Disclaimer: Professor Dumbledore and his students are the property of J. K. Rowling.
Dedicated to my wonderful hubby who fixed our computer!
Choosing the Head Boy Chapter Nine—February ContinuesFour days had passed since the tragedies of Valentine's evening. Remus had missed all of Monday and Tuesday's classes. Lily had indeed visited Remus in the hospital wing on Monday evening and on Tuesday evening as well. The first time, she didn't stay long. Remus seemed very tired, so when Peter stood to leave, Lily took that as her cue to leave as well. On Tuesday evening, Remus was sitting up in bed and playing cards with Sirius. They dealt her in as soon as they saw her.
It was the first time Lily had spent any time with Sirius that he wasn't with James. She noticed the way Sirius quietly and without fuss did the little things necessary to make Remus more comfortable. When Remus shifted position, Sirius made sure to put pillows where he'd need them. When it was Remus's turn to deal, Sirius first shuffled the cards before giving them to Remus. The bandages on part of Remus's right hand would have made shuffling difficult if not impossible. When Remus glanced toward the pitcher of water on the nightstand, Sirius poured him a glass without even needing to be asked. Throughout, he kept the conversation going as smoothly as if he were not keeping half of his attention on whatever Remus might need.
This was not the trouble-making, attention-seeking Sirius Black that Lily thought she knew. She wondered if he had grown up as much in the past year as James apparently had, or if Remus's illness just brought out Sirius's nurturing side. She kept biting back an impulse to call him "Florence Nightingale." Perhaps James had shown better judgment in choosing a best friend than she had thought.
Lily had noticed, but did not comment upon, the fact that Remus had bandages around both wrists and several fingers of his right hand. James's words about "self-inflicted injuries" kept running through her mind. "If we stay with him, we can keep him from injuring or killing himself." She wondered if Remus had tried to slit his wrists, and she wondered what kind of illness could create that kind of desperation. Attempted suicide, however, did not explain the large bandage she glimpsed around Remus's calf when he got out of bed to go to the bathroom.
"I can walk, Sirius," he said as he waved off his friend's assistance. "If Madam Pomfrey sees you helping me, she won't let me out tomorrow."
When the bandages were removed, and Remus finally returned to classes and Gryffindor tower, his friends surrounded him like a protective phalanx. In the corridors, in the Great Hall, in classes, James and Sirius stayed on either side of Remus, and Peter stayed just in front or just behind. Lily had noticed this pack-like behavior before but had always just assumed it was James wanting to be surrounded by his adoring fan club. She wondered how often she had really been observing what they were doing today, making sure no one jostled or reinjured Remus while he was still recuperating.
Lily avoided James throughout this time period. Although the misunderstanding had been cleared up, and they had made their peace over it, the more significant problem remained. If Lily dated James, she made him as much of a target as she was herself. She could not in good conscience do that to him. He had had hall duty on Tuesday—hence his absence from the hospital bed card game—but she did not know where he was this evening. She was just about to retreat up to the safety of her dormitory when Remus called her over.
"Lily, could you help me with this?" he said with a gesture to his Charms textbook. "I've got James's notes from Tuesday, but—" He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender or hopelessness.
"He doesn't take very good notes?" she said with a smile as she slipped into the seat beside him.
"No, it's not that, not exactly. I'm sure for James these notes would make complete sense and cover everything he needs to know, but I'm not James. Half the stuff covered in class is so obvious to him, so instinctive, that he doesn't bother to write it down. Usually he explains his notes to me, and then it all makes perfect sense, but he's not here and we have Charms tomorrow."
"Where is he, anyway?"
"No idea," Remus said darkly. He didn't appear happy about that. "He and Sirius disappeared right after dinner without a word."
Lily had been looking through James's notes as they spoke. The various abbreviations and curving arrows made no sense to her. "I can see why this doesn't make sense. What in the world does 'viz' mean?"
"Visualize," Remus explained. "The abbreviations don't bother me; I know them all. I've been using my friends' notes to catch up since first-year. James's notes are usually the best of the three."
"Why don't I get my notebook?" Lily said. "We can go through Tuesday's notes together."
Lily and Remus spent a productive hour and a half together. Remus had caught on quickly to all the material covered in the missed Charms class, and they had moved on to Monday's Potions class.
