Chapter Thirteen
The Past Can Still Haunt
"It is such a lovely morning…" Her cheeks warmed as she looked away, fighting against the sudden sting of unshed tears.
She hoped no one was observing them too closely right then. She knew she should have become used to Daniel's unique style of love-making that made her quiver with wanton anticipation even when he was not within touching distance as he was now.
She was painfully aware her late husband would never have imagined such intimate confessions, let alone uttered them. And certainly, never within such an open setting as the crowded deck of a ship. But then Robert had always been very careful not to show his emotions in public and had maintained a socially suitable distance between them until they were safely within the confines of their bedroom long after nightfall.
Even then he'd often insisted they make love with the room in total darkness. Like what they were doing together as man and wife was some illicit secret. It still amazed Carolyn that they'd managed to produce two beautiful children.
Oddly enough, both their babies have been conceived on the two rare occasions Robert had been pushed into taking his wife away on holiday. Well, the word 'holiday' had put a much-needed gloss on what had really been nothing more than a business trip in the interests of his new father-in-law's expansion plans for his bank.
And an excuse for Robert to drink and speculate on worthless property with their life's savings. They'd stayed in a high-priced hotel they could not really afford and Carolyn had rarely seen her husband. She'd been left to make the best of it, all alone, in a soulless hotel room until Robert had returned, full of wine and expansive bonhomie and had taken his wife to bed, forgetting to turn out the lights.
Carolyn grimaced as she shook her head at the memories. It all seemed so remote and very far away from her new reality. Now the warmth of Daniel's virile nearness seeped into her chilled flesh. Her new husband had no such inhibitions about their love-making. And he actively encouraged her full participation whenever they loved, with lanterns blazing all around them.
He'd said he wanted to see her. That statement had made Carolyn blush furiously even as she'd smiled at his frank candour. He could so easily strip her of her ability to breathe without doing a single thing except look at her with his fathomless blue eyes.
Then three nights ago, as they'd laid together watching the moon rise from the ocean beyond their cabin, he'd even ventured to ask her what she liked or did not. Was there anything she would have him do differently?
"I…" Carolyn had frozen in open-mouthed shock and confusion.
Her vivid writer's mind had struggled with his question and come up empty. What could she say to such an intimate question? No one had ever cared enough to ask it of her before.
The implications had sizzled through her whole being on wings of fire. How could she voice an answer to what she did not know?
"I only ask because I wish to please you in every way." Daniel had immediately sensed her confused withdrawal. He'd gone up on one elbow to look down at her. "I genuinely want to know."
Carolyn had stared up at him. It was a breath-takingly novel experience that had only deepened her blush of confusion even as she'd stammered over her answer, trying to tell him her thoughts without breaking down completely.
"I…. I would change nothing. Not a single thing. I am more than content."
Carolyn swallowed tightly now. The memory of her stumbling answer was another reason the warmth in her cheeks also deepened.
"Blast…" Daniel breathed raggedly as he watched the tangled emotions flickering through his wife's suddenly pensive expression.
The colour in her cheeks told him only too clearly the trend of her troubled thoughts. Perhaps he'd pushed her too far three nights ago with his intimate questions.
But he had honestly wanted to know what pleased her and what did not. He had only begun to peel back the layers of her curious state of confusing innocence. At times it seemed she had truly never made love before. The sweet evidence of her two growing children refuted that notion.
That his beautiful wife didn't know or understand a single thing about her own intimate desires both appalled and saddened him immensely. To his mind, any lovemaking between a man and a woman was a two-way street of likes and dislikes.
He approached all such matters with the same meticulousness he applied to each of his voyages. He believed it was better to be prepared than found wanting at the wrong moment.
Carolyn's reticence troubled him. Inwardly he cursed the very memory of the late, unlamented Robert Muir. The man had been a confoundedly cloth-headed bumbler and no mistake. He'd managed to clip the beautiful wings of an enchanting butterfly for no other reason than his own selfishness. To the point where Carolyn had doubted her own femininity and her intimate desires and needs.
He put two fingers beneath her chin now, bringing her gaze back to his. "I promised that your life with me would be very different and I meant it," he whispered, very conscious of their exposed position at the rail. "Your lonely woman's heart is safe in my care. There are to be no secrets between us that we cannot share. I would know all about you."
