Show of hands who here has ridden in a talking transport truck with major
family issues, and not when you were high? Well I have and let me tell you
something, Ultra Magnus and I have alot in common. You see when I found out
Ultra Magnus was somewhat of a lone wolf and didn't hang around the rest of
the autobots, I felt errrr safer with him. "So how did you get the name
Billie the kid?" Magnus asked in his usual snarky tone.
"Because Billy the Kid was an outlaw back in the old west..... in america not Japan; by the time he wa 16 he killed around 10 people."
"So you're a thief AND a murderer?"
"I didn't give me the nick name, in fact I don't know how I got it, but I am NOT a murderer," a thief and a liar BUT I am not a murderer.
"Whatever, so what did you swipe that got the decipticons after you?"
"Oh this?" I took the megenta gem out of my pocket and showed it to the screen where Ultra Magnus's head was on. "I have no clue why they want it... all I know is that Mr Osiris is willing to pay me $5,000,000 for it!" I started to go all dreamy again thinking about the money. "I wouldn't have to steal any more... I could get a house on some remote island and change my name.... and be free" Oh god what a tear gercker, that was so sappy I think I'm going to gag!
"Awwwww how sad, poor you," Stupid Ultra Magnus and his insensetivity! even if it was sappy your not supposed to be a jerk about it!
"Hey what with your name anyways?" He wants to be a smart ass? "Isn't 'Ultra Magnus' Latin for 'Farther Great'? I mean is that the reason you act like you got a pickle up you ass or are you just an insensetive prick?" Stick that in your exaust pipe and smoke it! GOD I love that saying.... and I made it up... I think....
"You know, why don't I just save me some trouble and take you to Optimus! Or better yet, let you walk into the decpticon trap you ungrateful b-"
"OH DON'T BOTHER! I CAN LET MYSELF OUT!!!!!" I snapped before he could finish his sentence, "You're such a typical man, arrogant! egotystical! and inconciderate of anyone besides yourself!"
"WELL THAN YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE MOST FEMININE HUMAN MALE ON THIS CRUMMY PLANET SINCE YOU FIT THAT PROFILE PERFECTLY!"
"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLAMENT!" and I thought I was going to get along with this guy! I hopped out the the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, I'm pretty sure he didn't like that, which made it even better for me. As I walked along the road Magnus started driving beside me.
"Get back in," He said in his trying to be forceful voice.
"Bite me!"
"GET IN! I'm taking you autobot HQ." THIS GUY DOEN'T STOP!
"I'm NOT going with you! You got me a few miles closer and I thank you for that, but I am NOT giving up my last chance of freedom just cause you don't like me." Oh great now he's making me sound like some ditzy high school cheerleader with family problems on one of those stupid after school specials like Happy Days. THAT was a mouthful of bad words! now we shall never speak of that crude sentece again.
Everthing was going fine at the moment.... I was walking in a big puddle of mud, Magnus was yelling at me, and a big black truck was comming our way. Hey you've been listening to me bitch, so you know this should count as good. And then what came next was actually not surprising. The big black truck that was heading our way transformed into a robot.
There was something different about this guy; the symbol wasn't a red robot head, it was purple and he had 'I'm a big meanie' writtin all over him. That, and he grabbed me and griped me in his hands so tight I could barly breathe and said, "Megatron thanks you for bringing the human Ultra Magnus!"
"YOU LEAVE HER ALONE SCOURGE!" Scourge? that's a typicall bad guy name.... can't these people be more origional?
"What are you gonna do? Stop me!" He squeezed me tighter so that I gave out a high pitched squeak, "If you try anything funny, I'll crush this pathetic human 'till she's the size of a pop can!" The really scary thing about that sectence was that he was serious! Poor Ultra Magnus couldn't do a damn thing. He said more but I could barly hear do to the fact that I felt like my ears were going to pop off my head and I just heard something in my arm snap, but it was probably along the lines of
'Muahahaha I am a big mean robot with an unorigional name and I like to kiss my bosses butt. Now I will bring this wonerfully beautiful, intelligent, elegant young woman to my secret hideout so that I can eat her.' Or somewhere along those lines.
Then it was either a blessing or a curse, but out of nowhere came that global-space bridge... thingy. Out of it came a firetruck, an SUV, a police car, and Sideburn. The Firetruck transform and looked like Scourge's double, but less evil. As I mentioned before I was having problems hearing but I knew Scourge wasn't happy. In fact he was down right angry. So angry that he dropped me and started firing at the truck.
