Where am I? She thinks to herself. Am I dead? Why does my body feel so heavy? Slowly she tries to open her eyes. When her eyelids open ever so slightly the little bit of light that hits her iris, burns, causing her to scrunch them shut. Trying to open them once again, little by little her eyes adjust to the light. As her eyes start to focus, her hearing becomes sharpened.
Her auditory senses become overwhelmed with the sounds of CLICK! CLICK! of heels on tiles, the BEEP! BEEP! of some kind of machine. Taking a deep breath in to quieten the noise, her nostrils are suddenly filled with the familiar smell of bactericide. It all makes sense now, she's in the hospital. Turning her head slowly to the side she sees a head of blonde locks resting on the other bed next to her. Realising it's her wife, "Maura" she tries to call out her name but her throat is so dry it comes out barely as a whisper. Letting out a sigh of frustration, she's about to try again then she sees those beautiful eyes she's been dreaming about.
"Oh my god...Jane!" Maura says in surprise, practically throwing herself out of her bed, getting her sheet tangled around her legs in the process nearly causing her to end up on the floor in a heap. Placing her hands on Jane's face and leaning in, she peppers her with kisses. "Jane" She says through tears "My sweetheart".
Unable to get the words out to answer her, feeling like her mouth no longer works. Her head is starting to swim, making her feel disorientated. To be truthful Jane is still unsure if this is even real and that she still isn't dreaming.
"I'm gonna fetch the doctor my love" Maura says before planting a long soft kiss on her wifes lips before disappearing and leaving Jane on her own.
Returning moments later with the doctor who has been caring for Jane. "Jane..I'm Doctor Smith" he says. "I've been looking after you" removing a penlight from his pocket he leans in and checks Jane's pupils. Satisfied that there appears to be no signs of brain damage that occurred during the initial attack or during the surgery. Clicking it off and returning it to his pocket. "Jane, I need you to follow my finger with your eyes" he asks.
Slowly following the orders of the doctor she opens her eyes fully. The light burns Jane's eyes a little but eventually becomes accustomed to it. But not long after exhaustion creeps over her, unable to keep her eyes open any longer she soon drifts off to sleep again.
Seeing the concern on the blonde's face. "Nothing to be worried about. All her vital signs are good. It's just the effect of her being in the coma for nearly 2 months and all the cocktail of drugs associated with it. She will be groggy for a bit" the doctor says, trying to reassure her.
Four weeks after waking up from her coma, they allow Jane to go home. Obviously Jane was thrilled, she hates being in the hospital. And once she was more aware of her surroundings and what was going on around her. It was obvious to everyone that she didn't want to be there.
Maura has already been discharged from the hospital, and although she no longer has pots on her hands, to help with mobility issues they fitted her with thumb splints. Usually they would wait another couple of weeks to remove them. However the hospital knew this was an unusual case and made an exception. Making sure to make the blonde know that there was a high possibility of them re-fracturing. Of course Maura knew this, but she needs to be able to use her hands to look after her wife and daughter.
Once everyone knew that both of the girls were gonna be 'ok', Frankie, Nina, Vince and Kiki flew back to boston. Angela decides to stay a few more weeks so she can look after Amelia whilst Jane regains her strength and settles back into home life again. And to make sure her daughter-in-law's hands have the time to heal properly. After a while Jane was insisting on her mother to go home and that everything was fine. Angela knew this wasn't true, but what could she do? She knows that she can't help them with what they went through. Reluctantly she leaves them behind and goes home with a heavy heart.
Jane may have 'convinced' her mother that she was doing fine, however she can see a dark cloud hanging over her. Her wife wanted to know all the details of what happened in that warehouse. Hesitantly she told her that Shaun had held her captive for over two weeks. She really didn't want to be telling her any of this. Yet she knew if she didn't Jane would find out the information from somewhere else. She claims not to remember much of it, She knows her wife too well to know she is lying. She can see it in her eyes there's this darkness and sadness hiding there. Something else happened in that warehouse and she is either scared or too ashamed to tell her. Which makes her heart break to see it.
Waking up suddenly wondering what has stirred her awake, laying still in the darkness she hears nothing but the stillness of the night. Rolling over and placing her arm across Jane and feeling that her side of the bed is empty and the sheet is cold. Opening her eyes she looks at the clock, it's past 4:00am. Not feeling too worried as to why the brunette isn't laying next to her. Getting out of bed she goes to find where her wife is.
