Second Chances
A/N:
This chapter, one of the most important in the story, is written
in memoriam of Prof. Dr. K.-H. Niessen, who died
way too early and left all of us, his family, his students, his staff
at the Children's Hospital and his little patients with an
empty space that will never be entirely refilled.
He was the
greatest Professor I ever had the honor to know and I will try to
uphold the high standards he set to the occupation as a Pediatrician
when I am ready to become one.
He will never be forgotten.
Chapter 15: I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life!
It was late evening when Severus returned to the hospital wing after having spent the whole afternoon down in the dungeons. He had brewed a few potions he felt he should keep ready at all times which gave him the opportunity to calm himself down and think about what he had learned so far. But the entire affair still confused him.
So Lily was a witch. That was no surprise, he had suspected it right from the start. But that she really hadn't known about it... Still, he believed her. Even if her eyes wouldn't make her so easy to read, the shock she had shown when he had told her had been genuine enough. What he really would have liked to know was why she had never been to Hogwarts, especially if her mother had been allowed to go there. He strongly suspected that her grandmother had kept both the knowledge and the letter from her, and he wondered why.
The thought lead him to her family name, McGonagall, and from that on to James Quigley McGonagall. Naturally, he had read about him as the man had played a major role in the defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald. But he had been oblivious to just how important his part in the final battle had been until Albus had told Lily. Now that he thought about it, it seemed quite obvious to him that McGonagall had stayed in the background throughout the war, and let Albus be the official heroic Gryffindor savior. Little was known about his family, and even less of that had been written down. He couldn't remember ever having heard of James McGonagall having a daughter. All of that struck him a bit odd.
But there was yet more. If his calculations were correct, Salvia McGonagall had been at Hogwarts around 1940, at the same time as his parents. And one Tom Riddle... .
Was that the reason for their hiding in the DarkWood?
He couldn't quite make head nor tail of it.
Feeling he had to relieve his confusion somehow, he had gone looking for his old wand. After having found it, he had sought out one of the hidden training-halls of the Order and exercised some curses, charms and hexes. That lessened the tension in him somewhat and now he felt considerably better, though nothing the wiser. Well, he would meet Rose McGonagall soon, and once Lily had gotten her answers, he planned on asking the old lady the one or other question himself.
On his way to the infirmary, he wondered once more how he'd gotten himself into all of this. But he honestly couldn't say he did mind.
Albus voice greeted him when he opened the door to their room. The beds had been moved to the walls to enlarge the free space and the old wizard was standing in the centre, talking to Lily in low, hypnotic tones that somehow seemed to seep deep into the mind.
"Focus on the flame in your mind... . See the light, ... hear the soft whisper, ...feel the heat.... . Concentrate... . Become the flame.... . And now: ...Change!"
Severus saw fire flash behind his mentor and where one second before his red-haired friend had been standing, a magnificent crimson and golden phoenix was hovering in the air. Familiar green eyes met his, and with a trill of joy the bird swooped past Albus and down on the arm the Potions Master held out in reflex. Settling herself carefully on it, she chirped happily and twinkled up at him. Strangely shy, he lifted his other hand reluctantly up to her and began to stroke the smooth feathers gently. Lily crooned contentedly in response and leaned into the caress, eyes closing in pleasure. The sight made him smile and chuckle softly.
"I take it you approve of our progress, my dear boy?" Albus asked warmly, bringing him back to the here and now.
Severus felt colour creep into his cheeks and quickly looked down so that the curtain of his black hair would hide it. The bird on his arm gave herself a shake and fluffed her feathers, appearing to be slightly embarrassed as well. The Headmaster's amused chuckle made both of them look up again and they found him standing directly in front of them.
"What a nice pair you would make," he said, blue eyes twinkling brightly, "like fire and shadow." He paused for a moment, smiling fatherly at them, then continued. "But I think Lily should better change back now. It's already late and we worked hard in the past hours. Poppy will give all of us a tongue-lashing if we don't finish and have dinner soon. You know how to do it, child?"
Lily made a sound of confirmation, took off and hovered in the middle of the room for an instant before fire surrounded her shape once more and left her human form in its wake. She smiled proudly at the two men, face slightly flushed and looking very lovely.
Albus nodded appraisingly. "Very good, my dear. You are a remarkably quick study."
Her eyes sparkled with joy at his words. "Well, as I told you, I'm not completely ignorant. Grandma did teach me the theories, I just lack the practice."
"Nevertheless, it was an outstanding achievement, and you have every right to be proud of it," he affirmed friendly.
"Thank you, sir," she beamed.
"You're welcome. Now let us take a seat at the table, you two have to replenish your power-reserves."
When they had sat down, the white-haired wizard clapped twice, and table-ware and food appeared before them. They ate in amiable silence, enjoying the savoury meal after their field-cooking.
Finally full and content, Severus turned to the Headmaster and asked: "How did your talk with Poppy go?"
"Well," Albus cleared his throat deliberately, "we had a... nice long conversation. She told me in many details what she thought of your request."
Severus frowned. "So she said no?"
His mentor looked at him with a touch of fake indignation. "Most certainly not. Although she wasn't happy about it, she gave her permission. You may leave tomorrow if you pass one final examination she insisted on."
Severus groaned.