"I did do some homework yesterday, really," Remus assured Lily. "But I put off Potions. I hate that class, passionately. Is it my imagination, or does every potion we've studied this year reek even more than the one before it?"
"We have had some rather unpleasant ones recently," Lily admitted.
"That one last month to restore grey hair to its original colour—I could barely keep down my breakfast. I'd much rather be completely grey than ever smell than vile concoction again. Why anyone would ever choose to make that when they could purchase Muggle hair dye is a mystery to me. That's what my mum does," he added in a conspiratorial whisper.
Lily giggled. "Mine too. But I think the point of that lesson was learning the technique of—"
"They're back," Remus said suddenly. Lily followed his gaze to the portrait hole. James had just climbed in and was followed a moment later by Sirius. "And they look altogether too pleased with themselves."
"What were you two up to tonight?" Lily asked when a grinning James sat across from her and an equally happy Sirius took the seat opposite Remus.
"You don't want to know, Lils," James said with a smirk. He glanced over at Sirius, and they both began to chuckle at some private joke. Lily thought that he might be right. Deniability could be a good thing.
"I want to know," Remus said sternly. He stared at Sirius, and Sirius dropped his gaze to the tabletop.
"Nothing bad, really," James assured him.
Remus continued to stare at Sirius, and Lily noticed Sirius peek up from under the fringe of his shaggy hair. "What—did—you—do?" Remus emphasized each word as he demanded an answer.
"Just a little reconnaissance mission," Sirius said.
"Where?"
"In the dungeons."
"Inside Slytherin?"
Sirius glanced nervously at Lily rather than reply.
"It's O.K.; I know James has an invisibility cloak," she said.
"You do?" James asked in surprise.
"Half of Gryffindor has figured that out," she replied.
Sirius looked back at Remus and nodded. "We were thinking about what you said, that someone here probably drew up the list of targets for Valentine's Day, and we hoped we could figure out who."
"And they'd just blurt it out in the common room," Remus said sarcastically as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest.
"Well, we weren't just in the common room," James said with a grin. "We listened in on a few more private conversations as well. You'll never guess who Rosier is shagging."
"You may have to do a memory charm on me for that one, Jamie-boy," Sirius said with a shudder. "Shocked my virgin eyes."
"Is that all you did, observe?" Remus asked. "You didn't by any chance torment anyone, or leave any little surprises behind like shampoo that turns their hair bright pink or wet-start fireworks in the showers?"
"Well—" Sirius began, but when James started to laugh, Sirius succumbed to laughter as well.
"Damn it, Padfoot, you promised!" Remus stood abruptly and began piling up his books. "You swore that you wouldn't antagonize him anymore, that you'd leave him alone until we finish school."
"I didn't, Moony! I swear that I didn't do anything to Snape. The greasy-haired git was right there, but I didn't do anything."
Remus had picked up his books but did not walk away. He looked at James.
"James didn't do anything to him either," Sirius assured him.
"What did you do," Lily asked, "and to whom?"
"Regulus," James said with a smile.
"My bootlicking little brother is still fair game, isn't he?" Sirius asked and then bit his lower lip.
"Yeah, he's fair game," Remus conceded as he sat down again.
"Good, because you were our primary accomplice," James said with a chuckle.
"What'd I do?"
"Remember that potion we made last month to cure grey hair?" James asked. Lily giggled as Remus nodded with a slight smile. "You botched it, Re; you really did."
"I'm not surprised. It smelled so bad I could hardly think straight. So which one of you do I owe my thanks for the good grade I got on it?"
"Me," James said. "I pocketed the vial you planned to hand in and gave you a vial of what I made. Your potion found its way into Regulus's shampoo bottle."
"What's it going to do to him?"
"I'm not sure. Either he's going to go prematurely grey, or his hair will fall out."
Remus sighed, leaned back in his chair, and nodded. "O.K., he was far prettier than he deserved to be."
"Lily?" James asked.
She nodded. "Siblings are fair game. In fact, if you have any of that potion left, I've got a sister."
* * * * *
By Friday evening, three of the five funerals had already taken place. Thaddeus Crouch's funeral had been very private, for family only. Jane Lyman's had been held during the week in the Muggle village where she grew up. Her family had politely but firmly discouraged the attendance of Jane's friends and teachers. They blamed the wizarding world for her death, and they did not want that world to intrude on their grief. Sebastian Bones's funeral had been Friday afternoon, and as it was held in Hogsmeade, the Hogwarts students and staff were well represented.