Coming down the stairs she can see a light coming from Jane's den, heading towards it she slowly opens the door and peaks into the room. Fast asleep in the recliner is the brunette, glancing to the desk and letting out a sigh she can see that her wifes pain relief is open. Leaving the room only to return a few seconds later with one of the blankets off of the sofa. Gently placing it over her wife, satisfied she won't get cold. Leaning forward Maura places a kiss on the sleeping brunette's forehead.
Her wife is such a stubborn woman, and so, so proud. She doesn't like to show any signs of weakness or when she is in pain. Knowing her wife too well, she must have been tossing and turning in pain and decided to get up and try to sleep in here instead of disturbing her.
Turning off the light before leaving the room, taking one last glance at the sleeping woman in the chair before closing the door but not shutting it fully. Maura decides to go and check on Amelia just to make sure she is ok too. And thankfully, Amelia is fast asleep. She is such a good baby, she pretty much sleeps for 8 hrs.
Satisfied all is well, making her way back to bed, Maura soon falls back to sleep.
Slowly waking up, moving her head Jane feels stiffness and pain in her neck. Rubbing it to try and tease the muscles to loosen up. She hadn't meant to have fallen asleep in her recliner, she came in here to take some pain medication and to wait for it to start working. Although she was surprised to see that she was covered with a blanket. Looking down at the covering she doesn't remember getting up and grabbing one. Feeling a little confused and disorientated glancing around the room, she notices that her desk lamp is no longer on either. Maura, she thinks to herself. She must have woken up and came to check where I was.
Leaning forward and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes whilst letting out a big sigh. She truly feels like she doesn't deserve Maura. If only she knew the truth, she would be disgusted with me. How can she love me after what I did, she thinks to herself.
Everyday since being rescued she has dreamed horrible nightmarish things. But last night was the first time she didn't. She didn't dream of anything and it was wonderful. Turning to look at the painkillers on the desk, she wonders if it was them that had soothed her nightmares. Picking them up she pops one into her mouth and swallows it dry. Yes, her chest is giving her some pain and discomfort, but truthfully the pills make her feel numb. And at this present moment in time she gladly welcomes it.
Letting out a sigh, standing up and trying to stretch her muscles as much as her aching body will let her. Not wanting to fully admit it to herself, but the drugs that Shaun kept injecting her with certainly left their mark on her. Even at the hospital they had to control weaning her off of them. But since giving her the painkillers she can feel that pull again, that urge. And Jane hates to admit it but she misses that euphoric feeling.
Making her way to a cabinet on the far side of the room, opening the door and removing one of the crystal glasses, pouring herself a big serving of bourbon. Looking at the dark liquid in the glass, suddenly knocking it back swallowing it in one. Giving herself a minute letting the alcohol work its magic, feeling its calming powers. Feeling the effects but not really sure if it's the painkillers or the drink that is to blame. Whatever it is, she doesn't care. It feels good. Putting the glass back into the cabinet and closing it, not wanting Maura to know she is drinking so early in the day.
Walking out of the den and into the kitchen, not even sure what time it is, looking around and noticing there is a piece of paper on the counter. It's folded over and on one side it says Jane. Opening it she sees a note from Maura. Jane, Had to nip out to get some shopping, didn't want to disturb you. Have taken Amelia with me. Will see you later. Love you always. Maura xxx. Letting out another big sigh, folding the note she shoves it into her back pocket of her jeans.
Truth be told, she was finding it hard to be around Amelia and especially Maura. Maura was trying to make things feel as normal as possible for her. But she just wants to crawl into a hole and hide away from it all. And when she looks at her daughter she feels nothing and it scares her. She doesn't feel happy or sad. There's just nothing, numbness. She loves her daughter very much and would die for her. But it frightens her that there is this void inside of her and she doesn't know if it can ever be filled. Wondering if this time she is too damaged, that she is now permanently broken. She has barely looked at her own wife let alone even talked to her since coming home.
This was the first time where she has been left on her own. The first couple of weeks, Angela had still been in the city, she wanted to stay even longer until Jane convinced her that she was fine. So reluctantly the older woman had left to go home.
She didn't like it, the stillness, the quietness of it all. It made her feel like she was back in that warehouse. Trapped in what felt like her own mind, whilst Shaun had mentally tortured her as well… "NO! No! No!" Jane says as she starts pacing the floor. "I'm not going back there" saying out loud into the quiet house. "I won't let him…" she says, her voice starting to tremble. Not wanting to feel afraid. Jane goes into her den, grabbing the pain medication and putting it in her pocket. Next, going to her liquor cabinet and grabbing a bottle of bourbon. Then hurrying into the garage. Walking over to the music system and cranking the volume up loud and pressing play. Not really caring what she is listening to. Just anything to fill the deafening void of silence.