"I'm sorry, that was the best I could manage."
The younger man scowled, getting the suspicion they would still be at Hogwarts the next evening.
Lily just smiled at him comfortingly. "Don't worry, my friend. We will be on our way before dusk sets in."
"How can you be so sure about that? You don't know Poppy," he grumbled annoyed.
She winked slyly. "Let's just say I have the feeling it will work out alright and leave it at that, shall we?"
Realization drove his anger away. "Oh. I understand." Turning back to Albus, he quickly changed topics. "Do you have any plans for us tomorrow morning?"
Though his piercing eyes made clear he had noticed his protégé's tactic, the older wizard didn't pursue the question.
"Why, in fact, I have. First, I want you two to lie in and then have a nice breakfast. When you are finished, you can call me and I will come down for further training. I believe both of you will benefit from learning to cast some wandless spells without spending too much of your energy in the process." He smiled at their obvious amazement. "I trust you to use the knowledge you're going to obtain wisely. After that we will wait for Poppy to check on you and give her consent to your depart. Any objections?"
"No, sir," they replied in unison, looked at each other in surprise and blushed faintly.
Albus laughed softly, and rose from his seat. "I think you'd better go to bed now, children. It's already later than you might think and you'll need your strength tomorrow."
Severus snorted to hide his embarrassment. "Yes, father."
Lily hit him playfully on the arm. "Don't be a brat, Severus," she chided gently. "Goodnight, Professor Dumbledore."
The Headmaster's eyes twinkled merrily. "Goodnight, my dear. And to you, too, Severus. Sleep well, both of you."
Severus sighed in defeat. "Goodnight, Albus."
And the old, wise wizard nodded at them and left.
Trying to cover the sudden awkwardness between them, Severus asked politely: "Do you want to use the bathroom first?"
"If you don't mind," she replied timidly.
"No, not at all," he said.
She smiled at him gratefully. "Then I'll be off. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
When both of them had changed into their night-clothes, things were thankfully back to normal again, and they spend some time chatting animatedly before sleep finally claimed them.
Sounds of distress woke Severus a few hours after midnight, coming from his left. He quickly sat up, reached for his wand and cast Lumos. In the blueish light he saw that Lily was winding on her bed and moaning as if in pain. He hurried to her side and gently shook her awake, wondering how strangely warm her skin was again, like at the time when she had changed back into human after having rescued him in her phoenix form.
She opened her eyes almost instantly, but the dream persisted for some moments before it released her.
"No! Pleeease!" She choked, and eventually woke completely. "The fire!"
She looked terrified and started to tremble, so he sat down and pulled her into his arms. She clang to him desperately.
"Oh Severus, it was awful! There was fire everywhere, and people crying out in pain, men dying in the flames, and in the centre of it were those eyes..."
She shuddered, and he stroked her back soothingly.
"Red. They were red like blood and had slitted pupils like a cat's. And they looked at me... "
Her words made him freeze. "Those are Voldemort's eyes you describe. Do you think it was a vision?"
"I think so. But I can't tell when it will happen or where. I'll only know when the moment is just a short time away."
"Then we have no choice but to wait and see what happens," he replied calmly.
She sighed. "You're right. But I hate it. The waiting, I mean."
He caressed her hair tenderly. "I know," he said softly.
They stayed like that for some time, but when he tried to steal himself out of the embrace to return to his own bed, she just held on to him tighter.
"Please," she whispered, "please, would you stay with me a little while longer? Just until I'm asleep again. Please..."
Severus heart flew out to her, and he made no effort to prevent it. After all, a bit of human proximity couldn't hurt, now could it?
"Don't worry, I'll stay a little longer," he softly whispered back to her.
Heaving a sigh of relief, she moved over to give him more space, and he settled himself in a comfortable position, still holding her in his arms.
He never made it back to his bed, as sleep came over them with full force, and the light of the new day found them tenderly entwined.
No-one came to wake them, so they slept in and the sun was already shining brightly when they finally got up. Again, the bathroom proved to be a formidable tool to cover their embarrassment upon waking in each other's arms. When they were dressed, breakfast was already waiting for them. While they ate and talked, the tension between them eased and resolved completely with the Headmaster's arrival.
Severus quirked an eyebrow at his older friend.
"How do you always manage to do that? We were just about to call you."
Albus only smiled his kind, innocent smile and said: "Leave an old man his little secrets, will you, Severus?"
Then he half-turned to the red-haired woman beside his Potions Master. "A good morning to you, my dear. Did you sleep well?"
Severus flinched inwardly. Did Albus know what had happened during the night?
Lily smiled back at the elderly wizard and answered without bating an eyelid. "Good morning, Professor Dumbledore. I slept well enough, thank you."
The Headmaster nodded to himself. "That's good to hear. So are you two ready for today's training session?" he asked mildly.
"Yes, sir," they replied together.
Their mentor's eyes started to twinkle. "Then we shall begin."
They learned a great deal on that morning, but it was no wonder since Albus was a really formidable teacher. He showed them the basics of wandless magic and let them practice their knowledge in simple spells. It was a challenge for both of them, though Severus found Lily to have the advantage over him as she had never known another way to use magic. He on the other hand had almost as much to unlearn as to learn. But they finally managed, each on his or her own way. When they had gotten the knack of it, their teacher slowly started to increase the difficulty of the spells until around noon they had eventually mastered some really complex ones.