My butt was in a great deal of pain, but I've fallen from higher altitudes. I took this time to run deep into the brush, I heard Side burn calling me and some guy with a southern american accent saying he'll get me. So I did what I thought was the smartest thing... I ran faster!
The trees were getting closer together and the forest was getting darker. I tripped several times and I'm pretty sure I sprianed my ankle. The sounds of the fight and the cars had no dissapeared and I was once again on my way to the Osiris Manor. Sure enough there it stood... like a creepy old victorian house in a scary movie. I knocked on the door and waited for an aswere. A raspy voice came on the intercom, "Who's there?"
"Billie the kid," I said in my attidue problam/buisness voice. "I got what you want now give me the money."
"Of course! of course Billie! please step in and I'll have one of my servents bring you to my office." The door opened showing the erie tecnological insides of the Manor.
I hadn't even taken two steps in when I was ambushed by that stupid robot skunk and his friends. I screamed every name in the book, and even made up a few. The frog commented on my colourful vocabulary, so I told him to suck my little white ass..... he didn't like that. WHY DO I ALWAYS SAY THE WORST THINGS AT THE WORST TIMES!!!!!!! Much to my refusal they led me deep into the basement of the Manor. It was a very large basement too. There on an overly exagerated 'I will soon be the supreme ruler of all' throne sat Dr. Osiris. Beside him... another robot who remined me of some kind of bat thing. He had the same mean look as Scourge did but worse.
The Three Stooges threw me to the floor turning my ankle from sprained to broken. Osiris had a huge smile on his face, a kind of creepy smile, he reminded me of the typical weird guy that smells like fish who talks to you on the bus... everyone met up with them. He threw down a small burlap sack which I discovered to be my payment. I didn't have anything to carry it in so I just tied it to my belt.
"Well, I'm surprised you actually got it Billie," Dr. Osiris said in a cocky tone. "My assosiate was quite sure that you would never of survived his men, but you proved him wrong. I don't believe you've met my partner Billie, this is Gigatron."
The robot had a sedistic grin, "Be a good little human and hand over the gem... With it I will create the most powerful weapon in the univerce and concure ALL!!!!" How come the more evil you are, the more stupid you become? Now that I know what the gem is for does he really think I'm going to give it to him?
"No can do bub," I said desperatly trying to keep a straite face and not wet myself. "You see, I was onto this scam the whole time, and so I gave the gem to Optimus... In fact he's on his way here to stop you." I am such a liar. I guess Dr. Osiris knew that.
He got out of his thrown and walked towards me. I held my ground, I was not prepaired to show this man that he can intimidate me..... all right that's a lie too, I was too scared to move. But it's not the point, it's the principal..... or something like that. Anyways back to the story....
As he started to walk towards me he pulled out is hand gun and shot my leg. I fell down in pain, there was a second surging pain going through my shoulder as he shot again. I curled up in a fetal position wimpering in pain as he dug into a cargo capris and took the gem, "You know, you really shouldn't lie.... it doesn't suit a young lady such as yourself." He said mockingly as he aimed the gun at my head. He hesitated, then put the gun down, "No, I won't take away your pain. I'll watch you squirm in pain."
Oh great, if it wasn't for the fact that I was just shot in the leg and shoulder, I'ld be rolling my eyes at this jerk; but I can't becase I'M IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN!!!!
WAIT!
I got an idea... "Things can't get any worse?" 3- 2- 1-
"Not so fast Megatron!" Huzza! right on scedual the autobots show up to foil the bad guys plane and save the captive.... I have a feeling they've done this more than once. I looked up at my heros: Sideburn, the fire truck which I guessed was Optimus, and the police car which I figured to be Prowl. My vision was starting to blurr but I could still make out the sillouette of Sideburn transforing and scopping me up in his arms. "Don't worry Byakuren... we're here to help you," he said soothingly, then I blacked out.
Well I would LOVE to tell you more but I don't won't to bore you.... as you can tell I lived and what happened after that whole shabambal would just bore you so I'll just stop now.
What's that? you want me to continue? Awwwwwww people like me ; ) I feel so happy now. All right! I'll continue.... but its gonna cost you five kit kat bars EACH! don't be cheap I need my chocolate... BUT DON'T TELL SIDEBURN!!!!!!! he thinks I'm going to chocoholics annonymous. well just keep this our little sectret!
