Disclaimer: Professor Dumbledore and his students are the property of J. K. Rowling.
Choosing the Head Boy Chapter Eight—February Fifteenth and SixteenthDespite it being a Sunday morning, almost everyone had chosen to come to the Great Hall for breakfast rather than sleep late. All were anxiously awaiting news of the five missing students.
Remus and James's confession to Professor Dumbledore that they had known of two secret tunnels to Hogsmeade had gone better than they had feared. Dumbledore had been more concerned with the fact that the Death Eaters had apparently tried to use them and failed, than he was with the fact that the students had tried to keep the tunnels a secret.
Neither Dumbledore nor Horatio Sinistra, the auror in his office when they arrived, had asked the all-important question—did they know of any other secret passages to Hogsmeade? James could equivocate with the best of them, and he wasn't above an outright lie from time to time, but he knew he wouldn't lie about this if asked outright. If asked—and he was not. James rationalized to himself that if the Death Eaters had known about either of their two remaining tunnels, they would have used them. Thus, they must still be a secret. Remus also chose to keep quiet about the tunnels behind the third floor mirror and the fourth floor one-eyed witch statue. James assumed, correctly he later learned, that Remus had checked them and was certain that they had not been used.
The auror had been quite impressed by Remus's ward. He deemed it "breakable," but only by a specialist. Dumbledore assured them all that additional layers of protection would be added to the tunnel. As for the other tunnel, Remus had no explanation for the cave in. Professor Dumbledore had stated that there were two possible explanations. The cave in might have been caused by the ancient magic that protected the school from those who wished to harm those within—or it may have been a fortunate coincidence.
"Never discount the importance of good luck, Gentlemen," he advised. "A four-leaf clover is one of my most prized possessions."
When they finally returned to their dormitory three hours later, Sirius and Peter were waiting up for them. Peter recounted in great detail how he and Anna had been having a cozy dinner at the Three Broomsticks when two aurors and several students had burst in. The Three Broomsticks had then become the gathering place for all the students in town.
Of all the couples, only Vivian Tierney and Owen Jones, the Gryffindor Quidditch team members, had had a close call. They had been just starting the moonlit walk back to the school when they had heard footfalls behind them. They had turned to see who else was journeying back to the school just as the first spells were shot at them. They had managed to dodge the initial spells and fight back. The flashes of light had attracted the attention of the aurors who had just arrived in Hogsmeade. The Death Eaters had disapparated as soon as they realized they would not be dealing only with inexperienced students.
"I wonder why the Death Eaters targeted who they did?" Peter wondered aloud over breakfast. "Every house has at least one student missing."
"They probably didn't target anyone," Remus said as he nudged Sirius and pointed at the platter of sausage and bacon. "They just looked for targets of opportunity." Remus piled his plate high. He alone of the four of them didn't stop eating when upset, and with the full moon that night, his tastes were decidedly carnivorous.
"If it weren't for the fact that Slytherin's seeker is missing, I'd find it very suspicious that all three Gryffindors who were attacked are on the Quidditch team," James said. Isabel, like James, was a chaser. They had played together for so long that he couldn't imagine playing the game without her.
"You really are obsessed with that game, aren't you?" Lily asked with a slight smile. The Gryffindor seventh-years were sitting together that morning. As they awaited word on their missing classmate, the group solidarity felt right.
"But it is strange that a Slytherin student is missing," Maisie said darkly. "Attacking one of their own?"
"Not all Death Eaters are Slytherins, and not all Slytherins become Death Eaters," Remus pointed out.
"Charles Liegeard was a Slytherin," Sirius muttered.
"But your brother is in Slytherin, and he wouldn't…" Eurydice's voice died away before she could finish. The dark look she received from Sirius told her that the topic was not open for duscussion.
"It's ironic," Ivy said suddenly, perhaps to change the subject, "Thaddeus Crouch has been trying to get up the nerve to ask Jane Lyman out for forever, this was their first date, and now because they were in Hogsmeade on that date, they're missing." Crouch and Lyman were both sixth-years, Crouch in Slytherin and Lyman in Ravenclaw.
"Wait a second," Sirius said peering intently at Ivy, "Crouch was out on a date with Lyman last night?"