That was when Albus finished the session, and feeling fairly spent, they were rather grateful for it. The old wizard sent them off to shower after a short lunch and promised to meet with them again before their depart. And sure enough, once they returned to their room clean, refreshed and each wearing a new set of clothes, they found none other than Madam Pomfrey waiting for them.
Though she never said so, Poppy made it quite obvious that she didn't want to let them go. She fussed all about them, trying to draw out the examination as much as possible. Severus grew more irritated with every passing moment. Had it not been for Lily, who gently held him back whenever Poppy wouldn't notice, he would have gotten really nasty rather soon. But he trusted her and restrained his anger with an effort. When Lily saw that he had gotten a grip on himself, she went into the offensive and engaged Poppy in a complex discussion about several medical draughts and healing in general. Severus participated whenever he was spoken to, but left the talking mainly to his red-haired friend. He couldn't see where that aimed anyway.
The afternoon passed and Severus almost accepted that they would have to spend another night in the castle, when something in the conversation changed. As if the two women had covered an entirely different topic in their talk, Poppy shot him a critical look and then said:
"I trust you to keep him from doing something foolish before too soon. Always remember that it will be in my care you're going to wind up if something happens to you, and I will make you severely regret persuading me to let you leave against better knowledge should that be the case. Am I understood?"
Lily smiled her serene smile and nodded. "Yes, Ma'am," she answered firmly, and after she had cast him an urging look, he followed suit.
Madam Pomfrey snorted sceptically, but allowed them to go.
Severus asked the House-Elves to pack their belongings so that they could meet with Albus and didn't loose any more time. The little servants were only too happy to help them.
The Headmaster arrived shortly after, his blue eyes twinkling merrily at Lily, who grinned and twinkled back. Then he addressed them both.
"I was fairly certain you would manage to coax Poppy into giving her consent, my dear, though I rightly assumed it would take you a while. Now, seeing how late it already is, I will try to keep this short."
He reached into his long, peacock-blue robes and took a sealed envelope from one of his pockets.
"Having spent hours yesterday as well as this morning teaching you, I am absolutely convinced that you bear a great talent for the use of magic. It would be a shame, no, a sin not to train it. Therefore I took the liberty of writing a letter for your Grandmother, in which I strongly recommend her to give you permission to attend this school. I would opt to teach you myself, if that might change her mind.
I would like very much, however, to welcome you back in Hogwarts anytime soon."
Lily's eyes shone brightly with emotion and she seemed deeply touched by the old wizard's words.
"I...," she began, her voice a bit raw with gratitude, "Thank you very much, Professor Dumbledore. That means a lot to me. I would love to come back and learn more about my abilities. I will give your letter to Grandma and talk to her as soon as I can. I am certain we will find a way to render my return possible."
"I sincerely hope so, child. My best wishes go with you." He smiled affectionately, then added:
Oh, and please be so kind as to remember that Hogwarts is going to need its Potions Master in four days from now when term starts again, will you?"
Lily smiled merrily back. "Sure, sir. Don't worry, Severus will be back on time."
"Then off you go. Be careful, my dear boy, and take care of your lovely friend. A save and peaceful journey to both of you."
"Thank you, Albus. I'll see you," Severus replied with a touch of regret that he had to leave the only home he knew so soon again.
"Thank you, Professor Dumbledore," echoed the redhead at his side. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye, children," Albus said warmly, and left them to pick up their bags and start their journey.
As Lily had promised, they were on their way before dusk set in, but noon was long past. They followed a narrow path deep into the Forbidden Forest and his red-haired companion watched their surroundings attentively, always checking for potential threats and pursuers. When they didn't encounter any, they left the path and made their way to a complex cave system.
The entrance to the Short Ways was well-concealed in a way that made Severus certain no-one who didn't know how to find it would ever stand a chance to come across it. Lily, however, knew what she had to do, and after making absolutely sure that they were alone and nobody had followed them, she lead Severus down into a dark cave.
Taking him by the hand, she showed the Potions Master the way into the deep mazes under the wood. The familiar feeling of eyes watching him cautiously accompanied them from the first step, but nothing tried to bother them, though they saw many peculiar things on their way through the darkness. Strange plants grew in the poorly lit caverns, some of them phosphorescent, others displaying weird shapes and colours. Alien creatures hurried away as soon as they became aware of the humans, shyly leaving them to their business. Sometimes light made its ways through some obscure connection with the world upside, illuminated subterranean lakes and made large naturally grown crystals sparkle in all the colours of the rainbow.
They encountered some breathtaking sights and when they eventually returned to the surface, he was sure he would never forget the hours they had spent in the Small People's realm.
It was well past dusk outside and night had already fallen, but his friend never hesitated and took him further into the wood. They stopped at a large willow and she looked intently around, apparently searching for someone. A pair of yellow eyes glowing in the moonlight directly in front of them made Severus jump and Lily snort.
"Always good for a dramatic appearance, aren't we?" she asked in sarcastic tones.
The stranger mock-bowed at her and replied in a humble voice: "At your service, sword-lady."
Lily laughed and rushed over to hug him. He returned the affectionate gesture warmly.