When I woke up again I was in that kids room... I think his name is Koji, all though this time, he and his dad were watching me. His dad had a pleasent smile... and grey hair. I guess he hasn't heard of Just For Men. "Glad to see you're better. You should rest... you were shot twice." awwww he cares about me
"Believe it or not I've been in worse," I slowly rose from the bed. "Now, no offence... I am totally greatful for your hospitality but I need to get going."
"We were expecting that," Koji said. "Side burn is out side if you want to leave... or you can stay here."
They're offering me a home? These people are either very caring or very nieve. "Tempting... but I thing Im gonna havta turn you down... maybe we can keep in touch." I limped out of the room and went down the stairs. I guess they wern't expecting me to stay since my shoes and my money where laid out for me.
I left the house and right out from was Sideburn. "Nice to see you're all better Byakuren... I guess you're leavin' town... I can give you a lift to where ever you need to go."
I eased myself into the drivers seat and got myself comfortable, "To the air port Side burn.... errrr please and thankyou."
"So where you gonna go to?" he asked as we headed out of the sub-urbs and to the freeway.
"Not sure, but whereever it is, I got enough money to start a new life."
"You're retiring from crime?"
"Yup, moving away and maybe even setteling down."
"Will you come back to Japan?" I guess he was a little dissapointed at the fact that I was leaving.
"Maybe, I'm not making promises... this is probably the weirdest place I have ever been hands down."
"All right I know what you're saying," he chuckled. "My gorgouse looks and awsome moves are too much for you to handle,"
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" I choked.
"Well it's obvious that your wardrobe is out of fashion even for a human..." He said slyly.
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LOOKS AS THOUGH YOU JUST CAME FROM TWO DECADES AGO!" I snapped back, jokeing of course.
Our fashion play fight continued on untill we got to Tokyo International Airport. I said goodbye to my friend.... and that was it.
I've been living in a cosey villa in the Dominican Republic for the last 5 years. Lifes been easy and I now go by the name Gennevive Beauchamp; The daughter of a French Aristocrat. Pretty classy if I say so myself.
The people here bought my story without asking questions. It's nice, but after that adventure in Japan, I've been craving something more. Maybe I'll go back, not right now though. I'm gonna just sit here on the beach and enjoy the freedom. Absolutly nothing can go wrong.........
"Because Billy the Kid was an outlaw back in the old west..... in america not Japan; by the time he wa 16 he killed around 10 people."
"So you're a thief AND a murderer?"
"I didn't give me the nick name, in fact I don't know how I got it, but I am NOT a murderer," a thief and a liar BUT I am not a murderer.
"Whatever, so what did you swipe that got the decipticons after you?"
"Oh this?" I took the megenta gem out of my pocket and showed it to the screen where Ultra Magnus's head was on. "I have no clue why they want it... all I know is that Mr Osiris is willing to pay me $5,000,000 for it!" I started to go all dreamy again thinking about the money. "I wouldn't have to steal any more... I could get a house on some remote island and change my name.... and be free" Oh god what a tear gercker, that was so sappy I think I'm going to gag!
"Awwwww how sad, poor you," Stupid Ultra Magnus and his insensetivity! even if it was sappy your not supposed to be a jerk about it!
"Hey what with your name anyways?" He wants to be a smart ass? "Isn't 'Ultra Magnus' Latin for 'Farther Great'? I mean is that the reason you act like you got a pickle up you ass or are you just an insensetive prick?" Stick that in your exaust pipe and smoke it! GOD I love that saying.... and I made it up... I think....
"You know, why don't I just save me some trouble and take you to Optimus! Or better yet, let you walk into the decpticon trap you ungrateful b-"
"OH DON'T BOTHER! I CAN LET MYSELF OUT!!!!!" I snapped before he could finish his sentence, "You're such a typical man, arrogant! egotystical! and inconciderate of anyone besides yourself!"
"WELL THAN YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE MOST FEMININE HUMAN MALE ON THIS CRUMMY PLANET SINCE YOU FIT THAT PROFILE PERFECTLY!"
"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLAMENT!" and I thought I was going to get along with this guy! I hopped out the the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, I'm pretty sure he didn't like that, which made it even better for me. As I walked along the road Magnus started driving beside me.
"Get back in," He said in his trying to be forceful voice.
