Her nightmares get worse.
Even though Nick is a heavy sleeper, he wakes up to her screams the night they get back from the hospital. It takes an hour to calm him down, with Annie bouncing him in her arms. Johanna had sat down on the floor, arms crossed, while Katniss stared at the young child. He had stared back, delighted at the presence of all three of his housemates.
She is packed by the next morning.
Annie tries telling her that it's okay, that she doesn't need to leave. That really, Nick will be fine, and last night was probably just a fluke. Her eyes betray her, however, and she glances worriedly at her son every few seconds.
Johanna understands Katniss and just grips her hand tightly for a second before letting go and moving around the kitchen. After a few minutes, she thrusts a bag at Katniss. "Here. Some food that you'll probably need, since the houses here aren't stocked. If you need more, just tell us. Let's meet here at 7 every morning for work, and have dinner together, okay?" Although it's phrased like a question, it sounds like an order. Katniss just nods and takes the paper bag. She says goodbye to Nick, then gives Annie and Jo brief hugs.
And just like that, she's alone in a big, empty house once again.
The place that is assigned to her is dusty, and the furniture is covered. She drops her bag on the floor beside the entrance before walking around. It looks slightly different from Annie's house, which is grander and more modern. She guesses that this house wasn't ever occupied by a Victor, or else the furniture and wallpapers would have been changed.
When she opens the bag that Johanna gave her, she finds that it is filled with too much food for one person to eat. In fact, it's more food than Katniss has ever had at once, at least before she won the Games. Her father, when he was alive, was an extremely skilled hunter, but even he was only able to just barely put food on the table. When she was hunting, she had to trade most of what she killed for other necessities like coal, and to save up for clothing. Their home frequently had only a loaf of stale bread, the occasional piece of goat cheese that Prim would take care to separate from what she would trade with the baker, and squirrel. If Katniss had a good haul, they would have three squirrels, or maybe a rabbit. Sometimes, on special occasions, they would have some deer meat, too.
She carefully takes out the various foods in the bag, placing them in the cupboard and leaving out two slices of bread, cheese, and some meat for a simple dinner.
One of the first times after the end of the rebellion that Peeta went to her house to make a meal, he had laughed at the state of her pantry. She had only had some meat from the new butcher in town, and cheese from Sae. He had quickly run back to his house, then returned with a loaf of freshly baked bread. They had a dinner of cheesy toast and meat that night.
She tries to replicate it now, but ends up eating a mostly burnt dinner.
She misses him.
That night, she dreams about Prim and Peeta. It's a day when Prim is blessedly not busy, although she is reading a thick book, while Peeta is there because he wanted to see Katniss. Prim giggles as she watches Peeta walk to the house with a bunch of flowers in one hand, and a loaf of bread in the other. "For you, my lady," he says to Katniss, presenting both gifts, then snatching his hands away when she moves to get the flowers. "Katniss! How dare you? Those flowers are for Primrose," he winks at a laughing Prim, "and the bread is yours."
"Only bread for your girlfriend?" she asks wryly, hand darting out to grab the flowers.
He's surprisingly faster than her that day, though, because he avoids her again and spins to Prim, who he gives the flowers to. "Fiancee," he corrects Katniss with a cheeky grin.
Prim buries her face in the blooms, inhaling, then looks up with a bright smile. "I love it. Thank you, Peeta," she gushes sincerely.
"You're welcome," Peeta tells her sister, a fond look on his face. "Had to get flowers for the girl who is basically my little sister. Congratulations on getting into the program, Prim."
Prim beams at the description and the congratulations, and Katniss snorts. "Do I have to be your little sister to get flowers too?" she asks half-teasingly, turning to head further into the house.
He catches her by the waist. "I actually got something for you too," he says in a low voice. She's tempted to ignore him, but the warmth she feels radiating from his body is comforting, and she leans into him.
"What is it?"
He holds her close to him tightly for a few more moments before squeezing her hip and gently stepping away. Smirking, he takes out a single dandelion from his pocket and flourishes it. "For my fiancee."
