Title: Taking Turns
Author: Me of course =D
Setting: Later in the day after the events of 'Chosen.' A hotel room in downtown Los Angeles. Written the day after the finale for my friend and fellow Buffy fanatic =)
Summary and Spoilers: Anything up to, and including, S7 and its finale. Buffy reflects on the ultimate sacrifice that was made in her honor.
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine! If they were, Buffy would have made sure her vampire knew she loved him before his death. The basic disclaimers apply.
Thanks To: My 'beta' reader and loyal Buffy friend, Michelle, who was thrown into a depression after the show ended and I was forced to give her a happier ending. All Spuffys out there =) Joss and the cast/crew of BtVS for all the years of surprise and tears! Wow. I just rhymed.
Written: Thursday, May 22nd 2003, half during Global class and the rest at home. I finally got off mah lazy bum and decided to go public with it. My first fic. Ha. Bow down and enjoy!
~~~~~~
It hadn't even fully hit her yet. None of it had actually sunk in. It would take some time for the intensity and reality of the situation to make sense. The human brain did not allow it. Logic defied it. And only time would add any significance to all of this.
Tomorrow, it would all be okay. Life would go on. One way or another, the world would find a way to keep turning. The sun would shine again. The events of the past few hours would be locked away in her memories. And she would be fine. They all would.
Who was she kidding?
Her life would never be the same, for he was gone. Her world would be frozen in place, for he had died not only for her, but for everyone. Time would be an eternity for her, because his life was taken, so that others would not be.
And she missed him. Missed him so much it hurt.
Sure, SunnyDale had vanished forever. And yes, her home was destroyed. All her possessions were no more. Pictures. Antiques. Memories. Irreplaceable objects. They were gone but not forgotten. They would always be kept dear, yet could easily be replaced. A new day would come, and all this would be in the past.
So why was he so darn special? Why couldn't she close her eyes for a split second, just to rest her worn vision, and not see his face in her head? His intense deep blue eyes that stared right into your heart. His silvery blonde hair which dared anyone to challenge his identity. His dangerously high cheekbones which characterized one of his most noted traits. His courage. His loyalty. His love. It would all flash before her in a manner of seconds, and her eyes would shoot open in fear of losing herself in her thoughts.
Everything else could be put behind her. Everything, but him. Why? Only because he didn't deserve to go. He wasn't suppose to be taken. He was never the one who left. He would not allow himself to go away without returning. And they were meant to be together after it all ended. She had finally been ready to be with him once it was over. And that gave her the courage to go through with the whole thing. The mere thought that they would walk away together at the end of the day.
So what had gone wrong? What had twisted fate so terribly and made this happen?
Buffy closed her eyes for a moment; a soft, southern California breeze sweeping back her hair as she inhaled the night. She could almost feel Spike's strong yet gentle hand caressing her check; his tender and soft lips planting a firm, loving kiss on her forehead. He had sacrificed himself so that her wish to be a normal person could be fulfilled. But suddenly, she would rather have him.
The Slayer? The Chosen One? She was no more. She was just Buffy. An ordinary young woman who could do what she desired. Who could go where she pleased. Who could have who she wanted.
So why wasn't she happy?
It was simple. So simple she wished it would have some twist behind it. Any small bit of doubt or confusion that would leave her with a moment of peace.
But no. She knew exactly what was wrong with this outcome. She knew why it felt so wrong. She knew why she couldn't think of tomorrow and smile.
Because it wouldn't be the same. Not without her vampire. The vampire who had stuck by her side when everyone else had left her life. The vampire who had endured pain and torture for the sake of keeping her family safe. The vampire who had cared for her friends when she wasn't around. The vampire who had changed his whole being just for her.
The vampire, who loved her.
Buffy could practically feel him, standing beside her in the small room of the LA Motel the small portion of the Scooby Gang that were not in the hospital had settled in for the night. She could picture his gaze fixated on her, sending chills up and down her spine and making the hair along her neck stand on end. His head tilted ever so lightly to the side, giving him an appearance powerful enough to melt the heaviest, darkest heart. His jaw working as all the muscles in his body flexed, a move that got her heart racing and her blood running.
And of course, she just had to look over her shoulder, in hopes that her senses hadn't lied and that Spike was indeed by her side, watching over her. Just for a second, believing that it had all been but a dream and she was still in her house basement, wrapping in his strong, protective arms. But alas, she was disappointed again, for the lonely motel room behind her was empty as ever. The morning's events came rushing back and she felt her eyesight blur with tears.
God, she missed him so badly.
