VIII. Gold's pawn shop

…

The days were getting colder. When Zelena rode her bike to work at the supermarket in the morning or back from Rabbit Hole in the evening, the temperatures dropped to just a few degrees above freezing. She owned only one pair of woolen gloves that left her fingertips exposed, so her hands were stiff with cold every time. Freek nevertheless did not leave her the car. He expected her home on time because he wanted his food on the table, so she was always in a hurry. Especially on the days when she had to work double shifts, she couldn't get any rest. After putting her groceries in the bike basket, she was cycling down the main street in such a hurry that she missed a car coming out of a cross alley. Startled, she applied the brakes and managed to stop just in time. The driver gestured at her, indicating she went nuts.

Zelena had to collect herself for a moment, because her knees were all soft and her dull throbbing ribs hardly let her breathe. Her eyes fell on the store she had stopped next to. Mister Gold's pawn shop. She had passed it many times without ever noticing it. There were lots of old items piled up in the shop window, one or two of which were certainly valuable. Curious, she leaned the bike against the post of a lamppost and entered the small stuffy store, which was equally crowded inside. Above the door a small bell rang, but otherwise nothing stirred. On the shelves were all sorts of things, from antiques to old books. In one corner, a mobile hung from the ceiling. She touched one of the elaborate unicorns made of colored glass. Or were they gems?

"May I help you, dearie?"

The crooning voice made her whirl around. An elderly man dressed in a suit had unnoticed stepped out from the curtain-draped passageway to the back room, leaning on a cane. His piercing eyes fixed her so insistently that she felt extremely uncomfortable.

"I'm just looking around a bit," she replied hastily, well aware that she didn't have the money to buy even one of these items.

He nodded slightly. "Be my guest."

Curious, she pulled a dusty book from one of the shelves. It was an old edition of Norse heroic sagas in a language she didn't understand. At a drawing showing the god Odin on his eight-legged stallion Sleipnir and accompanied by his two ravens, she paused. She had always liked such stories. Her mother had read her fairy tales when she had been a little girl; back in those few happy years of her childhood, during which she had lived with her parents in Boston, in a nice bright apartment.

"If you're interested in books like this, I have a very special one," the shopkeeper announced before disappearing back through the door behind the counter.

Zelena glanced at her watch. She urgently needed to move on, but she didn't want to be so rude as to just walk out of the store. Besides, she was interested in what he intended to show her. Shortly after, he returned and placed a large heavy book on the counter in front of her. Once upon a Time was written on the leather cover in richly decorated gold letters. The pleasant smell of paper rose to her nose as she carefully opened it. It did not seem as old as it appeared. The pages were not yellowed or even cracked. On the first page, someone had written something by hand.

To my beloved daughter

May these stories accompany you and always remind you that dreams can come true if you never stop believing in them.

Your father

She touched the paper on which these lines were written. The man who had once given this book to his daughter must have loved her incredibly. She envied the girl so much.

"It's a unique piece," the shopkeeper said. "You won't find anything like it in any bookstore."

Almost in awe, she began to flip through the pages. It was a collection of those fairy tales and stories she knew from her childhood. Lovingly designed pictures breathed life into the texts. She saw a young girl leading a brown horse by the reins, a wedding scene, and then a beautiful but serious queen with an elaborate braided hairdo. Realizing abruptly that she had been in the store far too long, she hastily folded the book shut again.

"It's beautiful, but I'm afraid I can't afford it," she admitted, embarrassed.

A strangely sly smile flitted across Mister Gold's lips. "Well, of course everything has a price, but I am also a man who appreciates a good deal. Perhaps you have something interesting to offer me in exchange."

"I have nothing of value. Still, thank you for showing me."

She hurriedly ran out of the store without looking back again and swung on her bike to ride home as fast as she could. Freek would let her feel his displeasure at being late.

…

In the evening after her second shift, the store was already closed. She saw the dark store window for a moment only in the pale light of the lantern. Her chest ached with each of her rapid breaths. A fresh bruise, with which she had paid for her dalliance, covered her ribs hidden under her clothes. She couldn't get the book out of her mind. Not because of the stories or the pictures, but because she thought of the little girl who had once owned it. Had she grown up into a woman who had long forgotten the fairy tales of her childhood? Or did she think her father's precious was lost forever?

Hoping not to startle Freek, she quietly entered the house. In the hallway, she slipped off her jacket and shoes before sneaking upstairs. When she saw the door to his bedroom standing open, she knew she wouldn't escape him this time either.

"Come here, Zelena," his voice, heavy with alcohol, demanded.

She was tempted to just run into her room, but since she couldn't lock the door, she would only earn another punishment. On bare feet she entered the dark room. Her eyes adjusted to the light conditions, so she clearly saw his silhouette on the bed.

