A/N: Hey, I'm back again! So terribly sorry this took so long to get posted, but ff.net removed by other fic TPW because the summary apparently was not G rated or something and thus I made a violation blah blah despite the fact that the fic has been up ever since January. Whatever. Well anyway, I was restricted from uploading anything until tonight, so yeah, bummers. But anyway, here I am with chappie 6.
And before I continue, I simply have to thank my wonderful reviewers for helping me pass the 100 review mark!!! YAYYYYY! WHOOOPEEE! THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!! *beams* *screams* *beams some more*
some1: first and foremost, I must thank you for expressing your concern over TPW…I honestly didn't feel like anybody cared about that story anymore! Well in any case, I appreciated it and you made me a very happy person for that :D *hugs* Now, as I mentioned above, it was gone because ff.net removed it because they claimed my summary was not G rated though its funny because the fic has been up for 4 months and they just decided to remove it last week and it wasn't like I was describing a sex scene in the summary or anything, so I'm assuming the violation was due to the word 'bitch' I used as in 'bitch fight', but last I checked a bitch was a female dog so dear glory me female dogs violate the G rating (sorry about that, I was venting), but the good news is that it is only temporarily gone as I will be re-posting it …bad news is that I won't get to do that until the second week of May when my holiday starts and I'll be re-posting it a chap per day, so it'll be sorta awhile before the new chap (chap 8) comes out, so you'll just have to wait a tidbit longer, sorry about that- but don't blame me fully, I hadn't even realized I was violating anything, I mean ff didn't even give me a warning or anything, god. But I suppose they had to follow their guidelines, no? So in my new summary I'll say 'cat fight' instead, since everyone agrees cats don't violate G ratings. Again, sorry about my slightly negative attitude, I'm just having a cow because I'm one of those ppl who barely breaks school rules and the next thing I know I'm under restrictions for a violation and because of that my story that I worked so hard on is gone along with its beautiful reviews *sobs*…I suppose I deserve it but still, I'm peeved…anywho, I hope this one will keep you entertained for a bit…I'm sorry you have to wait quite awhile until the next chap of TPW comes out…please don't hate me, and please don't-uh-kill me. *smiles sweetly*
Cecelia: I'm very happy to have your review…at first I thought you weren't gonna review the last chappie! But I'm glad you finally did (and I hope your family probs are solved or getting better :) ). Anyway, wow you actually counted the days! *hides face in shame* yes, its been awhile…but now you know why, stupid ff infractions! Um, I haven't thought about any other creatures of the night…D+Hr won't be spending more than 2 chaps in Transylvania I'll tell you that now, so can't put in a lot of stuff…but you know what? Since you are one of my dedicated reviewers, I'm going to grant you your wish…which means that in the next chap (I'd already written this one by the time you reviewed), your "guy" will indeed be making a cameo! As for why Voldie wants them wed…well, me being the 'horrid tease' that I am, the reason will have to gradually unfold…hehe…but you're kinda on the right track on the part about Harry…Harry will be quite involved in this story later on, so keep a lookout for that! Thanks a bunch for your reviews! :D
storyteller: it's been awhile, so I hope you haven't died…heheh…hope this chap is to your satisfaction! (dunno why I'm being so formal)
Arisu, Krissy, sara, Jennifer, Harrys girl228: thank you, glad you enjoyed it! I'll be updating… eventually… hehe
Janice: yup, deadly vamps! Though, I don't know how big of a part they will play in the overall story…
MiChA: thanks! And I will finish this, no worries there, and updates will come sooner once I'm done with finals…and about your fic, I've read it and I think its coming along quite goodly :), I mean the whole idea of the gods doing this is funny and well, plausible to me…but I guess it doesn't help much that I can't review, huh? I'll make it a point to review your fic at school (my comp won't load javascript so can't review at home :( ).
Madame Plot Bunnie: Yes, we do! Eventually, that is…hehe. Oh and your little idea was quite ingenious, and I hope you don't mind, but I've sort of borrowed it a bit and mentioned something along the lines of that in this chap…you'll see it soon…thanks a lot for that, it really cracked me up, I hope you don't mind! You'll be credited, of course, and again, thank you! Keep reviewing!