And this was just the beginning of her long life without him. That thought alone made her weak in the knees, and she pulled back from the balcony and into the cheap, cream colored room. Pulling back the curtains, she stood still for a moment to try and gather herself. She could not let the barriers crumble, for if she broke down, she would not have it in her to stop. During the never-ending bus ride into town, while the gang was tending to the wounded, whispering words of gratitude for living to each other, and discussing the plans that the future held for them, she had been cuddled in the back crying. And she had been alone. For it was then that the meaning of Spike's sacrifice had gone through her head, and she had realized that she was doomed to never build upon her feelings for the blonde vampire. She had told him she loved him, but in the heat of the moment, and the will to get her to safety, he had repelled the statement and told her to leave. If she had known that to be their last moment together, she would have fought back and driven the fact into his head.
She loved him. A love that had taken a long time to develop and blossom. A love that she had admitted when it was too late.
Whenever she had felt lost and confused, he was always there to shed light upon the situation and make her feel like she was important. That was then, this was now. And he was gone.
Buffy's thoughts raced, and she could not hold it in any longer. Making the short two feet walk to the bed, she collapsed on the velvet blanket that covered the mattress and let the tears spill freely. And as she cried, the realization slowly keened on her. This was what Spike had gone through when she had been taken away from the world nearly two years ago. When she too had sacrificed her life so that the world could go on with its. When she had died in the name of love. The pain and loneliness that he must have felt, she never understood until this evening, when the connection was clear.
"I do remember what I said. The promise."
After what seemed like hours of dry sobs, the sudden sound of his voice within her head startled her. Lifting her tired body from the bed, her tear- stained eyes wandered around the room in the desperate hope that he was actually there, although she knew well enough that he wasn't.
"I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but. After that. Every night after that."
The words he had spoken on her first night back, when she had felt out of place, tired and betrayed. When her family and friends had looked at her like an object that they had misplaced and just found. When she was expected to go about her daily life as if everything was normal, but the pain she'd felt inside was eating her up. When Spike was the only one that actually understood, and for the first time had she seen the declaration of total love and devotion written all over his face. The words of assurance he had given her then, played freely in her mind now; and she found the strength to rise to her feet and wipe away the tears that muffled her vision.
"I'd see it all again... do something different. Faster or more clever. Dozens of times, lots of different ways. "
Buffy couldn't help the slightest smile dance along her lips as she pulled back the blanket from the bed and slowly sank under the soft silken covers, resting her head on the pillow. She was going to go on living, just for Spike, as he had done, just for her. Somehow, she would make it. And this would not have to be the end. But a new beginning. A new quest.
Her eyes closed as a low, happy sigh was emitted from within her. Once again, Spike had not let her down. He was right there, in her heart and soul, lighting her way.
"Every night I saved you."
Now, it was her turn.
Author: Me of course =D
Setting: Later in the day after the events of 'Chosen.' A hotel room in downtown Los Angeles. Written the day after the finale for my friend and fellow Buffy fanatic =)
Summary and Spoilers: Anything up to, and including, S7 and its finale. Buffy reflects on the ultimate sacrifice that was made in her honor.
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine! If they were, Buffy would have made sure her vampire knew she loved him before his death. The basic disclaimers apply.
Thanks To: My 'beta' reader and loyal Buffy friend, Michelle, who was thrown into a depression after the show ended and I was forced to give her a happier ending. All Spuffys out there =) Joss and the cast/crew of BtVS for all the years of surprise and tears! Wow. I just rhymed.
Written: Thursday, May 22nd 2003, half during Global class and the rest at home. I finally got off mah lazy bum and decided to go public with it. My first fic. Ha. Bow down and enjoy!
~~~~~~
It hadn't even fully hit her yet. None of it had actually sunk in. It would take some time for the intensity and reality of the situation to make sense. The human brain did not allow it. Logic defied it. And only time would add any significance to all of this.
Tomorrow, it would all be okay. Life would go on. One way or another, the world would find a way to keep turning. The sun would shine again. The events of the past few hours would be locked away in her memories. And she would be fine. They all would.
Who was she kidding?
Her life would never be the same, for he was gone. Her world would be frozen in place, for he had died not only for her, but for everyone. Time would be an eternity for her, because his life was taken, so that others would not be.
And she missed him. Missed him so much it hurt.
Sure, SunnyDale had vanished forever. And yes, her home was destroyed. All her possessions were no more. Pictures. Antiques. Memories. Irreplaceable objects. They were gone but not forgotten. They would always be kept dear, yet could easily be replaced. A new day would come, and all this would be in the past.
So why was he so darn special? Why couldn't she close her eyes for a split second, just to rest her worn vision, and not see his face in her head? His intense deep blue eyes that stared right into your heart. His silvery blonde hair which dared anyone to challenge his identity. His dangerously high cheekbones which characterized one of his most noted traits. His courage. His loyalty. His love. It would all flash before her in a manner of seconds, and her eyes would shoot open in fear of losing herself in her thoughts.
Everything else could be put behind her. Everything, but him. Why? Only because he didn't deserve to go. He wasn't suppose to be taken. He was never the one who left. He would not allow himself to go away without returning. And they were meant to be together after it all ended. She had finally been ready to be with him once it was over. And that gave her the courage to go through with the whole thing. The mere thought that they would walk away together at the end of the day.
