A/N: Ok I know I should be working on NYAQF. But ever since I read OotP and heard "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World during my road trip this summer, ((yes I'd never heard that whole CD before)) I've been wanting to do a songfic in honor of Sirius and also Lily and James. So here I go! The plot of the story doesn't really follow what the lyrics of the song are saying, but the song is so sweet and sad and… meh. I'm gonna shut up and write now.
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There's no one in town I know.
You us someplace to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that.
Now I'll never have a chance.
A light, summer breeze blew through the open window, sending shadows from the flickering firelight skittering across the room. Otherwise, the room was still and silent. All the inhabitants of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place had long since retired to their beds, save for one, lone figure huddled in an armchair by the fire. Crossing his arms tighter over his chest, Remus Lupin hunched over the maroon photo album sitting in his lap. Reverently, he opened the cover and scanned the first page, his eyes drawn immediately to a picture at the bottom.
A messy haired boy wearing Gryffindor Quidditch robes grinned as he high-fived his black-haired companion, while his other two friends clapped him on the back. With a trembling finger, Remus traced the faces in the photograph; eyes glued to the two black haired figures who were now giving each other noogies. His hand dropped to his side as a thousand memories swirled through his mind. What had he done to deserve such wonderful friends? Friends who refused to desert him even once they knew his terrible secret…
***********
"B-b-but… you guys don't understand! I'm a monster!"
"I dunno about that. You look pretty normal to me. Waddya say, James?"
Terrified, the sandy haired boy groaned, "Please don't joke about this, Sirius. I…"
"Remus, mate, you expect us to ditch our best friend just 'cause he turns into a rabid wolf once a month?" the bespectacled boy beside him asked.
"Just think what a threat that would be. 'Shut up or I'll sick my best mate on you!'"
"SIRIUS!" both of his companions yelled.
"Sorry…" he muttered.
"You mean… you really still want to be friends with me?" Remus asked, in tremulous disbelief.
"Of course we do!" James answered, "What kind of blokes do you take us for? Yeah so we can't hang with you for one night out of every month. So what?" Stepping forward, he patted Remus gingerly on the back. "Don't worry about it, mate."
"My thoughts exactly, James," Sirius said, stepping forward to join the two boys. All three turned and looked expectantly at a rather plump, blonde haired boy who was currently busy devouring a chocolate frog. "Oi, Peter!"
"What? Oh! Yeah, I'm with James and Sirius," Peter hurriedly agreed, walking over to join them.
Remus managed a weak smile, "Thanks, guys."
"I, for one, would like to proceed to Hogsmeade. I've been craving butterbeer for the past hour," Sirius said.
***********
As the memory faded, Remus sighed and turned the page, swallowing around the lump in his throat.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in.
The next picture caused the lump in his throat to swell. He stared with stinging eyes at the two smiling figures in the photograph. The same black haired, bespectacled boy from the first photograph sat at the Gryffindor table, but he looked older this time. His hair was a tad longer and, if possible, even messier. He had filled out quite a bit and no longer looked as scrawny as he had in the first picture.
Remus watched as the photographic version of his friend leaned over to whisper something into the ear of the petite redhead seated beside him. From the smile upon her lips and the tender look in her emerald eyes, she must have liked whatever he was saying to her. She turned her head to meet gaze, before leaning over and planting a soft kiss upon his cheek. He smiled down at her, joy shining from his chocolate brown eyes, and Remus couldn't help but smile at the couple. Lily and James had been so happy together. They were never seen apart from each other's company, and Remus and Sirius were usually there as well. And Peter. If only they had known…
Sighing heavily, Remus tried to banish the self-accusing thoughts from his mind. Why hadn't he recognized Peter as a traitor? He should have known. Should have done something. Their lives had been going so well, until that fateful night when Peter's betrayal had changed everything…
***********
It was a calm, cool October night and Remus was up late doing a bit of research for the Order. He was so preoccupied with the book in his hands that he didn't hear the pop behind him. "Remus," came a gruff voice from behind him. Jumping slightly, he turned around and stared at the figure of Mad Eye Moody standing in his living room.
"M-mad Eye?" he asked, shocked. Glancing at the clock on the wall he noted that it was almost midnight. As he recovered his composure, he closed the book and gestured toward the couch, "Take a seat."
