Kelly didn't expect the others to understand, after all, she had never told
them that she was afraid. Kelly had spent her entire life learning how to
be strong and independent, so admitting that she had failed was proving
harder then she originally thought. When she got back to her house, she
expected to have messages on her machine, and she immediately deleted them
when she saw that they were there. She didn't need to listen to them, she
knew who they were from, and what they were about. After turning her
answering machine off, she then disconnected her phone, all with the hopes
that she could be alone.
With a pad of paper in front of her, Kelly sat on her couch, trying to put the words together that would explain why she had quit. She hated the words fear and unable, but they were the only words that seemed to fit. Struggling, she looked on the table where she had placed her purse and noticed that her private investigator license had fallen out. She still remembered the day that her, Jill and Sabrina had passed the test, officially securing their jobs with Charlie. They had been naïve rookies then, three women just looking for some action, and some real police work. They never thought about getting shot, or being killed. In their minds, they would always be one step ahead, their guns always pointing in the right direction. Eventually, after Kelly was shot the first time, they realized that the danger was real, but even then they never thought anything would happen to them. After all, could a person really get shot twice in their career? Kelly knew that by staying, she would just be endangering Kris or Julie or Bosley, and that was why she had to leave now, before anyone else got hurt. They didn't need her freaking herself out when the stakes were high, making the potential for one of them getting shot even better.
About a half hour after she had left the office, there was a knock on Kelly's door and she immediately knew who it was. With her phone unplugged, and the shock of her announcement, she knew the others would be worried about her, causing at least one of them to make sure she was ok. Her guess was it was Kris, so when she opened the door, she wasn't surprised to find Kris standing there.
"Where have you been? We've been trying to call you ever since you left the office!?"
"I unplugged my phone. I needed some time alone." Kelly responded.
"Kel., what's going on with you! First you disappeared this morning, then you just appear out of no where, tell us you're quitting and now you unplugged your phone!"
"Look Kris, I know this is all shocking to you, but its what I need to do. I gave it a lot of thought, and it's my decision."
"What ever happened to not making rash decisions!? I thought you were suppose to give everything some time before you started changing your life?"
"I did give it time. Just believe me when I say this is what I need to do." Kelly said, trying to convince Kris to stop giving her the third degree.
"How am I suppose to do that Kel.? You're my best friend, not to mention my co-worker! I hoped that you would at least give me advanced warning before you announced that you were going to quit!"
"Do you think this is easy for me! Do you think I put in 5 years of hard work here just to come in one day and quit! No!" Kelly was getting angry now, and it was apparent in her voice. She just wanted Kris to accept her decision, but it didn't look like that was going to happen.
"What is it then! Maybe if you actually talked to someone, then maybe you could work everything out!"
"I panicked Kris. I was standing at that house today, and I lost control of myself. I ran behind a bush and cried instead of doing my job! Are you happy now!?"
"Why didn't you tell anyone that?"
"Because it's not exactly something I want to announce to the city. I can't do my job anymore, I realize that, and I would rather be a quitter then put everyone else's lives in danger just so that I can pretend that I can."
"If you talked to someone, maybe you wouldn't have to quit. Did you ever think about that? God Kelly, this entire time you've been pulling away from everyone, when we could have been helping you. I thought you trusted us?"
"Of course I trust you! That has nothing to do with this."
"Yes, it does! If you trusted us, then you would have talked to us. That was why Sabrina stayed here as long as she did, because she wanted you to talk to her! Instead you just bottled it all up as always. Haven't you realized yet that nothing's going to change unless you let other people know what you feel!" Kris boldly stated. She knew she was being harsh, but apparently, it was the only way that she could get Kelly to talk. When Kelly grew silent, however, she realized that Kelly still wasn't willing to talk. "You know what, fine, bottle your feelings up. Let them explode for all I care. We've been working our butts off to cover for you while you recovered, we even told you to take as much time as you needed! No body told you that you had to come back today, that was your decision, and if you weren't ready, then you should have told us!" With that, Kris walked back to her car as Kelly closed her door. Kris deserved to have the last word, mostly because she was right. If Kelly had talked to Sabrina, or even to Julie or Kris, then maybe she could have worked past it. Instead, she had kept it all to herself, and now she was not only terrified to return to that job, but she found herself back at a point of her life where she had no idea of what she was going to do, or how she was going to do it.