Dreaming One: I cracked up writing that line as well! Well, there's a reason behind why he wants them to fall in love (clue about that is in chap 4), and Harry will definitely be involved later on, but I'm really glad you liked the idea anyway! You're right, Voldie will be successful! It's great that you liked McGonagall in there…I thought Hermione needed it…oh and by the way, just thought I'd let you know that I've been reading your story Heart of Ice at fictionalley and I think it's brilliant! My inability to review thanks to comp has kept me from saying that, but was I ever so glad to see that you reviewed my story! Anyways, do update that one fast, alright? (btw, this is old news, but I loved the part when you wrote about Hr's "motherly nature"…I got a good laugh out of that ;) )
Poppy: ok, so it took me ages to update…and will take another ages, but please bear with me! I'm ecstatic chap 5 is your favorite (except for your pet hate group hugs, which I think is a Gryffindor thing to do hehe)…I thought I was going a bit dry there, but anyway, hope you continue to like this!
starryeyed347: haha I made Lucius soooo OOC with the pixies…who knows, it might happen again?
agnessa: yikes! The real Transylvanian! Uh oh…I might be in for some trouble then, I mean I've only seen the brochures…never actually been there myself…LOL…in any case, more of Transylvania will be described in the next chap, not this one, but I hope I've done a believable enough job. You're welcome to guess the identity of the Seer (I've already had a couple of correct guesses, but it would be best if you'd wait and see)…and well, she's his fave because he thinks she's seen his dreams come true…
Crystalline Lily: Unromantic, true, but in this world of madness, it's the best spot there is :P. No, she's not a Death Eater, but she's offered her services to him, so she gets some privileges. Thankfully, she has enough brains not to predict death at the moment…imagine what it'd be like if she told Voldemort she has foreseen his death? Haha
Lily of the Shadow: Hey, dunno if this is as funny as you thought it'd be, but hope you like it anyway!
mikala: yeah, I realize that Voldemort is sort of OOC…but I think I've kept his essential traits (evil, cunning, sniveling bastard) from the books…just that he's gone mad, so, yeah he's weird!
Phoenix Flight: Thanks for having great ideas for me to use! :P true, Voldypoo is quite cheery, but to me more of happily evil!Voldemort haha. This chap isn't as long as the previous one, but hope you still like this just as much! (And no need to thank me for updating…it's my duty and pleasure!)
Babu4490: I definitely will!
Darkness Eternal: you did? THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!! I'm very honored you made me one of your fave authors! *hugs excitedly*
Draco Lover: yup, of all the places…I'll try to keep my stories relatively around the same length…glad you liked it!
AoiiChan: Thanks so much…my fic's sort of a crazy, humorous spin-off to a potentially dark situation…glad you liked it :) Somehow, I manage to have them arguing in every chap…quite a bit of that in this one, lookout for it!
MIforever: your suspicion is very well-founded…ahem…hint…;)
RaistlinofMetallica: hahaha your review was hilarious! Got me laughing my ass off as well!
dracoJAE: ahh no hexing please! I know I deserve it for taking so long, but please, spare me! Anywho, Voldie is quite a lot off his rocker it seems…and yup, Draco showing signs! More signs to come, I believe (yay!) and I'm glad your mom wasn't around! Lol. By the way, have you been starting all these new fics? Cuz you haven't updated ICDfY! Hmpf! In any case, thanks for your reviews!
porkypop: romance coming soon, promise! Not yet, but in a few chappies…wait around okie? Thanks!
Frankie: mwuahaha…be afraid…be very afraid! (Ok, I'm such a lameass for saying that. Excuse my late night brain, it seems to have malfunctioned yet again). Well if it scares you when you really want to know what's gonna happen…I'm gonna have to keep scaring you now, won't I? *evil grin*
'div: thanks! Unfortunately, no answers in this chap *banana peel misses face by a millimeter* but will come, they will! Just keep reading on! The Seer's not quite fake (though she's been known to have a horrible reputation as a Seer *hint*)…but to clear things up for you, part of the plan is for Draco and Hermione to fall in love…but as to why, well, keep reading this story!
Rumidha: Yes, in fact, it'll be bumped into an R rating around chapter 8 (guess why), just to be safe…but I'll mention it in the author's note…don't think I will change the rating officially, since only a few chaps will be R (but then again, maybe I will, now that I'm paranoid I'm going to break another freakin violation).
Esperanza: you would?! Don't think I would though…too cute to be stabbed! Hahahaha. Plus, Hermione would kill me…I know for a fact she doesn't want me harming her hubby…hehe lol.
There you go! I hope that's all of you who reviewed last time…tell me if I missed out anyone, yeah? You guys are the best!!!
As always, a thank you to my beta Erin for her encouraging comments :)
So now, here it is…don't forget to read the Author's Note at the end of this chap, a couple really important ones! Enjoy!
**
Chapter 6: Confessions of a Three-Time Criminal
"Quit snoring."
"I am not snoring. I'm not even sleeping."
"Then it must be the sound of your breathing. Stop it."