"I had two shifts today and I'm tired." Reluctantly, she stopped a step away. "Please let me go take a shower."

The bedclothes rustled as he moved to abruptly grab her wrist. Unmistakably, he pulled her down to him and was over her in the next instant. She felt his biting breath on her face. He ran his hand through her hair, grabbed her fabric-covered breasts, and reached her waistband. Drunk as he was, his quivering fingers failed to maneuver the button through the hole, causing him to snort in frustration.

"Take your clothes off!" he demanded of her impatiently.

The beating she'd taken that afternoon was still deep enough in her that she couldn't risk making him angry again. She unzipped her jeans and pulled them down over her hips, which wasn't quite easy because she could barely move under him. Hastily, his cold hand wandered into her underwear, causing her to wince. His fingers erratically massaged the sensitive nerve node, causing her to completely disengage. It was so humiliating when her body reacted to him, and she loathed herself for not being able to stop it.

"Don't be so stilted," he murmured excitedly. "You want this too, don't you?"

For a moment, which it took him to get his pajama bottoms loose enough, his oppressive weight disappeared. Eagerly he pushed himself between her slender legs and she closed her eyes, waiting for it to be over.

The warm shower water splashing on her white skin helped her relax. Her abdomen ached dully and she still had the repulsive smell of alcohol and sweat in her nose. Abruptly, the torment became so intense that she doubled over and pressed her arms against her body. On the yellowish floor tiles, blood-red drops mixed with the water running down her.

…

The next day, Zelena was still thinking about the book. The man who had created it loved his child dearly, as a father should. She imagined him sitting at his daughter's bedside while reading her the fairy tales. The girl snuggled up to him as she looked at the beautiful pictures.

"Why can't you just love me?" murmured Zelena tonelessly.

Long ago, when she used to be a child and a teenager, she had tried to do everything right for him, to earn the love of a father from him just once. As she grew older, that hope had faded more and more. Freek did not consider her his daughter, perhaps he never had. He only needed her to care for him and please him when he wanted her to. After she graduated from high school, they had moved the first time, from one backwater to another. It had taken her a while to understand the methodology behind this. In the new village, he had forbidden her to mention to anyone that he was her father and had always introduced her as his wife since that time.

She took the box of her mementos out of the closet and turned her mother's necklace between her fingers in the dim daylight streaming in through the window. The pretty green stone shone as if to make her believe it was valuable, but certainly it was only colored glass. The gem was dear to her alone, which was why she had always kept it hidden from Freek and had never thought of selling it for a little money. She let it slide into her jacket pocket before leaving for work a few minutes earlier than usual. Her father was still asleep, so she didn't have to worry about any questions of suspect. The pawn shop was already open and this time Mister Gold was standing behind his counter.

"I didn't expect to see you so soon again, dearie." Once more that indistinct smile flitted across his lips.

Zelena took out the necklace to lay it before him. "Probably it is valueless, I don't know."

"It certainly is to you, isn't it?" From a drawer of the sales table he took a magnifying glass, with that he thoroughly inspected the gem. "Let's have a look. Ah yes, it's a beautiful piece indeed. The pale green hue may belie it, but it is a genuine emerald. The cut was not done quite evenly, which of course diminishes its value."

"It belonged to my mother. That's all I have," Zelena reluctantly admitted.

Gold grinned thievishly. "After all, I told you yesterday that I appreciate a good trade, and what is trash to one person can be a treasure to another." Just as he had the day before, he disappeared into the back room to return with the heavy leather-bound digest, which he placed on the counter next to the jewelry. "In the end, dearie, this is nothing more than a book of stories. If you want to give up your necklace for it, we have a deal. However keep in mind, that this one is irrevocable once it's sealed."

Hesitantly, she touched the emerald. She clung to it because it was one of the few reminders of Melia she still had. On the other hand, holding on to the past didn't help her. Her mother had died over thirty years ago and somehow she was sure that she would have agreed to this. Finally, she nodded and grasped Gold's hand to seal the deal. Clutching the book like a treasure, she then left the store and stowed it in the basket of her bicycle. For the next few hours, it lay in her locker in the supermarket's staff room, hidden under her jacket. She knew she couldn't just take it home, because if Freek noticed it, he would of course demand to know what money she had used to pay for it. She could think of only one place to hide it from him. The stables were filled with the sounds of horses, the soft snorting and the scuffing of hooves in the straw. She walked between the stalls, noticing that Robin's chestnut gelding was not there. In the tack room, she put the book in a dusty chest between old horse blankets. No one would find it there until she could get it when Freek left her alone to get drunk at the bar.