"Yes. Jane's one of my sister's friends. Haven't you ever noticed the way Jane and Thad always study together in the library? I'm just surprised it took him so long to ask her out."
Sirius pulled a note out of his pocket and put it face down on the table. "Hand over the pen, James. I know you carry it everywhere." James pulled his fountain pen out of his pocket and gave it to Sirius. Lily blushed slightly as she pretended to be interested in pulling her toast into pieces. Sirius began to write the names of the students who were attacked the night before, both the missing five and the three who managed to escape. He listed them as couples: Jane Lyman and Thaddeus Crouch, Vivian Tierney and Owen Jones, Meg Stewart and Sebastian Bones.
"Were Isabel and Danny O'Leary together?" Sirius asked.
"Yes. Why?"
Sirius did not answer. He wrote the two additional names and then looked down the list putting dots of ink next to some of the names. James watched over his shoulder trying to guess what the dots meant. Two boys, two girls, one from each couple. Sirius went through the list again, slowly checking off the other four names.
"Bastards," Sirius muttered as he dropped the pen and scrubbed at his eyes as if to erase what he had just seen. "There's the motive."
"Would you care to enlighten us lesser mortals, Mr. Black?" James asked. He still couldn't figure out what the marks represented. One Gryffindor was a dot; the other two were checks, as was the Slytherin.
"You won't like it."
"I already don't like it. Spill."
"In each couple, one is Muggle-born and one is a pureblood."
Lily paled before James's eyes. He felt his heart miss a beat at the thought that her life had been endangered merely by dating him.
"They wanted to punish purebloods who dared to date those who are not, and they wanted to frighten other purebloods from doing the same," Remus reflected. "After all, we can't have any more half-blood spawn like me polluting the bloodlines."
"I never should have told you that my mother said that about you," Sirius grumbled.
"That's why they picked Valentine's Day," Eurydice said, "for the symbolism of it. To help get the message across."
"It was also a good choice strategically," Remus pointed out. "They knew that their intended targets would be in pairs—more efficient than seeking them out one by one but easier to attack successfully than a group. It's the way I'd have planned it."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're scary sometimes, Remus?" Ivy said.
"What bothers me," Remus continued, "is that the Death Eaters apparently knew who would be going on a date with whom, not only long-term couples like Bones and Stewart, but Crouch and Lyman who were on their first date. Someone here tipped them off, wrote up a list of potential targets."
"It's a good thing James and Lily broke up," Peter said as he began to tap open a soft-boiled egg. "They would have been at the top of the list."
"Shut up, Peter," James snapped. He knew it was true; he didn't need to hear it—nor did Lily.
Maisie had taken the list away from Sirius and was examining it carefully. "Sirius? It looks like you marked Owen as a Muggle-born, but I know his parents were in Gryffindor."
"Yeah, he's not technically Muggle-born, but he's close enough. Both of his parents are Muggle-born. My family would see that as the same thing, and so would a lot of others. Just like Sebastian Bones has some Muggle ancestry, but it's enough generations back that most wizards would consider him pureblood."
As Maisie handed the list back, James took it and looked at Sirius's marks again. "How do you know about the ancestry of all these people?"
"I just do," Sirius said with a shrug. Then more darkly he added, "If you'd grown up in my family, you'd know too."
James suddenly remembered Snape's comment when James had asked him how he knew the parentage of Albert Marsh. "How do you not? This is the world we live in, Potter."
"Sinistra's back," Remus said.
The murmuring of subdued voices in the Great Hall slowly faded away into silence as the auror strode up the aisle between the Slytherin and Ravenclaw tables. He went directly to the Headmaster who stood to meet him. As Sinistra spoke to him quietly, Dumbledore listened with a somber expression but with very little reaction. James's heart sank when McGonagall bowed her head and buried her face in the handkerchief clutched in her hand. Dumbledore continued to stand unmoving and silent until the auror was nearly out of the room. Then he took a deep breath and looked out at the worried faces.
"It is my sad duty to tell you that the bodies of your five fellow students have been found. They were found in a place where Muggles discard their rubbish."