"Damn you."
That was the tenth time within the past fifteen minutes ever since they had both woken up from their naps that Hermione had cursed Draco. Though they were high in the air on the flying carriage bound for their honeymoon, Draco hadn't stop being a git and had done all he could to be a pain in the buttocks.
No surprise there, thought Hermione bitterly.
Presently, the two newlyweds were sitting facing each other inside the roomy flying carriage that was conveniently invisible to the Muggle eye, bound for the deep, dark, terrifying land of Transylvania. They passed the next ten minutes in utter silence when Hermione saw Draco open his mouth from the corner of her eye. Figuring he would try to be a pain yet again, she decided to speak first.
"You know, Malfoy, when we get there, you should owl your pitiful boss and tell him he needs to re-evaluate his romance IQ. If he thinks Transylvania is a bloody wicked place for a honeymoon, then apparently he has none," Hermione spoke wryly.
"He is not my boss," Draco replied, eyes irritated. "He is my Lord. And besides, Transylvania just got ranked number eight on Witch's Weekly's Top Ten Kinkiest Honeymoon Destinations in the Wizarding Europe. Latest issue."
"Figures. I bet it's because your bloody Lord owns Witch's Weekly now. Of course, I should have expected him to find the idea of blood-sucking vampires and howling werewolves very entertaining."
"You've obviously never been to Transylvania, have you? It's not at all like what those imbecilic Muggle authors portray it to be. It's a rather nice place, mind you, and vampires are rather tolerable creatures…if your pocketbooks are larger than your necks, at least," explained Draco carelessly to Hermione. He didn't seem disturbed at all by their destination.
Hermione should have known her husband would be unperturbed. After all, he was the embodiment of eville.
At that moment, the carriage shook a bit in the air, and began descending down.
"What? We're there already?" asked Hermione, very surprised.
"Of course we're there. We've been flying all afternoon. You, of course, spent it napping," Malfoy remarked in a knowing tone as the carriage finally landed and made a halt.
"So did you. But I see my characteristic know-it-all demeanor has quite rubbed off on you," Hermione added, hoping to anger her husband.
Draco chose to ignore her comment, and instead burst open the door and stepped out. The carriage had landed at the very end of an ancient-looking, but sturdy wooden bridge. It extended across a moat that circled an enormous medieval stone castle. Both Draco and Hermione looked up in awe at the huge pillars of the castle which was frighteningly silhouetted against the pale, darkening evening sky. Behind the highest tower, the moon was already beginning to appear, and Hermione could hear the faraway howls of wolves and the unmistakable fluttering of bat wings.
Never mind that she was friends with a werewolf and had done essays on vampires. The sight before her, coupled with the eerie, mournful, booming organ music gave her the utmost creeps.
Organ music?! Okay, so that was her own imagination and there was no organ music, but still. Everything seemed…freaky.
"I hope this isn't the Transylvanian version of the Holiday Inn," Hermione muttered woefully, still staring at the huge structure before her.
Draco gave a short laugh. "Of course it isn't. But no worries, I'm pretty sure I know what this place is. And just fitting too, I couldn't be more honored to be staying here. The Dark Lord has classy taste indeed," Draco stated with a slight hint of pride.
Pride? Was he mad? It was common knowledge that the Malfoys wouldn't settle for anything less than posh and luxurious, but the sight in front of her seemed anything but.
"Honored? Classy? Malfoy-" Hermione began, but Draco had already unloaded their luggage and dismissed the carriage.
Being the perfect gentleman that he wasn't, at least not to his wife, he picked up his own trunk, cast a lightweight spell on it, and began crossing the bridge.
Grunting, Hermione had to heave her own trunk-made heavier by Narcissa's generous gifts of new clothing- and follow Draco across the bridge.
On the other end, thick, oak double doors fifteen feet high greeted them. Before Draco could even reach out to knock, a small slot in the door slightly below Draco's head level slid opened, revealing a pair of aging, pale yellow eyes. Hermione gulped.
"Vhat bizziness haff you heer?" the owner of the eyes hissed, glaring dangerously from Draco to Hermione.
"I am Draco Malfoy, finance advisor and public spokesperson to the Great Lord Voldemort. Newly promoted," he added, smirking.
Hermione snorted.
The pale eyes did not stop glaring and darting. "And?" he hissed further.
"I am supposed to be here on my honeymoon, arranged by the great Lord himself. Surely, my name must be on tonight's guest list?"
"Vait heer," the voice replied, abruptly shutting the slot. A second later, the door burst open, revealing a very skinny, wrinkling figure, obviously the owner of the eyes.
