A/N: Hey! Back to update this…thanks again for your lovely reviews even though I got less than chap 2! Hmpf! But that's ok, since I got enough for me to update. I also finally got around to updating my other fic, finally. Yay! Right. Back to business. Quick messages:

'div: hehe I guess he sort of did, but Hermione was also slightly overreacting…its ok t feel sorry for Snape, he won't be too much of an ass in this story, and Voldie doesn't quite spill his reason but you'll see….thanks and read on!

Cecelia: you are absolutely brilliant! First you got me thinking about the honeymoon and now this…your idea is great!! I burst out laughing when I read it…it's pretty funny! I can so imagine it…hahahaha…you're great! Thanks for sharing! Keep doing it! :)

some1: thank you, I hope it stays successful :P

Silver Dragon Goddess: I think Draco is satisfactorily nasty in this chap, I'll try to keep him this way as much as I can…and thanks for the sarcasm suggestion, I'll add more for him whenever I can! :D Thanks!

Draco Lover: yep, the one and only!

hyper_shark: hello mrs. malfoy's best friend! Yeah poor Draco and snape…

Esperanza: he both sort of did and didn't, you know? Hehe I hope you like this chap!

Melanie: aww don't pout! Here's the new chap for you, and it doesn't end with a cliffy!

Phoenix Flight: your image is so hilarious…of course, Voldie can't wear a suit because he's not a Muggle, but you're right, he's walking up minding his own business when the door opens and BAM! I'm glad you liked that part!

Mysticpixie, michelline: thank you and I'll keep the chaps coming as fast as I can!

DazzilinAngel555: glad you really liked this, and also because I don't know where else to tell you this, but thanks so much for reviewing my songfic…I am more than ecstatic that you think it's very good (and also very sad, yes that I agree!), and flattered beyond words that you think I've got the talent! THANK YOU! Lots of hugs to you! :D

Thanks again everyone who's reviewed so far, I hope you all come back to read and review. Here's chapter 4…I think the insanity level has somewhat declined a bit, but in any case, hope you'll enjoy it!

**

Chapter 4: Wedding Plans

Hermione had no idea what she crashed into, but the collision caused her to tumble backwards and land flat on her arse. From behind her, she heard heavy, racing footsteps rush down the stairs and knew immediately it must be Draco. Swallowing, she finally looked up from her fallen position at the person she had rammed into.

And choked on her gurgling saliva when she saw that it was Voldemort.

He was standing in the frame of the doorway, tall and menacing, clothed in a long, pitch-black cloak. His face was hidden behind a shadowy hood, but she could see two red eyes glaring down at her. As if in slow motion, she saw his arms reach up to his head and his extraordinarily long fingers pull down his hood.

She had never been in such a close proximity with the Dark Lord before. His presence unnerved her terribly and sent chills up and down her spine, but she would not let him frighten her the way he did his so-called loyal subjects.

When his hood had fully fallen, Hermione gasped. She had never seen his face this close and clear before. It was deathly pale and apart from those piercing red eyes, there were two slits which served as his nostrils on it, along with pursed lips. His face was expressionless and emotionless and this bothered Hermione even more than if Voldemort's face was drenched in fury.

From behind her, she heard the footsteps stop suddenly and a loud gasp that could only come from Malfoy. He was probably as stunned as she was that Voldemort was paying them a visit.

Suddenly, the Dark Lord lifted his right arm and pointed his fingers straight at Hermione's face. She braced herself for the worse. Maybe he had changed his mind and wanted her dead after all.

She was, of course, completely unprepared for Voldemort to burst out laughing like an idiot. And it wasn't a cold, sarcastic, dry laugh either. It was just plain moronic.

"Hee! Hahahahahha! Wee hee!!" went Voldemort, shaking violently with uncontrollable laughter and slapping his own stomach.

Hermione had enough. She wasn't going to be laughed at like this, even if it was by the most powerful dark wizard.

"What's so funny?" she asked, scowling.

Voldemort went into further hysterics and pointed behind her.

Hermione turned around and saw Malfoy at the foot of the stairs frozen in astonishment. In his right hand, he was carrying his wand. In his left hand was a rather sharp knife.

Hermione jumped up from the floor immediately and yelped. Okay, she knew Malfoy was feeling murderous, but she only thought he'd hex her or something. But the knife…was he really going to stab her to death?

Presently, Voldemort stopped laughing and composed himself. "Sorry about that," he began, evidently still amused. "But you should have seen your face," he told Hermione, "it was priceless, even for a Gryffindor Mudblood such as yourself. And you should have seen him running down the stairs! He looked about to kill you! With that crazy dagger! Ha!"

