Second Chances



Chapter 12: Would you mind telling me about her?



The dawn of the next day found them already on the way, their mares' pace distinctly faster than before. The Fays lead them through clearing forest, upwards into the mountains. Sometimes, Lily would sign Severus to wait motionlessly and disappear for several minutes. He understood now why she had asked him to trust her the previous evening. Impatience or the wrong actions could turn out to be murderous in this dangerous territory. For there certainly were plenty of dragons around.

Firstly, they only saw them from a distance, a group of Common Welsh Greens taking a sunbath on some of the higher rocks, their green scales gleaming in the bright light. Or later two young Norwegian Ridgebacks, playing in the snow on a plateau. But as they advanced deeper into the mountains, they came across some of the more aggressive breeds and had to pass much nearer to them. A family of Hebridean Blacks for example was dozing on a clearing and thankfully continued to do so until they were well out of sight again, though they sneaked past them in a distance of a mere 9 yards.

Severus had never before seen so many kinds of dragons living in such a small area together without ripping each other into pieces. He had asked Lily about it in the morning and she had told him that it was due to the special character of the wood. The magical forest provided shelter for the dragons, but they were only allowed to stay if they followed a set of rules that applied to all of its inhabitants. So the dragons refrained from slaying each other on first sight and found it such a comfortable way of life that they taught their offspring to keep the peace of their own accord.

When they finally arrived at the pass that would lead them down towards the direction of the Forbidden Forest, they found it blocked by a very bad-tempered Peruvian Vipertooth that was obviously looking for a meal. Lily seemed to estimate their alternatives, and decided to send Glimmer and Ardent to distract the angry dragon. Seeing the diversion worked, they made a run for it as soon as the Vipertooth was preoccupied enough. Severus clung to the saddle as Saga went full speed, complete with the strange 'shifting' steps in between. A few moments later, they were already halfway down the mountain and the horses slowed down, panting. It was the first time he saw them breathing heavily and he realized the magically altered speed indeed took their toll on them.

They didn't rest that day, but hurried to leave the dragons' dwelling behind them as soon as possible. All of them were exhausted when they made their way to another cave for the night. The mares followed them tiredly as they led them inside, and while Lily saw to their needs, Severus once again prepared their food and their camp. After the meal they sat next to the small fire, side by side, leaning back against the cave wall wearily. She nestled closely against him, for the air outside was very frosty and the cave was still quite cold despite the dancing flames. He was far too tired to mind, on the contrary, he found he rather enjoyed the additional warmth of her slender body next to his own. But he soon noticed she was trembling slightly, and remembered that she had worked hard for their well-being that day and therefore spent much more energy than he had. So he unfastened the clasp of his cloak and put it around them both, chiding her softly.

"You could just tell me that you 're cold. That way you wouldn't have to freeze until I can feel your shaking."

"I'm sorry," she replied a bit sheepishly, "I guess I'm not used to having someone around me out here, save for the mares and the Fays that is."

Echoing his previous actions, she undid her own cloak and expanded it over him, too. Their combined body-heat warmed the heavy cloaks quickly, but she continued to shiver until he enfolded her into his arms and held her close to him. Sighing, she hesitatingly laid her head on his shoulder and put her arms around him as well. He could feel her soft locks tickling his chin.

"Thank you," she said in a low, warm voice, beginning to relax in his embrace.

"You're welcome," he answered in his deep, silky tones.

They remained silent for a while until she asked softly: "Would you mind telling me about her?"

"About whom?" he asked, though he already knew whom she meant.

"About the woman you thought I am. Her name is Lily, too?"

"Yes, it is. Or rather was. She died fifteen years ago. I first met her when she was still called Lily Evans, and saw her alive for the last time after she had become Lily Potter. That was nearly one year before she was killed." He struggled to keep his voice neutral, but telling her somehow seemed to bring everything fresh into his mind again.

Her hand found his under the cloaks and squeezed it in sympathy. "I'm sorry. Even more so for having to tell you I never bore either last name. Was she your wife?"

He laughed bitterly. "No, she wasn't. The two of us never had the chance of a future together. Not really."

"Would you tell me about it?" she repeated her question very gently.

Severus took a deep breath. 'Why not? I suppose it won't hurt,' he thought to himself. And somehow he wanted her to understand. To know how his past had made him into the man he was now. To see him for the person he was. So he started to tell her the tale of his life, something he hadn't shared with anyone so far. Even Albus had never heard the whole story from him, simply because the old wizard had already known many things and didn't need to be told. He briefly wondered whether his opening up to her would turn out to hurt him as badly as it had the last time he had trusted another person, but then, what did he have to loose anyway? 'Not much, now that I can't spy on Voldemort anymore.' He sighed silently.