"Yes…" Carolyn looked up at him. "And I thank you for your concern. You have been more than patient with me."
"Patient…" Daniel huffed his disbelief as he shook his head in bewilderment. "How could I be anything else?"
Carolyn passed the forefinger of one hand across both her eyes, quickly wiping away the evidence of her tears. She gave him a tremulous smile. "And thank you for your understanding. Sometimes, when I am alone, I do feel haunted by what happened to me before I met you. I do not mean to cause you grief."
"There is nothing to understand, my dear. And you have caused me no grief, only a genuine concern for you. I love you," Daniel replied in a driven tone. "Please do not allow any unfortunate memories from the past to blight our future together. Robert is dead and gone. He cannot harm you now. We are going to make many new memories to cherish."
"Yes, I know that…" Carolyn wiped her eyes again. "And yes we will."
"Good." Daniel sighed brusquely. He looked around the deck. "We are fast running out of time and my crew is becoming restless to be getting on with matters."
He turned back to her. "I came to tell you that I've already sent word ashore of our arrival. By the time we disembark, my usual rooms at Parker House will have been made ready for us. The linen changed, the windows thrown open and the fire kindled. We will be snug enough for a welcome night ashore."
"That sounds like heaven." Carolyn turned back to the view. "I want to see it all and yet I do miss Jonathan and Candy. I wish they could see all this as well. It is so magical."
"If you wish it, then they may accompany us on any future voyage we make here or up Philadelphia." Daniel recaptured her chin, bringing her gaze back to his. "But this voyage was for us, alone. Call me selfish, if you will, but I wanted you all to myself for these last six days. We still have so much more to learn about each other."
"And we have all the days of our return voyage to look forward to." Carolyn's rosy cheeks heated further at the possessive look in his eyes. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
She pressed her chin down to drop a kiss against the pulse beating on the inside of his wrist. "I was just thinking about everything we've left behind. And all we are yet to see…"
"I know, my love…" Daniel's fingers stirred against her soft skin. "Just say the word and anything you wish shall be yours. You know you have that power to command me."
"Thank you…" Carolyn nodded. "But I want nothing more than to be with you, always…"
"But before we go ashore I do need to tell you something important." Daniel shook his head slowly. "To avoid any future misunderstandings between us, I have to tell you now that you will not be the first beautiful woman I have escorted to the Parker. People may be given to idle gossip. I am well-known there and I would—"
Carolyn sighed as she quickly reached up to press two fingers across his lips, silencing the rest of his confession. "Do you not think I already know this?" she whispered. "Neither of us is a guileless innocent. I have been married before, even if my husband did not know me well enough to ask me what I wanted or desired. You have changed me more in these last few months than Robert ever did."
She smiled sadly before finally letting go of the unpalatable memory of her late husband. "You have lived your life as a sea captain, free of such entanglements as wedlock. I know you have not been a monk. And I do not begrudge those women a single moment of your company. I could envy them that they knew you before I did."
"Forget them. I have…" Daniel kissed the fingers pressed against his lips. "You are not only beautiful but truly remarkable as well. And very wise. I do not know what I have done to deserve your love."
"I feel the same way." Carolyn cupped his bearded cheek with her open palm looking deep into his blue eyes. "I am also wise enough to be truly content with being the last woman in your life. Besides, you still have things to teach me. There is so much I still need to learn."
"Yes, that I can promise you with all my heart and soul. No one else can hold a candle to you, my love."
"Then we are well-suited." Carolyn nodded. "We shall speak no more of the past. It is dead to us."
"Agreed." Daniel toyed with the ends of the red ribbons dancing in her hair. "I have sent young Malcolm ashore carrying an urgent message for your Miss Hall. I have begged her indulgence over our wishing to set a meeting with her for this afternoon if it is convenient. He should be back before we disembark."
"Thank you. We can only hope she is eager enough to meet me at such short notice," Carolyn replied.
Daniel sighed. "Sadly, for now, we have a more immediate problem. I must leave you. We are to begin our preparations for loading the ship first thing in the morning. Then we sail for home. For that, I need you to retire to our cabin until I am able to come for you."
"But I—" Carolyn made to protest his statement.
