique, Chibi no Jutsu!
Suddenly, Goma, who is only a few feet away from Azi, stops moving. Several runes appear, and begin to encircle Goma.
Goma: What kind of jutsu is this?!
Blue smoke appears, and engulfs Goma. The runes begin to glow, and the blue smoke turns into a white smoke. The runes stop spinning, and the white smoke disappears. Goma is now on the ground.
Kinie: **Looking at Goma, turns red, then begins laughing uncontrollably**
Goma: What's wrong with me? **Takes out a mirror** Gyah, I'm a chibi!
Azi: AAAAAHHHHH!!! He's super chibi kawaii now! **Jumps down, and glomps onto the now chibi Goma.**
(Chibi) Goma: **turns blue** Can't. breathe. Losing. consciousness. **Faints**
Azi: **Loosens grip slightly on chibi Goma** Kinie! Reach into my backpack, and in the right hand side pocket, there are several capsules. Throw me the one tat has a number 5 on it!
Kinie: OK. **Reaches into Azi's backpack, and pulls out a capsule with the number 5 on it.** Catch! **Tosses it to her.**
Azi: Thanks! **Catches the capsule, and depresses the button on top of it. She tosses it onto the ground and out pops a suspended animation chamber. She picks up chibi Goma, lays him down gently into the chamber, closes the hatch, and turns the machine on. She then pushes another button, and it returns back into its capsule state. **
Kinie: So that's why I always see Kakashi, Zabusa, and other bishounen she has a crush on at her house.
Azi: **Walks over, returns the capsule to its pocket, and picks up her backpack** Let's go.
Kinie: Alright then! Next match, Sephiroth vs. lackey #3!
The 6 walk out of the forest, and begin walking north. Unbeknownst to them, the path they are walking leads to a lone dead tree in the middle of a street.
End of Ch. 12
Alex: So, who do you think the next lackey is?
Azi: I don't care, I just hope he's kawaii!
Andy: what gives you the idea that the next lackey is a guy?
Azi: Hey, it's an unwritten rule among the evil leaders.
Sephiroth: And what is this unwritten rule?
Azi: That for almost all anime, manga, and video game, almost every lackey is male, and at least one of them is kawaii.
Mike: What about Sailor Moon?
Azi: I said almost.
The group (minus Kinie) argues about Azi's theory. Meanwhile, Cloud and the others are in the airship. Cloud has set up a blackjack table, and is sitting where the dealer would sit.
Cloud: So, who do you think will win the next battle, Andy and Azi, or Lackey #2? Place bets now!
===============================================================
Azi: Hey, that's not right! They're betting on who is going to save/destroy the universe!
Kinie: Well, I needed to include them somehow, and this is the only way I could include them in the story at the time being.
Azi: **Takes out reverse-blade sword, and begins hitting Kinie with it** Still, it's wrong!
Kinie: **sheltering himself from Azi's attacks**: OW! Hey, stop it, or else I'll have something bad happen to you!
Azi: Oh yeah, like what?
Kinie: This! **Types some words in, and saves the document**
Azi: What was that for?
Kinie: **Points above Azi's head. **
Azi: Huh? **A purple necklace appears, and descends around Azi's head, and she now has the necklace around her neck.** This isn't what I--
Kinie: SIT!
Azi: Arg! **The necklace glows, and pulls Azi to the ground. She gets back up, and tries to attack Kinie. **
Kinie **walking away from Azi** SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!
Azi: **Hits the ground 8 times, and has a major crack appear on the cement they're standing on. **
Kinie: **Pulls up a chair**: I think I'm going to SIT down on this SIT-ing chair and SIT here, until Azi decides to SIT down in the SIT-ing chair behind her SIT-ing behind. SIT!
Azi: **Pulling herself into the chair** What was that last sit for?
Kinie: Cause I felt like it. Now relax, or else I'll have something bad happen to Sephiroth!
Azi: AAAHHH! Don't do anything to Sephie-kun! I'll be nice!