"Do come in, Master Malfoy, ze esteemed Count has indeed been expecting you and your vife," the figure said, casting a glance towards Hermione, and gesturing them both in.
"My name is Dimitri, and I am ze head butler here. Leave your baggage, ze servants vill deliver them to your room. For now, my massterrr asks that you join him for supperrr in the dining hall. Do follow me," Dimitri said, and led Hermione and Draco away towards the dining hall.
To her amazement, Hermione found that the castle was decorated quite lavishly inside. Though the candles were dimly lit, she could make out various antiques on display that had no doubt been around for centuries, even possibly millennia. The floors were also carpeted with authentic Persian rugs and elaborate tapestries hung on the walls. Every candle holder that she passed also seemed to be made of pure gold, as well as many of the picture frames aligning the walls.
After a few twists and turns, they finally reached the dining hall, a fairly spacious room with a long dining table that stretched nearly the full length of the room. Hermione was more than pleased to find that she and Draco were not the only guests there, and about eight other couples were also present.
They couldn't all be on their honeymoons, could they? Hermione wondered. Gosh, they must really take Witch's Weekly's rankings to heart.
Just then, Dimitri addressed all the guests loudly, "If you pleeze, dear guezzts, ze Count and hiz Lady vill be arrriving quite shortly. Pleeze take yourr designated placezz at ze table."
Dimitri then lead Hermione and Draco towards the head of the table, where they were to be seated right next to the Count himself.
Making his way, Draco beamed and smirked proudly, noting the envious glares of the other couples, who were getting into their own seats further down the table.
"I believe we are the guests of honor," he whispered to Hermione, still gloating at his fortune.
"Indeed you very well are, young Master Malfoy," said a sharp, heavy voice from behind them. The pair whirled around to face a deathly pale man in his early forties with slicked-back jet black hair and thick black eyebrows, dressed in an all-black attire save for a long red cape draped on his back. Clutching his arm was a woman of similar age, with straight dark hair down to her waist, dressed in what looked to be a black dress robe. Her skin was also deathly pale, and she had piercing green eyes and blood-red lips. Hermione couldn't help but notice that her red nails were astonishingly sharp.
"We have never met, but my dear old friend Voldemort has told me much about you and your family. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Count Vladimir Dracula, and this is my beautiful wife, Vampira. Welcome to our humble castle."
At his introduction, Count Dracula beamed.
Draco smirked.
And Hermione literally fell to the floor in a fit of uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.
**
"Seamus…do you hear anything?"
"No."
"How come? You've been listening all this time!"
"Because all I'm hearing is your pestering voice! Shhh!"
Ginny grunted and folded her arms. She and Seamus were doing some domestic espionage, trying to find out what was wrong with Lucius Malfoy. Currently, they were skulking outside his bedchambers, where Seamus had his ears pressed against the door, trying to listen in on the conversation being passed between Snape and Narcissa Malfoy in the room.
It was night time already, and Lucius Malfoy still hadn't stopped blabbering in gibberish. It was only ten or so minutes ago that the man completely passed out.
"I really don't know what is wrong with him, Narcissa. I suggest we admit him to St. Mungo's for the night, " came the faint voice of Professor Snape.
"Don't be silly, Severus. Lucius can't risk that exposure. The press might find out, and it might mar his chances for the top spot in this year's Witch's Weekly's Top 50 Successful Dark Wizards Over 50. He's been number one for five years now, and he'll certainly hex us all into next year if we made him lose his winning streak," explained an even fainter voice of Narcissa Malfoy.
On the other side of the door, Ginny continued to badger Seamus on what he was hearing.
"Quiet Gin! They're just talking, deciding what to do-hold up, wait, I reckon Lucius is waking!" Seamus announced and went back to eavesdrop.
Sure enough, Lucius was waking, and the man did not sound pleased.
"Errggh."
"Lucius!" cried Narcissa, rushing over to Lucius's bed. "You're awake! Are you fine now? Say something!"
"Gillsvake," Lucius mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"Sorry? Lucius, speak up, are you alright now? What did you just say?" Narcissa was praying it wasn't anymore gibberish.
"Kill Snape."
There was no mistaking it this time. The threatening malice in Lucius Malfoy's voice was enough to give Seamus goosebumps. Outside the room, he quickly grabbed Ginny's arm and before anything else could happen, fled from the scene.
**
Draco glared at Hermione. What in the blazes was she thinking? Laughing like a loon in front of Count Dracula!
The embarrassment that is my wife, he thought shamefully.