Malfoy paled considerably, then remembered his place. He bowed his head reverently and went on his knees, uttering, "Master."

He looked so pathetic that Hermione would have burst out laughing herself if she wasn't thinking he'd be slitting her throat the next chance he got.

"Ah, young Master Malfoy. Pardon my interruption. I only wanted to speak with your family and the Mudblood here, and pay a nice visit to my former slave, Snape."

Hermione was surprised at Voldemort's cordiality.

He must be in a good mood these days, what with ruling the European wizarding world and all. Good for him.

Just then, Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape emerged from the dining room adjacent to the foyer and both immediately kneeled down, bowing their heads, much the same way Draco did. "Master," they both acknowledged.

Hermione merely snorted in disgust.

Lucius then got up and walked over to his Master, pushing Hermione out of his way.

"Why, your Grace. What a most pleasant surprise! What brings you to my humble abode, my lord?"

Humble abode my Mudblood arse, thought Hermione.

"Well apart from checking on Severus, here, I thought it was time I spoke with your family and her about the very anticipated wedding," replied Voldemort, gleaming.

"Certainly, sire, please, step into my parlor. I will get Narcissa at once!" He then Disapparated, and within three seconds, Apparated back with Narcissa. Upon seeing the Dark Lord, she too, went on her knees and bowed her head. But she did not speak.

In silence, they proceeded to the parlor, Hermione included. Snape sat himself on the floor near the door, while Hermione and Draco settled themselves on the sofa. Hermione glanced at Draco and sure enough the dagger was gone. She would get him back later for even thinking about it.

Narcissa propped down gracefully on her usual armchair, while Lucius summoned two more throne-looking high chairs. Undoubtedly for himself and his Master.

Once everyone was seated and facing each other, Voldemort began.

"Now, I know you're wondering why I, the great Dark Lord, the most powerful dark wizard of modern times, would ever disgrace such a loyal and powerful Pureblood family such as the Malfoys by having their only son and heir wed a filthy Mudblood," he started.

Everyone held their breaths in anticipation of the long-awaited answer.

"Well, I can't tell you that just yet," he finished and grinned at their obviously disappointed faces. "However, it will become clear to you as we go along. In any case, I would like to discuss with you all the necessary wedding preparations."

"My lord, my wife has gladly volunteered to work on that herself. Such feminine matters need not be worried by the Dark Lord," Lucius offered.

"Your wife will work on the finer details, but I will be telling you now a few important things that will happen at the wedding. First of all, I have here with me a guest list. You will invite no others to attend apart from the names written on this list. Is that understood?" He fumbled into his cloak, pulled out a scroll, and handed it to Lucius.

The Malfoys all nodded and mumbled, "Yes, Master," while Hermione said nothing.

Voldemort ignored her. "Good. Now, although I find homicidal attempts very amusing, I must advise you, young Master Malfoy, to not harm your fiancée. She is more valuable than you know, and harming her will bring you dire consequences."

Malfoy's face blanched five shades of white, and Lucius's was clearly beset by fury. He stared darkly at his son.

"And you, Miss Granger, had also better not harm Draco here. He, too, is valuable to me, and one of my most prized young Death Eaters. You two are valuable together, but not so much so on your own. Killing the other will be as good as committing suicide. Heed my word on that; you have been warned."

His words sent a chill to both Hermione and Draco. They hadn't done anything remotely significant enough to be this 'valuable'. What the hell was Voldemort playing at?

"And now that that's out of the way," he continued, "I would like to add one more thing. I will personally be wedding the both of you," he finished, beaming.

Hermione's heart stopped. Voldemort simply could NOT be the minister at her wedding, even if it was to Malfoy. He just couldn't!

"What?!" she subsequently blurted out before she or anyone else could stop her. "That's outright ridiculous, you aren't a priest, sir high and mighty Dark Lord!"

Shock and fear came about all the Malfoys' face, but Hermione was unfazed.

Voldemort seemed taken aback by her, at first, before chuckling dryly. "Now, now, Miss Granger, I am the Dark Lord. Lord. And again, LORD. Which means, I am above any priest. I am rather offended by your demeanor. It should be an honor, Miss Granger, to have me conduct your wedding!"

Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but Voldemort silenced her by saying further, "Usually, I award harsh punishments for such a felony- nobody raises their voice at the Dark Lord nor do they question his actions. However, considering that we are discussing your 'happy day', I will let you off with a warning this time."