Standing there rooted to the spot, feeling like she is going to hyperventilate. Letting the music fill her mind. Slowly taking deep breaths in, after what feels like only a minute or two she gets her breathing under control. Taking the pain medication out of her pocket she pops another pain pill into her mouth and washes it down with bourbon straight from the bottle.
Popping herself down in an old beaten leather armchair that is in the corner of the garage. Jane takes another swig of the bottle. Feeling the effects of the pills and alcohol she is transported someplace else. No longer in that warehouse. No longer feeling alone and afraid. Instead she remembers the time of their wedding and their first dance. It was probably the only time in her whole life that she wasn't afraid. That she felt safe, loved and protected.
Rushing back home as quickly as she could, trying to push down the feeling of fear that was slowly rising inside of her. Maura had only intended to be out of the house for a couple of hours maximum. She really didn't want to leave Jane alone, but figured by the time she awoke she would be back home. However she ended up being longer than planned.
Pulling into the driveway and hearing music emanating from the direction of the garage. Her heart sinks, chastising herself for leaving Jane alone. With a heavy heart she empties the shopping and puts Amelia into her crib, whilst still hearing the music playing.
Knocking on the door before entering the garage, listening to see if she can hear Jane from the otherside. But the music is so loud that is all she can hear. Turning the door handle, the door opens. Thankful that Jane hasn't locked it. Slowly entering the room and scanning the area to see where Jane is. At first she doesn't see her. Going over to the music system and turning it off. Looking again she notices Jane in the far corner, sitting in her beaten up leather chair.
"Jane, sweetheart?" Maura gently calls out as she approaches her.
Nothing, no reaction, no movement. Making her feel uneasy that something is not right.
Nearing her wife, she can see that Jane looks like she is in some sort of trance. With beads of sweat on her forehead. Looking into her eyes she recognises that stare. SHIT she's seen Jane like this before, when she suffered with PTSD after Hoyt and Daryl.
Crouching down in front of her wife. Gently placing her hand on her knee and calling her name again. "Jane, honey..it's me, Maura" she says softly.
Just then there's a flicker of movement. Jane turns to look at her. Maura lets out a sad sigh, Jane's eyes are wide like saucers. Looking to her left seeing the pain medication which is now half empty and an empty bottle of bourbon. Not only is she intoxicated she is also high. "Oh Jane" Maura says, placing her hand on her wifes face.
"Your…home" Jane says slurred.
Gently helping her wife to her feet. "Let's get you to bed," Maura says softly.
Jane doesn't offer any resistance. Letting the blonde woman lead her up the stairs. And into the master bedroom.
Not really thinking about it, Maura tries to help her wife get undressed when suddenly she feels a tight grip on her arm.
"NO!" Jane says whilst increasing her grip on the blondes wrist. "Don't touch me".
Putting her free hand up in the air. Showing she intends not to do anymore. "Ok Jane" Maura says sadly.
For a moment no one says anything. After what felt like an eternity in the silence of the room Jane says "I'm sorry" almost in a whisper.
Maura just about heard it, and it broke her heart. "Sweetheart" she says softly. Showing the palms of her hands to her as she gently and slowly reaches forward and takes her wife's hands in her own. The brunette doesn't flinch or pull away. "You have nothing to apologise for", giving them a little squeeze. "You're just hurting at the moment…and I don't mean physically". With that Jane makes eye contact with the smaller woman then quickly looks away, as a single tear falls down her face.
Seeing those beautiful hazel eyes of hers for that brief moment, Maura can see all the hurt, the pain and the fear. Gently brushing away the tear off her cheek. "Oh my brave girl" she says. "Look at me". Jane does so reluctantly. For a moment neither one of them says anything. She just looks into those brown eyes with a mixture of love and sadness. Unbelievable sadness that she is unable to take away all of Jane's pain, and it kills her inside.
After a while, the blonde heads to Jane's side of the bed and pulls back the duvet. When she turns around, Jane is still standing in the same position she left her. With her back to her and just staring into nothing. Letting out another small sigh, heading back to where Jane is standing. "Sweetheart" Maura softly calls. No response. "I've got your side of the bed ready", again nothing. Slowly taking one of her wife's hands and gently leading her over to the bed. Guiding Jane to sit down on the edge. Again, there is no response from her. It's like she has just shut down. Reaching down and undoing the laces on her sneakers and taking them off. Then gently picking Jane's feet up and swinging her legs round onto the bed. This movement seems to cause the brunette to curl up into the foetal position. Pulling the duvet over Jane, Maura gently makes sure she is covered. Happy that she is comfortable, it seems Jane is either asleep or has passed out from the alcohol and drugs. To be honest Maura isn't sure which one. Either way, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on her wifes forehead. "I love you" she says softly. Just in case Jane needs her she leaves the bedroom door open, not wanting to make her wife feel trapped.
