Epilogue
Talia Malloy straightened up, looking around the cockpit of the new ship in awe. They really did it. The Pax was theirs now, and they were back in outer space. Before their departure three weeks earlier, she and Shawn reaffirmed their decision to take a more active role in the universe. This time, they would not be passive. This time, things would be different.
They agreed about that, when she returned home from Olga's, three days before their departure. With Talia's comforting presence (comforting, she questioned, though not out loud), Olga relaxed enough to sleep somewhat. About two hours before dawn, they received the call. Katya would pull through. Olga cried herself to sleep from sheer relief. Talia stuck around for another few hours, just to watch over the baby, then went home.
She talked with Shawn, who decided the previous night that they should leave within a few days. He was deeply concerned by the idiots who attacked Zechs and Ciara. Talia agreed, with his concern and his observation that it was time they returned to space. They had their time of peace, their downtime. It was time to get back to work.
She gazed at the stars, folding her arms over her chest. God, it was so beautiful out here. So very beautiful. So. . .pure. She actually hated that word. Pure. Purity. She heard it applied to the Gundam pilots so many times, heard people speaking of their purity. The purity of the true warrior, of the true soldier. Purity was a lie. Especially in war. Her lips curled as she thought of the speeches she heard Treize Khushrenada give. Those were, of course, the reason why Shawn hated him. And he held Relena in contempt for the exact opposite reason. .
She had her own blood-stained memories to attest to that. War was a great, bloody mess. There was no purity in it, no honor. No glory. No. . .beauty. Talia shivered, rubbing her forearms. And nearly jumped out of her skin when a soft, raspy voice murmured, "Losing yourself in outer space?" She spun around, and smiled guiltily when she saw Zechs. He smiled faintly, his blue eyes intense on hers, and added, "I remember, when I first got here. . .how awed I was by its silence. How quiet it was. How peaceful."
"How pure?" she questioned dryly and he smiled again. Oh, that was something she was seeing more frequently. During the time they were on L2, he began smiling more frequently. More freely. He had a beautiful smile, one that took her breath away. Damn, did he realize how handsome he was? How beautiful he was? No, she doubted it.
She turned back to space, saying softly, "Purity is such a lie, Zechs. During the last war, I heard so much from the Oz officers about how pure the Gundam pilots were. Perhaps it's because of the Mechs. The Mobile Suits. They didn't see how ugly, how horrible war really was. Maybe that's the reason I forgave you. Because, at the end, I saw what your true intention was. But Zechs, no matter how ugly you make war, in time, people will always forget. And the whole, misbegotten cycle starts all over again. There is no such thing as a lasting peace. Sooner or later, someone forgets how terrible war is. Or, they just don't care."
Zechs nodded, putting his hand on her shoulder gingerly. The very hesitation in the gesture was a request for permission. She just smiled up at him, and the touch became more relaxed. Zechs said softly, "There is still purity in the universe, Talia. It's not a complete lie. I saw purity in my sister and Heero Yuy. He refused to kill me in our final duel, because it would hurt my sister. What is that, if not kindness?"
//Oh Zechs,// she thought, shaking her head, //you are such a sweet idiot.// However, she didn't speak the words aloud. He was still so young. Sometimes made her feel so old. She lost whatever purity, whatever innocence, on a bloody morning nearly fifteen years earlier. The day Natasha Galinova died with her brother. If purity was a reason to live, then she should have died years earlier. With her baby brother, with her best friend, with King Raoul.
She said softly, "You spoke of deserving to live, Zechs. When you battled with Heero in the Libra. Lt. Noin broadcast the images and the conversation. I heard what you said. What you both said. Purity has nothing to do with deserving to live. That's what I finally accepted. What I had to accept, if I wanted to keep what remained of my sanity."
She paused, then took a breath, and went on, "I finally decided that purity doesn't determine a person's worthiness to live. I will fight to the death to protect others. I don't seek to harm others, unless they do harm first. Perhaps that's playing God, determining who lives and who dies, but I don't believe in God. My faith died with your parents."
She turned away from the stars and looked at him more fully, saying, "You were wrong. In what you tried to do. In the actions you took. But not in your intentions. Your intentions were always good. And you were willing to accept the consequences, for yourself. For your actions. You were willing to be hated for all eternity, if it would just end war."
Zechs looked away from her, and Talia sighed. He wasn't ready to forgive himself. He wasn't ready to listen. He wasn't ready to see his father's message to him. She mentally asked the king to forgive her. But until Zechs was ready to listen, until he was ready to heed the words of his long-dead father, she couldn't show him the message. If only she showed him the tape years earlier. . .but would it have really done any good? Would it have changed anything? Talia didn't know. They would never find out.
Talia touched his face and turned back around, saying, "We all have our blood-stained memories, Zechs. You do. Shawn does. I do. And so we fight, so others will not experience that. I make this vow now. I will take up the fight once more, so my daughter will never have her blood- stained memories. So she will not find it necessary to fight."
She stared at the expanse of space, at the stars and the black velvet that surrounded them. There was a second, hesitant touch on her shoulders, and Talia covered Zechs' hands with her own. Yes. She was finished with hiding. From this day forward, no more children would be forced to fight in her place. That was the final part of her legacy from Petyr. No more little boys, no more infant girls, no more teenagers would be sacrificed. She, Natasha Galinova, Natalia Malloy, swore it. Never. . .again.