"Er…you have to excuse my wife, sir. We've just been married today, and er…she's still rather-erm…excited," Draco tried to explain to the quizzical faces of Dracula and Vampira. He hastily grabbed Hermione's arm and lifted her up off the floor.
"Excited? Ha ha- no, see, here, it's just that -hee hee- I mean, you're Count Dracula! THE Count Dracula! The King of all vampires! Epitome of evil! Hahahahahah!" Hermione spoke rather incoherently between chortles.
By now, all the other guests had gone silent and all eyes were focused on her.
Malfoy wanted to die of mortification. If Dracula kicked them out of the castle tonight, he'd make sure Hermione returned home in a coffin.
"Yes, I am," Dracula replied, eyeing Hermione strangely.
"I apologize, sir Count, it's just that, I always thought you were fictional and well for me to be spending my honeymoon with THE Count Dracula, as his honored guest in fact, is just so ludicrous that it's absolutely hilarious! Hahaha!" Hermione tried to explain, but ended up doubling in laughter.
Dracula and his wife sent each other uncertain glances and Draco elbowed Hermione hard, hoping to make her stop.
At length, Hermione calmed down and composed herself. "I apologize profusely, Count Dracula, it's just that-well, I'm used to reading about you in fictional literature, and it's just amusing to actually be meeting you in the flesh- oh wait, pardon me, you're not alive!"
Before she could dissolve into another fit of laughter, Draco gave her another sharp nudge in the ribs.
Fortunately for Hermione, Dracula was in a rather good mood, and dismissed her odd behavior. "That's quite alright, Mrs. Malfoy, I am accustomed to being identified with the horridly evil Count Dracula (not to say that I am not, of course) in those fictional legends. Brought about by my old friend Bram, no doubt, that silly fool of a human," Dracula said, shaking his head as he walked towards the head of the table.
"And Muggle," added Draco.
"Bram? Do you mean Bram Stoker?" Hermione asked in awe.
"Yes, that was his name, Bram Stoker. A funny old chap, he was. I hired him to write my biography around-hmm, how many years ago was that? A couple hundred?- but he seemed to think my life was uneventful enough. As if. In any case, he fabricated a lot of the stuff in his books, really, like my death, for instance," Dracula clarified. "Well, I must greet the other guests, so do kindly take your positions by the table."
Dracula then settled himself in front of his high chair on Draco and Hermione's end of the table, while his wife strolled towards the other end.
"My dear guests!" he began aloud, attracting everyone's attention. "As much as it is an honor for you to join my wife and I in our lovely castle, it is I who am equally honored to be your host! Please be seated, and may you enjoy your first meal with us!"
The other guests burst into cheers and sat down, with Draco and Hermione doing the same.
Almost instantly, a flutter of servants emerged with silver trays, quickly setting one before each guest. Once the lids were lifted, Hermione saw that the first dish of the day was soup. A very red type of soup.
"Do not fret, Mrs. Malfoy, that is tomato soup," Dracula said to Hermione, eyes twinkling. He must've seen the look of horror strewn across her face as she stared at her food. "We do realize that most of our guests do not share the same wondrous diet that we do," he added, winking at his wife across the table, who smiled demurely in return.
"Oh-er-of course," she replied, cautiously lifting her spoon to her lips.
"Of course, it contains about ten percent of raven's blood, but that's only so much, nothing to worry about at all," Dracula added, smiling.
Hermione dropped her spoon instantly.
Dracula chuckled. "Quite, alright, Mrs. Malfoy, I was simply joking with you. Four hundred years and that joke still gets everybody," Dracula said most good-naturedly.
Good-natured? Count Dracula? What kind of freak world was she in?
At length, Hermione looked up to see Draco and Dracula (ah, the uncanny similarities in their names) engaged in a conversation about the recent drop in demand of blood lollipops in Wizarding Britain. Turning her head towards the other end of the table, she saw that Vampira was busy recounting the tale of her three hundredth wedding anniversary to a pair of eager couples.
"This whole vampire business is quite fascinating, if I do say so myself. I'm actually considering metamorphosing into one. You know, Count Dracula's offering a three-step Become-A-Vampire program. Brought my wife here, hoping to convince her as well. What about you, are you interested?" a middle-aged man on Hermione's right inquired happily.
She stared at him, appalled.
It was going to be one long dinner.
**
It was nearly 10 p.m. by the time Hermione and Draco finally retired to their room in the North Tower of the castle. It was a fairly large room with a huge four-poster and a sofa, overlooking the eastern Transylvanian terrain. Momentarily, the windows were opened, and a gust of wind blew in, sending shivers all over Hermione.