The mood of sorrow and mourning in the Gryffindor common room gained elements of anger and fear when a few younger students returned from the library and reported what students in other houses were saying—the Death Eaters had targeted only pureblood—Muggle-born couples.
"Sirius wasn't the only one to figure it out," Peter said.
"I knew he wouldn't be," Remus replied. "What good is a message if it isn't understood? It'll be in The Daily Prophet tomorrow; someone will make sure of it."
Remus and Peter were sitting off by themselves in the common room. James and Sirius were near the fire with the other Quidditch team members and the seventh-year girls, those who had known Isabel best. Although Sirius had been removed from the team for disciplinary reasons last year, at a moment like this, he was still part of the team.
"I'm going for a walk, Wormtail," Remus said suddenly. He always became restless as the full moon approached, and this morning's news had left him more agitated than normal. "Do you want to come, or stay here?"
"Are you going to stay inside the castle?" Remus nodded. "O.K., I'll come."
James and Sirius both noticed their departure, but Remus gave them a slight smile and a half-wave on his way out. He wanted them to know that their company was not required; they could stay where they were. James nodded in acknowledgement.
"Where do you want to go?" Peter asked as soon as they were in the corridor.
"Doesn't matter. I just had to get out of there."
"Getting claustrophobic?"
"Something like that." Although he wasn't technically claustrophobic, Remus had used the word occasionally in an attempt to explain to his friends the way that enclosed or crowded places made him feel when the wolf grew stronger.
Although Remus led the way on a seemingly random path, he made a mental note to stay in main corridors. Tensions were running high in the school, and neither Peter nor he needed to run into Slytherin students in some out-of-the way corner of the school.
"Moony, does it ever make you nervous that your mum's Muggle-born—with all that's going on, I mean."
"Of course it does. I hate that she's a potential target. It's been just Mum and I for most of my life. The thought of losing her—it makes me angry; that's what it does. But, I try to keep in mind that other than the fact that she's Muggle-born, there's no reason for her to be a target. She has an anonymous job in a small business, she lives a very private life, and she's not even married to my dad anymore, so they won't target her for the whole pureblood—Muggle-born angle."
"No, I mean, do you ever get scared for you because your mum is Muggle-born?"
Remus laughed. "Because I'm 'half-blood spawn,' you mean?"
"I wouldn't have put it that way."
"I know you wouldn't, Peter," Remus said as he put his arm around his shorter friend's shoulders. "I guess I never thought about it. Compared to you-know," he dropped his voice although they appeared to be alone, "the amount of prejudice I'm likely to face for being considered a half-blood seems pretty insignificant."
After Remus preceded the way up a narrow staircase, Peter suddenly asked, "What if being a half-blood was the worst you had to worry about? Would you be worried? Do you think you'd be a target? If the Death Eaters are killing people who might have half-blood children, isn't the next step to kill people who are half-bloods?"
The note of urgency in Peter's voice made Remus stop in his tracks and observe his friend closely. Then he remembered.
"Anna," Remus said. Peter's girlfriend, Anna, had a Muggle mother and a wizard father. "Don't worry, Wormtail. We'll help you keep her safe."
Peter nodded, but he did not seem reassured. He suddenly looked down at his feet and jumped back with a small yelp. The silvery figure of the Fat Friar, the Hufflepuff ghost, was floating up through the floor where Peter had been standing.
"My apologies, young man," the Friar said with a nod in Peter's direction, "I can't see through floors as easily as I can move through them."
"Quite alright," Peter mumbled.
"I was looking for you, Mr. Lupin," the Friar said. "They said in your common room that you'd gone for a walk, and Sir Nicholas and I have been searching high and low for you."
"Me?" Remus involuntarily glanced at his watch although he knew it was far too early for him to go to the Shrieking Shack. "What is it?"
"Professor Dumbledore needs to see you as soon as possible. There's no password today—too many necessary visitors in regard to last night's tragedy—but if the gargoyle doesn't step aside right away, it's because the Headmaster is with another visitor and doesn't want to be disturbed. Just wait until the gargoyle lets you go up."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Peter asked.
"No thanks. Why don't you go see if you can spend some time with Anna? Brother Hugh, if Peter went to the corridor outside the Hufflepuff common room, would you stop inside and tell Anna Stalk that Peter's waiting for her in the corridor?"