"Merlin, Lily," the man said when they separated, grinning widely, "it's good to have you back. The pack was really worried when they heard about the Death Eater attack."
She snorted again. "And Ria, my precious family and you were not."
"Why should we? We know you," he retorted with mischief in his eyes.
"Watch it, Romy," she warned, but didn't sound too earnest. Glancing to where Severus was standing, she asked: "Is it save to make a bit of light? I would like to introduce you to a new friend of mine."
He shrugged, frowning in thought. "Sure, go ahead. We've already fed the acromantulas today, if I recall correctly. But then, you never know..."
"Romy," she scolded, but he dodged the friendly blow at his arm and grinned at her again.
"It's just the pleasure of your presence that overwhelms my poor mind," he told her meekly.
"Like there was much to overwhelm in the first place," she grumbled and called fire into her raised hand.
The soft flames illuminated the small clearing they were standing on. The man she had called 'Romy' turned out to be a tall guy with shoulder-length grey hair, the yellow eyes of a werewolf and an overall wolfish look about him. His smile revealed slightly enlarged canines and his bearing was that of a hunter. Around his neck he wore a pendant like the one Severus had seen with Ria, a smooth, oval gemstone that looked like someone had taken a piece out of the large pale half of the moon above them and fit it into a delicate golden frame.
Before Lily could say anything else, the man had approached the dark-haired wizard and was looking at him searchingly.
"Severus Snape, I assume? Ria told me all about your... encounter." He smiled wolfishly. "Romulus Lupin. I'm honored to meet you at last. My little brother wrote quite a lot to me about his... Slytherin year-mate."
Severus' eyes narrowed slightly, but he quickly got a grip on himself and looked at the werewolf with a neutral expression.
"Remus told me everything about the incident in the Shrieking Shack," Romulus continued. "He was terribly upset, you know? He very nearly quit school because of it. It was one of those times I really wished I could leave the wood and go comfort him. But somehow we managed in the end. He still has no idea where I live, though." He sighed. "That's the prize we pay."
The grey-haired man paused briefly. "Thankfully, the invention of a potion to keep the wolf's nature at bay took a load off my mind. Although I desperately wanted to, I was not allowed to share the draught we have here at the wood with my brother, as it was still in a testing period. Remus wrote it was you who created the Wolfsbane Potion?"
The Potions Master nodded serenely. "Indeed, it was."
Romulus's face changed into an expression of gratefulness. "That was very respectable of you, helping someone who almost killed you, even though it was an accident. I highly appreciate what you did." He held out his hand for the other to shake. "Welcome to the DarkWood."
Wondering if Remus Lupin had also told his brother about the rather unpleasant events two years ago while he had been the resident DADA teacher at Hogwarts, Severus took the werewolf's hand cautiously and shook it briefly before letting go as quickly as was still polite.
Lily had stepped closer during their conversation and was now looking curiously at him.
"So you know Romy's brother? Oh, you have to tell us about him!" she exclaimed. "All we know of him is from the letters he writes. I'm really curious as to what kind of a person he is." She smiled slightly excited. It felt strangely good to see her so lively.
"But for now, we should proceed to the House. Your Grandma will have my head if I don't bring you soon. And you were already late upon your arrival," Romulus stated firmly.
The red-head rolled her eyes. "Now that's a story for it's own..."
Chatting merrily, the three made their way to the building Romulus had called the 'House'. Its sudden appearance before them suggested clearly that it was heavily warded. The House was a small mansion that stood right in the midst of a grove of ancient trees. It blended well with the background and looked invitingly and homely. When they entered the yard though, Romulus gently took Severus by the elbow and held him back, while Lily advanced without noticing their staying behind. The Slytherin shot the werewolf a questioning glance.
"She hasn't seen her family for quite a while. We really should grant her some privacy to enjoy her return;" the older man explained.
Severus nodded in understanding, and just as he looked back to his friend, the large, wooden entrance door was flung open and several figures came running towards the red-haired woman. All of them, including Lily, were laughing and shouting in joy, and with all the hugging and dancing around it took him some moments to make out the shapes of three young persons, two very similar looking girls with bright red hair, and a slender boy with a messy dark tuft. The sight made him feel uneasy, but it was nothing compared to the shock that hit him when he saw a tall man with unruly black hair walk to Lily and sweep her up in a smooth motion. He heard her squeal and laugh in delight, and something inside him broke.
'No. That can't be.'
The stranger enclosed her in a tight embrace while the young ones were chattering happily around them.
'No, please. Not again.'
Lily detached herself from the other one and motioned at Romulus and him to come over. The grey-haired man set into motion almost instantly and after a second of hesitation, Severus followed suit. All five of the people standing on the yard were smiling widely, and Lily was beaming with joy, looking so beautiful it made the wizard's heart bleed. The dark-haired stranger, however, wasted no time and addressed Severus as soon as he was in hearing range.
"So you are that mysterious guy Ria found by the brook! You must be quite special indeed, if the Death Eaters are after you like that and Lily goes so far as to leave the wood for you. But I'm forgetting my manners. My name is James, James Alexander McGonagall." He took Severus' hand and shook it heartily, as the former was still trying to put up with the face of his school-time nemesis looking cheerfully up at him.