The last two funerals, those for Isabel Shacklebolt and Danny O'Leary, had been scheduled for Saturday specifically because their families wanted their children's schoolmates to be able to attend. Isabel's was taking place in the morning, in London, and Danny's in the afternoon, in Limerick. Danny and Isabel had had many friends in common, and as many of the mourners planned to attend both, the Ministry had agreed to the use of portkeys to transport the students from London to Limerick and back again. Professor Dumbledore had arranged for the Hogwarts Express to take the students to and from London.
It had been dark for several hours when the students boarded the carriages that would take them to the Hogsmeade train station and the waiting steam train. Lily had once believed the carriages to be enchanted to move by themselves and thought them charming. Now that she knew they were pulled by thestrals, she found them slightly creepy. Perhaps what truly bothered her was the fact that more and more of her schoolmates could see the invisible horses every year. As she made her way down the castle steps, she saw Sirius reach up to pet the nose of a thestral she could not see. James, beside Sirius, had his back to her, so Lily tried to hurry onto a carriage before he spotted her. Sirius, however, had other ideas and drew James's attention to her.
"Lily! Wait up; I'll ride with you," James called out.
She settled into a carriage with a sigh. James Potter was not a boy one could shake off by being subtle. "It might be better if you didn't ride with me," she pointed out when he began to step up into the carriage.
"Why?" he asked as he sat beside her and tossed his bag onto the opposite seat. He pulled the door shut without waiting for her answer.
"It isn't very safe for you and I to date," she said slowly, as if explaining a concept to a child. "Remember?"
"Oh." He reached for the strap of his bag, but the carriage suddenly lurched forward, and he sat back again. "I'm sorry, Lily. If you'd rather not take the chance of having me around, that's fine. I guess I just thought that—this is going to sound awful—but you're already a target so I wouldn't make things any worse. But if you—"
"No, you idiot," she interrupted. "I put you at risk."
"Me?" He laughed. "Lily, don't you know what Sirius and Remus and I all hope to do when we're done school? We all hope to be aurors. I'm not exactly planning on taking the safe route through life."
"But that's different. It's one thing to risk your life doing something important and worthwhile, and another thing completely to take an unnecessary risk."
"Lily Evans, you are important and worthwhile. I fell head over heels in love with you years ago, and I've just kept falling deeper ever since. If you don't believe me by now that you are completely necessary to my life, then I have some serious courting to do."
Lily had to bite her lower lip to keep from laughing at his completely earnest use of the word "courting," but she did believe that he meant what he was saying.
"So, Miss Evans, Mr. Potter wishes to keep dating you. Do you wish to keep dating him? Because if you do, and we allow Voldemort and his proud-to-be-inbred minions into scaring us apart, then we've allowed them to win."
There was only one possible answer; she kissed him. It was as wonderful as she remembered.
Although the joy of the moment and long pent-up desires might have inspired Lily and James to make their way from carriage to train compartment in an amorous tangle, their arrival at the small train depot and the sight of their somber housemates brought them back to reality. They weren't on their way home for holiday, but on their way to their friend's funeral. James held Lily's hand as he helped her down from the carriage, and they contented themselves with continuing to hold hands as they made their way onto the train.
"Can they sit with us?" James asked when he looked out a window and saw the carriage carrying Sirius, Remus, and Peter arrive.
"Of course."
James gave her a quick kiss and hurried out of the compartment to fetch his friends. Lily watched out the window as Professor Grianan and Professor McGonagall stepped out of the next carriage. She wasn't surprised to see McGonagall. Given that almost every member of Gryffindor house was on the train—friends of Isabel, friends of Isabel's younger brother, and just those who knew who Isabel was because she was on the Quidditch team—the presence of the head of their house was logical. However, Lily was surprised to see Grianan. Very few, if any, Slytherins would be attending the funerals. It didn't make sense for the head of their house to travel with the train. If he planned to attend the funerals, it would make more sense for him to wait until tomorrow and apparate from Hogsmeade like Professor Dumbledore planned to do.