"No trouble at all," the ghost said with a smile. "Always glad to assist young lovers—within the bounds decency permits, of course."
"No, that's alright, Brother Hugh," Peter said quickly. "I think I'm just going to go back to Gryffindor." He hurried away as quickly as one could walk without running.
"Well, that's a strange way to court a young woman," Brother Hugh said. "Of course, courting women was never my forte. You'd better run along as well, Mr. Lupin."
"I will. Thank you, Brother Hugh."
Remus was only two floors above the entrance to the Headmaster's office, so he soon found himself face to face with the familiar gargoyle who guarded Dumbledore's staircase. The gargoyle remained motionless, so Remus crouched down with his back against the opposite wall. Several long minutes passed before the gargoyle shook his head as if just awakening and then sprang aside. The staircase was spiraling down, so Remus stood but waited patiently. Dumbledore soon came into view accompanying Professor Grianan and two other people. A middle-aged witch was crying and leaning on the arm of an equally red-eyed wizard. Remus didn't know whose parents they were by sight, but Grianan's presence meant that their child had been a Slytherin, Thaddeus Crouch.
Mrs. Crouch was speaking, but her words were half-lost in her sobs. "—never should have—if we'd known—much potential—a waste—foolish boy—" Her husband made no effort to respond. He merely stroked her hair as he led her away.
Professor Grianan stared at Remus antagonistically, and Remus felt the wolf rise up within him to meet the unspoken challenge. He stared back and barely managed to suppress the urge to growl at the challenger. The Headmaster stepped between teacher and pupil and gestured toward the stairs.
"Would you come up to my office, Remus? There's a problem we need to discuss."
"Of course, Professor," Remus said. He glanced back toward Grianan as the stairs carried him up, but the professor was already walking away. The relationship between the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and his star student was an unusual one. For most of the month, Grianan treated Remus like any other student, but when the full moon drew near, his attitude shifted. He began to watch Remus more carefully and closely. Remus had felt like Grianan was studying him. Watching for signs of the wolf and trying to determine how much of Remus was still human and how much was lupine as the moon drew near. Then Sirius had commented that Grianan stared at Remus like a hunter sizing up his prey, and Remus realized that he was right. If Grianan were ever to encounter Remus transformed, he would kill him without hesitation or a second thought. Remus found the idea as comforting as it was terrifying.
"I'm afraid we cannot allow you to use the Shrieking Shack tonight," Dumbledore said without preamble as he gestured toward a chair for Remus's use. He circled behind his desk and sat down as well. "The aurors are still all over Hogsmeade. Undoubtedly, they will investigate the Shack if they have not done so already, and if they hear unusual noises, they are far more likely to want to go in rather than stay away."
Remus nodded dumbly. Aurors in the Shack—either he would kill them, or they would kill him; neither was a pleasant thought.
"I considered and rejected the idea of explaining to them that the building would be used by a werewolf during the full moon—I wouldn't use your name, of course—and asking them to stay out, but quite frankly, I wouldn't trust them. Overall, they're good and brave people. Every one of them would willing give his or her life to protect you while you are human, but transformed—"
"A werewolf would make a great trophy kill," Remus said. It was the way Grianan sometimes made him feel, and the aurors would be even less encumbered by sentiment than his professor.
"I'm afraid so. But we have made alternate arrangements. We've chosen a room in the castle, and Professor Flitwick and Professor Grianan are taking steps to make it both escape proof and soundproof. Madam Pomfrey has told me that she often finds you in the upstairs bed on cold mornings, so we will make sure to put a bed in the room. Is there anything else we should do to make this work for you?"
"Yes, tell my friends how to get in so they can spend the moon with me," Remus thought desperately, but he stared down at the carpet and shook his head. "Actually, I need a place to put my clothes, a shelf or cabinet out of the wolf's reach. Otherwise, I'll shred them." "Instead I'll just shred myself."
"I'll see to that personally. Just meet Madam Pomfrey at the usual time, she'll bring you to the room."
