Chapter 55.

Dean found Sam at the map table, working with his tablet. It was always work with Sam, never games or porn or idle chat. Woodcuts of demons covered the screen. "A case?" said Dean.

"What?" said Sam, then he saw where Dean was looking. "Oh. No, just keeping current."

"Looks 1600s to me." said Dean, "Not so current."

"New to me." said Sam, "Someone in Madrid has translated a pretty obscure book."

"Anything new in it?"

"So far, one or two things. Small stuff, probably useless, but maybe not."

Dean nodded. "As Dad always said, 'No knowledge is ever a waste of time.' Keep up the good work. However, if you're searching obscure books for minor details, you probably don't need me for the rest of the day."

"No, if you need to be somewhere else, today would be a good day for that. Are you going to the Nexus?"

Dean felt mildly irritated that Sam thought he needed parental guidance at this stage of his life. "No, nothing like that. I'm taking Anael to Salina."

"Last time we were in Salina, it was for the demon-haunted librarian." said Sam, "What is it this time?"

"It's not a case." said Dean, then, very quietly, he said, "It's a date."

"A date? You?" said Sam.

"I know, not really my thing, but I figure Anael deserves something. She's changing now. Wants to look her best."

"Where are you taking her?" said Sam.

"A zoo. Is that dumb? Tell me if that sounds lame to you. You know more about dating than I do. I mean, women like animals, right? And angels are into the glories of creation. Show Cas a bee and he'll watch it for hours. So she might enjoy it. Does it sound lame?"

Sam pushed the tablet away and said, "It sounds pretty good to me. In fact, let me know if the zoo's good and maybe I'll take Eileen there sometime. You seem nervous."

"This whole thing is way outside my comfort zone." said Dean, "I'm not exactly killing the whole relationship thing. I'm not getting much right so far."

"Well, if it means anything, from the outside, it looks like it's going well." said Sam, "You're sharing a room. She seems happy. You mostly seem happy except when you're overthinking. It's all pretty sweet."

"Except that I keep saying things that hurt her, making issues where there shouldn't be any. All that stuff is supposed to be easy, puppies and rainbows and all that crap. I'm putting her through one emotional assault course after another."

"Wow!" said Sam.

"It can't be that much of a surprise," said Dean, "You've seen it."

"Don't get mad, but I'm surprised you're talking to me about it." said Sam.

It was a fair point. He tried to be more open with Sam and Cas since the Pact, but he was aware that he wasn't good at it. "I think I'm hoping for some advice." he said.

"I think the zoo's a good choice and I think you could save yourself and Anael a lot of heartache if you just for once try living in the moment and not thinking about what might go wrong in the future. Go pull faces at some lions, watch some monkeys being inappropriate and just enjoy being with a very beautiful woman who, for some reason, finds you attractive."

"Bite me." said Dean, without irritation. The fact that Sam thought the zoo was a good idea made him feel better about it. Sam knew Anael and he would have said if he thought she would be bored or otherwise unimpressed.

He wished he could seek Sam's advice on this kind of thing more often, but it was still hard to admit to his little brother that he needed the help. When they were kids, he had been the expert. He still knew everything about casual hook-ups, but Sam was the one with a serious relationship, a marriage an d Sam had always been more of a romantic.

It was hard for him to admit his needs, whether for Sam's advice and approval or the need that lay at the root of it all, for love and companionship, for specifically, Anael. But he felt he was learning. He had admitted his need to her and he had asked for Sam's advice and he saw both as indications of growth, rather than an admission of weakness. Sarah would be proud of him.

Of course, he had been avoiding Sarah recently, afraid that she would tell him what he already knew, that he had handled the Anael situation badly, that he was taking advantage of her lack of experience with emotions.

Sam looked at him oddly and he realised he had been saying nothing for a while, drifting off in his own head and that was worrying Sam. "I'm okay." he said.

Sam nodded. "Better than okay, Dean. I think you're doing everything right. I know you don't think so, but you are. This stuff is tough for everyone and harder when an angel's involved, but you're doing great."

"From the beginning, I have messed up every little thing." said Dean.

"You've stumbled, a little, but not as much as you think."

"I can't get over the angel thing." said Dean.

"In what? A few days? These things take time."

"I want this to work, but I don't see how it can and I'm the reason why it's gonna fail. I just wish that wasn't true."

"I know exactly how you feel. I knew Eileen and I could never work, because of me and all the disasters I cause, just by existing. I wouldn't let myself imagine being with her, because she didn't deserve to get tangled in my chaos."

"You and Eileen are great together and it had better work, because now you need to think of the baby."

"Yeah, I got over that way of thinking. I had a brother who believed in me and he helped me to believe."

"I know you too well not to believe."

"And I know you. Always have, always will. I know you can do anything. I've seen you do the impossible. You just have to use that strong will of yours for yourself."

Dean smiled at him. "I feel better, knowing I have you in my corner."

"Forever." said Sam, "So go have fun at the zoo. Forget the future, forget the past. Forget she's an angel, because she really isn't in any way that makes a difference. Just have a great day and then come home and tell us all about it."

"That sounds like good advice."

"I only give good advice, so break the habit of a lifetime and listen to it."

Dean chuckled and nodded. "Okay, I'll try."

When Anael came to find him, she was wearing elegantly tailored white pants and a rich blue shirt, cinched at the waist with a white scarf. "Wow!" said Dean, "You look great."

"I've never been to a zoo before. I wasn't sure ... " she said.

"You look perfect, doesn't she, Sam?" he said.

"You always do." said Sam, "Enjoy the zoo."