It's been two days since the incident, and neither Jane or Maura has brought it up. Her wife is becoming even more and more detached and distant from her. No longer sleeping in their marital bed, instead sleeping in her den in the garage.
Pulling back the covers, and glancing towards Jane's side of the bed. Seeing the empty void fills her with so much sadness. She knows her wife is hurting but she just doesn't know what to do. Once again their lives have been turned upside down. But now this doesn't just affect them, they have Amelia in their lives, so they have to think of her.
Luckily she slept through the night again, so she feels relatively rested. Rubbing her brow she remembers that night in the hospital after they had stabilised Jane.
"Mrs Isles-Rizzoli?" the man in the white coat asks.
"Yes," Maura says. When she had woken up in the hospital there was a sense of relief then it turned into fear as she remembered what had happened. Jane was alive but not out of the woods yet. It was still early days but less than 48 hrs since they were rescued.
The doctor hates it when he has something sensitive he needs to address with a family member. Scanning the room she doesn't appear to be alone. Letting out a little sigh. "Mrs Isles-Rizzoli I need to talk to you in private about a sensitive matter involving your wife".
Turning to look at the loving faces of her family then back to the doctor. "Ok" she says. She's about to ask everyone to leave but she doesn't need to.
Once he was satisfied they were alone he closed the door. Grabbing one of the chairs he moves it so it's near the side of Maura's bed. "After the initial surgery to try and save your wife and once we were happy she was stable. We started to look over her body for any other potential injuries that were deemed non-fatal at the time of initial treatment" he says whilst keeping eye contact with the blonde woman.
Taking a deep breath he continues. "We noticed there was some bruising around the top of her inner thighs," he says, then pauses before continuing. "My understanding is that she had been held captive for several weeks..is that correct?" he asks.
Maura is unsure what the doctor is trying to imply. "Yes, that is correct," she says. "What are you trying to say doctor".
"The bruising we observed were in different stages of healing, some old, some fresh…its usually indicative of signs of sexual assault" he says whilst reading the womans face.
"No" is all Maura can get out whilst bringing one of her potted hands to her mouth to try and stifle a cry.
"I'm sorry to ask this, but because you are next of kin and Jane is unable to respond to this request herself. And we don't know when she will wake up from her coma. We cannot perform a rape kit test without her consent. However, you can grant permission".
Before Maura could even respond, she tries to grab one of the cardboard bowls, but struggles miserably. The doctor quickly grabs one just in time for her to empty what little contents she has left in her stomach.
The doctor wasn't at all surprised at this level of response from the woman. He gets up and heads over to where the water pitcher is and pours a drink. Then hands it to the blonde.
Maura has had time to compose herself "Thank you" she says.
"I understand this is difficult, but if we want to save any forensic evidence then we can't wait any longer to do the rape kit" he says gently.
"No…no rape kit" Maura says defiantly.
The doctor is taken back by this. Surely she would see it in the best interest of her wife. "It's important to collect DNA evidence for any potential convictions".
She remembers how invasive the testing was after she was raped. She would not put Jane through that. Especially whilst she is in a coma. "I won't subject my wife to that kind of testing".
"Forgive me.. But I don't think you understand the importance of doing this test" he says gently.
"Believe me doctor..I do. I DO NOT want my wife to go through the same tests I had to endure myself" she says in a more angry tone.
The doctor wasn't expecting that response from the blonde. "I'm sorry for trying to push the matter, my apologies" he says sincerely.
Maura knows he has only the best interests for Jane. "Plus it would be a waste of resources and time as Jane killed her kidnapper" she says whilst remembering Jane saving her from Shaun. "So you see, doctor," trying to wipe the stray tear that has managed to escape. "There's just no point," she says sadly.
"Ok" He says sadly. Getting up he heads to the closed door, turning to face the blonde he says "I am so sorry for what both of you have been through" then he opens the door and walks through it.
That was it, Mauras whole emotional demeanour just crumbled, she was crying so hard and loud that she didn't hear the others come back into the room.
When Angela walked back into the room, her heart just broke. There on the bed in a foetal position was Maura just crying like a baby. She looks so broken. Instantly the older woman rushes over and climbs onto the bed and scoops her up into her arms and just holds her tightly whilst gently rocking her from side to side.