"For you to understand what happened, I may have to elaborate a bit at first. The Snapes are among some of the oldest wizarding families and only mixed their line with those of the purest blood at all times. My ancestors were also deeply engaged in the Dark Arts. It was kind of a tradition. So my father Maximilian Snape was very strict with us children and began to teach us quite early the things he valued important. At the time I went to Hogwarts for my first year, I already knew more curses than half of the seventh years. Fortunately, the Sorting Hat put me in Slytherin, I don't know what Maximilian would have done to me had it been different. Do you know about the Houses in Hogwarts?"

She nodded. "Enough to understand what your being sorted into Slytherin means."

"Well, life in Slytherin House is not easy. Friendship is ruled by politics and alliances of power. All of us had the expectations of their parents to fulfill and facades to keep up. In my case it meant to stand back behind my older brother and support whatever he did. And of course, never let myself sink so low as to become friends with members of the other Houses, especially no Gryffindors." He paused.

"Life in Slytherin House was lonely. Dominick was everything I couldn't be. I didn't mind, on the contrary, I admired him, but people who tried to get at him through me soon made me very cautious and secluded. In the beginning, I thought no one cared. I still had Dominick anyway. But when I finished my third year, he graduated and I was left, and a group of Gryffindors from my year started harassing me. To escape their increasingly cheap pranks, I joined a group of Slytherins whose members nearly all turned to the Dark Lord later on.

My brother kept in touch with me throughout the year, so I had at least one person I could tell about my problems. Until one day in spring changed everything. Dominick came to visit me while the others were in Hogsmeade. He told me he had joined the Death Eaters after his graduation on Maximilian's insistence and about some of the things he had been forced to witness and ordered to do for the Dark Lord. It made him sick, he said. He wanted to get out of it, but we both knew Maximilian would kill him as soon as he learned of what he would surely consider betrayal. Nevertheless, my brother absolutely refused to take part in what he called the 'frantic avenging campaign of a madman'. He had decided to flee and hide to escape Maximilian's wrath and had come to say goodbye to me. We spent the day together and with his departure in the evening, I was left completely alone for the first time." Severus shuddered slightly before he continued.

"Life was never the same again after that. Maximilian became even harder and bitterer and did everything he esteemed necessary to make sure his younger son wouldn't stray from the path he had set for him. So when I returned to school, I had become even more withdrawn and distant. And one red-haired Gryffindor girl of my year decided I needed someone to talk to. Because Lily was a close friend of the prankster group, I thought it was just another joke at first . But she was very persistent. She wouldn't leave me to my solitude, but decided to become my friend. I surely didn't make things easy for her, but at some point I couldn't resist her anymore. I told Maximilian that I wanted to gain her trust in order to spy on her fellow Gryffindors and he didn't object.

Lily and I got to know each other fairly well, much to the chagrin of her Gryffindor friends. To compensate for her kindness, their pranks got even meaner. The whole affair escalated when one of them, a boy named Sirius Black, pulled a 'joke' on me in our fifth year that almost got me killed.

On the other side, the incident made Lily and me realize our relationship went deeper than just friendship. Faced with the threat of loosing the other, we saw we had somehow fallen in love. And that was when things got complicated." He sighed.

"We managed to keep our love secret from everyone, but at the end of sixth year Maximilian ordered me to join the Death Eaters. Because I was still at Hogwarts and recruits usually didn't join until after graduation, I didn't have to take the Dark Mark before I had finished school. Nevertheless, the following time was hard for us.

And then, halfway through seventh year, I was called to watch the execution of a traitor. It was Dominick. I will never forget that night, especially not the look in his eyes when Maximilian forced me to kill him. I still dream of it sometimes. That was when I truly started to hate the man that called himself my father. But I couldn't turn against him, as he still had my mother and my younger sister to ensure my obedience." Severus closed his eyes in emotional pain and Lily hugged him gently and continued to hold him close.

"All I knew was that I had to keep Lily out of it, for he would certainly have hurt her, had he known of us. So I went to her the very next morning and set her free. I told her to find someone who could give her what I could not, that she deserved better than living a life of secrecy, uncertainty, fear and constant hiding at my side. Naturally, she refused to leave me, so I ... made her."

Drawing a shuddering breath, he added: "It was the hardest thing in my life. But more than anything else I wanted her to be happy. So I let her go.

I avoided her the remaining weeks at school and I didn't see her for several years after our graduation. I took the Dark Mark and worked for Voldemort until about two years later Maximilian was killed by Aurors who acted on informations I had passed to them. With my family save, I secretly returned to the light side to spy for them on the Dark Lord. I only saw Lily two times after that, the last time being sixteen years ago, when she had already married one of her fellow Gryffindors and had just given birth to his child.

Some months later I learned that Voldemort was trying to find and kill every person who was in any way related to him. With Potter's mother being Tom Riddle's sister, he and his son were in grave danger. Though I strongly detested the Gryffindor, I warned them as soon as I could and they went into hiding. But the Dark Lord had his ways to find out about them, so they relied on their only chance to survive, the Fidelius Charm.