"I do not command, my dear, I simply request." Daniel raised a denying hand. "I would not have you in the way of such dangerous work as the unloading of a ship. There are many things that can go wrong and often do. It commands my complete attention. I could not bear it if anything happened to you…"
"Of course, I understand." Carolyn lowered her eyes. "Then I will retire to our cabin and wait for you to come for me."
"Thank you, my love." Daniel laid the back of one finger against the soft curve of her cheek, drawing it slowly down to the point of her chin before tilting her face up as he lowered his mouth toward hers.
"Ah, Captain…?" a voice behind them inquired. "Um, Captain Gregg? I'm afraid we do need you now, sir. Your orders?"
Daniel sighed roughly at the anticipated interruption before turning to his first mate. "Thank you, Mr Jarvis. Duly noted and understood."
He stepped back, knowing he had lingered too long. "Please escort my wife to our cabin, and make sure she is safe and secure. Upon your life, young man."
"Yes, sir, it would be my honour." Jarvis saluted smartly. "Please, this way, Mrs Gregg." He stood back to indicate the easiest path along the crowded deck toward the below deck's hatchway.
Daniel sighed again as he watched them walk away together. He stared up at the warm sun, rising slowly toward its zenith in the sky. The day was going to be long and trying indeed until he and Carolyn could finally be alone again. His whole body tightened with longing and anticipation of the single night they would be spending ashore at the hotel.
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The Parker House hotel was a tall and imposing building, dominating those around it with an air of lofty self-importance. Carolyn wasn't at all sure she liked the look of its haughty aspect. It reminded her all too well of the hotel Robert liked staying in when they'd taken their trips away from home. He'd enjoyed the obsequious nature of the staff and their overly-fawning attentions.
Carolyn would have preferred to stay somewhere smaller and more intimate. But for one night alone, ashore with her husband, she was prepared to make the best of it.
Alert for any potential new arrivals, the liveried doorman touched two courteous fingers to the brim of his cap as he stepped to open the highly polished brass front door for Captain Gregg and the lovely lady on his arm.
"It's very good to see you again, Captain." The doorman turned to flick his hand at a hovering bellboy to take the Captain's bags from him.
"Thank you, Morton." Daniel relinquished the bags to the young boy who hurried forward to take them, carrying them inside. "It is good to be back ashore."
"My pleasure, Sir…" The doorman watched the pair with deep speculation as they walked past him into the hotel foyer. "Welcome to the Parker."
He'd seen Captain Gregg several times before with other lovelies clinging with desperate possessiveness to his arm. But this new lady seemed a cut above the rest. She walked with her head held high and only one lace-gloved hand laid lightly on the Captain's proffered arm as if she was very sure of his escort and close attention.
"Well, that's a turn-up for the books, I must say…" Morton shook his head as he went back to his station, wondering what some of the other women in the good Captain's life were going to make of this new development.
He doubted they would enjoy the competition. He couldn't wait to end his shift and get below stairs to see what anyone else might know about this new lady. He wanted to be first with the juicy gossip.
"Good afternoon, Captain Gregg," the hotel's concierge greeted the couple fulsomely. "It is so nice to have you back with us again. And your lady…"
He bowed his head even as he studied Carolyn with deep speculation until he caught the look of warning in the Captain's frowning blue eyes. "Of course," he hurried to turn the sign-in book around and proffered a pen with an ingratiating smile. "If you would be so kind…"
"I require my usual rooms for one night only. We sail again with the tide in the morning." Daniel signed the register quickly with a flourish. "See to it that all is prepared."
"As you wish, Sir…" The concierge turned the book back to flick a well-practised eye over the entry.
His eyes widened. "Ah, I see. Will Mrs Gregg require anything special to be sent up to your rooms for her convenience?"
"Why do you not ask her herself?" Daniel replied shortly. "She is standing right in front of you. She is free to speak her own wishes."
"Oh, yes, certainly…" The man turned his attention quickly. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs Gregg. May I be of any further service to you?"
"No, but thank you…" Carolyn's lips twitched with suppressed amusement. "I have all I need." She placed her gloved hand on Daniel's forearm.
She could see the concierge was bursting to ask questions. She understood she was the latest in a line of lovelies Daniel had escorted to the hotel. But she was glad she would be the last.