"Goosebumps, I see. Lost touch of your oh-so-brave Gryffindor spirit, have you?" commented Draco as he arrogantly marched past Hermione into their room.
"Excuse me? Are you accusing me of being…scared?" Hermione couldn't believe this. How dare he presume-
"Hey, you said it," was her husband's response as he knelt down to unpack his trunk.
Angry, Hermione slammed the door shut and placed her hands on her hip. "I'll have you know, Draco Ferret Malfoy, that I am not scared. I am cold. Besides, I am capable of many things that would make your hair curl, so don't even presume to tell me that silly vampires scare me," she declared, though it wasn't exactly accurate.
"Really, now, keep telling yourself that," he told her, busy digging for his pyjamas.
"Stop it Malfoy. You don't want to know what I could do to you," Hermione threatened viciously.
"Oooh, I'm scared, Mummy help me" Draco mocked in a high-pitched tone. "Like you could ever do anything potentially harmful to me, Mudblood. May I remind you that you don't even have your wand anymore."
"You call me Mudblood again and I swear you'll be dead before the end of this night," Hermione menaced.
"You threaten me again, Mudblood, and I vill suck yourrr blood!" Draco replied in a Transylvanian accent before chortling.
"That's it! You're a dead wizard!" Overwhelmed by fury, Hermione lunged at Draco, attempting to wring his neck.
That made Draco laugh even louder and just before Hermione reached him, he pulled out his wand and shouted "Petrificus Totalus!" right in her face.
Hermione froze in position and fell to the floor as the body-binding spell took hold of her.
After a few minutes of guffawing on Malfoy's part, he pointed his wand again at the frozen form of Hermione and shouted "Finite Incantatem.".
Hermione wiggled on the floor as she was able to move again.
"You stupid Muggle. You can't hurt me-I've got my wand. Now start being wifely and unpack the rest of my clothes," he commanded, then began to head towards the bathroom.
"Not so fast. You have no idea what I've done without a wand, Draco dearest. You might not die today, but you will, when you least expect it. If you don't believe me, well, take a look at McNair," Hermione spoke darkly.
Draco froze, mid-step.
"What about McNair?" he asked, whipping around to face Hermione, who was casually dusting herself off of the floor.
"Oh, well, not much really. I mean, it's not like anyone ever found out how it was that the rat poison ended up in his soup…" Hermione simply said with a careless shrug.
Draco narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you mean?" Did Hermione actually have something to do with her former master's death?
"What, must I spell it out for you, Malfoy?" Hermione began, taking a step towards him. "Someone poisoned his soup. And you're looking at her."
An evil grin drew itself on Hermione's face. Draco took a cautious step back.
"Y-you killed McNair?!" Malfoy's voice was disbelieving yet thunderstruck.
"Yes. Well, unintentionally of course. He treated us slaves poorly and made us sleep in dirty, rat-infested stinking rooms. I was merely using some leftover soup as a mouse trap. It's actually that beast of a wizard's own fault he died, really. If he hadn't been so gluttonous and kept his hands off of the poisoned soup- positioned at a corner on the floor, mind you-he'd still be alive today," Hermione explained, taking another step forward.
Malfoy took another step back.
"B-but still, y-you knew he was gluttonous. You had a mind he might take the soup. You used it anyway," Draco stuttered, alarmed at this new discovery.
"Perhaps. His bad luck, I say."
"What about Blaise? Don't tell me you're the reason he's no longer…fertile," Draco continued, thinking back on Blaise's mysterious castration, though he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.
Hermione's eyes blazed, and the wicked smile returned. "Oh, but I am. You see, Blaise just couldn't keep his hands to himself. Gave all of us female slaves a very hard time. But I warned him, I did. I told him I was extremely gifted with charms, Severing Charms included, but he didn't listen. Told him I'd steal his wand one day and make him real sorry if he ever tried to, er, touch me or perform an 'unholy act' on me again. But no, my words were futile. The arsehole tried again, and was daft enough to leave his wand lying around openly one night. So I did what any respectable woman wishing to salvage her dignity would. Chop." Hermione ended her last word with a single, deafening clap of her hands.
By now, Draco's blood had run cold. This was not the rule-abiding perfect Prefect Hermione Granger he remembered from Hogwarts. This was some psycho evil spirit inhabiting the form of Hermione.
"No. I don't believe you. It's not like you, you couldn't have…I mean, you would've been caught, it wasn't you-"
"Oh, wasn't it? I'm not stupid enough to let myself get caught, Malfoy. Wasn't the cleverest witch in our year for nothing, now," Hermione responded, her lips twitching into a smirk.
Draco blanched and in shock dropped his wand, causing it to roll away. Hermione never smirked.