"Bite me!"
"GET IN! I'm taking you autobot HQ." THIS GUY DOEN'T STOP!
"I'm NOT going with you! You got me a few miles closer and I thank you for that, but I am NOT giving up my last chance of freedom just cause you don't like me." Oh great now he's making me sound like some ditzy high school cheerleader with family problems on one of those stupid after school specials like Happy Days. THAT was a mouthful of bad words! now we shall never speak of that crude sentece again.
Everthing was going fine at the moment.... I was walking in a big puddle of mud, Magnus was yelling at me, and a big black truck was comming our way. Hey you've been listening to me bitch, so you know this should count as good. And then what came next was actually not surprising. The big black truck that was heading our way transformed into a robot.
There was something different about this guy; the symbol wasn't a red robot head, it was purple and he had 'I'm a big meanie' writtin all over him. That, and he grabbed me and griped me in his hands so tight I could barly breathe and said, "Megatron thanks you for bringing the human Ultra Magnus!"
"YOU LEAVE HER ALONE SCOURGE!" Scourge? that's a typicall bad guy name.... can't these people be more origional?
"What are you gonna do? Stop me!" He squeezed me tighter so that I gave out a high pitched squeak, "If you try anything funny, I'll crush this pathetic human 'till she's the size of a pop can!" The really scary thing about that sectence was that he was serious! Poor Ultra Magnus couldn't do a damn thing. He said more but I could barly hear do to the fact that I felt like my ears were going to pop off my head and I just heard something in my arm snap, but it was probably along the lines of
'Muahahaha I am a big mean robot with an unorigional name and I like to kiss my bosses butt. Now I will bring this wonerfully beautiful, intelligent, elegant young woman to my secret hideout so that I can eat her.' Or somewhere along those lines.
Then it was either a blessing or a curse, but out of nowhere came that global-space bridge... thingy. Out of it came a firetruck, an SUV, a police car, and Sideburn. The Firetruck transform and looked like Scourge's double, but less evil. As I mentioned before I was having problems hearing but I knew Scourge wasn't happy. In fact he was down right angry. So angry that he dropped me and started firing at the truck.
My butt was in a great deal of pain, but I've fallen from higher altitudes. I took this time to run deep into the brush, I heard Side burn calling me and some guy with a southern american accent saying he'll get me. So I did what I thought was the smartest thing... I ran faster!
The trees were getting closer together and the forest was getting darker. I tripped several times and I'm pretty sure I sprianed my ankle. The sounds of the fight and the cars had no dissapeared and I was once again on my way to the Osiris Manor. Sure enough there it stood... like a creepy old victorian house in a scary movie. I knocked on the door and waited for an aswere. A raspy voice came on the intercom, "Who's there?"
"Billie the kid," I said in my attidue problam/buisness voice. "I got what you want now give me the money."
"Of course! of course Billie! please step in and I'll have one of my servents bring you to my office." The door opened showing the erie tecnological insides of the Manor.
I hadn't even taken two steps in when I was ambushed by that stupid robot skunk and his friends. I screamed every name in the book, and even made up a few. The frog commented on my colourful vocabulary, so I told him to suck my little white ass..... he didn't like that. WHY DO I ALWAYS SAY THE WORST THINGS AT THE WORST TIMES!!!!!!! Much to my refusal they led me deep into the basement of the Manor. It was a very large basement too. There on an overly exagerated 'I will soon be the supreme ruler of all' throne sat Dr. Osiris. Beside him... another robot who remined me of some kind of bat thing. He had the same mean look as Scourge did but worse.
The Three Stooges threw me to the floor turning my ankle from sprained to broken. Osiris had a huge smile on his face, a kind of creepy smile, he reminded me of the typical weird guy that smells like fish who talks to you on the bus... everyone met up with them. He threw down a small burlap sack which I discovered to be my payment. I didn't have anything to carry it in so I just tied it to my belt.
"Well, I'm surprised you actually got it Billie," Dr. Osiris said in a cocky tone. "My assosiate was quite sure that you would never of survived his men, but you proved him wrong. I don't believe you've met my partner Billie, this is Gigatron."
The robot had a sedistic grin, "Be a good little human and hand over the gem... With it I will create the most powerful weapon in the univerce and concure ALL!!!!" How come the more evil you are, the more stupid you become? Now that I know what the gem is for does he really think I'm going to give it to him?