* * * * *
It had been a long and restless night for Lily. Memories of Isabel ran through her mind. The tears didn't come immediately, and Lily feared that it meant she was a bad person, unfeeling, when she heard sniffling in the neighboring beds. When the hot tears welled up at last, they caught her by surprise. Her mind had strayed away from thinking about Isabel at all, but the sight of her empty bed set the tears off. Lily buried her face in her pillow to keep from her sobs from waking the others who had finally fallen asleep.
She was also troubled by fears. She was a target twice over, and these murders proved that no one was safe even at Hogwarts. She feared for herself. She feared for James—should the unlikely happen and they begin dating again. She feared for her parents and sister. The Death Eaters frequently targeted families when they couldn't get someone more directly. The Catto family murders had proven that.
When the sky began to grow lighter, Lily decided to abandon the pretense of sleeping. She quietly got out of bed and pulled a sweatshirt on over her pajamas. She didn't know if she could focus on schoolwork any more than she had been able to sleep, but she picked up her potions text and her half-finished essay anyway.
Given that many others in the house shared some of her reasons for insomnia, she wasn't completely surprised when she heard hushed voices in the common room. She paused on the stairs and listened for a moment so she could be sure she wasn't intruding. She was surprised to realize that the two voices were those of James and Sirius.
"—we go yet?" Sirius was asking.
"Only if you want to spend an hour
sitting in front of a locked infirmary door.
Pomfrey said she'd let us in to visit him at seven, no earlier."
Sirius made a strange sound
that was half whine and half growl.
"This is so frustrating! He
shouldn't have been alone like this, especially since he was upset about
Isabel and everyone. You know he's
worse when he's upset."
"Pomfrey will take good care of him," James said reassuringly. "She always does."
"If he made it through the night."
"He did. We just have to believe he did." James didn't sound much more certain of it than Sirius did.
"He came so close last year," Sirius said very quietly. Lily went two steps lower on the stairs; it was as close as she could get without being seen. "He almost died that night, James."
"I know."
"He hates being alone."
"I know."
"Can't we go yet? We can take the cloak and sneak in the infirmary. I just need to see that he made it through the night. Please?"
"Alright. Fetch, Padfoot."
Lily withdrew back into the shadows of a higher step as she heard Sirius fly up the other staircase. Although they had not said who "he" was, she had no doubt that it was Remus. She had figured out years ago that he had a chronic illness. One couldn't be in his house and year and not notice his frequent absences. Some absences were family related, but many others—too many others—were obviously due to illness. After both became prefects and they had gotten to know each other better, many times she had been tempted to ask him about it. Two things stopped her every time. First, Remus didn't seem willing to discuss it. He would deny that he was ill even when anyone with eyes could see that it was a lie. Second, she feared that he would tell her that his illness was fatal. She didn't know how she would react if he told her that. What do you say to someone who's just told you that he's going to die?
Sirius ran back down the stairs as quickly as he had gone up. He and James briefly discussed the likelihood of Filch being up this early—they thought it unlikely—and agreed to wait to wear the cloak when they got closer to the hospital wing. Lily was certain that they were discussing an invisibility cloak. One too many veiled references to the thing over the years had made it a rather open secret. After the common room became silent, she waited a few moments longer before she went down the stairs.
By six-thirty, she had given up on Potions. Her essay made her think of the Potions N.E.W.T., which made her think of the fact that Isabel would never get to take her N.E.W.T.'s, and the fact that Remus might not get to take them either. "Life is so unfair sometimes," she thought, and then she frowned at the triteness of the thought. "So what are you going to do about it, Lily?" There was nothing she could do for Isabel; she couldn't even say, "Good-bye." Was there anything she could do for Remus? She didn't know, but she was tired of not knowing simply because she was afraid to ask. James and Sirius knew what was wrong with their friend and faced it head on, even if all they could do was visit him when he was ill. Lily went upstairs to shower and dress. She was going to visit a sick friend.