Kinie: Good! Ph34r my wr171ng sk1llz! Now, back to the story! ===============================================================
Cloud: Betting over! It seems that we've got three bets of 1000 gil each on Lackey #2, 5 bets on Azi and Andy of 1000gil each, and a bet for Azi and Andy for.10 billion gil?!? Who bet that?
Vincent: Me.
Tifa: how the hell did you get 10 billion gil?
Vincent: Internet stocks.
Other FF7 people: Ooooohhhh..
As they comment about how Vincent got 10 billion gil, the 6 on the ground have come across another fork in the road.
Sephiroth: Another fork in the road.
Andy: Which way will we go?
Azi: That way! **Points to the path to the right. **
Mike: why that way?
Azi: because the sign says so!
Alex: What sign?
Azi: That one! **Points up into the air. **
The other 5 look up. There, about 50 feet into the air, is a flashing neon sign saying, 'Lackey #2--('
Mike: Well, isn't that convient?
Azi: Doofus! It's deliberate! **Smacks Mike upside his head.**
Mike **rubbing back of head** I can't help it if I don't have any common sense!
Azi: Then get some! **Begins walking down the path to the right.**
The others chase after her. A few minutes later, they find a gigantic forest in the middle of the city.
Azi: Sweet! A forest!
Andy: What's so special about a forest?
Kinie: Kan0j0 h1tsuy0 n1 r3nshu k4n0j0 jutsu g1jutsu.
Sephiroth: What?
Azi: He said, 'She gets to practice her ninja skills.'
Sephiroth: Oh.
Mike: So, is the next lackey anywhere near us?
Azi: He's in the center of the forest.
Alex: Another sign?
Azi: Another sign **Points to above the forest. **
There, floating in the air, is another neon sign, saying 'Lackey #2' and a flashing arrow pointing down.
Andy: shall we? Ladies first.
Azi: Yeah, right! You just want me to take the first hit for you!
Andy: Hell yes!
Azi: Well then, **Picks up Andy** You go on ahead of me! **Tosses Andy over the forest**
Andy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! **Hits neon sign, and falls down**
Azi: Let's go! **Runs into the forest**
The others follow after her. A few minutes later, they reemerge in the middle of the forest, right beneath the neon sign. It's a small clearing, and Andy is in the middle, lying motionless on the ground.
Azi: Hey, Andy! **Throws random stone at his head** Wake up!
Andy: **rubs back of head** Ow! Next time you decide to throw someone, don't! **Gets up** So, where's our opponent?
Suddenly, the neon sign above them explodes. Andy runs toward the group as the sign falls to the ground, and makes a large explosion. As the dust clears, there is a man standing on top of the sign wreckage.
Man: Hello, I'm Goma Suri, and I'll be Azi's and Andy's opponent.
Andy: All right then! Azi, get. Azi, what the hell are you doing?
Azi: Huh? **Is suddenly glomping onto Goma's leg** But, he's super kawaii! He's got long, silver hair, cute dog ears, and is dressed like Kakashi- sensai! Not to mention his true blue eyes! I just can't help myself!
Goma: Not that I don't like a rabid fan-girl, but **Takes out a crowbar from nowhere** I really need **Sticks crowbar between Azi and his leg** this leg! **Pries Azi off.**
Azi: **Glomps onto Goma's arm**
Goma: Aw, for heaven's sake! **Takes out a pistol** You want me to shoot your brains out?
Azi: Why are you threatening a doll? **Suddenly next to Andy**
Goma: What the? **Looks at arm, sees it's a life-size replica of Azi. Throws the doll back at her.** I believe this is yours.
Azi: **Catches the doll, puts it into her backpack.** Thanks. Kinie! Catch! **Tosses backpack at Kinie**
Kinie: Wh47? **Backpack hits him in the forehead.** 0W! **He falls down, unconscious.**
Sephiroth: I understood that word.
Azi: **Shrugs shoulders** Not as good as poison, yet strangely satisfying.
Andy: Ready.
Azi: Set.
Goma, Andy and Azi: GO!
Andy takes out 2 handguns, and fires at Goma. Azi takes out 6 kunai knives, and throws them at Goma also. Goma just stands there, and gets hit by all of the bullets and kunai knives.