She laughs as she takes it from him, surprised at the gesture, and he lights up at her reaction, giving her a quick kiss on top of her head. Prim bounds over and starts telling Peeta about her excitement for the new Healer program at school, and Peeta listens intently, asking questions where needed. When Prim turns to Katniss to ask her to get some herbs from the woods for salves, Katniss readily agrees, smiling when her little sister squeals in joy and holds her hand while babbling about how eager she is to learn about different treatments, and about how she has so many ideas and questions for her teachers.
It makes everything more painful when Katniss wakes up and realizes that everything in her dream was fake.
That Peeta won't be with her anymore.
That he has a new, beautiful, nice partner.
That he won't be giving her flowers.
And even worse: that Prim is dead.
Dead dead dead.
She wants to throw herself back in the dream where her sister is alive and happy, laughing and talking with her, with a warm hand to hold.
But Prim is gone. Unlike Peeta who, while he will never do any of those things he did in the dream, is still alive, Prim is dead, and there is no chance of Katniss ever seeing her little sister again.
Sleep eludes her for the rest of the night.
She is tired and pale the next few days, with large dark circles under her eyes, and the others notice. She tries to deflect Johanna and Annie's concerns by telling them that she's just not used to sleeping in the new house that's been assigned to her.
She must not have succeeded, however, because Maya comes over with a bag of food and a bottle of liquor. "Less strong, this one," Maya assures Katniss as she slips in. "Johanna and Gil will be here in a bit. I know you two are friends or something now, after working together so much, so I hope that's alright. If not, I can head him off." She pauses, dropping the bag and facing Katniss.
Katniss shakes her head. "It's okay. I think we're, um, friends," she tells Maya, although she feels a bit clumsy saying it.
The girl smiles and starts pulling different types of food out of the bag. Pie, fried fish, and some chips are placed on the table. "Good, because that boy needs more friends, too. I know he's a bit lonely these days." She looks Katniss up and down. "I reckon that's why he decided to try asking you out," she adds with a knowing tone.
Katniss flushes. "Does everyone know about that?"
Maya shrugs, grabbing a cup from Katniss' kitchen and taking two more out of her bag, then pouring a not insignificant amount of liquor in each. "Have some chips before drinking if you haven't eaten yet," she tells Katniss. "And yes. Everyone found out you rejected him the night after you did it, too. Nobody's judging you for it or anything. Nobody was surprised, either."
"Why?" Katniss asks curiously. While she and Gil are tentatively friendly, he's almost as closed off as her, and she knows next to nothing about his personal life.
Maya looks up at the ceiling. "The short story is that you resemble his best friend. The same behavior, and all. His late best friend, I mean," Maya clarifies, growing somber. "I know they were really close and had a lot of dreams, but obviously there were the reapings and the Games, and the Capitol. Then there was the rebellion, and even though it might have been dumb, a lot of us hoped we'd get to live better lives after all of it, you know? Get through it to the other end, then follow our dreams after." She laughs bitterly. "They had the biggest dreams, Gil and Pike. They were one of the leaders of the rebellion here in Four, running everywhere, protecting everyone. Then in the last few days, Pike died. I think a part of Gil died, too. He used to be so open that you knew everything about him and his life. Now, he's just open about everything but his actual life." She smiles sadly. "Everyone lost someone, in the end. Gil lost a sibling on top of his best friend. Mahi and I lost our parents. Avisa's son and daughter-in-law are gone, and only her grandchild is left. But we have to move on."
That night, after drinking a bit too much liquor but not enough that she's talking nonsense or half-asleep like Johanna, Katniss carefully steps over Gil's prone body on the ground and walks over to the phone. She fights herself for a few minutes, takes enough time to stare at the clock to make sense of the hands and the numbers, then decides to dial.
After a few rings, she is about to hang up when she suddenly hears a click and a slightly rough voice utter a greeting.
She clears her throat.
"Hi, Peeta."