It was a few minutes after seven by the time she reached the hospital wing, and Lily was relieved to find the door unlocked. Given that Madam Pomfrey seemed to be rather strict above limiting when people could visit Remus, she might also be strict about who could visit Remus. Lily let herself in quietly. A handful of nearby beds were occupied, but all of those students were both asleep and alone. At the far end of the ward, curtains surrounded a bed. Madam Pomfrey came out from behind the curtains, speaking to someone inside, and headed for the small room where she kept her healing potions and other supplies. Lily took advantage of Pomfrey's brief absence and walked quickly toward the curtained bed. As she drew near, the sound of Sirius's voice told her that she had guessed correctly.
"What are you trying to do?"
"I just can't—ow," Remus's voice was strained and rough. Lily peeked around the corner cautiously and saw Remus extend an arm to Sirius. "Help me sit up more; I can't quite manage."
Sirius looped one arm around Remus's chest and pulled him up and back against the pillow. "You need another pillow," he said. "Fetch, Prongs."
"Woof," James said as he jumped up from his chair. Before he could take one step however, he found himself face to face with Lily. "Oh—uh—" He shifted slightly to his left as if to block Remus from Lily's view. "What are you doing here?"
"Damn," she heard Sirius whisper.
"I believe it's customary to visit friends when they're in hospital," Lily replied. She stood on tiptoe and peeked over James's shoulder. "Hi, Remus."
Remus was quite pale. His eyes were feverishly bright and as wide as a frightened child's. "Hi, Lily," he whispered back.
"Now, you lost a lot of blood last night, Remus, so I want you to drink every drop of this," Madam Pomfrey explained as she came back within the curtains. She was pouring a dark purplish-red potion into a brass goblet as she entered. "Then after breakfast—oh, dear me." When she caught sight of Lily, she appeared just as flustered as James had been.
James was not flustered any more. "Lily and I are going for a little walk," he said decisively. He took her by the elbow as if to lead her out, but she pulled away.
"No, I want to visit with Remus."
"You can visit with Remus after we talk," James insisted.
Lily looked at Remus, hoping to see that he wished her to stay. Remus was staring down at the bed covers and so still that he was barely breathing. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, but he was leaning across it with one hand resting on the mattress on the other side of Remus's legs. It seemed that he, like James, wanted to block Remus from Lily's view.
"Alright," she agreed. She had come to be supportive, not to intrude. "Remus, may I come back later? I won't if you don't want me to."
Remus nodded. "It's O.K."
"After supper, Miss Evans," Madam Pomfrey added. "Remus needs to rest today."
Not far from the infirmary was a small sitting room. James held the door open for Lily and then lit a fire in the grate. Lily took a seat by the fire, and James sat in the chair opposite. The grim expression on his face seemed out of place on the ever-joking James Potter.
"How much do you know?" he asked.
"You mean about Remus's illness?" He nodded. "Not much. I've always known that he was sick, but I thought—I hoped—it was just something chronic. I hoped it wasn't—" She looked down at her hands in embarrassment. "I have a little confession to make. I came down to the common room just as you and Sirius were leaving,"—"a small white lie"—"and I heard Sirius say that he might die. What's wrong with him?" She felt tears threaten to spill out as she looked up at him again.
"You'll probably kill me for saying this," James said with the faintest of smiles, "but I can't tell you. We all promised Remus that we wouldn't tell anyone."
"Why? I don't understand why he wants to be so secretive about this. Is he that afraid of people feeling sorry for him?"
"No," James chuckled slightly, "that's not what he's afraid of." James stared into the flames for a moment and his brow wrinkled as if in thought. "How would you feel if I told you that he's contagious?"
"What?" Lily felt a momentary shock of fear—"Contagious and fatal"—fear not for herself but for James and Sirius and Peter. They were his dorm mates. If Remus were contagious, they were the ones most at risk.
"It's more like—theoretically contagious," James assured her. "It's really, really difficult to catch, and we're very, very careful. You aren't any danger whatsoever, Lily. You really aren't. But because there's a possibility of danger, most people would be afraid of him if they knew. If other students found out, if their parents found out, Remus would be thrown out of school so fast he wouldn't even have time to pack. That's what Remus is afraid of."
"Oh." A younger, more naïve Lily might have protested that people were more compassionate than James's portrayal. Yesterday's murders and the murders that had preceded it had shattered any such illusions.
"You are safe, Lily. Do you believe me?"