'No!'
Oblivious to his reaction, James then gestured towards the children.
"The disheveled one is my son Harry, and the lovely twins are Heather and Holly."
'NO!'
Severus felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.
"But we should really get inside now, dinner is already waiting for us. Grandma told me to excuse her for today, she had urgent matters to solve and will talk to you tomorrow after lunch. Now shall we?"
"Sure," Lily exclaimed, "I'm starving!"
James looked at her and his bright blue eyes twinkled with mirth. "You always are. I wonder where you put all the food you tend to stuff yourself with."
"Hey," she slapped him lightly on the arm, "that was not nice."
He cast an innocent glance at her. "I never claimed to be a nice guy."
She snorted. "That much is obvious."
Romulus chuckled. "They always do that. Seems to be the way they're showing their affection for each other," he told Severus.
"Romulus!" the pair said in unison.
The werewolf only laughed in amusement, and continuing the friendly bickering, they made their way to the dining-room.
Severus moved along like in trance. His mind was completely blank. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He had lost her. He had found the woman he could love, and he had lost her before he even had a chance with her.
James McGonagall. She was married. She had children.
He was too late.
His body and mind were cold and numb.
He welcomed it. The pain would come soon enough. He knew it. He had lived through this before.
And he dreaded it.
Spending the rest of the evening in a kind of stupor, he didn't know what he said, ate or did. He didn't care anyway. He was cold inside, ice filling the place within him where the fragile seedling of love had been sprouting not long ago. Time passed in a blur, until one of the twins took him up several flights of stairs and showed him to his room.
He laid down on the bed, still fully clothed, and stared at the ceiling.
He laid there for at least an eternity, but the oblivion he hoped for didn't come.
It was around midnight when the pain set in.
He hurt, but he welcomed it, for it was something to occupy his mind after the long hours he had spent imprisoned in that chaotic, empty void of grief and loneliness which had felt so inhuman. Now his whole body seemed to be on fire, a slow, smoldering pain that was burning away at him from the inside the way the dispassionate ice had chilled him.
There was no reason to fight ice or fire anymore. Let either or both eat him, he couldn't care. His whole world had collapsed the moment the black-haired stranger had told him his name.
'Lily!' his heart cried. 'Oh Lily, why?'
Blackest despair engulfed him as he realized the full impact of what had happened.
Lily had a family...
She was married...
She had children...
He had lost her...
He was alone again...
Alone...
'Why do I always loose the people I care for? Why do I always end up alone? Why am I not allowed to love?'
Severus was half-blinded with anguish, with no hope of finding comfort anywhere in this world. There was nothing left for him – nothing.
'I am nothing but a burden to them, now that I can't spy on Voldemort anymore. The students hate me, and they despise my lessons. Lily probably just saved me out of pity, and now she has returned to her own life again. And what do I have to live for?
Nothing.'
His soul ached with desolation and utter hopelessness.
'It's all I deserve. I chose my path long ago. Now I'm bound to follow it to its very end.'
He thought of every mistake he had made, every wrong turn and moaned.
'I deserve to die...' he thought desperately.
'I want to die.'
He felt exhaustion finally claim him and gave in to it.
With any luck, he'd never wake up.
Naturally, he was to be bitterly disappointed, for the relative peace of sleep abandoned him only too soon.
But upon waking he found the pain had ceased and left anger in its wake.
Hot rage surged through his veins when he recalled the recent events.
'I trusted her! She knew about my past and she had the nerve to play with me! How dare she!'
On purpose, he went through his memories of the past few days, although the sensations they brought up almost cut him into little shreds.
'She accompanied me for her amusement. It was nothing but a game to her. And I fell for it.'
He shook his head at his own idiocy.
'I should have known better. Trust brings nothing but disappointment, opening up to the world nothing but pain.'
His heart still ached with her betrayal.
'But I learned my lesson. I will never, ever let myself get hurt like that!'
And he forced a dispassionate expression on his face and went to get some fresh clothes out of his bag.
'No need to let her see what she has done. What I granted her the opportunity to do to me. But never, ever again!'
To say Severus was in a bad mood when he had finished his morning routine would have been the understatement of the century.
He was cold, but furious and had one of his students come across him, the poor child would certainly have died off terror.
The way it was, the first victim of his sarcastic tongue happened to be one of the twins, who came to tell him timidly that breakfast was ready.
He snapped at the poor girl, and rushed past her with billowing black cloak while she stared after him in confusion.
Breakfast was a tense affair.
The McGonagalls, save for their Grandmother who was still absent, and the grey-haired werewolf had to put up with loads of nasty remarks, mean jokes, acid comments and snappy responses. Added to that were generous amounts of his trademark sneer, scowls and snarls. The youngsters finally excused themselves sometime half through the meal and fled the menacing wizard's presence. Their retreat lightened Severus' mood by a trifle, so that he started to center his malicious attitude more on his primary aim, Lily. Her obvious confusion and distress, showing clearly by the darkening of her emerald eyes satisfied some cruel sense of pleasure in him and so he completely failed to notice James' bright blue ones had gone ink-blue as well. Romulus just watched them with the eyes of a predator and waited.
At some point, after a particularly biting remark, the black-haired man apparently had enough. Rising from his seat, he shot Severus and Lily an earnest look.