Moody shook his head and in the faint lamplight Remus thought he saw a trace of tears shining in his eye. "Can't stay. No time. I've got to tell you this, Remus…" There was a long pause and Remus waited with baited breath for him to continue.
"They're gone."
"I'm sorry?" Remus asked, thoroughly bewildered.
Moody took a deep breath and said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "Lily and James. They're gone."
To his surprise, Remus began to laugh uproariously. He sank down onto the couch, trying desperately to control himself. Finally, he sat up, grinning good-naturedly. "Come off it, Mad Eye. Lily and James are safe. The Fidelius charm, remember? What are you really here for?"
Heaving a sigh, Moody shook his head mutely and Remus felt his stomach plummet. It wasn't possible. There was just no way. They couldn't be dead. They just couldn't be. Sirius! Sirius would never betray them. He loved James like a brother. Through the haze of shock and sorrow clouding his brain, Remus heard a voice say in a broken tone: "It's not true. It can't be true. It's not possible, I tell you! They can't—" And the voice broke off into huge racking sobs. Suddenly, Remus realized he was the one who had spoken. Tears were streaming down his face as cold, hard reality sunk in.
Lily and James were dead and Sirius had betrayed them.
***********
Taking a deep, shaking breath, Remus surveyed the other photographs on the page, everyone including a redhead standing beside a boy with messy black hair, joy evident on their youthful faces.
So what would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that.
Now I'll never have a chance.
As he turned the page, the lump in his throat swelled to a painful size. The next picture caused hot tears to fill his eyes. As he stared, entranced, at the three figures before him. A red-haired woman in a lovely, pure white gown stood arm in arm with the same black haired man from the other pictures. Both were smiling at a slighter shorter man in tux who carried a wineglass in his hand. Remus watched as the photographic Sirius lifted his glass in a toast to his best friend and his new wife. Tears began to slip down his haggard cheeks as he remembered the toast Sirius had pronounced.
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"To Lily and James, who are probably the happiest and most stable couple I have ever seen. Judging from their first six years of acquaintance, nobody thought these two would ever end up together, but I knew better."
"Yeah right, Padfoot," Remus called out and several others in the crowd snickered.
"Point taken Moony," Sirius admitted, "But I was the first to predict that these two would end up getting married and claim my rightful place as best man." Here, he paused, as laughter rippled through the crowd. "Any way, I wish you guys the best. You certainly deserve it. James, you've stuck by me through thick and thin, and I just want you to know that I'd do anything for you. I love you guys from the bottom of my heart and I hope you get your happily ever after."
***********
A single tear slipped down his cheek as he remembered that blissful evening. Again, he wondered why things had turned out the way they had. It just didn't seem fair. Life isn't fair, he thought grimly and turned another page.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
The next photograph caused a strangled sob to rise in his throat. Hurriedly he dashed away the tears that were sliding down his cheeks, lest they fall onto the photographs and ruin them. They're all I have left now. Blinking rapidly, he gazed at the figures in the photo. There, again, was the same smiling, red and black haired couple, along with their two best friends. But, this time, there was an addition to the happy company: a grinning infant of about six months, whose messy black hair bore a striking resemblance to the man holding him.
***********
"Hand Harry over here, Prongs. He needs his Christmas present," Sirius said, holding his arms out.
"You know, as his mother, I'm not so sure about that," Lily interjected.
"An excellent thought, my lovely little Lily. How can we be sure this present isn't dangerous?" James agreed, bending over to plant a kiss on his wife's forehead. She, in turn, blushed prettily at both the gesture and the endearment.
Sirius stared at them in a pretense of shock and hurt, "Prongsie! How can you even suggest such a thing. I would never want to hurt your darling child."
Looking up from the new sweater he was neatly folding, Remus snorted, "Right. Never in a million years."
"Oh shut it, Moony," Sirius retorted indignantly, "I might put him in a weensy bit of danger, but I'd never actually injure him."
"And therein lies the problem," said Lily. Seeing the look of genuine hurt beginning to form on Sirius's face, James chuckled and placed his son in his best mate's arms. "There ya go, Padfoot. Give him his present. As his godfather, it's the least you can do."
Grinning, Sirius settled a now gurgling Harry into his lap and, with a flourish, pulled out an infant sized leather jacket. "See what I have bought you, my adorable godson!"