The Malfoy family ogled. Voldemort never gave anyone a warning. Had the bloke gone soft?

"Now, I'm afraid, I must leave you, loyal followers and friends. I have a pressing engagement to make- it cannot wait. I will see you all in two weeks for that happy day!" Voldemort bid, then stood up and promptly Apparated in a hurry.

Everyone sat in silence and stared at the seat where Voldemort had occupied just a few seconds ago.

After several more minutes, Lucius cleared his throat. "Now then, we all heard the Lord. Narcissa, I suppose you have work to do. Two weeks isn't very long."

"Well, of course not, do you take me for a fool, Lucius?" she snapped from her seat.

"Whatever devil has gotten into you?" he shot back.

"Oh please, Lucius, are you seriously going to stand there and pretend you weren't disturb?"

"About what?"

Narcissa looked exasperated. "About the fact that our only son is going to be wed by Voldemort?"

"So? It's an honor, Narcissa-"

"Please! You can't be serious! Look, as foreign as they may be to you, I still hold a few beliefs dear. Marriage is supposed to be a holy ceremony. Voldemort is anything but," Narcissa declared.

"Mother, I am marrying her. Does it matter? Let Voldemort marry me to filth, and we can get a real priest when I marry Pansy later," put in Draco.

For some reason, his response highly maddened Hermione. Ferociously, she turned to him, eyes blazing. "I'd stop with the derogatory remarks, if I were you, Malfoy. You tried to kill me. Remember what Voldemort said- you kill me and it's your funeral. Better treat me with respect, now. Because I'm not as afraid of dying as you are, especially when it comes to a good cause such as slaying a venomous snake such as yourself," she threatened dangerously.

"I wasn't going to kill you, I was merely-" he began to protest, when his father silenced him.

"Enough! You are both despicable. Slaughtering each other, really. How many times must I tell you it is futile? Your fate is sealed. Live with it."

Huffily, they both crossed their arms and looked away from each other.

"Now, Narcissa, I suggest you live with it too. We haven't a choice. I suggest you take Granger here up to your room now to discuss your feminine formalities. Draco and I will take a look at our guest list and send out the invitations. Decorations and the menu will be discussed tomorrow. Now, hurry, out of my sight!" commanded Lucius.

Narcissa got up while Hermione remained in her seat. "It's not fair you know. This is my wedding. I should have as much say in it as anyone else," she bluntly remarked.

Lucius groaned. "For devil's sake, will you stop it. This is not the wedding of your choice, and neither is it ours. It is Voldemort's so we go according to whatever plans he has, do you understand?"

"You're all just too scared of that wretched half-human to speak for yourselves. Just look at you! It is your son's wedding and you're letting that foul monster push you all around!"

Lucius glowered at Hermione. "THAT IS ENOUGH! Your ramblings are cacophonous to my ears. I don't want to hear any more of this. Get out!"

Narcissa walked over to Hermione giving her a nudge, and the two women grumpily stalked out of the parlor.

**

"You are late."

"I have a right to be. I'm the Dark Lord."

Voldemort had just Apparated into a round, dimly lit chamber. The room was furnished with nothing but two chairs and a circular table in the middle and a white, translucent crystal ball in the center of it, with glowing white orbs floating around it. On one side of the table sat a hunched, frail-looking, skinny female figure whose face was obscured by the darkness.

"Where were you?"

"Paying them a visit."

"Wonderful. They are both healthy, I presume?"

"Yes, very much so," Voldemort replied, as he walked towards the table and sat down opposite the figure.

"Good. Your plans will succeed, my lord. You cannot fail now," came her eerily soft and mysterious voice.

"I better not. But I must ask you again- you are sure you have foreseen all of this? The coming true of the prophecy? That this will be my destiny, and the destiny of the wizarding world?"

"Yes, I have. This will be your destiny."

"Brilliant. Seers like you are hard to find these days."

"Many abandoned their skills and perished during the War. Only I saw what I could give you. The gift will be fruitful beyond all dreams, Lord."

"Good. I expect no less, or I will not hesitate to have your head."

"Yes, my lord, I understand. Now, for my preliminary gift to you…" she said, gesturing eagerly towards the white crystal ball.

"Right. You will be rewarded for this. Now, show me Potter."


**

When they finally reached Narcissa's personal chambers, they found Ginny there pleasantly humming and re-arranging Narcissa's wardrobe.

"Lady Malfoy!" she cried, startled, when the two sour-faced women burst in.