Hearing the front door slamming brings Maura back into reality. Getting up and walking to the window she sees Jane getting into her car and driving off. She just prays that her wife isn't intoxicated or high on pain pills.
Jane likes the way the alcohol and pills make her feel. Not only did they take away the physical pain but also the emotional pain. And whilst she was high she didn't dream those nightmarish visions that always seemed to blur the lines of reality. It's not like the drugs helped her sleep, always waking up feeling tired and drained. But at least she didn't see HIM.
Reaching out to some of her old informants she had heard of a Chinese Herbal Drug store an hours drive from where they lived, that sold 'extras' on the side. Sure they had been investigated many times, but the 'extras' were only ever made in small batches and constantly labelled under herbal remedies. So everytime the authorities would come in with a search warrant it was for a particular item. Which they never had in stock. So technically they had nothing on them.
Arriving at the Chinese Herbal store, Jane notices it doesn't stand out as doing anything shady. It just looks like a typical store. Walking in she is instantly hit with all these different smells. Some pleasant, and some not so pleasant. Ignoring everything else around her she heads straight to the counter.
"Hi, can I help you today" the cashier says, looking Jane up and down. She can definitely see something isn't quite right with her, there are small beads of sweat forming on her head.
Looking around the store and seeing she is the only person in there. Jane turns back to the cashier and says "An hour of pain is as long as a day of pleasure".
The cashier is still deciding whether to trust Jane, but after a few seconds she does. Disappearing into the back and returning with a plastic bag. Placing it onto the counter without saying a word. Jane doesn't speak, instead pushes £100 dollars across the counter. Grabs the bag and then leaves.
Once back in the car she opens the bag and inside is a white box. Opening the box inside there are blue capsules. She doesn't know what's in them, all the informant said was they would make her forget. Before going into the chinese store, Jane had stopped at an off-licence and brought a couple of bottles of bourbon. Looking around to make sure no one can see her, she pops one of the pills into her mouth then takes a swig of the bourbon to wash it down. The instant hit of the bourbon touching the back of her throat eases her anxiety.
Putting everything into the white bag she then gets out of the car and places them in the boot of her car. Jumping back into the driver's seat Jane starts the engine and makes her way home.
Maura has been waiting for Jane to get home, feeling really worried about her being out and about in the car. After about 3 hrs she eventually returns home. "Where have you been?" she asks.
"Out" Jane says not really engaging with her wife.
Walking up to Jane, grabbing her wifes face and looking into her eyes. "Oh my god Jane" she says whilst walking away angrily. Maura's suspicions were confirmed.
Jane doesn't understand why Maura is acting like this towards her. "What?" she says whilst chucking her car keys onto the side table by the front door.
No longer able to contain her anger anymore, everything just spills out. "Your high Jane" Maura says. "If you want to self destruct FINE! But don't take innocent people with you".
"What the FUCK! Maura. I'm not high" Jane says, getting angry. "And I'm not self-destructing".
"Oh really" Maura shouts back. "Then what's in the bag Jane?..Let me guess bottles of bourbon? She says sarcastically.
She doesn't want to deal with this right now and just wants to disappear. Starting to feel unsteady on her feet, Jane can feel the tablet start to work its magic. "It's JUST a DRINK" she says.
"But it's not JUST a DRINK" Maura says "Is it Jane? ''.
She honestly doesn't know what to say to that, instead she just stands there. Jane's silence speaks volumes.
"That's it" Maura says whilst pushing past Jane to take her car keys and heads back towards the kitchen.
"Give me my keys back Maura," Jane says.
Putting them into her pocket. "No, you are no longer allowed to drive whilst you're drunk and high on pain pills' Maura says. "I will not let you endanger other people's lives".
Taking a step forward towards the blonde. "GIVE me my keys," Jane says with hostility in her voice.
Never has she ever felt scared around Jane but the taller woman is starting to make her feel uncomfortable. But no matter who she is feeling, Maura stands her ground. "No..and if I see you in a car I will call the authorities".
This time Jane screams at her. "GIVE ME MY FUCKING KEYS!"
Maura is frozen to the spot. Jane has never spoken to her like this before. Feeling the fear starting to rise inside of her, but before she can react she hears Amelia crying. Maybe it's the adrenaline going but for some reason she can't stop herself from saying what she does next. "Great! EXCUSE ME! Whilst I go and look after our daughter that you seem to have forgotten about". She says whilst pushing Jane to the side and starting to head upstairs.