Unfortunately, their secret-keeper turned out to be a traitor and betrayed their location to Voldemort. He went there himself to kill Potter and the infant while I was out on a mission. When I got word of it, I hurried after him, but Lily was already dead upon my arrival. The only thing left for me to do was casting an additional Avada Kedavra on the red-eyed bastard, along with the deadly spell Lily's sacrifice made bounce off her little son, back at its caster. The double-Unforgivable accomplished what one alone couldn't, and Voldemort's body was destroyed.

But Lily was dead, and all I could think of was that she would still have been alive had she not protected her child. Potter's child. I would have come in time to save her, had she not already given her life for him."

Falling silent, Severus stared into the flames without blinking. He only realized tears were sliding down his face when gentle fingers brushed them from his cheeks, and turning his attention back to the woman beside him, he saw Lily glancing warmly up at him with tears in her eyes.

"She would not have been the woman you loved, had she not been willing to die for the ones she loved without hesitation," she said very softly.

"I can imagine what you feel like. I ... once had a boyfriend. It was my first true love and we wanted to stay together until the end of time. We were already engaged when he decided to form another group of resistance against Voldemort. Although he was on the run from him because he had betrayed his 'beliefs', he still continued to partake in missions to weaken Voldemort and to support the Aurors.

I finally had to learn there is no such thing as 'forever' when he was captured by a band of Death Eaters and tortured to death six months before our wedding. There was nothing I could do to help him. Every action on my side would have put my family and many others in terrible danger. So I had to let him die. But in doing what he felt he had to, he could always be his own, true self, the man I loved with all of my heart. Had I asked him to stop fighting against Voldemort, he would have lost a part of himself, a part he hold very dear, and he would never have been the same again.

Believe me, I know how you feel." Her green eyes were dark with pain and glittering with the tears that slowly started to fall.

The two cuddled closely together and cried silently for the loved ones they had lost. Both were fairly exhausted when they pulled themselves together again. Severus held Lily in a tender embrace, her head resting comfortably on his chest.

"Severus?"

"Mhm?"

"I ... there's something I think I should tell you. I've been having a dream for many years now, the same scene every time. When I wake up, the only things I can remember are that it is about a woman with dark red hair, a man and a small boy with black hair; the fear, pain and regret I feel, a flash of green light and a high-pitched laughter. And a message from the woman: 'Watch over them for me.'

I always thought it was some kind of memory of my mother, but after all you just told me, I believe the dream has an entirely other meaning. I think it is a request from Lily Potter." She paused for a moment.

"But how am I meant to fulfill it? I can protect them when they enter the wood, but not outside of it."

He looked at her slightly surprised.

"Have you never left the DarkWood before?" he asked in disbelief.

"No, never. As dangerous a place as it is, for me and my family it most likely is the safest place we could find," she answered calmly.

"But haven't you ever been curious as to what lays beyond those trees you know?" Severus wanted to know.

"Sure. Sometimes so much so, that at night I dream I am a bird and that all I need to do is spread my wings and fly away to see the rest of the world. But in the morning I always wake up exhausted and still in my bed at home." Her voice had trailed off sleepily at the end of the sentence and he found it increasingly difficult to keep his eyes open, too.

Looking down into her tired gaze, he said: "I think we should better get under our blankets now, before we fall asleep sitting here and leaning against the wall. That would certainly do for a sour back tomorrow."

She yawned. "You are right. But I don't like to leave this comfortable warmth for my cold bedroll. Not really."

"We could put the bedrolls side by side, continue to share the cloaks and put the blankets over them. -If you don't mind, that is," he added.

"Not at all. I would mind getting cold again and shivering all night instead of sleeping, though," she replied, smiling sleepily up at him.

"Then you had better stay here and keep the cloaks warm," he told her softly, stood, put her bedroll next to his and pulled the blankets back. Lily came over to him when he was finished and they laid down, covering the two of them first with the cloaks, then with the blankets.

Severus' last conscious thought before he drifted into sleep, comfortably warm and with one arm snaked around his red-haired companion, was how nice it felt to hold someone again after all these years of solitude.



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A/N:

Well, that certainly took me long enough. Sorry, one of the first things I learned in hospital was that doctors have very little free time indeed.
Dear, I'm tired... *yawns*
But I have just another two weeks to go until university lectures start again.

To all the reviewers who asked if Lily is Lily Potter: I thought the summary made it clear enough. She might look and even act like her, but Lily is a unique person of her own. Though Severus is absolutely right when he thinks there's more to her than meets the eye... *grins*

Can anyone imagine who Lily's fiancé might have been? *hint*

The name Dominick, by the way, means 'lord'. I thought it would contrast nicely with Severus meaning 'servant'. Maximilian is Latin for 'the greatest'. I guess he was a first-born son, too...

Next chapter they will finally get to the border and arrive at Hogwarts. If they really make it, that is... ;-)



Greetings,

Scheckie