"Good, Red, you're here, you can help us. My mind is so exhausted I don't even know what to think. They can be so difficult!" Narcissa said in frustration.

She strolled over to a chair and sat down testily.

"Sit you both, we have a lot to discuss," she tiredly ordered the two younger girls.

Ginny looked over at Hermione, who nodded in assent, and the two sat themselves by Narcissa's feet.

The elder lady sighed. "Now, the wedding will be two Saturdays from today and we haven't got much time to prepare. I need new dress robes and Hermione needs a wedding gown. We will have to go to Madame Malkin's tomorrow, so Red, go give Madame Malkin a call using my flame and make an appointment with her at half past 10 in the morning."

Ginny nodded, and the lady turned to Hermione. "We'll also have to book Madame Pristine's services for the wedding day. She's the best hairdresser-witch in town, and god knows, if anyone can tame that bushy bundle on your head it's her. Of course, she'll be doing my hair as well," she added, fingering her own lovely blonde locks.

"And a stop at Gringott's will be necessary. You have absolutely nothing precious with you, and I'm not letting such a woman marry my son. Therefore, we're going to get out some of my jewelry for you to wear. You will have to look rich," Narcissa explained condescendingly.

"You know, I'm not poor in the Muggle world. My parents are respectable dentists and are very financially well off. We have jewelry of our own which I will be more pleased to wear. Also, my mother always wanted me to wear this gold locket of hers on my wedding day, it's sort of a family heirloom…" Hermione's voice trailed off as memories of a happier life with her parents flooded into her mind. She felt tears sting at her eyes but she didn't want to cry, not now.

Narcissa looked at the younger woman sympathetically, a large feat for the wife of a registered Mudblood-exterminator. "Well you are not in your world and you aren't to be in touch with your parents. I'm sorry. Don't take this too seriously, though. This wedding is only part of some sordid scheme of Voldemort's. Nothing more."

Hermione nodded slightly, and looked away. Ginny pat her arm reassuringly.

"Now, moving on, we have to discuss your surly demeanor. We can't have that. So beginning from tomorrow, I will begin teaching you the proper etiquette and behaviors of high-class Pureblooded women. I will instill more grace into you, if that's the last thing I do."

"My parents taught me enough table manners, thank you," Hermione commented dryly.

"There is a lot more. Even the way you walk has to be altered. The way you talk. The way you laugh. The way you smile and express gratitude. The way you frown and express displeasure. Even the way you bat your eyelashes at men have to be properly trained," came Narcissa's wisdom in a nutshell.

Hermione scoffed. Now she knew why Pansy Parkinson always bat her eyelashes in a way that made it look like she was suffering from eye ticks. She'd be damned before she had to do it too.

"But that is a lesson saved for another day. Tomorrow perhaps. For today, we only have one more matter to discuss." Then Narcissa paused, as if debating with herself on whether or not to bring it up. Finally, she exhaled and spoke. "The last thing we need to talk about is…your honeymoon."

Hermione wasn't sure she heard right. "Sorry? Did you say 'honeymoon'?"

"Yes. I know this is anything but a love marriage, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Voldemort doesn't plan for it to end anytime soon. And since neither you nor my son are willing to get better acquainted here, I thought perhaps another location might do you good. Of course, I haven't proposed this to either Lucius or Draco, but do hear me out."

Hermione was now convinced Narcissa was just as nutters as any of them. Did she really think Hermione and Draco could survive a honeymoon together? And what were they expected to do on a honeymoon anyway? Relax while the rest of the world plunders? Sip on cocktails adorned with cute mini-umbrellas next to the beach while throwing strings of insults at each other? Try to drown the other while they're casually reclining in a spa? Or worse, MAKE LOVE?!

"Well if it ever amounts to that, then I suppose you could," came Narcissa's strangely strangled voice.

"Huh?" Hermione was confused; what was Narcissa going on about?

That was when she realized she had spoken the last two words of her thoughts aloud. She turned to face Ginny and saw the other girl blushing furiously and trying hard to hide a smile.

"No! No, no, that's not what I meant, I was just thinking-"

"About it?" piped in Ginny, no longer containing the humor in her face.

Hermione glared at her. "No! I was not! Why, I would never!"

"Well, I do realize that many women find my son charming and virile, of course I should expect even his worst enemy to feel so…" said Narcissa with a chuckle.

Suddenly, a mental image of her and Malfoy having heated, passionate sex willed itself into her mind and her stomach growled in revulsion.

"No! Really! Stop it, I was not thinking about Draco in THAT way!"