"Of course I do. If it were dangerous to be around him, you, Sirius, and Peter would have caught it by now."
"So you'll keep this a secret?"
"Of course. Now can you tell me what's wrong with him?"
He shook his head. "Sorry, I promised Remus that I wouldn't. He might tell you, but I doubt it. If you ever do figure it out, it would really mean a lot to him to hear you say that you know and you don't care." James suddenly smiled. "But you know what? Now that you've figured out this much, I can tell you where I was that night last month. We were with Remus. He was sick that night, and we were keeping him company."
"You could have told me that!"
"Not really. You see, Remus is only contagious sometimes. He was contagious that night, and we weren't allowed to visit him, but we did anyway."
"James! That was a stupid risk to take. Madam Pomfrey obviously knows more about his condition than you do, and if she said—"
"It was worth it," James said firmly. "Do you know what the second most common cause of death is for people with Remus's 'condition'? Self-inflicted injuries. If we stay with him, we can keep him from injuring or killing himself. I'd say that's worth a little risk. And we aren't at risk, not really. Believe me, Remus wouldn't let us anywhere near him if he thought we were in danger. We've come up with a way to stay safe while we're with him. We have to break several rules to do it, but—it's worth it, Lily; it really is."
"You're a good friend, James Potter."
"Am I a good boyfriend too?"
"That's being taken into consideration."
James grinned and sprang forward to give Lily a quick kiss. "Look, I'm starving. Let me dash back to Remus and Sirius, reassure them that Remus doesn't need to pack, and then we can go have breakfast. O.K.?"
"I'll be waiting."
Despite the early morning chill in the room, Lily felt a pleasant warmth inside. She hadn't enjoyed one moment of this fight with James, and she was relieved that it was over. He did have a good reason for being out all night, and he did have a good reason for not her telling what it was. In fact, she was rather impressed that he was principled enough to put his promise to Remus above his own romantic interest. She rose and held out her hands to the fire James had conjured. She stared into the flames and for just a moment, she imagined the looks on her friends' faces when they walked into the Great Hall for breakfast and saw Lily with James—and then the warmth was gone. "Isabel won't be there. They killed Isabel for dating a Muggle-born. I can't put James at risk like that."
She heard a knock at the door and saw James and Sirius standing in the doorway. Sirius was watching her warily, as if afraid that Lily would change her mind about keeping Remus's illness a secret.
"Pomfrey kicked Sirius out, so he's going to tag along with us to breakfast."
"Good," Lily said as she deliberately smiled. "If Sirius is with us, we'll look less like a couple to anyone watching."
Sirius yawned widely as they walked down the corridor, and a moment later, James did as well. Lily wondered if they had slept at all while Remus was in the hospital wing.
"I wonder which house elf you have to sleep with to get coffee with breakfast." Sirius said.
"Rugger, he's the one with hairy ears," James answered. "And you'll have to do the honors, not me."
Sirius snorted. "I guess I'll just have to fall asleep in class; it's the lesser of two evils."
"Actually, there will be a pot of coffee at our table," James said. "If you didn't skip breakfast so often, you'd figure out that the house elves always send some up to us the day after—Remus gets sick."
"Efficient little buggers, aren't they?"
"Sounds to me like James did something to get on Rugger's good side," Lily added with a smile. "If we hadn't broken up, I'd be very jealous."
Sirius laughed, muttered, "Buggered by Rugger," and laughed again. James suddenly tackled Sirius to the floor and began tickling him unmercifully. "STOP! STOP! Aahh!" Sirius managed to squirm away enough to begin tickling James.
As they rolled around on the floor laughing in the way that only the truly happy or the truly sleep-deprived can, Lily watched with amusement. She stepped back a few times to avoid being knocked down herself. Then a sudden thought struck her.
"James, last month, how did you know in advance when Remus would be sick?" Both boys immediately stopped laughing and stared at each other for a moment. James looked very deliberately at Lily's mouth, not quite meeting her eyes, as he searched for an answer.
"Can't fool you, can we, Lily?" Sirius said as stood up and extended a hand down to his friend. "The truth is, I was planning on getting into a bit of mischief that night, and I talked James into coming along. Then Remus got sick, and—plans changed."