"I think there is a matter between you two that direly needs to be discussed. Romy and I are going to leave you now to do so. I expect things to be settled when Grandma arrives, otherwise I will hand you over to her."
And with a last warning glance at both of them, the two men left the dining-room and closed the door behind them.
Severus growled. "Who the hell does he think he is?"
Lily shook her head in exasperation. "Now would you care to enlighten me what exactly has gotten into you, Severus? You are absolutely insufferable this morning!"
He just sneered at her. "No, I don't care. Not anymore."
Her eyes flashed an angry forest-green. "Severus, you can't expect me to sort things out if you don't tell me what's wrong."
"I don't expect anything from you. I know better now," he said flatly in a cold voice.
"What the hell are you talking about? Did Jamie or Romy say or do anything to you while I wasn't around?" she asked in puzzlement.
"Oh no, precious James and charming Romulus treated me perfectly nice," he snarled.
"Did one of the kids misbehave then?" she demanded cluelessly.
"How could they? They're sweet little McGonagalls, aren't they?" he drawled silkily.
Her gaze darkened further and she seemingly had to put quite an effort into remaining calm.
"Then, pray tell, what is your problem?" she demanded with barely concealed anger.
He looked at her coldly, remotely. "Perhaps I just had enough of playing sympathizer for a woman with a messed up family life."
For several heartbeats, all she would do was look back at him, eyes wide with shock and disbelief.
Then they became deep black with emotional pain.
Then fury flared.
Smack!
Before he had any chance to react, she had slapped him across the face.
He slowly turned his head back to her and resisted the urge to feel for his cheek.
"Reverting to headless violence when you are incapable of solving problems with words?" he jeered arrogantly.
Her black orbs were glittering dangerously.
"How dare you!" she whispered in rage. "How dare you betray my trust in you in such a poor way?"
"I betraying your trust? Now that's rich, coming from you!" he spat furiously.
"I never gave you any reason to believe I did anything other than honor the trust you put in me!" she hissed equally angry.
"Oh yes," he sneered, "you didn't. And I was foolish enough to believe you. But I know my path now, and it leads straight away from this place with all its mysteries and all the lies behind them."
"Then you really are a fool, Severus, to believe you can escape your past by running away from it, yet never leaving the same old paths it set."
Lily's voice had gone all soft and gentle, the tone that he automatically associated with Voldemort's captured his mind and kept his attention centered on her.
"And I am just as big one to believe a path chosen for a second time could lead to a better ending.
I should have known you had nothing in common with your brother when I first saw you, but when Ria went for you, you looked so much like him...
And I couldn't bear to let Dominick die again. It very nearly broke my heart all those years ago, for as chance would have it, it was me who found what the Death Eaters left of him. The sight of his mangled body is still haunting my dreams sometimes.
But it was nothing compared to the pain in my soul. His death shattered my whole world into pieces and left me alone to pick them up. If it hadn't been for my family, I would have killed myself back then. But they gave me a purpose. They gave me hope.
Hope that one day, life may grant me a second chance to follow the path of love again.
But I know better now.
Thank you, Severus Snape, for showing me that love is nothing but a a pathetic dream and that second chances only exist in a child's fairy tale.
I almost started to believe otherwise.
It was confusing at first, finding your brother in so many things you did. The two of you are very much alike, if one knows what to look for. I felt guilty for comparing you to him and was afraid of not being able to see the real you behind my memories. So I tried to get to know you, and I found I liked -not the brother of the man I wanted to marry- but the stranger I had saved. I trusted and told you far more than I ever had someone from outside the wood.
And I decided that it's time to let go off the past, to lay my memories to rest and move on to a new period of life.
I know that's what Dominick would have wanted me to do.
But it seems some things are not meant to be.
For here you are, a living memory of the man I loved, and you are breaking my heart just as he did."
Lily forced her face into a dispassionate mask, cold and remote, and continued in a voice bar of emotion.
"But I won't give you that power over me anymore.
My heart has suffered enough for one lifetime.
When my Grandmother has talked to you, Romulus will take you back to your school and I will see to it personally that you will never return to us.
I will not let myself be hurt like this ever again."
She looked at him coolly and added in a low, flat whisper:
"If you want to leave this House unharmed, I suggest that you watch your tongue, for Jamie and Romy will certainly do more than just watch if you continue to treat my nieces and my nephew the way you did this morning, even though my twin brother granted you the hospitality of our House. And I sure as hell won't hold them back.
I will go now and follow another path. One that keeps me from having to see you ever again in this life.
Farewell, Severus Snape."
And she turned and walked straight out of the room, never once looking back.
Leaving behind her a thunderstruck, heartsick man.
"Twin brother?" he moaned hoarsely, the room spinning around him when the meaning of her words hit him. "Oh Merlin! I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life!"
"Well, that much is pretty obvious!" a male voice answered from the shadows behind the door. A tall shape came off the dark patches and resolved itself into the figure of James McGonagall.
"You," he whispered faintly, still in shock, "You are her... twin brother. And the children... are her nephew and her nieces... Oh, what a fool I have been...!"
The other man stopped a few yards away from him and tilted his head to one side, like Lily did so often.
"I won't contradict that. You mistook us for husband and wife, didn't you?" he asked without malice.