She drew closer to her husband as they followed the bellboy carrying their luggage toward the wide staircase. "Remind me never to play at cards against you, my love. Your poker face is even more inscrutable as that Egyptian sphinx statue I've been reading about in a travel book."
"Blast their confounded speculation," Daniel muttered. "But it is to be expected. I trust their overt curiosity does not upset you, my dear?"
"Oh, no. In fact, I'm rather enjoying it," his wife confided with a chuckle. "Let them wonder. I know the truth."
She patted her reticule as they walked together down the corridor to their allotted rooms. "And Malcolm did well indeed to secure a meeting with Miss Hall so quickly. She wrote she is very eager to meet with me as soon as we have freshened up. I admit I feel relieved she is so welcoming to a stranger."
"I knew she would be. You are irresistible…" Daniel kissed her temple as the bellboy opened the door and carried their bags inside.
He returned to the open doorway, holding out the room key for Daniel to take. His other hand hovered between them expectantly.
"Thank you, Billy." Daniel reached into his pocket and dropped the anticipated tip into the boy's eager grasp.
"Oh, thank you, Sir!" The boy's grin was wide and gap-toothed as he quickly counted the generous amount in his palm with a practised glance.
"Welcome, Mrs Gregg…" He touched his fingers to the brim of his cap before he hurried away down the hall, bursting with speculation. He could not wait to get below stairs and tell the rest of the staff about what he knew.
"That was very kind of you." Carolyn walked ahead of her husband, turning to him as he closed the door behind them. "He was genuinely pleased."
"He is one of the boys from the Schooner Bay orphanage. I found him employment here when he came of age. He has a sharp mind and a quick wit. I like to keep an eye on his progress."
"You never cease to surprise me…" Carolyn sighed, shaking her head.
"I would like to accompany you on your visit to Miss Hall. If you will allow it," he replied. "I do not fancy kicking my heels here, waiting for you to return with any news."
"Of course, you must come with me." Carolyn untied the ribbons of her bonnet and tossed it aside on the bed. "After all, it is your story we have told. I can only hope Miss Hall likes the final result and does not demand endless rewrites."
"She will love it all." Daniel walked up to her. "And after the meeting, we shall celebrate by going on a gift-buying expedition to the best shops. Then we shall take dinner in their excellent dining room downstairs and I will order a bottle of their best champagne."
"That sounds really lovely…" Carolyn walked away to the large mirror on the dressing table to assess her appearance.
"But…?" Daniel questioned, following her.
"Please do not misunderstand me…" Carolyn fussed with her curls in the mirror's reflection.
"We agreed there would be no more secrets between us, remember? I command you to tell me what you are thinking immediately."
Carolyn smiled at his mock-serious tone. "This hotel is lovely. The staff obviously care for you and you for them…" She sighed. "You have always stayed here."
"And yet?" her husband questioned, watching her in the mirror with patient eyes.
"I feel it is not us…" Carolyn turned to clasp one of his hands. "Does that make any sense? Or am I just being too womanly and foolish?"
"You have an opinion and you expressed it," her husband replied with a shrug. "I had simply not thought of it. The place has always been convenient, nothing more. We can leave here right away and find new accommodation. There are plenty of smaller hotels and guest houses in the city within easy walking distance."
"No…" Carolyn tightened her clasp on his hand. "No, I'm just being fanciful. I am nervous about our meeting with Miss Hall, that's all. I'm sure she will be perfectly charming."
Daniel used her clasp on his hand to draw her closer to him. "If she does not immediately love you as I do, I will run her through with my cutlass and feed her body to the sharks," he stated roughly even as he kissed the side of her neck.
"Another sailor's promise?" Carolyn teased softly.
"Madam…" Daniel replied warningly, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "Do not try my patience too far. You know how much I detest that landlubber's word. Next time you shall pay a forfeit."
"Aye, aye, Sir…" Carolyn saluted him cheekily in their reflection, laying her head back against his shoulder.
"Make yourself ready for battle while I change my clothes," Daniel commanded softly, patting her on the hip with a possessive hand as he released her. "Then we shall sail forth and take on Miss Sally Hall with all our guns blazing. She will soon understand we mean to be all business."
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