So what had gone wrong? What had twisted fate so terribly and made this happen?
Buffy closed her eyes for a moment; a soft, southern California breeze sweeping back her hair as she inhaled the night. She could almost feel Spike's strong yet gentle hand caressing her check; his tender and soft lips planting a firm, loving kiss on her forehead. He had sacrificed himself so that her wish to be a normal person could be fulfilled. But suddenly, she would rather have him.
The Slayer? The Chosen One? She was no more. She was just Buffy. An ordinary young woman who could do what she desired. Who could go where she pleased. Who could have who she wanted.
So why wasn't she happy?
It was simple. So simple she wished it would have some twist behind it. Any small bit of doubt or confusion that would leave her with a moment of peace.
But no. She knew exactly what was wrong with this outcome. She knew why it felt so wrong. She knew why she couldn't think of tomorrow and smile.
Because it wouldn't be the same. Not without her vampire. The vampire who had stuck by her side when everyone else had left her life. The vampire who had endured pain and torture for the sake of keeping her family safe. The vampire who had cared for her friends when she wasn't around. The vampire who had changed his whole being just for her.
The vampire, who loved her.
Buffy could practically feel him, standing beside her in the small room of the LA Motel the small portion of the Scooby Gang that were not in the hospital had settled in for the night. She could picture his gaze fixated on her, sending chills up and down her spine and making the hair along her neck stand on end. His head tilted ever so lightly to the side, giving him an appearance powerful enough to melt the heaviest, darkest heart. His jaw working as all the muscles in his body flexed, a move that got her heart racing and her blood running.
And of course, she just had to look over her shoulder, in hopes that her senses hadn't lied and that Spike was indeed by her side, watching over her. Just for a second, believing that it had all been but a dream and she was still in her house basement, wrapping in his strong, protective arms. But alas, she was disappointed again, for the lonely motel room behind her was empty as ever. The morning's events came rushing back and she felt her eyesight blur with tears.
God, she missed him so badly.
And this was just the beginning of her long life without him. That thought alone made her weak in the knees, and she pulled back from the balcony and into the cheap, cream colored room. Pulling back the curtains, she stood still for a moment to try and gather herself. She could not let the barriers crumble, for if she broke down, she would not have it in her to stop. During the never-ending bus ride into town, while the gang was tending to the wounded, whispering words of gratitude for living to each other, and discussing the plans that the future held for them, she had been cuddled in the back crying. And she had been alone. For it was then that the meaning of Spike's sacrifice had gone through her head, and she had realized that she was doomed to never build upon her feelings for the blonde vampire. She had told him she loved him, but in the heat of the moment, and the will to get her to safety, he had repelled the statement and told her to leave. If she had known that to be their last moment together, she would have fought back and driven the fact into his head.
She loved him. A love that had taken a long time to develop and blossom. A love that she had admitted when it was too late.
Whenever she had felt lost and confused, he was always there to shed light upon the situation and make her feel like she was important. That was then, this was now. And he was gone.
Buffy's thoughts raced, and she could not hold it in any longer. Making the short two feet walk to the bed, she collapsed on the velvet blanket that covered the mattress and let the tears spill freely. And as she cried, the realization slowly keened on her. This was what Spike had gone through when she had been taken away from the world nearly two years ago. When she too had sacrificed her life so that the world could go on with its. When she had died in the name of love. The pain and loneliness that he must have felt, she never understood until this evening, when the connection was clear.
"I do remember what I said. The promise."
After what seemed like hours of dry sobs, the sudden sound of his voice within her head startled her. Lifting her tired body from the bed, her tear- stained eyes wandered around the room in the desperate hope that he was actually there, although she knew well enough that he wasn't.
"I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but. After that. Every night after that."
The words he had spoken on her first night back, when she had felt out of place, tired and betrayed. When her family and friends had looked at her like an object that they had misplaced and just found. When she was expected to go about her daily life as if everything was normal, but the pain she'd felt inside was eating her up. When Spike was the only one that actually understood, and for the first time had she seen the declaration of total love and devotion written all over his face. The words of assurance he had given her then, played freely in her mind now; and she found the strength to rise to her feet and wipe away the tears that muffled her vision.
"I'd see it all again... do something different. Faster or more clever. Dozens of times, lots of different ways. "
Buffy couldn't help the slightest smile dance along her lips as she pulled back the blanket from the bed and slowly sank under the soft silken covers, resting her head on the pillow. She was going to go on living, just for Spike, as he had done, just for her. Somehow, she would make it. And this would not have to be the end. But a new beginning. A new quest.
Her eyes closed as a low, happy sigh was emitted from within her. Once again, Spike had not let her down. He was right there, in her heart and soul, lighting her way.
"Every night I saved you."
Now, it was her turn.