Severus tried to glare at him but found he didn't have the emotional energy left, so he settled to leave it at a growl. He failed miserably.
"What do you want, McGonagall?" he finally croaked in defeat.
James shook his head softly. "No, the question is: What do you want, Severus Snape?"
Black eyes narrowed irritatedly. "I don't quite get your meaning."
The bright blue gaze that met his reminded him disconcertingly of his white-haired mentor.
"My sister and I had a long talk last night and it seemed to me she's quite fond of you." His face hardened. "Lily has loved Dominick more than anything else in the world. She very nearly broke apart when he was killed, her duties to our family were all that kept her going. She never let a man become close to her ever since. Until she met you."
His features softened a bit. "Lily is very dear to me. When my wife died upon giving birth to the twins, it was her who took care of everything and brought me back to sanity again. She showed the miracles of life to me when I was unable to see them on my own. My children love her like a mother."
He paused, watching his opponent soberly. "I don't want to see her hurt like after your brother's death ever again, and I will go to any lengths to prevent it."
Severus forced his face into a neutral mask. "And how far does all of that concern me?"
"That depends on how far you want to take it." James gazed at him with a very serious expression. "Don't try to fool me, man. I saw the way you looked at her yesterday. You've already set up your path. Now you've got to decide whether you want to follow it or not. But you have to choose soon and be well aware of the consequences. If you plan on ever again hurting her like you did today, you'd better have Romulus take you back as soon as Grandma has talked to you, because otherwise I would see to it myself that you severely regret it."
The Potions Master felt the carefully built walls around his heart shake.
"I would never, ever willingly hurt her again. But the stones are fallen and I can't take back what I said to her before she left," he said beaten.
James' eyes locked with his, looking into his soul like Lily's and Albus' had.
"Do you love her?" he asked.
Severus felt his throat tighten. He freed his gaze and looked down, suddenly utterly exhausted.
"Yes," he whispered barely audible.
Strong hands grabbed him by the shoulders and made him lift his eyes again. They met the determined looking blue ones of Lily's twin.
"Then what the hell are you still doing here, you dolt? Go after her!" he exclaimed heartily.
When the wizard just stared at him dumbfounded, he shoved him around and pointed him at the door.
"Down the stairs, the bronze door at the end of the corridor. It's hard to miss."
The other man still stood rigid with confusion. James sighed.
"What are you waiting for, Severus? Lily won't bite your head off. She's usually rather down after one of her outbursts. And now off with you!"
He gave the black-clad figure a gentle push and Severus finally got into motion. When he arrived at the door though, he turned back to the double of his school-time nemesis.
"James, I... " he began, then hesitated, and the other cut him off warmly.
"It's alright. Back with your brother, I learned that Snapes have their difficulties with expressing certain things. I know what you wanted to say. You're welcome. Just make her happy, okay?"
Severus nodded, relieved and grateful, and turned to leave.
But then he thought better of it. 'Lily is right. It's time to let the past rest in peace, time to start a new period of life, time to do so now.'
And he turned back one more time, and, finally letting go, he smiled at the man in front of him, at James, the twin brother of his love, not the stranger who looked like the man he had hated with a passion for the better part of his life.
"Thank you," he said softly, before he left the room for good, the walls that once had surrounded his heart down at last.
Severus descended the stairs and followed the corridor to its end where a heavy bronze door blocked his way.
It was covered entirely by beautiful ornamentations which showed all kinds of flowers. Some of them especially drew the viewer's eye to them: A finely crafted Rose bound with a Thistle, a small branch of Salvia together with Sweet William, under them a single Lily blossom and a twig of Fir bound together with an Iris, and beneath those last two, Holly, Heather and a Dandelion. He tenderly traced the delicate lines of the Lily, realizing what he was looking at had to be nothing less than the McGonagalls' family tree.
He spent several moments waiting in front of the door, trying to gather the courage for facing her again.
'I don't want to loose her, I couldn't bear being without her again, even though I've only known her a mere couple of days. She's already so familiar to me, she just fits in. I have to do this. I have to go see her. That's the only way I can tell her the truth and win her back. Courage, Severus. Believe in yourself. Believe in her. May the stones fall...'
Taking a deep breath, he gripped the handle and opened the door. It swung open surprisingly easy and silent, and gave way to the most amazing view he could imagine. For the door opened to a huge garden, almost a small park.
Lush grass covered the gentle hillside, bright flowers bloomed at carefully chosen spots, and groups of trees expanded their massive branches towards the bewitched ceiling that mirrored the weather outside, just like the one in the Great Hall of Hogwarts did. The most obvious difference to the real climate was the temperature though, for it was agreeably warm in here.
It took him some time before he spotted Lily at the top of a small hill, kneeling under a group of oaks, but he walked over to her as soon as he had seen her.
When he arrived at the trees, he noticed she had risen and was standing in front of three graves. Engraved on each tombstone besides the usual data was a flower. The one on the left, which seemed to be the oldest, had a thistle on it and read 'James Quigley McGonagall', the middle one showed an iris and the inscription 'Iris Weasley-McGonagall'. The stone on the right, however, belonged to the grave Lily was standing before. The flower on it was an edelweiss, the name read 'Dominick Snape' and a fresh white rose was lying on the dark earth.
