.
I watch as raindrops splatter down on the windowsill.
Pitter patter pitter patter.
The city seemed to be crying, shedding tears where I couldn't.
I went back to my notebook, writing down Hornet's latest adventures.
Learning the path of the needle was hard. It took speed, precision, wisdom, constantly moving, attacking and defending at the same time.
Dodge. Parry. Weave and strike.
I thought I was fast before. I thought I was strong before. I was wrong.
I'd learnt from the other Weavers. Fought them. Defeated them. Proved my worth.
Now here I was in the heart of the Mantis village. Standing before the Sisters of Battle, perhaps the greatest trio of warriors in all of Hallownest.
I close my eyes inhaling deep.
.
I open my eyes.
I'm sitting in a comfy couch with someone, a man, who's giving me a strained smile. He perks up suddenly. "Taylor? Are you back with us?"
I look down where my notebook rests in my hands. I flip open it to see fresh ink staining the pages.
Hornet's childhood in first person.
"Taylor." the psychiatrist, oh right he was my psychiatrist wasn't he? "Can you focus on me for a moment?"
Focus.
These aren't simple bugs thou face. True warriors stand before thee.
The Mantis Lords are proud. Fail to prove thy value and forever lost will be the chance to dance amongst them.
I brandish my needle at the Sisters, unveiling my challenge.
The three Lords rise from their thrones.
I look up at them without fear.
I look up.
"-comes and goes." the doctor was saying to dad, "I suspect depersonalization disorder but we'll need more tests for that. Honestly I'm a little baffled. It's rare for cases to get worse."
Dad thanks the doctor, takes my hand and guides me through the clear glass doors, to our car and we're driving somewhere. Probably home.
"Everything's going to be fine." he says, "We're going to go through this together. We're going to beat this."
I don't beat the Sisters. I got so close though.
I catch the First Sister with a feint. A jab to the shoulder but in truth, a swing to the legs which knocks First Sister off her feet.
Third Sister I beat in a straight up duel. A vicious series of blows which I triumph over with a throw of her needle but Second Sister's there as soon as Third Sister falls and then I'm down on the ground, the nail-lance resting against my forehead.
Impressive little one. they say, but not yet. You still have-
"-much to learn." Blackwell says, "Don't let one unfortunate accident-"
"Accident?" dad explodes, "My daughter's heart stopped! Look at her! Does this look like-"
"And we sympathize greatly but-" Blackwell says the same thing over and over again. Not enough evidence. A simple prank gone wrong. Winslow will refuse to take responsibility for my hospitalization.
I imagine her as a Maggot. A big head, small stumpy arms. Worthless.
My hands twitch and I realize that I don't have my notebook with me. Probably smart. Nothing good survives Winslow. I start imagining the creature in my head and ultimately decide that my Maggots would be nothing like Blackwell. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now but I think I hate her too much to associate her with any of my creations.
The meeting ends where it began. Absolutely nowhere.
All that time wasted and for what?
Wasted? Midwife scolds her, One loss does not equal to a waste little weaver. I thought I taught you better.
I lost. I say, All my training and-
Not even your father is not without loss. Midwife brushes aside my words, It's not the loss that bothers you child, speak of it.
I don't. Speaking of it would only ensure that I'd never be able to bring my plans to fruit.
I refused to wait any longer.
My pen pauses.
I'm back at my desk writing again.
The Mantis Lords.
Leaders of the Mantis tribe and its finest warriors.
They bear thin nail-lances and attack with blinding speed.
The Mantis Lords, like the rest of their Tribe, are proud warriors who have kept the beasts of Deepnest confined to their territory, killing those who would intrude upon the village. This duty was part of a truce with the Kingdom. They grant passage into Deepnest to any who would defeat them in a fair challenge, in an improvised arena in their throne room.
.
There are sketches, notes about the Mantis Lords and their village. There's even a map sketched out onto a page.
How long have I been doing this?
How much worse was this going to get?
.
It had seemed fine at first.
My daydreaming of Hallownest was a nice way of passing the time in the hospital, one that stayed with me even when I was discharged and sent home. It didn't seem that nice when one night dad had to shake me free from my daydreams, literally.
We'd chalked it off as a result of stress but it happened again on the next day. Twice on the day after. Double that on the next. I was getting lost in my dreams of Hallownest more frequently and longer. Thankfully what remained of my consciousness managed to get through daily life without question but it was barely more than an empty shell.
I'd gotten used to it, coming back from my Dreams and reorienting myself but if things got worse, all that would be left would be that shell. An empty husk of a being only capable of going through the basic needs in life or doing what it was told.
An empty mould filled of void.
The doctors couldn't help much. At least not without our budget. The best they could do was tell us that I needed a structured life, where even if my mind went wandering my body would be able to carryout everyday life without too much problem.