"FUCK YOU!" Jane says rushing into the garage, slamming the door behind and proceeding to play her music at high volume. Not sure how to deal with what just happened, instead she does what she knows best. Pops another pill into her mouth and wash it down with a swig of bourbon.
That night Maura didn't sleep very well. All night she kept thinking of the things she said to Jane. She knows her wife is struggling and she didn't mean to say what she did. But she just doesn't know what to do.
Knowing something needs to be done, she decides that she is going to go and visit one of her friends who happens to be a therapist to have a chat and see if they would be willing to come over and speak to Jane.
After getting ready and making sure Amelia has been fed and changed, she makes the decision to leave their daughter at home. The fight yesterday had upset the little girl causing her to keep crying through the night.. Surely she will be ok for a few hrs?
Coming down the stairs, Maura is surprised to actually see Jane sitting on the couch watching tv. There is an uncomfortable silence in the air. Neither one mentions the fight from the day before.
"Jane I have to nip out for a few hours, I won't be long" she says trying to hide the hesitancy in her voice.
"Ok" Jane says flatly, not making any attempt to move from the couch.
Moving so she is facing her wife "Amelia has just fallen asleep so she should still be sleeping by the time i get home" Maura says.
"Ok" again is all that Jane says.
Bending down and placing a kiss on the top of her wife's head "I love you" Maura says.
"Love you too," Jane responds back.
Getting in the car and driving away Maura can't help feeling like she has made a mistake. That something terrible is about to happen.
Feeling the anxiety rising inside of her, Maura hadn't meant to be gone for this long. She had met up with her friend which had lasted for no more than an hour, but then she got held up in traffic due to an accident. So instead of being a few hours it's taken more like five. Frantically she tries to call Jane again but no answer. Tries texting again but can see that her previous text hasn't even been read yet. She starts to feel the adrenaline rising inside of her.
Once pulling into the driveway she can tell there is something wrong. Her heart starts to race faster and faster as she nears the front door she hears the smoke alarm going off. Rushing to get the door open as quickly as possible. She is greeted by thick black smoke emanating from the direction of the kitchen. Rushing towards it, her lungs are filled with the acrid taste of something burnt. The smoke makes her eyes start to water. Through the tears she spots the culprit. There is a pan on the stove with god knows what's init. Now it's turned into a black molten mess. Grabbing a hand towel and picking it up by the handle. She practically throws it into the sink and turns the faucet on. As soon as the cold water hits the pan it hisses and sizzles, eventually starting to cool down.
Whilst she's been tackling the smokey pan, she has been calling out Jane's name but not getting any response. Opening all the windows downstairs to let the smoke out, causing the smoke alarm to finally stop. Suddenly she can hear Amelia crying, filling her with fear and anxiety. Rushing up the stairs and finding her safe in her crib. Picking her up she tries to soothe her daughter. She can feel that she is desperately in need of a change as her nappy is heavy and full.
Taking Amelia into the bathroom and starting to clean and change her, Maura feels the anger starting to rise inside of her towards her wife, where the hell is Jane. She manages to calm down Amelia after about 30 minutes. Still needing to find her wife she takes her daughter downstairs and places her into her bouncy chair in the living room. Once she's happy she is safe and close by, She makes her way over to the garage, half expecting to find Jane passed out in her armchair. Taking a deep breath in preparing herself for a fight before finally entering the room.
But what she sees stops her stone cold. Lying on the floor in her own vomit is Jane. But to her trained eye this isn't a drunken mess. Something is wrong. Rushing to her unresponsive wife, Maura checks her pulse. It's thready. Quickly pulling out her mobile and putting it on speaker mode she calls 911.
"911 whats your emergency" the operator asks.
"This is Dr Maura Isles Rizzoli, I have an unresponsive female, possible drug overdose, her pulse is weak. Currently clearing her airwaves and placing her in the recovery position" she says calmly.
"Do you know how long the patient has been unresponsive?" the operator asks.
"No," Maura says.
"Stay on the line, We have your location and EMT's have been dispatched and are on the way" the operator says. "What house number are you at?"
"145" Maura says.
Jane's airway has been compromised, scooping the vomit out of her wifes throat and placing her on her side and into the recovery position. Scanning the room for anything out of place she sees a plain white box on the ground. Picking it up and inspecting it, she sees they are unmarked blue pills. Satisfied that these are the possible cause of Jane's overdose she places them to the side of her so she can give them to the EMT's.
"Do you know what she has taken?" The operator asks.
"No..but there are some unlabelled blue capsules nearby" Maura says.
"OK..please make sure you give these to the EMTs when they arrive" the operator instructs her.