Talia Malloy straightened up, looking around the cockpit of the new ship in awe. They really did it. The Pax was theirs now, and they were back in outer space. Before their departure three weeks earlier, she and Shawn reaffirmed their decision to take a more active role in the universe. This time, they would not be passive. This time, things would be different.
They agreed about that, when she returned home from Olga's, three days before their departure. With Talia's comforting presence (comforting, she questioned, though not out loud), Olga relaxed enough to sleep somewhat. About two hours before dawn, they received the call. Katya would pull through. Olga cried herself to sleep from sheer relief. Talia stuck around for another few hours, just to watch over the baby, then went home.
She talked with Shawn, who decided the previous night that they should leave within a few days. He was deeply concerned by the idiots who attacked Zechs and Ciara. Talia agreed, with his concern and his observation that it was time they returned to space. They had their time of peace, their downtime. It was time to get back to work.
She gazed at the stars, folding her arms over her chest. God, it was so beautiful out here. So very beautiful. So. . .pure. She actually hated that word. Pure. Purity. She heard it applied to the Gundam pilots so many times, heard people speaking of their purity. The purity of the true warrior, of the true soldier. Purity was a lie. Especially in war. Her lips curled as she thought of the speeches she heard Treize Khushrenada give. Those were, of course, the reason why Shawn hated him. And he held Relena in contempt for the exact opposite reason. .
She had her own blood-stained memories to attest to that. War was a great, bloody mess. There was no purity in it, no honor. No glory. No. . .beauty. Talia shivered, rubbing her forearms. And nearly jumped out of her skin when a soft, raspy voice murmured, "Losing yourself in outer space?" She spun around, and smiled guiltily when she saw Zechs. He smiled faintly, his blue eyes intense on hers, and added, "I remember, when I first got here. . .how awed I was by its silence. How quiet it was. How peaceful."
"How pure?" she questioned dryly and he smiled again. Oh, that was something she was seeing more frequently. During the time they were on L2, he began smiling more frequently. More freely. He had a beautiful smile, one that took her breath away. Damn, did he realize how handsome he was? How beautiful he was? No, she doubted it.
She turned back to space, saying softly, "Purity is such a lie, Zechs. During the last war, I heard so much from the Oz officers about how pure the Gundam pilots were. Perhaps it's because of the Mechs. The Mobile Suits. They didn't see how ugly, how horrible war really was. Maybe that's the reason I forgave you. Because, at the end, I saw what your true intention was. But Zechs, no matter how ugly you make war, in time, people will always forget. And the whole, misbegotten cycle starts all over again. There is no such thing as a lasting peace. Sooner or later, someone forgets how terrible war is. Or, they just don't care."
Zechs nodded, putting his hand on her shoulder gingerly. The very hesitation in the gesture was a request for permission. She just smiled up at him, and the touch became more relaxed. Zechs said softly, "There is still purity in the universe, Talia. It's not a complete lie. I saw purity in my sister and Heero Yuy. He refused to kill me in our final duel, because it would hurt my sister. What is that, if not kindness?"
//Oh Zechs,// she thought, shaking her head, //you are such a sweet idiot.// However, she didn't speak the words aloud. He was still so young. Sometimes made her feel so old. She lost whatever purity, whatever innocence, on a bloody morning nearly fifteen years earlier. The day Natasha Galinova died with her brother. If purity was a reason to live, then she should have died years earlier. With her baby brother, with her best friend, with King Raoul.
She said softly, "You spoke of deserving to live, Zechs. When you battled with Heero in the Libra. Lt. Noin broadcast the images and the conversation. I heard what you said. What you both said. Purity has nothing to do with deserving to live. That's what I finally accepted. What I had to accept, if I wanted to keep what remained of my sanity."
She paused, then took a breath, and went on, "I finally decided that purity doesn't determine a person's worthiness to live. I will fight to the death to protect others. I don't seek to harm others, unless they do harm first. Perhaps that's playing God, determining who lives and who dies, but I don't believe in God. My faith died with your parents."
She turned away from the stars and looked at him more fully, saying, "You were wrong. In what you tried to do. In the actions you took. But not in your intentions. Your intentions were always good. And you were willing to accept the consequences, for yourself. For your actions. You were willing to be hated for all eternity, if it would just end war."
Zechs looked away from her, and Talia sighed. He wasn't ready to forgive himself. He wasn't ready to listen. He wasn't ready to see his father's message to him. She mentally asked the king to forgive her. But until Zechs was ready to listen, until he was ready to heed the words of his long-dead father, she couldn't show him the message. If only she showed him the tape years earlier. . .but would it have really done any good? Would it have changed anything? Talia didn't know. They would never find out.
Talia touched his face and turned back around, saying, "We all have our blood-stained memories, Zechs. You do. Shawn does. I do. And so we fight, so others will not experience that. I make this vow now. I will take up the fight once more, so my daughter will never have her blood- stained memories. So she will not find it necessary to fight."
She stared at the expanse of space, at the stars and the black velvet that surrounded them. There was a second, hesitant touch on her shoulders, and Talia covered Zechs' hands with her own. Yes. She was finished with hiding. From this day forward, no more children would be forced to fight in her place. That was the final part of her legacy from Petyr. No more little boys, no more infant girls, no more teenagers would be sacrificed. She, Natasha Galinova, Natalia Malloy, swore it. Never. . .again.