'Things would get better' they said. 'You'll be back with us in no time.'
.
.
.
...but why would I want that?
I think of my life forward. Where could I possibly go from here on out?
I look and all I see is nothing. There's nothing for me left. I...
shit. My hands are trembling.
I reach for my bottle of pills until I remember I don't have any left. The hospital had refused to prescribe me any, fearful of the chance that I might consume too much during one of my 'epsiodes' or maybe it was after I used them to stay asleep for over seventy two hours.
Assholes.
I wanted to sleep. I wanted to, no I needed to Dream.
.
...and I needed them to soothe over my trembling nerves. That too.
I turn off the lights and go to bed.
.
Cast in shadow. Cast in void.
I imagine the great shadowed realm below Hallownest, below Deepnest, below the Ancient Basin. The darkest parts of Hallownest where the shades, the siblings of the Hollow Knight rested.
If there was a creature in Hallownest similar to her it would be the siblings. One of many. Unimportant, Hollow.
Nothing like Hornet. Strong and confident. She was what I wanted to be like.
I look out of the window towards the city lights wondering what Hornet would think of my world. It's ugly streets and-
-filthy air and-
I stand above a building, barely distinguishable from the others, taking in the view.
It's nothing compared to the beautiful architecture of Hallownest city. Ugly compared to even Dirtmouth.
But beyond the architecture there's a beauty unparalleled by anything Hallownest could offer.
The sea of void stays undisturbed, held way up above by an invisible force lit by the endless spots of burning souls. The largest one, a giant pale orb outshone the rest, lighting the entire Surface City in a silver glow.
The sky and stars.
Beautiful.
In a place so ugly and grey it seemed so out of place.
Is this where you live little ghost? How do you live in a place so crude?
I leap from my perch free falling before I hurl my string dart and I'm flying through the narrow streets taking in the dull lights and exotic smells.
I slip through the shadows and spy on what I guessed was a food store. Green paper was being exchanged for something. Food? It smelled like food. And they were eating it so probably food. Is that the kind of substance the surface people consumed? Even from here I can smell the chemicals. Definitely harmful, possibly even toxic. Did they purposely eat those kind of foods or was the shopkeeper tricking them? Interesting. Regardless I knew Monomon would be interested in sampling the substances. I've seen her collection of poisons.
I want to see more.
.
I need to see more.
.
I explore the city.
There's a building in the middle of a great, nearly endless body of water, surrounded by a glowing dome.
Nearby, a collection of a several dozen boats, submerged and broken.
A market filled with even more smells and sounds.
There's a big rectangle with ever changing colors showing even more images of the city. I watch that one for a while.
A collection of little houses, all identical with little various of colors.
.
The surface dwellers are strange. Riding metal machines, eating their poisonous foods, talking in their strange language. Towns, song and clothing in a rainbow of colors with their lush gardens and small little holes.
I rest at the tallest tower the lands provide, dangling my legs on the ledge.
Ascending into a vast new world. Watching and learning.
It was exhilirating.
.
There was one thing I was missing though.
Perhaps the most important thing of all.
.
There's a sound behind me and I look back to see a surface dweller hovering behind me wearing a rust-red attire with a silver white trim and a shield emblem on his chest.
"Umm..." he says and somehow I understand his words, "Hi?"
He seems uncertain, shy? No. He's tense, his body locked into a stance that could spring into both fight or flight. His garb isn't like the other surface dwellers. It's tight while unrestricting, tough and durable with a number of barely visible scratches on the surface. Armor. His eyes are visible and they are locked onto hers. Waiting, like a predator ready to pounce.
.
Ah. A warrior.
.
I spring to my feet and point my needle at my foe.
.
.
.
.
Finall-
I blink.
There's sunlight on my face, wind in my hair but my cheeks are pressed on to the floor.
I fell off the bed and the windows open too.
I must have been sleepwalked while I dreamed.
Heh. Dreamwalked.
That has a nice ring to it.
.
I go downstairs, make a quick breakfast of eggs and toast.
I turn on the news and pause.
That's weird. It's been a while since I've gotten this far in the morning without 'Dreamwalking'.
It's a... change. Not sure if it's a nice one yet.
I watch the news waiting but nothing happens.
I don't fall into my Dreams.
My hands aren't trembling.
Dad's awake, "Taylor? Are you...?"
"I'm fine. I think" I say softly. I'm not sure how to talk to him anymore without Dreaming.
Suddenly I want to go back to the Dreams again.
Talking. I'm not used to it anymore and that was just...
There's a mug in my right hand and I steady it with my left until the tremble leaves again.
I really miss the pills.
I check the clock; 9:30 time for a short walk around the park.
I start heading back towards my room intending to grab a jacket and throw a quick glance back at the tv-
There's an image on the screen.
A red cloak.
A white mask.
.
A needle.
.
.
The mug shatters on the ground.