Two days later, her resignation letter was written, and she faced the task of dropping it off at the office. She had not heard from any of them since her argument with Kris, and she expected that she wouldn't be hearing from any of them anytime soon. When she arrived at the building, she was relieved to find the other parking spaces open, implying that she would be the only one there. She had never been that nervous while walking up the stairs to the office, and even when she had placed the letter down onto the desk she could feel her heart beating faster. In the corner of her eye, she spotted her name on a piece of paper, and picked it up, curious as to what it said. She immediately recognized Julie's handwriting, but couldn't figure out how any of them would know that she would be there. Nevertheless, the note told her to call Charlie, so Kelly curled up on the chair as she dialed the number one final time.
"Charles Townsend"
"Hi Charlie. It's Kelly. I was just dropping my letter off, and I found Julie's note telling me to call you."
"O good, she did leave it. I sent them to Mexico to work on a case yesterday, and I wasn't sure if she remembered to leave it. So how are you doing?"
"Good." Kelly said before pausing. What Kris had said to her was echoing in her ears, and she realized that there was no reason to lie anymore. "Maybe not so good. I've been having some nightmares lately."
"About what?" Charlie asked in a very fatherly way.
"What happened. Normally it's the same scene, playing out before me over and over again, but sometimes it gets more intense."
"What do you mean by normally? How many of these dreams have you had?"
"At least one a night. Sometimes two. I've been having it less ever since I resigned. I think the stress of coming back to work were triggering them."
"Is that why you quit Angel?"
"No. I quit because I panicked. I'm always afraid now Charlie. I keep thinking, if the first time I got shot was an accident, and the second time I barely escaped with my life, then what's going to happen the next time?"
"But Angel, you don't have to be working to get shot. If anyone should know that, it should be you."
"I do know that Charlie. But when I am working, I'm increasing the potential of getting shot, and I can't do that anymore. I've been on enough of an emotional roller coaster as it is."
"Then your decision is final?"
"It has to be."
"Because of what happened between you and Kris, or because of your fear?"
"How do you know about what happened between me and Kris?"
"She called me after she left your house. She's learned a lot from you Kelly. You've been a big influence in her life."
"No I haven't. Jill taught her everything she knows, and it was Sabrina that took her under her wing when she was just starting out. I've just sort of been here."
"You're not giving yourself enough credit Angel. She worked with you the longest. You taught her more then you think. Have you thought about what you're going to do now?"
"A little. I thought maybe I could get into nursing, or counseling. I really want to keep helping people."
"Well, if you need any help, don't hesitate to call. I'm always here for you if you need me."
"I will. About the car, can I keep it until I get another job? That way I have a pay check to help me buy a new one."
"Keep the car Kelly. Consider it my thanks to you for all the cases that you've solved for me. I'll also keep you on payroll until you land a new job."
"You don't have to do that Charlie." Kelly protested. She wasn't trying to be ungrateful, she just hated the idea of being given charity.
"I want to. You've had a tough life Kelly. You don't need anymore obstacles then you already have. Good luck."
"Thank you Charlie." With that, she hung up the phone before taking a second to look around the office one final time. She had a lot of memories there, but now it was time to move on, and start a new chapter in her life.
During the drive home, Kelly caught a glimpse of the band aide that was still on her forehead, and realized that she had never taken it off, in fear of what she would see underneath. Realizing that she couldn't avoid it anymore, Kelly went straight to her bedroom when she got home, and stood in front of her mirror, closing her eyes as she started to pull the band aide up. When it was completely off, Kelly took a deep breath before opening her eyes and seeing the small, barely noticeable scar that she had on the side of her forehead. It was no bigger then a small paper clip, and as long as her hair fell in a certain way, more then half of it was covered. In a way, that scar was a representation of why she had quit her job, and Kelly wondered if the size of it had anything to do with how sudden her decision had been. She hadn't even looked at the scar until after she had quit, yet it was the reason that scar was there that petrified Kelly into quitting.
As she questioned her decision, Kelly sat down on her bed and started to think about the fight that she had had with Kris, and what Charlie had told her. Kelly had never thought about how much Kris probably had learned from her, if anything just because Kelly had always been there. She could understand how quitting could upset Kris now, because Kelly had always told Kris to keep going, no matter what happens, and yet now Kelly was going against her own advice. Maybe she was quitting, maybe she was giving up just because it had become too hard. Kelly wanted to believe that it was more then that, but she realized that it probably was not. If she had only talked to Sabrina while she had been there, or even if she had talked to Kris, or Julie or Bosley, then maybe Kelly could have worked past her fears. The truth was, Kelly would never know what could have happened. Her mind had been made up, and she had already told Charlie that she was resigning. She owed it to whatever pride that she had left to stick to her decision and to find a new career.