Checking her wifes pulses again she hears the sirens of the ambulance getting nearer and nearer, until she hears voices inside of her house.
"IN HERE" Maura shouts not wanting to leave Jane on her own.
The first EMT starts getting all their gear ready and set up. The second one is checking Jane's vitals. "What's her name?" he asks.
"Jane" Maura says, starting to lose some of her composure. No longer needing to be in 'doctor mode' she starts feeling fearful. That this is the final straw that broke the camel's back. That this is how the heroic and great Jane Rizzoli-Isles was gonna leave this world.
When Jane awoke her head was killing her, her stomach felt sore and her throat felt raw too. Opening her eyes she is instantly hit with a blinding white light. Once her eyes focus she realises she's staring up at a white ceiling. She can smell a clean smell like antibacterial. FUCK she thinks to herself. She knows where she is and she knows she went too far.
Turning her head to the side she sees Maura just staring at her. Her face is unreadable. She doesn't say anything, instead she just looks at her expressionless.
"Maura" Jane says through a hoarse voice.
She doesn't think she has ever been this made with her wife before, ever. And Jane has done some pretty stupid and reckless things during there relationship but this. This was the last straw. How could she be so stupid and so reckless to get drunk and high whilst their daughter was in the house with her.
Shit! Jane thinks. She's never seen Maura so mad before. But because she is silent and not saying anything it's starting to frighten her. She's never seen her wife like this before. "Maura…please say something".
Getting up from her chair the blonde starts to gather her things together. Still not saying anything to Jane. Satisfied she has got everything, she turns to the brunette "I just wanted to make sure you were ok" she says coldly. Reaching into her bag and pulling out some pamphlets she proceeds to throw them onto the bed. "I'll be at home" she says before leaving the room.
Jane doesn't know what to say. She has really fucked up this time. How can their marriage recover from this? Knowing exactly what her wife meant by that. That she won't be coming to see her again in the hospital. And that she'll see her at home.
With every step that Maura took as she walked out of the room, it was like someone was driving needles into her heart. Feeling the nausea in the pit of her stomach creeping up the back of her throat. Closing her eyes and trying to swallow the lump back down. Satisfied that she isn't about to empty what very little contents she has in her stomach. She opens her eyes and starts looking at the pamphlets on the bed. The pamphlets are about seeking help for drug and alcohol addiction as well as sexual assault. Feeling the anger starting to build inside of her, Jane screws them up and throws them across the room before rolling onto her side, telling herself over and over again. I'm not an addict….I'm not an addict….I'm not an addict.
It's been 2 months since killing Shaun, and only 2 weeks since her overdose. And although it was hard for her Jane stopped taking the pills but it meant she compensated by drinking more. This was her life now. Something had to give.
The past 2 weeks have been awful, neither one has really spoken about what had happened. And if truth be told Maura had welcomed going back to work for a few hours a day just to catch up on paperwork. As it meant she didn't have to be around her wife, yet it made her feel uneasy leaving Amelia in Jane's care. Not that Jane would ever hurt their daughter...at least not intentionally. But her drinking was becoming out of control, everyday she could see that her wife was consuming more and more alcohol.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out, she unlocks the front door and steps inside. Scanning the room Jane is nowhere to be seen, but the TV is on, blaring some kind of music channel. Picking up the remote and turning it off, she quickly rushes over to the baby crib in the front room to check in on Amelia. Who is thankfully asleep, safe in her bed. Walking into the kitchen as she anticipated, an open bottle of JD is nearly empty. Picking it up and emptying the remaining contents down the sink before throwing the bottle in frustration into the empty sink where it smashes. "Shit" Maura says.
"Hey what's...going on?" Jane says as she suddenly seems to appear from nowhere.
Walking out of the kitchen and into the living room, Maura ignores her wife.
Jane was just about to make herself another drink when she sees that there isn't any left and there's the empty broken bottle instead. "What the fuck" she says. Trying not to trip over her own feet as she makes her way towards her wife.
"Hey...what the fuck Maura!" Jane says drunkenly, still holding the empty glass in her hand, waving her arms about in protest.
At first Maura doesn't want to fight but she knows now is a better time than ever. "Jane, I'm sick of coming home and seeing you drunk," she says.
"It's only a drink Maura, Jeez" she says in frustration, not really believing what she is hearing.
"But Jane, it isn't just ONLY a drink, it's a bottle a night" Maura says trying to push the anger that is rising back down. "First it was the pills, now the alcohol".
She is starting to feel pissed off towards her wife. "Don't over exaggerate Maura, you're being a drama queen" she says with a hint of nastiness in her voice.