As she watched, Grianan called Remus back from accompanying James onto the train. He appeared to ask Remus a question; Remus shook his head as he answered. Grianan seemed surprised and spoke again. Remus laughed before he replied.
"Eavesdropping again, Lily?" James asked from behind her.
"It isn't eavesdropping if you're too far away to hear anything," she said as she turned back to see James, Sirius, and Peter entering the compartment. "I was just wondering why Grianan is coming with the train."
"Probably to help protect everyone," Sirius replied as he threw his bag up into the overhead rack. "He'd be a bit more of force to be reckoned with than Artemisia." Professor Artemisia, the herbology teacher, was the head of Hufflepuff, Danny O'Leary's house.
"Oh, I don't know," James said with a grin as he sat down and pulled Lily into his lap. "She's quite 'a force to reckoned with' against the vicious plants in Greenhouses Seven and Nine. Yikes."
"Here you are," Remus said as he entered the compartment as well. He nodded at Lily sitting on James's lap. "Lily, it's nice to see you back where you belong."
"Nice to be back," she said, raising her voice to be heard over the chuckling around them.
"What did Professor Grim want?" Sirius asked as Remus put his bag in the overhead rack and sat down beside him.
"Oh, just a question about the last time I was ill." Remus glanced at Lily and then looked at Sirius again. "I'll tell you later."
"If you don't want to talk in front of me," Lily tried to stand up, but James pulled her back, "I can make myself scarce for awhile."
"No," Remus assured her. "It was nothing important. Sirius can be nosy later."
"Do you want to go find your friends?" James asked her. "I'll come with you."
"Actually, I'd rather wait awhile. Every time we're around each other, we just set each other off again. And I'm just all cried out, right now. Does that sound completely heartless?"
"No," James assured her. "Life has to go on. Isabel certainly wouldn't want you to spend all your time crying for her."
"Besides," Sirius added, "if you get dehydrated crying tonight, you won't have any tears left for the funeral tomorrow, and then you really would look like a heartless bitch." Remus began to chuckle, and the others joined in one by one.
* * * * *
Somehow the church setting transformed the students' black robes from everyday wear into deepest mourning. When the service had begun, Lily found herself dry-eyed and emotionally numb. She feared that Sirius's joking prophecy had come true, but when Ivy, who had known Isabel since primary school, rose to speak, the dam burst. Tears streamed down Lily's face as she listened to Ivy recount how Isabel had kept her calm with jokes during their first journey on the Hogwarts Express, how Isabel had dragged Ivy with her to Quidditch tryouts even though only Isabel really wanted to try out, and how the all the girls in their dormitory would stay up half the night talking whenever one of them was troubled. Throughout it all, James held her hand.
When the mourners moved outside to the graveyard beside the church, Lily found herself watching Isabel's family. The tears flowed freely down the calm faces of Isabel's parents, the way tears do when one does not try to restrain them. They mourned their wonderful daughter and were proud to do so openly. Isabel's two brothers, one a Gryffindor third-year and one younger, were trying to be "grown-up." They sniffled and sobbed as they tried not to cry, but cry they did.
The time came to levitate the coffin into the grave. Several people chosen by the Shacklebolts stepped forward. Professor McGonagall, the head of Isabel's house, Ivy, who had been her friend so long, and James, representing her Quidditch teammates, were among them. This wizard custom did not surprise Lily. She had attended the funeral for Virgil Catto and his family the previous summer. As she watched the coffin lowered out of sight, she could not help but wonder how many other friends would fall victim before this war was won.
When James returned to his place by Lily's side, Peter peered around Remus and Sirius to see if James resumed holding Lily's hand.
"Idiot. Holding her hand in public where anyone could see," Peter thought. He looked over to where Anna was standing with her Hufflepuff housemates. "Some things just aren't worth risking your life."
Author's Note: Some people have asked is this story is going to get any slashier. No. My inspiration for this story was to utilize the new canon we learned in OotP. I happen to LOVE the fact that JKR was deliberately ambiguous (and I do think it was very deliberate) about the nature of Remus and Sirius's relationship. Thus, I am trying to do exactly the same. Hints will be dropped, but nothing will be stated. So, if you are not a R/S shipper, in this story, they are just close friends trying to rebuild their friendship. If you are a R/S shipper, feel free to read between the lines for something more
--September 2003