~* The End *~
With a pad of paper in front of her, Kelly sat on her couch, trying to put the words together that would explain why she had quit. She hated the words fear and unable, but they were the only words that seemed to fit. Struggling, she looked on the table where she had placed her purse and noticed that her private investigator license had fallen out. She still remembered the day that her, Jill and Sabrina had passed the test, officially securing their jobs with Charlie. They had been naïve rookies then, three women just looking for some action, and some real police work. They never thought about getting shot, or being killed. In their minds, they would always be one step ahead, their guns always pointing in the right direction. Eventually, after Kelly was shot the first time, they realized that the danger was real, but even then they never thought anything would happen to them. After all, could a person really get shot twice in their career? Kelly knew that by staying, she would just be endangering Kris or Julie or Bosley, and that was why she had to leave now, before anyone else got hurt. They didn't need her freaking herself out when the stakes were high, making the potential for one of them getting shot even better.
About a half hour after she had left the office, there was a knock on Kelly's door and she immediately knew who it was. With her phone unplugged, and the shock of her announcement, she knew the others would be worried about her, causing at least one of them to make sure she was ok. Her guess was it was Kris, so when she opened the door, she wasn't surprised to find Kris standing there.
"Where have you been? We've been trying to call you ever since you left the office!?"
"I unplugged my phone. I needed some time alone." Kelly responded.
"Kel., what's going on with you! First you disappeared this morning, then you just appear out of no where, tell us you're quitting and now you unplugged your phone!"
"Look Kris, I know this is all shocking to you, but its what I need to do. I gave it a lot of thought, and it's my decision."
"What ever happened to not making rash decisions!? I thought you were suppose to give everything some time before you started changing your life?"
"I did give it time. Just believe me when I say this is what I need to do." Kelly said, trying to convince Kris to stop giving her the third degree.
"How am I suppose to do that Kel.? You're my best friend, not to mention my co-worker! I hoped that you would at least give me advanced warning before you announced that you were going to quit!"
"Do you think this is easy for me! Do you think I put in 5 years of hard work here just to come in one day and quit! No!" Kelly was getting angry now, and it was apparent in her voice. She just wanted Kris to accept her decision, but it didn't look like that was going to happen.
"What is it then! Maybe if you actually talked to someone, then maybe you could work everything out!"
"I panicked Kris. I was standing at that house today, and I lost control of myself. I ran behind a bush and cried instead of doing my job! Are you happy now!?"
"Why didn't you tell anyone that?"
"Because it's not exactly something I want to announce to the city. I can't do my job anymore, I realize that, and I would rather be a quitter then put everyone else's lives in danger just so that I can pretend that I can."
"If you talked to someone, maybe you wouldn't have to quit. Did you ever think about that? God Kelly, this entire time you've been pulling away from everyone, when we could have been helping you. I thought you trusted us?"
"Of course I trust you! That has nothing to do with this."
"Yes, it does! If you trusted us, then you would have talked to us. That was why Sabrina stayed here as long as she did, because she wanted you to talk to her! Instead you just bottled it all up as always. Haven't you realized yet that nothing's going to change unless you let other people know what you feel!" Kris boldly stated. She knew she was being harsh, but apparently, it was the only way that she could get Kelly to talk. When Kelly grew silent, however, she realized that Kelly still wasn't willing to talk. "You know what, fine, bottle your feelings up. Let them explode for all I care. We've been working our butts off to cover for you while you recovered, we even told you to take as much time as you needed! No body told you that you had to come back today, that was your decision, and if you weren't ready, then you should have told us!" With that, Kris walked back to her car as Kelly closed her door. Kris deserved to have the last word, mostly because she was right. If Kelly had talked to Sabrina, or even to Julie or Kris, then maybe she could have worked past it. Instead, she had kept it all to herself, and now she was not only terrified to return to that job, but she found herself back at a point of her life where she had no idea of what she was going to do, or how she was going to do it.