"We can't go on like this Jane," she says. "You either get help or I'm taking Amelia and we're leaving". She finally reached her breaking point. She's had enough.
"You're making out I'm some sort of alcoholic...I'M NOT MY FATHER!" Jane shouts.
Maura knows this. Frank senior is nothing but a drunken bully. "You're nothing like your father" she says with so much sincerity. "But I can't live like this Jane….wondering if our daughter is going to be safe".
"WHAT!" Jane shouts. "You think I would hurt Amelia"
Letting out a sigh Maura continues. "Of course not. Not intentionally, you can't look after a baby when you're always intoxicated".
Jane's drunken brain is trying to process what her wife has just said. "I'm trying".
"No, you're not...You're hurting and I can see that. Something happened to you when you were with Shaun". Maura can see that Jane tenses up at the mention of his name. "You don't have to tell me, but you need to tell someone," she says. "I miss my wife, I miss sharing the same bed, I miss touching you" she says holding the tears back .
"I'm still here" Jane says with wet eyes.
As much as she wants to believe her she just can't. "No you're not," she says coldly. "You're still with Shaun, and I can't trust an alcoholic to look after our daughter". As much as it pains her to say those words, it's the truth.
Hearing her wife say those words to her has really hurt her. But that hurt turns to rage. Turning around to walk away but something stops her. Instead all those words Maura has just said are floating around her brain. I'm not an alcoholic, she says to herself. I'm not!. Then she looks at her hand and sees she is still holding the empty glass. All the anger and rage she has been bottling up rises to the surface. Feeling like she is about to explode she throws the glass at the wall hard where it shatters whilst releasing a heart wrenching guttural scream before falling onto her knees.
This sudden outburst by her wife catches Maura off guard. This was not the reaction she was expecting and that sound that came from her. It broke her heart. It was filled with so much pain and despair. Watching her fall to the ground she tentatively walks around the brunette so she is facing her. Joining her on the floor she just looks at her, waiting for Jane to speak. After what feels like an eternity, she does.
Focusing on one spot on the floor, Jane is unsure if she will be able to say what she needs to say if she looks at Maura. "I….I drink so I don't dream," she says. "Because when I dream, I see him and...what he did" her voice nearly breaking. "He..raped me and I let him do it" she says whilst a tear falls down her cheek.
"Oh my sweet girl," Maura says with a trembling voice. "Whatever you may think, you did not let him do it" she says a bit more stern this time. But Jane doesn't answer.
"I had to pretend that he had broken me, but when he started to touch me, and then he was in me….I did nothing" Jane says whilst crying now.
Her heart is breaking, there was so much that Jane was doing that reminded her of herself after Daryl. In the way she was reacting and even though there were signs of a sexual assault at the hospital to hear those words somehow makes it more real. "My sweet girl, can I hold you?" wanting nothing more than to hug and hold her but not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. She remembers how she felt afterwards that she didn't want to be touched and she doesn't want to overstep any boundaries with her wife.
Unable to speak, Jane nods her head in response. Craving nothing more than to just be held by the blonde. To feel safe and loved.
Leaning in, Maura gently and slowly starts wrapping her arms around the brunette. Feeling her wife burying her head into the blonde's chest and letting out all the anguish with sob after sob. "Sssh, my darling..you did nothing wrong, you hear me?. You did what you had to, to survive" she says. "And I and Amelia are both thankful you're alive," she says. "We just need you to return to us" her voice breaking as she is saying it.
Pulling her head out of Maura's chest, Jane looks into her wife's beautiful eyes. "I need help….please help me" she says before another wave of sobs wracked her body.
"Oh my sweet girl" Maura says "I'll always help you" she says whilst bringing Jane into a deeper hug this time. Not wanting to ever let her go again.
They both sit there for a while, Jane held in Maura's loving embrace. Eventually when the crying subsides Maura strokes Jane's hair and rocks her from side to side. All the time whispering in her ear that she loves her and that she is safe. After what felt like an eternity, glancing down and seeing that Jane's eyes are now closed. And even though she was starting to feel uncomfortable and her bum was going numb, she wasn't going anywhere. She will stay right there, holding Jane for as long as it takes. And if it meant an eternity, she would gladly do it.
Editors Note:
I hope you all liked this chapter. I think there will probably be one more chapter after this to finish this story off and I promise it will have a happy ending. And once again thank you all for still sticking with me and continuing to read this story. It means a lot to me. In the future I may not be writing long stories but more one shots as I want to focus on writing my first novel. :-)