"And Millicent? That was you, too, wasn't it? Disfiguring her face?" he ventured.
Hermione nodded proudly in the affirmative. "Oh yes, that was not hard at all."
Draco was beyond appalled. He was horrified, terrified, stupefied, and bordering on Petrified.
"B-but how could you? Millicent was a girl, a woman! What did she ever do to you?"
"Oh Malfoy, don't try to turn the tables on me. You and your gang of Slytherin arses have ruined my life for years. Millicent and I go a long way back," Hermione answered, thinking back all the way to her second year, when Millicent had nearly cut off her air supply during a dueling match. "Besides, she could've treated me better. She was abusive, she'd throw things at us, send curses at us. Not to mention she was overly vain. Always in front of the mirror, and what for? Nothing but a huge lump stared back at her. It had to stop. She had to learn. Simple as that."
"So you disfigured her face?! You ruined her life for good!"
"Come off it, Malfoy. It's not like she's dead or anything. Besides, I think I did her favor. Maybe now an ogre might want to date her," Hermione asserted matter-of-factly.
"You're insane! You- you awful, insane, murderer! Homicidal maniac! Serial killer!" cried Draco, backing up all the way against the wall like a frightened rat.
Hermione gave a short dry laugh, then plopped herself down on the bed. "Don't be a silly prat, husband. You obviously have no idea what a serial killer means. Only McNair was killed, and that was purely accidental. Manslaughter at most, if you argue. But that's that. The others got what they deserve-less even, considering the many lives they took during the War."
But Malfoy did not look convinced. Before, he had been sure she was all under his power, under his control. But now, he was doubting his abilities. Hermione Granger-scratch that, Hermione Malfoy seemed unstoppably lethal.
"So, as you see, Malfoy, " Hermione started once more, with a yawn, "war has made me capable of many deeds I would have shuddered to even contemplate about before. War has given me very little choices. It was either my life, or the lives of my enemies. Naturally, my life and my allies come first. And despite our recent relation, you are still not my ally."
"You'll never harm me. I know your tricks now. I'll get to you before you even dare," Malfoy returned coldly.
"Yeah, that's right, that's exactly why you're all crunched up against that wall," Hermione pointed out.
Draco knew this had gone too far. Screw Voldemort. This was time for drastic actions and he had to take them into his own hands.
He had to get rid of his wife now, before she could get rid of him.
So with that, he stuck out his arms and lunged for Hermione.
"Ahh!" yelped Hermione in surprise as Draco toppled over her on the bed and grabbed her neck.
Instinctively, her hands soared up and wrapped themselves around his neck too, and before long, both of them were violently strangling each other.
This latest killing match lasted for about three torturous minutes. After that, they noticed that the other's face started to turn a desperate shade of blue. At the exact same moment, they released their grips on each other's necks, and sprawled over on their backs on opposite sides of the bed, gasping madly for air.
"You. Bitch," rasped Draco.
"You. Bastard," retorted Hermione.
They lay still in those positions for a long time, nothing moving except their heaving stomachs as they tried to breathe in much needed oxygen.
After a long while, Hermione spoke. "Let's make a deal."
"I'll make nothing of the kind with the likes of you," Draco shot back tiredly, still staring at the ceiling.
"Quit it, Malfoy. I'm serious. We can't keep killing each other like this. If we do, then we'll never know," said Hermione.
"Know what?"
"Know why it is that we had to be married. Look, if one of us succeeds in killing the other, Voldemort will reward us with our own death anyway, so it's pointless. It's either we live together to figure this mess out, or we both die," reasoned Hermione, whose logic seemed to be returning to her.
"It's too hard. I want to kill you far too much," Draco stated bluntly.
"Well that goes for me to you. But we can kill each other after we find out. I mean, obviously Voldemort wants us both healthy and alive and bound to each other for something, some reason. He's chosen his most hated enemy's best friend and his most loyal follower's son. There's got to be a reason, and I think we're both capable enough sorcerers to find it out."
"Perhaps…"
Seeing this as a sign of encouragement, Hermione propped herself up into a sitting position, and peered over Draco's face, who was still lying flat on the bed. Her now mussed hair hung all around her face, and its curly tips brushed lightly against Draco's skin. For an unknown reason, this slight contact sent him shivers and he wished fervently that Hermione would turn her head away and not look at him like that.
Like what? His mind asked him. She's trying to make a deal with you, you git, not-
Not what? He asked his mind back.
"Huh? 'Not what' what?" That was Hermione. Apparently, he must've spoken aloud.
"Er…what were you saying?" Stupid brain.