"No can do bub," I said desperatly trying to keep a straite face and not wet myself. "You see, I was onto this scam the whole time, and so I gave the gem to Optimus... In fact he's on his way here to stop you." I am such a liar. I guess Dr. Osiris knew that.
He got out of his thrown and walked towards me. I held my ground, I was not prepaired to show this man that he can intimidate me..... all right that's a lie too, I was too scared to move. But it's not the point, it's the principal..... or something like that. Anyways back to the story....
As he started to walk towards me he pulled out is hand gun and shot my leg. I fell down in pain, there was a second surging pain going through my shoulder as he shot again. I curled up in a fetal position wimpering in pain as he dug into a cargo capris and took the gem, "You know, you really shouldn't lie.... it doesn't suit a young lady such as yourself." He said mockingly as he aimed the gun at my head. He hesitated, then put the gun down, "No, I won't take away your pain. I'll watch you squirm in pain."
Oh great, if it wasn't for the fact that I was just shot in the leg and shoulder, I'ld be rolling my eyes at this jerk; but I can't becase I'M IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN!!!!
WAIT!
I got an idea... "Things can't get any worse?" 3- 2- 1-
"Not so fast Megatron!" Huzza! right on scedual the autobots show up to foil the bad guys plane and save the captive.... I have a feeling they've done this more than once. I looked up at my heros: Sideburn, the fire truck which I guessed was Optimus, and the police car which I figured to be Prowl. My vision was starting to blurr but I could still make out the sillouette of Sideburn transforing and scopping me up in his arms. "Don't worry Byakuren... we're here to help you," he said soothingly, then I blacked out.
Well I would LOVE to tell you more but I don't won't to bore you.... as you can tell I lived and what happened after that whole shabambal would just bore you so I'll just stop now.
What's that? you want me to continue? Awwwwwww people like me ; ) I feel so happy now. All right! I'll continue.... but its gonna cost you five kit kat bars EACH! don't be cheap I need my chocolate... BUT DON'T TELL SIDEBURN!!!!!!! he thinks I'm going to chocoholics annonymous. well just keep this our little sectret!
When I woke up again I was in that kids room... I think his name is Koji, all though this time, he and his dad were watching me. His dad had a pleasent smile... and grey hair. I guess he hasn't heard of Just For Men. "Glad to see you're better. You should rest... you were shot twice." awwww he cares about me
"Believe it or not I've been in worse," I slowly rose from the bed. "Now, no offence... I am totally greatful for your hospitality but I need to get going."
"We were expecting that," Koji said. "Side burn is out side if you want to leave... or you can stay here."
They're offering me a home? These people are either very caring or very nieve. "Tempting... but I thing Im gonna havta turn you down... maybe we can keep in touch." I limped out of the room and went down the stairs. I guess they wern't expecting me to stay since my shoes and my money where laid out for me.
I left the house and right out from was Sideburn. "Nice to see you're all better Byakuren... I guess you're leavin' town... I can give you a lift to where ever you need to go."
I eased myself into the drivers seat and got myself comfortable, "To the air port Side burn.... errrr please and thankyou."
"So where you gonna go to?" he asked as we headed out of the sub-urbs and to the freeway.
"Not sure, but whereever it is, I got enough money to start a new life."
"You're retiring from crime?"
"Yup, moving away and maybe even setteling down."
"Will you come back to Japan?" I guess he was a little dissapointed at the fact that I was leaving.
"Maybe, I'm not making promises... this is probably the weirdest place I have ever been hands down."
"All right I know what you're saying," he chuckled. "My gorgouse looks and awsome moves are too much for you to handle,"
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" I choked.
"Well it's obvious that your wardrobe is out of fashion even for a human..." He said slyly.
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LOOKS AS THOUGH YOU JUST CAME FROM TWO DECADES AGO!" I snapped back, jokeing of course.
Our fashion play fight continued on untill we got to Tokyo International Airport. I said goodbye to my friend.... and that was it.
I've been living in a cosey villa in the Dominican Republic for the last 5 years. Lifes been easy and I now go by the name Gennevive Beauchamp; The daughter of a French Aristocrat. Pretty classy if I say so myself.
The people here bought my story without asking questions. It's nice, but after that adventure in Japan, I've been craving something more. Maybe I'll go back, not right now though. I'm gonna just sit here on the beach and enjoy the freedom. Absolutly nothing can go wrong.........