Two days later, her resignation letter was written, and she faced the task of dropping it off at the office. She had not heard from any of them since her argument with Kris, and she expected that she wouldn't be hearing from any of them anytime soon. When she arrived at the building, she was relieved to find the other parking spaces open, implying that she would be the only one there. She had never been that nervous while walking up the stairs to the office, and even when she had placed the letter down onto the desk she could feel her heart beating faster. In the corner of her eye, she spotted her name on a piece of paper, and picked it up, curious as to what it said. She immediately recognized Julie's handwriting, but couldn't figure out how any of them would know that she would be there. Nevertheless, the note told her to call Charlie, so Kelly curled up on the chair as she dialed the number one final time.
"Charles Townsend"
"Hi Charlie. It's Kelly. I was just dropping my letter off, and I found Julie's note telling me to call you."
"O good, she did leave it. I sent them to Mexico to work on a case yesterday, and I wasn't sure if she remembered to leave it. So how are you doing?"
"Good." Kelly said before pausing. What Kris had said to her was echoing in her ears, and she realized that there was no reason to lie anymore. "Maybe not so good. I've been having some nightmares lately."
"About what?" Charlie asked in a very fatherly way.
"What happened. Normally it's the same scene, playing out before me over and over again, but sometimes it gets more intense."
"What do you mean by normally? How many of these dreams have you had?"
"At least one a night. Sometimes two. I've been having it less ever since I resigned. I think the stress of coming back to work were triggering them."
"Is that why you quit Angel?"
"No. I quit because I panicked. I'm always afraid now Charlie. I keep thinking, if the first time I got shot was an accident, and the second time I barely escaped with my life, then what's going to happen the next time?"
"But Angel, you don't have to be working to get shot. If anyone should know that, it should be you."
"I do know that Charlie. But when I am working, I'm increasing the potential of getting shot, and I can't do that anymore. I've been on enough of an emotional roller coaster as it is."
"Then your decision is final?"
"It has to be."
"Because of what happened between you and Kris, or because of your fear?"
"How do you know about what happened between me and Kris?"
"She called me after she left your house. She's learned a lot from you Kelly. You've been a big influence in her life."
"No I haven't. Jill taught her everything she knows, and it was Sabrina that took her under her wing when she was just starting out. I've just sort of been here."
"You're not giving yourself enough credit Angel. She worked with you the longest. You taught her more then you think. Have you thought about what you're going to do now?"
"A little. I thought maybe I could get into nursing, or counseling. I really want to keep helping people."
"Well, if you need any help, don't hesitate to call. I'm always here for you if you need me."
"I will. About the car, can I keep it until I get another job? That way I have a pay check to help me buy a new one."
"Keep the car Kelly. Consider it my thanks to you for all the cases that you've solved for me. I'll also keep you on payroll until you land a new job."
"You don't have to do that Charlie." Kelly protested. She wasn't trying to be ungrateful, she just hated the idea of being given charity.
"I want to. You've had a tough life Kelly. You don't need anymore obstacles then you already have. Good luck."
"Thank you Charlie." With that, she hung up the phone before taking a second to look around the office one final time. She had a lot of memories there, but now it was time to move on, and start a new chapter in her life.
During the drive home, Kelly caught a glimpse of the band aide that was still on her forehead, and realized that she had never taken it off, in fear of what she would see underneath. Realizing that she couldn't avoid it anymore, Kelly went straight to her bedroom when she got home, and stood in front of her mirror, closing her eyes as she started to pull the band aide up. When it was completely off, Kelly took a deep breath before opening her eyes and seeing the small, barely noticeable scar that she had on the side of her forehead. It was no bigger then a small paper clip, and as long as her hair fell in a certain way, more then half of it was covered. In a way, that scar was a representation of why she had quit her job, and Kelly wondered if the size of it had anything to do with how sudden her decision had been. She hadn't even looked at the scar until after she had quit, yet it was the reason that scar was there that petrified Kelly into quitting.
As she questioned her decision, Kelly sat down on her bed and started to think about the fight that she had had with Kris, and what Charlie had told her. Kelly had never thought about how much Kris probably had learned from her, if anything just because Kelly had always been there. She could understand how quitting could upset Kris now, because Kelly had always told Kris to keep going, no matter what happens, and yet now Kelly was going against her own advice. Maybe she was quitting, maybe she was giving up just because it had become too hard. Kelly wanted to believe that it was more then that, but she realized that it probably was not. If she had only talked to Sabrina while she had been there, or even if she had talked to Kris, or Julie or Bosley, then maybe Kelly could have worked past her fears. The truth was, Kelly would never know what could have happened. Her mind had been made up, and she had already told Charlie that she was resigning. She owed it to whatever pride that she had left to stick to her decision and to find a new career.
~* The End *~