Andy: All too easy!
Suddenly, there are 2 small acupuncture needles in his neck, and Andy falls to the ground.
Azi: What? **Turns back to Goma. Where Goma was, there is only a shot-up piece of wood, with kunai knives pierced threw it.** Damn! He's a l33t n1nj4 too! **Disappears.**
Sephiroth: Hey, where did the two go?
Mike: They're moving so fast, the normal naked eye can't see them!
Sephiroth: Well, who CAN see them then?
Kinie: **Now conscious, with a white band-aid 'X' on his forehead** Baka! Damn that woman! That hurt! What the hell does she have in that backpack?!?
Sephiroth: Hey, Kinie. You can speak English again!
Kinie: Hey, you're right! I can speak, I can speak, I can speak! Hmm. **Looks around for Azi and Goma** Azi isn't doing very well.
Sephiroth: You can see them fight?
Kinie: yeah, and Azi is barely holding her own! Why isn't Andy awake yet?
Andy: **Lying on the ground, but now conscious** Ow! Jeez, that hurt! What did he hit me with?
Kinie: Andy! You've got 2 acupuncture needles going threw your neck! Be careful when you pull them out, or else you might injure your spinal cord, or even kill yourself!
Andy: Thanks for the tip! **Pulls one out slowly, then the other. Tosses the two to the side, then gets back up** How's Azi doing?
Kinie: Not so good!
Azi: **Reappears on top of a tree branch** If I could just pull of my most advanced technique, this battle would be over! **Disappears again, as the tree branch explodes into a million splinters**
Andy: fine then, how long do you need to perform it?
Azi: **Reappears again** Only a moment! **Disappears again**
Andy: Good! Then just hold on for a few more seconds! **Bends knees, and enters a Kamehameha Wave stance** Ready!
Azi: Good! **Stands on a tree branch** go for it! **Begins performing hand symbols**
Goma: I will not allow you to pull of any jutsu! **Jumps off tree branch opposite of Azi, and flies toward her**
Andy: Eat dark energy! Ryu Blast! **Moves hands forward, and a dark energy ball appears, with a dragon head I front of it, and flies toward Goma**
Goma: You think that silly blast is going to kill me? **Swats it to the side, and continues flying toward Azi**
Azi: **Performs one final hand sign** My most advanced original technique, Chibi no Jutsu!
Suddenly, Goma, who is only a few feet away from Azi, stops moving. Several runes appear, and begin to encircle Goma.
Goma: What kind of jutsu is this?!
Blue smoke appears, and engulfs Goma. The runes begin to glow, and the blue smoke turns into a white smoke. The runes stop spinning, and the white smoke disappears. Goma is now on the ground.
Kinie: **Looking at Goma, turns red, then begins laughing uncontrollably**
Goma: What's wrong with me? **Takes out a mirror** Gyah, I'm a chibi!
Azi: AAAAAHHHHH!!! He's super chibi kawaii now! **Jumps down, and glomps onto the now chibi Goma.**
(Chibi) Goma: **turns blue** Can't. breathe. Losing. consciousness. **Faints**
Azi: **Loosens grip slightly on chibi Goma** Kinie! Reach into my backpack, and in the right hand side pocket, there are several capsules. Throw me the one tat has a number 5 on it!
Kinie: OK. **Reaches into Azi's backpack, and pulls out a capsule with the number 5 on it.** Catch! **Tosses it to her.**
Azi: Thanks! **Catches the capsule, and depresses the button on top of it. She tosses it onto the ground and out pops a suspended animation chamber. She picks up chibi Goma, lays him down gently into the chamber, closes the hatch, and turns the machine on. She then pushes another button, and it returns back into its capsule state. **
Kinie: So that's why I always see Kakashi, Zabusa, and other bishounen she has a crush on at her house.
Azi: **Walks over, returns the capsule to its pocket, and picks up her backpack** Let's go.
Kinie: Alright then! Next match, Sephiroth vs. lackey #3!
The 6 walk out of the forest, and begin walking north. Unbeknownst to them, the path they are walking leads to a lone dead tree in the middle of a street.
End of Ch. 12