"I was saying that I propose a truce between us. We will refrain from killing and physically as well as mentally harming each other until we find the answer to Voldemort's scheme. Until the truth is revealed."
"Interesting…" Draco began, though not really paying attention, for his eyes had already involuntarily wandered down her throat.
Gulp.
"So? What do you say? Do we have a deal, husband dearest?"
Draco willed his eyes to meet Hermione's. He remarked to himself how her cinnamon pupils seem to glitter when hopeful. A strange smile twitched at his lips.
"We have a deal, dearest wife," he replied and saw the woman he had just attempted to kill minutes ago burst into a broad grin.
"Brilliant!" she exclaimed, almost happily, then lifted herself off of the bed to go unpack her trunk. "Oh, and you're sleeping there, by the way," she added to him, pointing towards the sofa.
Draco's smile faded. "Excuse me?"
"What, you think I want to sleep with you? Not a chance in hell. You're sleeping there on the sofa."
"What? I certainly will not! You are going to sleep on the sofa!" Malfoy stood up.
"Me?! Where are your gentlemanly manners? You can't seriously make your wife sleep on the sofa while you recline royally on the bed!" Hermione protested.
"I seriously well can! I am a Malfoy and-"
"So am I!" Hermione declared fiercely.
"Not by blood you're not!" Malfoy argued back, livid. How dare she use her borrowed married name to dispute with him?!
"Whatever! I am not sleeping on the sofa!"
"Well, neither am I!"
For a moment, all verbal assaults ceased as Draco and Hermione stood glaring at each other, seething with fury.
"Fine. Then we both sleep on the bed," Hermione finalized a few minutes later.
"No."
"Yes. You sleep on the right side and I'll take the left. We'll draw an imaginary boundary in the middle of the bed if we have to."
"Don't presume to tell me what to do, woman! I'm the husband and true Malfoy here! I'll take the left side and you can have the right."
Hermione threw up her hands in exasperation. "Very well! We'll do it your way then, you chauvinistic prick!"
"FINE, wench!"
"Fine."
And with that, Hermione opened her trunk to unpack while Draco stomped off with his things to the bathroom.
**
A/N: Ok, some scenes were really dumb I know, but I always do that! Argh. And perhaps Hermione is a bit OOC here, but just keep in mind that she's just been through a war and lost so changes are bound to happen to her. Not much happened here I think, just introducing Transylvania and the truce between our lovely couple. The story didn't get very far this chap, I'm sorry to say, so some time skipping will be done next chap. I also apologize, because I promised you at the end of last chap that a certain Gryffindor hero will make an appearance here, but obviously he hasn't. I decided to save him for the next chap-the story will flow better that way. So, sorry about that.
Anywho, whatcha think? Not my best chap, definitely, but how was it though? Why don't you let me know in your REVIEW? Yes, yes, reviews are good, so please do them, they take perhaps a minute of your very precious time. Only a minute. Please. I'm begging you. Help me out and review. I'm here because of them!
Also an important notice: I'm currently compiling fanart for my fics! Yes, I am, and I've found a couple and drawn a few (though mine are horrible, me being the awful artist that I am). In any case, if any of you have any D/Hr fanart you'd like to share or find a scene from this fic that you like and want to draw (it doesn't have to be very good) please tell me and I'll go visit your gallery or send them in through e-mail (my addy is in my profile)! :D
Oh and one more important notice: *gulp* um…well ok, once again, I'm going to annoy the heck out of all of you and apologize profusely, but as it happens, I won't be updating this story again until the second week of May *plugs ears as angry shouting arises* *ducks as rotten fruits fly in the air* I know that's a bit of awhile, but I really can't help it…my finals are coming up in two weeks and fanfiction is taking away so much of my time…I'm in danger of flunking my two core classes (which means I'm in danger of dying), so I'm gonna have to change my focus for a bit…don't worry though, once finals are over and done with, I'll be on my summer vacation (yeah!) and this means more and faster updates…please bear with me and stick around, okay? Just thought I'd let you guys know.
Anyway, I'll leave you off with some teasers (as usual). Even though the next chap will be awhile, I'd still appreciate it if you guys reviewed anyway, ok? Thanks and I assure you, more will happen in the following chaps :)
Next chap teasers:
Much more will happen. The "Gryffindor hero" enters our story in a very unexpected disguise, Snape gets punished, more is revealed about Voldemort's scheme and he devises a new housing arrangement for our newlyweds. And as a request from a dedicated reviewer, a certain blond TV vampire will be making a cameo…
That's all for now, peace and love to all you lovely people!
~ smashing sugar ~