"In what way?" came an all-too familiar male voice.

Oh crap.

The three women whirled their heads to find Draco Malfoy gazing at them curiously from the hall through the open door. He had been on his way to his room to fetch his owl when he walked past his mother's room and happened to hear Hermione rant on about not thinking about him in "THAT way".

"Didn't I ever teach you to knock, Draco dear?" drawled his mother.

"Not when an interesting conversation is at play behind an open door, Mother. Now, do enlighten me, Granger, in what way were you not thinking of me?"

Hermione blushed ten shades of red. "Er…I…er…that's none of your business!"

Ginny giggled madly and Narcissa herself couldn't stop from softly chuckling.

"Funny, that's what you always say when I find you butting into my business. Such as frolicking around in my room," he said, taking a step towards the women and folding his arms.

"It was nothing, Malfoy. You merely heard a fragment of a conversation concerning a completely different topic," Hermione asserted, trying to shelve away her embarrassment.

"My, I had no idea that good Gryffindor graduates such as what you claim to be lie," Narcissa said most deviously.

Hermione's mouth dropped open in disbelief at Narcissa's words.

Malfoy was enjoying this. Hermione looked like a trapped puppy right now, and it thrilled him.

"Really, now? Tsk. Tsk. Whatever could you be thinking? Let me guess…ah, you were fantasizing about me making heated and passionate love to you?" he asked, thinking he was hitting one of her angry nerves for entertainment, but completely unaware of the truth behind his statement.

"No! It wasn't like that!" began Hermione, her face even redder now than Ginny's notorious hair. "It was Narcissa's fault, she was talking about our honeymoon, and I couldn't help but think of whatever it was that we would be expected to do-"

Wrong thing to say.

"Our WHAT?!"

"Honeymoon! Your mother said-"

"I am NOT going on a honeymoon with you!" Malfoy declared.

"Well, it's not like I want to go on one with you either, Malfoy, but you're missing the point-"

"Missing the point? I completely understand the point! No honeymoon!"

"I get that already, what I meant was that-"

"What you mean is that you were fantasizing about having sex with me during our supposed honeymoon! Fat chance! I am not shagging you!"

"Well I don't want you to!" Hermione screamed back standing up, enraged. "And I don't want to shag you either-"

"You lie! You were thinking about it, how could you! And how dare you steal my fine, masculine image and dirty it in your brain?"

How dare her? How DARE her?

Why that evil, insolent, self-absorbed prick!

"EXCUSE ME?! How dare YOU accuse me of-"

"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!" Narcissa was now standing up as well, hands on both of her hips. "If you're going to have another childish blazing row, have one elsewhere!"

"He started it!" protested Hermione.

"It doesn't matter, I am fed up with you two! I am so glad I don't have to marry either of you!"

This shut both Hermione and Draco, as well as Ginny's chortling laughter, as they tried to digest what it was that Narcissa was saying. Realizing the oddity of her own statement, Narcissa decided to end their session immediately, and 'shooed' everyone out of her chamber.

Seething, Hermione and Draco stalked out and parted ways in the hall without another word.

Only Ginny was left to ponder the events that just transpired. Musing to herself, she smiled as she made her way downstairs, her thoughts occupied by a couple who she believed truly didn't hate each other as much as they thought.

**

A/N: There you have it. Not much I know, it was kind of stupid at some places, and longer than I actually wanted it to be, but I hope that adds to your pleasure. Also, I didn't skip as much time in the story as I previously wanted. Oh well, that will be my labor next time. Ah, and I think I made some of our favorite characters go OOC! Phooey on me. Anyway, how was it? Tell me! Any improvements I should make? Tell me! Anything you particularly liked? Hated? Tell me! How to tell me? Review! (Ok, that definitely sounded stupid). But yeah, your reviews are so very welcome and my story would not have gotten this far without them. So please, review.

Oh, and I bet you are all dying to know about Voldemort's plans just as much as Draco and Hermione are, but it will all be revealed in due time, I promise! You can make your guesses now from what was written in this chapter…tell me what they are, so I can see how many directions I am leading you guys towards.

Feeling nice as usual, I'm going to give another teaser for the next chapter: the big day arrives- yes, it's their wedding! And I'll tell you now that no hero comes to stop it, so they do get married! Oh and even before that, D/Hr have a confrontation that leads to a bit of an understanding between them…not the usual bickering and murder attempts…hee :P

Ok, that's it for now. Hope you all enjoyed this somewhat so far.

Kudos!

~ smashing sugar ~