Chapter 4:

What A Woman Is Feeling

Kaoru's eyes narrowed. Had Kenshin never considered that his little romp would result in something a little more? Surely he knew what that could lead to, and yet he still left. Kaoru walked over to the smallest of the three headstones, the one in the middle and placed her hand on it, remembering.

"Kenji was his name. He died when he was only a couple months old. Your child came into this world and passed without ever knowing he had a father," she grumbled low, forcing herself not to fall into the memories. Her hatred for him was brewing over.

Kenshin stepped back, completely in shock. His child? His son? He had left all of that behind him? He had let Sano, Megumi and his son die? He was finally beginning to see the picture. He had truly caused Kaoru's state, it was all his doing. Kaoru put her hand to her bridge of her nose as she always did when she was frustrated and exhaled deeply.

"So, now you know. Still concerned, Himura-san? Where were you when I NEEDED you, when our CHILD needed you? You took my virginity and LEFT. I was considered a dishonored woman, a WHORE! Where was your concern for me then?" Kaoru yelled, letting out all her anger. He would feel her pain. She would ensure it. Kenshin only continued to shake his head. He could not believe this, he refused to. But, why would she lie? No, he just didn't want to believe he had cause so much pain to the woman he had loved so dearly. Where was he? Where did he go when she needed him? He felt an emotion beyond shame.

"That night I left you, I was scared. I was scared by what I was feeling and what I allowed myself to do. I fell in love with you. I was not supposed to get attached to anyone, but you and the others turned into my family before I knew it. I thought if I stayed, what happened to Tomoe would happen to you. You did not need me, I didn't want to bring you down," he tried to explain, his tongue stumbling over his words and he tried to make sense of it all.

"So, you revealed your true feelings, had sex with me, then left me to deal with aftermath? That's what you call protection? Were you smoking opium, Himura-san? That is just beyond lame," Kaoru's voice creaked in a high, strained pitch. Was he being serious? He couldn't be…he couldn't.

"If I had known Raijuuta Isurugi was going to actually succeed in his plan, I never would have left," he said, trying to defend himself.

"Why didn't you come back when he did?" Kaoru shot back. Her face was the color of a plum, her eyes red and stinging from the tears. She had held this in these emotions for six long years. Her body ached from the emotional pain being dealt to her. Kaoru cried out and fell to her knees. She beat on the ground with her fists, trying to release her anger.

"Why did you leave?!" she screamed continuously, almost chanting, over and over and over. Kenshin felt his heart sink into his stomach as he witnessed her emotional outcry. He wanted to pick her up and tell her everything would be ok and that he would always be there for her from then on. But that would not comfort her. She was still haunted by his actions and the question only he could answer. Why did he leave? Why did he do this to her?

"I knew you were strong, Kaoru-dono…I knew you would survive, but I didn't think it would turn out like this," he admitted, his voice trembling.

"BAKA!" she yelled at him, lifting her head, tossing her hair about. For a moment, a brief second, she was Kaoru from Tokyo. She was still in there, somewhere, Kenshin thought and he rushed over to her and put his arms around her. It was then Kaoru realized she had never gotten over Kenshin leaving her. She only pushed it back far in her mind and heart. She became a killer to forget her past, to forget who she was. But, she could never forget. Her world was fine and simple. She did her job, she got paid and her day was over. Now, things were beyond complicated. If she had never seen him again, she could have gone on pretending she was fine and she didn't care about him.

NO!

She didn't care. She didn't. She hated him. She wanted to kill him. She needed to kill him. He deserved to die. He didn't deserve to be near her. He didn't deserve to have his arms around her. He didn't deserve to be crying with her.

His hands were on her? He was crying with her?

Kaoru felt his arm body surround hers. It had been six years since she's been in the arms of another man like this. That was the first, last and only time a man had loved her, needed her. Kaoru choked on her tears as the memories flooded back She didn't want to feel them, she didn't want to remember.

"No," she mumbled as she pushed Kenshin off of her with her arms and legs. She would not let him do this to her again, never again. She pushed with everything she had. In doing so, she strained her injured right arm, tearing the muscle. She cried out and nearly doubled over in pain. Kenshin's eyes quickly scanned her over to find the source of her injury. He felt her right arm and noticed it was bounded. With her straining, the wound began to bleed again. He opened her shirt without asking her permission and unwound the linen. It was a slash. He knew it was he that injured her. How much more pain would he cause her?

"I must get you to a doctor, this is bad," Kenshin said seriously, redressing her wound. Kaoru shook her head and moved her arm away from him. She would not allow him to care for her. Not now, not ever.

"I can get there on my own," she growled, closing her shirt back up. Kenshin then realized her breasts were bare. He blushed, but at the same time, helped her fasten it back up. She fought him, but did not succeed with only one arm working. He then stood up and offered his hand to her. She looked up at it, then rose to her knees. She struggled to get up by her own power, and she did. Her arm was throbbing, the pain nearly paralyzing her. Kenshin knew how painful a torn muscle was. Add that on with her aggravated cut, she would bleed to death before long.

"Now is not the time to be stubborn," Kenshin said, pulling her to him. She was about to protest, but her strength was fleeing from her. She fell into his arms, her eyelids growing heavy, but body going numb. Kaoru tried to right herself, but her exertion caused her to breathe heavily. She felt as if she was not getting enough blood though her veins, and she wasn't. It was all rushing out of her arm. She looked down at her wound and finally fainted.