Severus stepped closer, but Lily didn't turn and kept her head bent, so that the dark auburn curls hid her face.
"Lily?" he called very softly. "Lily, I made a fatal mistake. I wanted to tell you I am very sorry."
When she didn't move or otherwise showed she had heard him, he closed the remaining distance between them with a smooth step, gently took her chin in his hand and turned her face in his direction. So she had no other chance but to look up to him. Her eyes were still dark and haunted, deep pain evident in their depths, her cheeks were moist and he could see the traces of tears on them. She looked so frail and broken that all doubts he might still have had vanished at once.
"Oh Lily," he whispered, "you were so right and yet so wrong.
I really was a fool to hold on to the past, to try and make the old, worn paths lead into my future.
But all they lead me to was to believe that the woman I love now was married to the man who looks like the husband of the love I lost.
You are so much like her, your eyes, your hair, the way you pose in certain situations.
I was blinded by my memories, and I failed to accept that you are a unique person of your own.
But what just happened, the things you told me finally opened my eyes to the truth.
I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn't bear to loose you.
You have changed my world, you have changed me, and though I was afraid of it at first, I realize now that this is exactly how I want it to be.
Opening up to the world, learning to trust again, it may be risky, but it's what makes life worth living.
They say if you don't hurt, you don't love, and I believe they are right."
He paused, searching for the words to tell her what he felt.
"Lily, you said it was time to leave the past behind and start into new period of life and I agree with you on that.
Before us, I can see a fresh path unwinding."
His voice became a deep, velvety whisper, and it took him a lot of bravery to follow the ambitions of his heart.
"I love you, Lily McGonagall. I love you for being who you are.
And my heart tells me that life is granting both of us a second chance at this very moment.
Would you help me to make my pathetic dream come true?
Are you willing to join me on my way into the great fairy tale called future?"
She gazed up at him with eyes full of fear, but also of hope and wonder. Then she closed them briefly and when she opened them again, her whole soul seemed to shine at him from those emerald depths.
"Yes," she whispered shaken, but firmly.
"Yes I will. I don't know if it's wise, but I know that I love you, Severus Snape.
Neither of us will ever forget what happened today, and we have hopefully learned our lesson.
From this day on, there shall be no more secrets or hidden feelings between us, only the truth.
Can you abide by that?"
He smiled warmly at her and cupped her face gently in his hand.
"Sure as hell I can."
His answer lit up her face, too. Her brilliant green eyes started to twinkle and her smile was so angelic and filled with joy, love and confidence that Severus thought his heart was going to burst with emotion.
Instead, he inclined his head towards hers with deliberate slowness while at the same time she raised her face, and their lips met in a first kiss that sealed the path they had chosen.
It stayed chaste at first, but soon became more passionate as both of them managed to overcome the initial shyness that had taken possession of them in the beginning. When they finally broke apart, they were breathless and happier than ever before in their life. Severus caressed Lily's cheek tenderly and she leaned into his touch, then put her arms around his neck and snuggled close to him. They remained in that position for some time and simply enjoyed the feeling of holding and being close to each other.
In an unspoken agreement, they eventually detached themselves slightly and started walking down the hill towards the exit, still as close together as they could manage. Their hearts sang with joy, and their souls, now lightened from the burdens they had to bear, relished in the ease their love had bestowed upon them.
And they left the Garden, side by side, hands tenderly entwined.
Neither of them looked back when the heavy bronze door closed behind them.
But had one of them done so, he or she would have seen that the ornamentations on it had changed.
For bound together with the lily blossom was now a single fern leaf.
Bound by love, yet free at last.
^^^^^^^^^^
A/N:
Merlin, what a mess to write!!!
You are now looking at the rough version of this chapter. I plan to revise it sometime on Sunday, but for now I'm too tired to do so. Please be patient with my mistakes, with a bit of luck I'm going to have a beta-reader from the next chappy on.
I sincerely hope that you will bear with me through the next two chapters, where we will see more of our OCs and get to know them better. They are distinctly more original than it may seem at this point, but I wanted to center this chapter mainly on Lily and Severus.
Nice big cookies to Sage and Snape and LilyEvansPotter who both guessed rightly that Dominick had been Lily's fiancé!
To put it in Dumbledore's words: 'Well done!' *grins*
Now since I used so many flowers with symbolical meanings, I made a short list for you so that you can look them up without great effort.
Rose (red) – Love, Desire, Respect, Courage, Job well done
Thistle - Austerity, Sternness
Salvia – Untiring Energy
Sweet William – Gallantry, Finesse and Perfection
Lily – Majestic Beauty
Edelweiss – Daring and Noble Courage
Fern – Sincerity, Magic, Fascination, Confidence, Shelter
Iris – Faith, Wisdom, Valor
Fir – Time and Evaluation
Heather – Protection from Danger, Wishes will come True
Holly – Foresight, Defense, Domestic Happiness
Dandelion – Oracle of Time and Love, Faithfulness, Happiness
Things won't get much easier for our lovebirds in the next chapter, though now at least they have each other for comfort.
Severus will see more of some family members, he and Lily will have their conversation with Grandma Rose and something terrible is about to happen.
More soon.
Greetings,
Scheckie