Remus and James began to laugh at the bewildered look on Harry's face as Sirius began to clumsily shove his arms into the sleeves. Rolling her eyes at the incompetence of the men in the room, Lily quickly replaced Harry in her lap and carefully finished putting on his new jacket.
"Looking good, Harry!" Remus catcalled, causing James to laugh again.
"I have excellent taste, do I not?" demanded Sirius, a smug smile on his face.
"It's not that, Padfoot," Remus answered, "With a kid as cute as Harry, anything looks good." They all joined in another round of laughter as Sirius tried vainly to think of a retort and little Harry beamed at all of them, waving his arms and legs in glee.
***********
Remus shut the album carefully, overwhelmed by the countless memories whirling through his mind.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And suddenly, he found that he could no longer hold back the tears. They streamed down his cheeks, tiny gems that gleamed faintly in the firelight. With a strangled sob, his head plummeted into his hands as the tears fell faster. The photo album tumbled from his lap unheeded. First Lily and James. Now Sirius. I'm the only one left. The last Marauder. Thoughts whirled through his mind as huge sobs wracked his frame; one question remained: Why? Why did things have to go wrong? We were so happy… And Sirius. He had just been freed…
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
God wouldn't let it live.
Sirius had been his best friend, especially after James was gone. For twelve, long years Remus had thought him a traitor. The very idea had tormented him, as he struggled between hatred for the man who had taken James's life and compassion for his childhood companion.
Then, that night in the Shrieking Shack, his life took a turn for the better. Sirius was free and innocent. Finally, he had someone who could share in his private grief; for that wound had never healed completely. With Sirius's return, his elation and relief overshadowed the pain of his ancient loss.
And now Sirius was dead. His last link to the carefree days of his youth was severed. His happy past was severed from him and he was now alone in a future that seemed to have no hope.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
Seconds passed. Minutes, perhaps. Then a thought came to him: Harry. I've still got Harry. And he needs my help. The revelation gave him strength, a purpose, and finally the sobs subsided. Sitting up again, he retrieved the album and continued looking through it. As he turned the page, fresh tears welled in his reddened eyes, and he moved as if to shove the painful reminders from his lap.
Then came a faint sound from behind: a light tap upon the door. "Come in," he croaked, hastily shutting the album and pushing it behind him on the seat as he stood and turned to face the intruder. His face fell as he saw who it was. "H-harry!" he exclaimed in disbelief. Tears threatened again as he gazed upon the image of his former friend standing before him, alike in every way to James, except for his eyes. Those eyes that were now filled with sorrow and compassion.
"What… are you doing up so late?" Harry asked, staring fixedly down at the floor, as if ashamed of intruding upon Remus's private sorrow.
"I was looking at… some old pictures," Remus answered, as Harry advanced around the armchair to face him.
"Of my mum and dad? And… Sirius?" Harry rasped around the growing lump in his throat. Remus nodded slowly, and Harry paused before asking, "May I have a look?" With another nod from the older man, Harry picked up the album and opened the cover. His eyes grew misty as his gaze traveled longingly over the figures in the pictures. Suddenly, he slammed the album shut, humiliated by his seeming weakness.
Swallowing hard, Remus placed a gentle hand upon his shoulder, tears shining in his own eyes as he looked at the young man before him, so valiantly determined to keep his anguish hidden. "It's alright to cry, Harry. I understand how it hurts."
Quickly, Harry ducked his head and his shoulders heaved in a sigh. When he met Remus's eyes one, fat tear coursed slowly down his cheek, leaving a shimmering trail behind. Impulsively, Remus reached for Harry and wrapped his arms around him in an awkward embrace as the tears spilled from his own eyes. For a minute, they stood there, crying onto each other's shoulders, then Harry abruptly pulled away. "I want to look," he said, picking up the photo album once more. "It helps. To remember, I mean."
Remus nodded, "We'll always have those happy memories. As few as they are, we still have them." He moved to stand beside Harry and, together, the two mourners gazed in silence at the photographs, each one drawing strength from the memories enshrined there.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
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A/N: Wow, that was a crappy ending. I need to rework it sometime, but for now, I just wanted to finish it. In case anyone wonders, I do not believe that Sirius is dead. I am a firm believer in his imminent return, most likely in Book 7. But, hey, I'm not a mind reader. And just in case JKR has decided to continue with her torment of us Sirius fans, I've written this ficlet.