"'And how do you really feel?'

'Like I'll never recover. Like I'll never draw another breath without half of it being a wish for her.'"

― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

…
Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurts you.

You think about them all the time.

Everywhere, everything reminds you of them.

When you hear the first letter of their or something similar…your attention is diverted.

The pain of yearning them so much that its ripping you apart that you can't have them.

You make up reasons to talk to them.

I see her from the corner of my eye, she is a vision. The way she talks, every word coming out of her mouth sounds like a song. She exudes radiance, confidence and elegance.

But no one sees she hides her pain and fear under a mask, because she does not want us to worry.

The tiny smirk she does when she is right. Which is all the time. The way her eyebrows furrow and she almost looks angry when she's trying to figure out something, almost like the thing offended her by not being understandable.

The way her eyes light up and sparkle when she senses a competition. When she out in the sun…her eyes become golden, and the light brown streaks in her hair unnoticed in the dark, are seen. She has really pretty teeth.. when she laughs at something, genuinely, you can see them.

Sometimes I pretend to not understand something so I can talk to her.

Whenever she talks to someone who is anyone but me I feel jealous. It makes me feel weird.

I don't know why but I remember her full name, and her families.

Her star sign.

She hates ketchup.

But loves mustard.

I pretend to hate her but I kinda love her. But he does too. It's always him or someone else's but never me. In a weird way…I feel stupid but I measure how tall she is when she stands next to me..Fuck I hate her for making me feel this way. Dumb bitch. But she's not dumb…she is actually kinda awesome.

She makes me smile like a dumb idiot. Even when Carlisle rides my ass about the lowered equity rate.

But she doesn't even know I exist.…

.….

"Fuck this shit Carlisle couldn't you tell me that the Saudi's deal fell through!? We are going to lose 2.3 billion dollars in equity to this shit! And you sent Felix to handle it, do you want to sign over the firm to the Voltas, because you might as well!" I fumed.

"I am your father. And don't worry I sent him there to loosen them up a bit, bury them in paperwork and for gods sake don't you dare mention the Voltas I-"

"Give me a sec dad."

"Wait are you seriously hanging up-"

Who in the devil's hell was that chick who just walked in, and why was she hotter than hell…

…

I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend," I say, " the one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, and every shiver of your body, ..." ... " I want to know where to touch you," I say, " I want to know how to touch you. I want to know how to convince you to design a smile just for me." ... " Yes, " She says, " I do want to be your bestfriend". She says , " I want to be your bestfriend in the entire world".

…

"You're perfect," I tell her, so overcome I forget myself. "All of you. Your entire body. Proportionally. Symmetrically. You're absurdly, mathematically perfect. It doesn't even make sense that a person could look like you,"

….

"She searches me with those odd, brown honey eyes and I feel guilty so suddenly, without understanding why. But there's something about the way she looks at me that always makes me feel insignificant, as if she's the only one who's realized I'm entirely hollow inside. She's found the cracks in this cast I'm forced to wear every day, and it petrifies me. That this girl would know exactly how to break me."

…..